All Comments on 'Come Break Away With Me Ch. 01'

Love story. Hope to read more of both. Just wary that this would not turn in to a fuck fest or gang bang in next chapter.

Excellent story. Well written. Would love to read more as long as they stay exclusive to each other, bringing in others always ruins the love story for me.

Sorry, but I don't share the enthusiasm of the previous two commenters. The story's premise is ok, though no one would believe an 18 year old with no practical experience taking over a company, nor also having the time to fight a custody battle with DFS. However, I think the main issue is the clunky writing style.

A little wordy in spots. I would advise putting the thesaurus to the side and try to use fewer adverbs and adjectives. They are partners and lovers, yes, but the description of their lovemaking should refer to them as brother and sister - a most important part of the story. Still, I enjoyed it for the most part.

The anonymous reviewer who entitled his/her review S...L....O....W.... ignored the passion of your storytelling. It may, indeed, be improbable that a man as young as Eric might inherit and lead a business, but it is not impossible. Likewise, for 18-year-old Eric to fight for the legal guardianship of his 16-year-old sister may be improbable, but not impossible.

What is neither is Zerrafina's love for Eric, and his for her. As written it is as passionately told as any incest story that I have read here. Likewise, I have myself not written a story as emotionally complex and yet as satisfying as is this first chapter. I look forward to the next chapter(s).

That was hot!

All could fit.

Could there be such a thing as a double incest? The relationship between the parents is a bit confusing. Did the mothers know their children had the same father? If they did, why did no one say anything? If they didn't know, how did Zerra learn it?

And how did Eric not ruin Zerra's prom dress and makeup when she "tripped" into a tight embrace when he first walked in the door after changing a car tire outside in the rain?

Since this is titled as Ch. 01, might there be answers in the future? Either way, it was a very romantic story and I look forward to seeing where this couple goes from here. .

You have done a great job on this story. Waiting for next chapter. Thanks

i am asking the same as rightbank.sperm donors are anonymous for a reason,even the technicians dont know them and if the same guy came(no pun)in more then once the lot numbers would be different hell if the went the same day to get the turkey bastor it especially would be 1:1,000,000 that they could pick the same donor.if all that was lined up and done would she really not run to her biggest protector the one she shouts out that she wants to marry when she was 8 so incest didnt bother her?

One of the best stories I have read. Great job of erotica with desire and a wonderful back story and build to their consummation of the love and feelings for each other. Really looking forward to reading the next chapter(s) of their life together.

Outstanding erotica, very well thought out and put together. Keep at it!

A good story well written.

For rightbank and redlion75, this story is a fantasy and, like a dream, shouldn't be logically analyzed too deeply. Keep it fun.

loved it. this could go on for a while if you want to write some more as they settle down as a couple.

I liked the concept and wanted to like the story, but you tried way too hard. It grated on my nerves. Not very realistic. Not consistent with their ages and experience levels. A number of words used improperly. It just didn't work very well for me. Sorry. Don't give up. Find a good editor.

Barry