All Comments on 'College Girl's One Night Stand'

Your writing is reasonably concise and economical, which is a plus. There is also a story arc, written as a contrast. This is where a lack of proportion comes in, regarding the story dynamic.

I am not interested in alcohol as an excuse for obnoxious behavior. It's a real turn-off for me. The result is that halfway through the story I was feeling more pissed off than anything else. As a story, this can have dramatic purpose, to highlight the shift of mood to the second part, to the more personal part with positive emotional content. But the story has way too little of this. For me, at any rate, not enough to balance the bad 'mood' of the first part.

If this is a BLOG entry, I suppose the structure makes sense. As a story, it needs more balance, a longer second part which is, after all, the 'payoff' of the story.

Regarding style: parenthetical remarks in stories generally do not work. If you have something to say, then say it as part of the story, such as how photos of the kids influenced the mood.

Try to avoid addressing the reader in a story, as in " I know my male readership is baffled..". It creates distance from the mood flow of the story.

Closing comment: 46 is not 'old'! ;-) although oldER than you are.

concise and heart warming good job

Your story elicited honest memories of a similar nature which happened to me as a 47 year old man who had a brief but honest affair with a 21 year old hot co-ed. We had worked together over a 90 day period one spring. I was in a position of authority, but she did not work directly for me. It would have been viewed as inappropriate by others however, so it had that feeling of wrongness which intensified the experience for both of us. I would see her daily in the course of our work and eventually we "hooked up" as she put it. After a few weeks of wine, dining, and a little added sophistication to her life by weekends at ski resorts and Chicago miracle mile, our brief enterlude ended bittersweet with both of us realizing how different our worlds really were and going back to wife and boyfriends. She confided in me that she had never been on a real date although she was very experienced with sex, and that she had come to appreciate the less frenzied, more intimate lovemaking that we shared. I really enjoyed how you described feeling like you were back in junior high and everything was new and first time. Although we should get better at any skill with practice, there is that quality of newness which it seems we all try to recapture. Your story brought those exquisite memories back into focus for me..thank you

on all accounts. The reading (thus the writing) of the story; the happenstance of the two main characters, and the tone and pathos of the story. Very good job; and as a male taken aback slightly that you indicate that a woman may enjoy the encounter, but not be fully entertained. Thank you.

Came across very well indeed, to me at least!

It's like chance you Swing and you could Hit A Home Run