All Comments on 'Claiming'

Very nice start.. can't wait to read more from u ;-)

I gave it a 5. However, it would be better - far better - if you cut out this crappy second person point of view. Your next second person POV loses a couple of stars with the first sentence.

I've never figured out what authors think they are accomplishing by using it; first person POV in erotic stories gives a sense of immediacy and realism. Third person POV allows more points of view if it is third person omniscient.

Second person does nothing - except sound stupid (the "you" was there and participating, wasn't he?) that you can't do better in the first person.

Your pacing and dialog were first rate. It is unusual for any story on this list to be memorable except when it is incredibly bad. This one is good - as an exercise re-write in the first person and I'll favorite it.