All Comments on 'Chance: A Day in May Ch. 03'

Well these aren't two strong people. Wife doesn't care for husband and Chance is astonishingly vigorous but unmoral 60. A good story but we will never know about hubby now.

You do need to work in the divorce scene.

Technically excellent

Troubador:

You've certainly got my attention with chapter 3. Lay on. Thank You. Ronnie W.

If she were not married it would be famtastic. It is anyway!! Your description of their love making is wonderful. It actually makes you feel good all over; feeling almost as much as the couple does. You've been practicing Troub or pulling heavily from your memory.

I can tell that he sees love in her eyes and it's too early, he thinks, and he's too old anyway. Helen may just change his mind about that but I am wondering just where the story can go. She is married, for better or worse, and she sounds like she intends to honor that committment.

But maybe there has been a change in her thinking.

So, it'll become THAT day in May for them OR it'll be the start of a great, wondeful, loving life together.

And I'll bet the author will tell us which!!

obviously has other interests than her. Be it business or possibly a lover stashed somewhere...he, her husband, is ahuge fool. Sixty year old man...thirty year old woman...know what? I've seen married couples just those ages at one point...or soon to be at some point...and they have managed to be happy.

That's the key in marriage...happiness...and at the moment, the poor woman just doesn't have that happiness, but there is a man that could bring her that happiness.

Great story Mr. Troubador. Thank you.

that noticed the random switches in POV? The changes from first to third person were jarring, and seriously undermined my enjoyment of the story. I still like the storyline, but I hope the POV stays consistent from here on out.

The only odd bit was the sudden slip from him him his to my my me. Happened twice through this chapter.

I was really enjoying the story until the grammar started slipping!

"His manhood pushed the waistline of my shorts out. He slipped my thumbs" HIS manhood, MY shorts. HE pushed MY thumbs??

That's the start of a whole long section of the the exact same switching from 1st to 3rd person. Please get an editor. You have talent, it needs polishing...

does this happen?

"When she looked she realized she was atop a hill and she was looking out on miles and miles of moon-silvered hills. Under the moonlight there was no indication man had been here."

"It was an hour, maybe less before he was again aware of the world around him. What woke him was a huge moon rising over the hills and fields to the east. It was painting the world in silver magic."

And of course changing from first to third person (even in the same sentence) doesn't really work all that well.

several changes from first to third person within the same sentence. just bad.

The story line is good and would deserve h higher score but like others, the grammar needs a lot of help. I don’t know if you are using am editor or not but if you are, find a new editor! Just way to many errors to go unnoticed. Keep at it, you an imaginative writer but you just need better proof reading.