All Comments on 'Christmas Discovery'

This is just so poorly written, I couldn't get to the end of the first page.

First, you whip back and forth between tenses (I do this and then I did that) -- very distracting.

Second, she has only one breast? That's what you wrote.

Third, your punctuation is very confusing.

I know, I know. I will no doubt be slammed as a Grammar Nazi.

The idea had promise, but you need an editor in the worst way.

to Keep It In The Family. TK U MLJ LV NV

dont mind the idiots and the grammer nazi they can correct all they want they are still just rude and stupid.

Do yourself a favor, if you continue to write, get an editor, this was poorly written, grammar and punctuation errors everywhere. Changing between tenses and to be perfectly honest, it was just juvenile.

The description was quite interesting.

Then, the problems started. The story was written as a feverish fourteen-year-old's fantasy. Not well thought-out.

Then the change of tense problems -- yeah, that was tough going. Other problems included word choose, spelling, punctuation and so on.

Then there was the Anonymous moron who wrote:

"dont mind the idiots and the grammer nazi they can correct all they want they are still just rude and stupid"

That was barely literate. So, I'm not surprised Mr Anon was offended by the other comments. They were referring to him, as well.

Look, if a story is worth the effort to write, it's worth the effort to write it well. Lots of editors available; maybe one would help.

Your story shows promise ,but does need work ,as it seemed not to know where it was going at times .

Some advice I was given is on finishing a story , put it to one side and read it some time later and you can catch errors before submission .

Do not let any critics put you off ,just reflect and see if they have a point .Grammar and punctuation can be fixed with a good editor ,but good ideas for a story are hard to find .

I th first page it statred out good. Something i wanted to write. A revenge sex with boyfriends nerdy bro. Then the whole group thing. Mitch should have kicked his perverted friends out and given Sam his bed and taken the couch.(THE LOVE THING WAS OVER THE TOP) -Mitch uses the shower late to get over a hardon sam causes. The hour long shower wakes up Sammy who nosies around Mitch's room finding his journal. Where she is mentioned constatly. She confronts Mitch after his shower. She pulls him back to their bed where they makeout and she climbs untop of him.

The second that the little whinny bitch let his friends fuck her. Hope he doesn't plan on keeping her long because it won't take long for someone to take her from him. Sorry but this had potential but ended up being a total piece of shit.

Need another chapter to see if she has a little surprise, late summer...

The story does need another chapter. Mitch loves her and Sammy may call him another name- DADDY. I'll bet Tom will be kicking his own ass, when he finds out Mitch may have found a wife- his former girlfriend...

Poor pathetic simps. They end up with the worthless sluts. Simps and pathetic writers/readers don't know why they are worthless. Gain some confidence and self-esteem and you may begin to understand. Do NOT fantasize about a girl like this. Thinking a girl like this is relationship material is a huge mistake. This author is either a woman or a male not worthy of being called a man. No male that lets other guys fuck his girl is ever worth being called a man. Call me a misogynist all you want, but almost all real men know this is simple fact.