All Comments on 'Church Girl and Football Beauty'

5 Just for the punch line......

Overall it is a decent story. I think you should work on a rewrite and expand on the characters and the storyline. I somewhat agree with your punch line but as it is said in the bible, "Wherever 2 or 3 are gathered together in my name, I will be in the midst of them." So although it is a fitting statement for the story, I feel it is not really accurate.

You have the makings of a decent story here, but it is rushed and needs editing for punctuation at the very least. Literotica has a volunteer editor program. Using an editor make your writing much more believable and engaging. Great punchline.

You have the makings of a wonderful story. It needs to be fleshed out a lot more. Take us through their courtship. Don't have them fall into bed right away. Have Jen go to more of Amber's games. Have them date and discover love. Show them fumbling over their dates.

I really like this idea and the characters, what you have of them, are good. I just want more depth.

5 stars, but you deserve many more...great story so far.will you continue?

Vivid, enriching in love and hope.

it any sex in it that i can read

i love it

Excellent, well crafted and erotic.Thanks.

Glorious