All Comments on 'Chocolate and Caramel Ch. 02'

First it must be said that qhml1 has cojones muy grande for setting this part of the story in Mexico. I do have some small complaints about some slants the story took , but overall it's very apparent that homework has been done & this author knows whereof of what he speaks of.

The main quibble being that when you go to Mexico & show respect for their culture, one should be prepared to be overwhelmed by them reaching back to you. There are exceptions because there are a few bad eggs wherever you go but the hospitality quotient there is by & large mind boggling.

The government corruption angle was played very well. qhhml1 covered a lot of territory in the four chapters. I'm being very selfish but can't help wishing this had stretched out twice as long. Great job as well catching the heated atmosphere at sporting events.

Full marks along with my envy because between the martial arts & hijinks depicted South of the border - this is the kind of story I would have written, if only I had qhml1's talent & work ethic.

This was a long wait between the two installments , it was worth being patient for & then some ! This story had a little bit of everything . Deschidas , flores ferruginosas, besos, pasiones aspero y amor con un fuego doloroso.

Your tale of people living lives of passion is told so well. Both big picture and small brush strokes fit perfectly. A few proofreading mistakes jumped off the page but not enough to mar the overall work.

Very good job.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading both chapters. A great story. Thank you.

I don't know what it is with these "ten seconds of story and twelve hours of happily ever after" tales. I just genuinely don't get whether LW readers are too timid for genuine emotive drama, or if they've spent so much time with reality shows that they barely remember real storytelling. "A bad thing happened then my life was awesome then my life was awesome then my life was awesome then my life was awesome" is not a great story. It's an exercise in creative cowardice.

he didn't take any bullyshit. OUT FUCKING STANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5x5x5x5 stars

I have to agree with the last commenter. The chapter read like an epilogue that went on too long. Instead of the dramatic tension which drives good stories of this kind, the author substituted unrelated tension, most of it violent in nature. So, it was no where near as impactful, no where near as interesting. Nicely written, but it was kind of boring. Generally, what I like in a LW story is the conflict between hubby and wife, between hubby and wife's lover, or conflict between hubby and himself (what do I do now?). Revenge, reconciliation or moving on: they all work if the emotion and drama are kept up. Renquist is maybe the only LW author whose stories bloom after the cheating and fall-out is done, but even he continues to interweave that relationship into his future drama. I missed that tension in this story.

The biggest flaw, I think, was that the title telegraphed the ending at the end of the first installment. Anything else I saw was too minor to comment on.

you are one good story teller. local hero loves his women tanned. his exploits in Mexico were a story but they shot you in there society of drugs and power over control. never is a fair fight. today we do not fight fair . its all guns money and power..

And it goes beyond just this story. In several of your stories, the female lead, the great love of the hero's life (in this case, Rosalita), is pretty much a cardboard cutout placeholder, with no developed personality. Several minor characters, including villains, get way more attention, and a lot more in-depth background. What makes her special enough for our hero to go all gaga over her? You don't show it in the story. I know you're capable of writing well developed female characters, you've done it several times, but in a few of your stories you seem so focused on your male lead that you can't be bothered to write a decent background or personality for his great romantic interest. Also, once again, the love interest's child gets more and better story treatment than she does herself.

I thought your characters were too one sided. It would have been better if the good guys had been less good, and the bad guys less bad. I know, it's harder to do, but the resulting characters are more realistic, more interesting.

As to Rosalita, Ok, you established her as a poor farm laborer, so full of himself protagonist can be sure she will fall at his feet worshiping him, but don't say "I guess she doesn't eat out much".

The "nice guy" , fairly well off man, who everybody likes, adulterates even, finds a destitute woman, a diamond in the rough, who will of course have to love him because he is so much above her, is a tiresome clech in these stories.

So it was good, a lot of work went into it, but could have been much better

I loved it.

That didn't stop it from being a fairly decent tale.

Having said that, damn, dude! Your attention to detail sucks! Did you proofread at all? Even if you write in vi (or some other text editor), a quick glance through with spellcheck would have taken care of some of the problems. At one point, you wrote 'st' instead of 'at' -- and that's only one example.

I know, cries of 'spelling nazi' are around the corner; but if you're going to put this much effort into writing, at least do it right...

IT ALWAYS SEEM THAT ANONYMOUS COMMENTS REFLECT THE MOST STUPID RESPONSE IN MOST CASES. WE ARE NOT ENGLISH TEACHER, HERE TO GRADE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR. IF YOU WANT BETTER GRAMMAR AND SPELLING, GO BUY YOUR BOOK. IF YOU DID NOT LIKE THE STORY, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CLOSE TO CLOSE THE BROWSER.

IF YOU INCLINE TO TEAR APART HIS STORY, TRY WRITING ONE YOUR SELF. LET SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN DO

GOOD STORYTELLING. TY FOR TAKING TIME WRITING THE STORY.

Not sure where anonymous is coming from. Happily ever after was short and at the end. I do agree with LSD where he felt this story was compelling. The are not novels, simply short stories. The good authors find ways to develop their characters quickly and great ones find a way for the reader to connect with the characters (sometimes by hating them). Many times the main character is overwhelmingly successful or lucky but that is the beauty of fiction. If I wanted the drivel of reality in hopeless situations I'd turn on CNN or American Idol. The more I read comments here the more I realize that you can't please everyone. I enjoyed the series and thanks for sharing it.

Thanks for taking the time and effort to share it with us.

That story had it all, and was so well written. Thank you for sharing your talent.

Your stories are greatly entertaining, and this one is no exception. It's nice to see the hero win the day and live happily ever after once in awhile. It's even better to see a man's man portrayed in the LW genre. Thanks for your efforts, I look forward to your next submission!

It's to short, but then i guess i'm a little greedy when it comes to a good story lol. Loved the Martial Arts aspect of the story and hope to see it in some more of your future stories also.

I enjoyed both chapters, as I always have enjoyed your stories. But anonymous is correct. There were too many places where the wrong word was used, or just misspelled. It was not bad enough to detract from the story, but it was noticeable.

Thanks again.

... Even though your story was well written, a little more diligence at sorting out the spelling errors and misplaced words would have made it exceptional. Still, I think you've made yourself a new fan.

I had the same problem here that I have with Stang's work: an exceptional talent seeming to set their sights on unapologetic mediocrity.

I don't doubt that there are plenty of wounded hearts on this website...people who were betrayed by love and never quite got over it...and while I imagine a drawn out no-fallout tale in which the protagonist just sort of wins and keeps winning soothes their soul a bit, it has to very carefully crafted to avoid feeling shallow and empty.

Blank slate stereotypes are a huge problem, for example, because they never quite become real to us. There's nothing there for is to invest in. These character sketches only exist as the vaguest ideas of people...shadows that you cast on a page and then rely on others to breathe life into. They mean nothing. It doesnt even matter what they do or what is done to them...it's not like they feel any of it. They are a plot point, at best...a bad joke at worst.

Then there's the happily-ever-after. This can be a cathartic event to portray....but it has to feel organic and believable within the foundations set by the story. What's more, it loses its impact when you have to strip the character's humanity from them in order to achieve it. People...real people...who get burned by love inevitably suffer some sort of lasting effect. Maybe they're slow to trust. Maybe they nurture a secret bitterness towards the opposite sex. If they're really bruised up...I mean a real hot mess of anger and frustration...they may even end up investing great jubilant attention in revenge-porn stories on Literotica's LW section. But the point remains: whenever life hits you hard, you change. It's unavoidable. Strong people acknowledge and deal with it, and can even end up happier for having worked through. Only cowards bother to deny that it happens, and only a sociopath would lack it completely.

Your protagonist suffered great betrayal, and his love was so genuine and true that by act two it might as well have never happened. As long as he could slip away and empty his nuts from time to time, he was just fine. It begs the question...why am I supposed to be happy for someone who finds love in the end, if they've already shown me how little it really means to them? If they can detatch from it so completely?

You are one of the most talented writers on this site...you have a natural gift and an occasionally idiosyncratic touch that is highly welcome. More importantly, you are capable of invention. Very few people ever acquire this talent, and it is the primary key needed for producing a thing...ANY thing...worthy of being called remarkable.

Please do make the most of it.

to me for wasting my time reading this crapping junk excuse of a story

won't be wasting it on your others

Agree with what SirThopas said. Only not so elequently. I liked the first chapter quite a bit. This one bored me. Not because stuff didn't happen; it did. But because the dramatic tension was essentially gone. It wasn't really even a LW story in this chapter. Just a summary tale about several years in the life of a non-plussed black-belt single-father gringo setting up shop as a semi-aristocratic muckity muck south of the boarder. I was kind of bored, to be honest. And I really like martial arts, so it bugged me that I couldn't get into it.

Oh, well. The author writes circles around me, but I just wish he'd keep things like dramatic tension and authentic character development in mind.

As others have pointed out, this is a tale of Heroes and Villains. The Heroes are a bit too heroic, the Villains are, of course, despicable. Getting past that, it is a delightful read...not terribly erotic very often, but WTF!

I agree with LSD that moving the action to the Valley of Mexico was a bold move, and it was nicely done. The Lucha Libre sub-theme was telling...hard for outsiders to realize that El Santo could have been elected Presidente anytime during a forty to fifty year span, without identifying his true identity!

One quibble: Diego's wrestlers, with their new 'Farm Implements,' shoulda had El Assholo perforated before Carlos Jr.'s eyes ever lit up.

A second dan black belt in any style would be hard pressed to defeat any black belt in jiu-jitsu. Black belts (1st dan) are simply beginning to understand the style. A person with jiu-jitsu experience at that level however is very use to grappling. You simply made this guy out to be something special when most people at this level of training are not.

That said, I must agree with all of your critics, especially with respect to Rosalita!

The basic truth is that it does not have the tang of a Loving Wife story and feels like a pure romance... But I enjoyed it!

All you writing is GREAT please dont stop sendin wish i had your talent....love that all the cheating wifes get what they desirve.... thanks for your TALENT....

This is shaping up to be one of the greats. can't wait for the finish. keep up the good work.

Definitely has a good dose of originality. Needs a bit of editing but otherwise near-perfect. Cartel people would scout out the situation, then come with twenty guys with fully-automatic weapons. No martial artist would have a prayer. Except for that, seems very realistic. Thanks for writing.

Trim the fat out of the plot for a more effective story.

This was really boring. A lot like a $500 budget movie. He men, starving dependent woman. A cheating wife somewhere but of little consequence. This banality was put in LW for the only purpose of stroking the turd droppers and making them feel important. Maybe that is a good thing, who knows. The turd droppers all had wives once who left them for better men, and their addiction to LW revenge stories is their only salvation.

even after attacking mutilating a defenseless women ... after losing a fight ... after being given chance after chance of walling away... THEN after pulling a gun and getting his hand chopped off... the husband STILL lets Carlos live...???

really??

IN MEXICO?

there is fantasy then there is bullshit

Thanks for your talent, qmhl1, it is a fine job at writing, even though there is the odd technical slip-up, like 'ans' instead of 'and' and other things mentioned by commentators.

However, being a second installment, there is only a tenuous connection to the 'Loving Wives' category. This is almost entirely a romance.

That said, it really doesn't matter. It is a good enough read that I enjoyed it and I don't care what category it is found in.

But a very easy read. Thanks for writing 4*

You really need to edit. It was also drawn out far too much.

It was a nice tale but a little bit too wordy, could be more condensed and to the point a better description of the sex scenes would be nice.

You're a great storyteller. A happy ending for the family, a sorry conclusion for the cheater. Good.

what a fun little story. I like the way you brought it around. I look forward to more from you....Thank you

@ Anon Erotic coupling, first time and group sex hubs for the sex scene centered stories............

BTW 5*****

Its like you closed eyes and ran a chickflick in front of mental eye, with you as a hero, :), mask in the arena convenient to slip in the stunt double, and wrote it

ch.2, read up to The Arena, was a yawn.

Had a good time reading this. Nicely done - much grass (muchas gracias)

Very enjoyable read, well written. Looks like you did some research prior to writing this story. It really shows in many parts throughout this chapter and the first. Sorry I didn't comment until this one because I did not want to stop!

Thank you for posting and the entertainment and the learning of a couple of new Spanish words about the Aztecs I did not know!

Please keep writing and submitting and I will keep reading and do my best to comment!

Thank you for your effort and yes 5 stars!!!!

You are a tremendously talented author. How about writing something about indians?

"Her bottom was covered by a lush bush, a riot of black, silky hair. Pale pink lips peeked out, a testament to her arousal."

God, I hope you're British. If you're American, bottoms covered in lush bushes are not usually all that arousing.

Well written story, though.

well that was one of the best ive read here thanks for writing it.

I have just finished reading pt 1 & 3 of C &C. The story is truly awesome, just the right play on the people, thier attiudes, the sex and the true to life problems with marriage at times (not just racial, just marriage). This is the first story I have read by this author and will read more. Thanks for writing.

Just loved the spirit , the bravery !! thank you from a romantic anti-racist french guy , BERTRAND

This chapter was boring I'm afraid and although your writing is as always top notch but this was poo. Hubby becomes a black belt after 6 months then moves to Mexico and becomes a part time wrestler!(btw if a gringo had disrespected a fan favourite like he did then he would get stabbed while walking back to the locker room)

If your love supermen so much why not actually write a story about a superman instead of giving us stories about super badass ninja warriors or super badass laywers or an average man who becomes Americas favourite author etc.

Sorry for going on a bit but I enjoyed the first chapter but this was a below average part two.

this crap hasn't been deleted from the siteB856

enjoyed the story . look forward to the next one.

It was definitely a fantasy, but was done quite well. Your a fine story teller, please keep on keeping on ! Saratu

Yes he got a bit over the top with the martial arts BUT that is not unrealistic - egos are dangerous things to have without self control

he taught self control and had in for the most part - but dealing with people who do not puts you in places where you must act - he made it theatrical - much like the wrestlers do anyway so it fit that culture better than ours.

Martial arts can produce remarkably good relationships with diverse groups - it is a fraternity of those who do not just sit and watch - a poorly skilled student in martial arts is still a member of a fraternity that 99.9% of the human race is NOT part of - that makes it just a little special and good teachers make it more about how not fight.

Nice finish that showed the times in those small towns -

Read both parts and found them compelling...

Shondra had some issues which were clearly not of her making... but everyone has to take some responsibility for their actions...When you truly love someone, you should be willing to trust them with everything about yourself... And deceiving them in a way that profits you while ultimately taking something from them - even if that something isn't known at the time - is basically making as lie out of the love...

I like your stories,but I have an observation that I'd like to point out as a mistake that you as well as others here make when writing about weddings in your stories.When you say a wedding goes off without a hitch you are actually saying that it did not happen.That refers to the saying of getting married as getting hitched,which is how some of the old time wedding were done by actually hitching the couple in double harness to symbolize the joining of the couple.Just something to think about. I realize that you are saying that it happened without any trouble,and I don't wish to sound like some readers that go looking for things to gripe about.

How could Rosie have a Catholic wedding if she was divorced?

Karen-E, you must be out of touch, it's been possible for a divorced person to remarry in the Catholic church for more than 30 years. I did in 1988.

Once again a good story, but to me it lacked the " great " feel of the first chapter, some of the new characters didn't have the same depth & polish. Still a worthy 5*****

usually they don't come out anywhere near the top. TK U MLJ LV NV

A great effort from "Q"! I loved both parts and I hope to be reading some new stuff from you soon.

Rosie was divorced for abandonment after seven years not adultery.

Abandonment is also a legitimate reason to the Catholic church for divorce and is not held against the one that was abandoned.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

.....There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.

She would probably qualify for a Decree of Nullity and be able to marry in the church.

Regardless of race, a story in which one character does everything right, and nothing ever goes wrong for him or her, makes for boredom.

Congrats. A very good story 4.5 out of 5. I really liked the racial aspect. It didn't seem unnatural or artificial or forced at all. Your are a very good writer. I reduced it by half a star because Bobby just seemed too unemotional at various times. Perhaps its just me. I look forward to more stories. But it is going to be hard to top your Birmingham story.

I know it’s PRONOUNCED “hefay”, but it is actually spelled “jefe” NOT “hefe”.

I don’t find it odd that Shondra’s marriage and pregnancy don’t bother him that much. His relationship with her is well in the past now, and she has already hurt him about as much as she can.

I hope we’re being misled, I would love to see him with Gail!

“I took the extended hand” – I thought he ignored your hand

I wonder if Shondra knows he slept with Gail?

This is much better. Writing is beautiful and the story carries you right along with it. easily worth the 5* I gave it.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

one thing though: he was a fucking idiot with the Carlos thing. his stupid honor dragged the thing out much more than was smart to. you can't talk honor to a snake. he should have put him down hard, fast and permanent. fool.

the varieties of your imaginations creations...as usual, I was into it and enjoyed the ride. TY kid Scotty

It really surprised me of how "accepting" Bobby was of Shondra's cheating. There was no explanation of why she cheated. Also, passing herself off as a virgin when she turned 18 was a pretty big lie also.

The story was magnificent it shows that people are people no matter color or ethnic background. There is no true race except the Human race. The terms are of evolutionary background and do not reflect true science.

Gringo is neither a Spanish or an English word. It comes from the Mexican war . when the Mexican army would spy on the American army in the evenings the song popular then was "green grow the Lilacs and so does the Rue " it was a lovers song about unfaithful lovers like a "dear John" letter.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

Even better story than chapter 1. Solid 5

JimC

Good story.

I have white skin but am from a mixed family.

My nephews and several cousins are black.

The repercussions when I tried to date black girls was terrible. They had to beg off due to terrible pressure from their families and friends.

I ended up with a Greek goddess so no complaints but it still pisses me off how racist everyone was in those girls communities.

That was in the late 80's and early 90's.

That is an interesting story, especially when one considers that Gringo was in use in Spain as early as 1787, being defined in the Diccionario Castellano as "Gringos is what, in Malaga, they call foreigners who have a certain type of accent that prevents them from speaking Castilian easily and naturally; and in Madrid they give the same name, and for the same reason, in particular to the Irish."

It's even more interesting when one considers that the Folk Etymology you refer to would place it sometime after 1846, the start of the Mexican-American War. I suppose that H.G. Wells could have lent them a time machine to resolve the small matter of the word showing up 59 years earlier on a different continent, but they would have to have waited until 1895 for his novel that popularized the concept of time travel.

tl;dr

I'm a dick and you're wrong.

He got his ass kicked and went to jail in Part 01. Isn't that just enough? The writer could have let him win, but that's too much perfection. His marriage died, so something needed to go right for him.

. . . story. I've always been a big fan of yours, and I've appreciated your clear writing. This one was particularly satisfying, moving quickly in the right places and slowing down at the best places, very skillfully written. The action and love scenes were very well described without being dragged out with unnecessary verbiage. Thanks very much for your continuing fine efforts. While there certainly is a lot of garbage on Literotica (sometimes I'm in the mood for them), there are many fine writers on as well (I imagine that there are some very famous authors that "hide" their real names), and you are one of them. Be proud. And thanks again. Live long and prosper.

Well done on several aspects. One of my favorite parts of the tale being it shows what education can do in a getto community. Wish our American politicians would read this.

....Part 2. A most satisfying conclusion to this story of love, loss, determination, renewal, more love, and real happiness. A loving family is where it's at, and you convey this beautifully!

Thanks once again! I'll be back!

Excellent piece. Don't know how accurate it is, but as long you can suspend belief in reality... 5-stars

Very enjoyable story!

I worked for a large corporation in the southern US and set up a paper tube and core operation in Mexico. Fell in love with the people. Great workers that just wanted a chance to better themselves. I left there in '93. That's about where the similarities end.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story. Thanks.

I don’t like the characters in this story. When the story starts he is 22. What man is so wise at this age? He is too good. We have all been there. What did we know? No mistakes or weakness. Many of your male leads are like this. “We are a marvelous sex” said Henry Higgins. But that is too much in my opinion.

Then there are quite few cliches mexican side.

Needs spelling checks and checks for typos.

Good read otherwise.

I gave it 5 stars due to the perfect ending...

It was hard to re-live the attitudes of the seventies. In high school I had a white classmate with a big, heavy, 1930's style car, and after a meeting he dropped several people off. I, the last of his passengers, had him drop me at my grandparents' home, and my grandmother was outside saying good-bye while standing at the car of her long-time friend. When she finished, she stalked past me and on into the house, all attitude about my being dropped off by a while boy. I told her the situation, and she didn't say anything, but I know she managed to bring it up some time later with her friend. I only bothered to tell her because otherwise she'd complain to every member of the family, and I didn't want to have to do multiple explanations; otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered because I didn't care what she thought.

Years later, my grandmother had white step-granddaughters and treated them lovingly. She had not changed about who her Black granddaughters were seen with. I have taught several family members some of the several languages that I've taught over the years, and more Black children locally have learned and now use as a benefit in their work Spanish and to a lesser degree, French and Russian, also ASL (American Sign Language), so since her passing, my grandparents' descendants have expanded their cultural horizons and opened attitudes. Maybe that's why I want to know more about Josh and his aunt Gail.

I also would like a better ending for Shondra. She put it mildly when she said that she'd come upon others who were less honorable than Bobby. She needed help beyond the Bobby's love. I testify that without help the effects of childhood sexual abuse are life long lasting.

Again I have read one of your super stories and really enjoyed it.

A teacher work colleague once told me that if I didn't like a 'syllabus' or part of the work that we were using, to change it and write it myself then present it. To the 'anonymous' detractors that decry this story, write one for yourself and let us view it, and realise the difficulties that are encountered.

I only wish I had the imagination and the skills that 'qhml1' has.

More power to your pen and thanks again

Time line needs work

BOTH STORIES ARE VERY WELL WRITTEN AND WITH A FEW ADDITIONS WOULD GRACE ANY GOOD BOOKSTORE

I had a couple of issues with Ch 1 but no such issues here. 5 stars. Very likeable story.

Shondra!

She is 36 and weighs 250. I see a depressed black woman living her life through racial disparities, discriminations and abuse since 14.

The social mechanism forced her, to not believe that good times could be a reality.

Unfortunately, there was no redemption for her and possibly many like her whose journey traversed through unequal prejudiced times.

She is unlikely to last long.

Tragedy.

I enjoyed this story, very good.

Those that can do.

Those that can't tell them how to.

A very good follow up on the first part.

Not as powerful but just as enjoyable.

Top ratings from me.

Really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing

This is a story of true excellence. Thank you very much for such a great read. I bookmarked this tale for a future reread. A great story line with great characters and buildup of the personalities. JUST WOW!!

I wait until I don't remember details of a story and read it again. I enjoyed it the first 2 times, but didn't comment. This is a very enjoyable, well written story. 5*

I am a little lazy and not a good typist. I read the comments by anonymous on 06/06/20. It expressed my thoughts precisely, so I just copied.

"I wait until I don't remember details of a story and read it again. I enjoyed it the first 2 times, but didn't comment. This is a very enjoyable, well written story. 5*"

Another gem of a story from one of the best ever to write in LW. Bobby was a good man who deserved all the happiness he finally found.

..read the very last line twice.....

I like it, a good story split into the different episodes of his life.

Q, you are a lovely man.

Good story,happy, sad, action and romance. The good guy wins and the bad guy goes. Doesn't get much better than that. Keep writing please!

Kike it a lot. 5*

No lucha libre fighters of Jewish descent were harmed in the making of this story.