All Comments on 'Conflicted in Paradise Ch. 03'

Whew, what a read (16 pages!!). Good to see Damon back on board, I thought he had been underused in the previous two chapters (considering it's about him and his sister). I also enjoyed the mention to his other sister. Very interested to see what happens between him and Mel, especially since I personally thought you made an awesome relationship/chemistry between Mel and Damon in Conflicted.

Look forward to the next one

Really enjoy this series, well developed characters and interesting plot twist. I am looking forward to their continued escapades at UCLA. I was a little surprised you let this one run the full 16 instead of breaking it in the middle somewhere. I thought a good spot would have been after Stace asked Damon for a favor in the Jeweler's shop.

Eldridgein00:

It is unbelievable what you can do with words.This story and your Conflicted story is in my opinion the best on here.Some will probably say different ,but i really don't care.Thanks for the stories you have written. I cant wait for the beginning of the college series and what happens when they finally get Mel involved.Thanks again.....

I'm truly a fan and I have desperately waited for your latest installment. You did not let me down. Thank you for your contributions. I know you have issues with Literotica, but I appreciate you putting those aside and continuing this wonderful story. I can't wait for the next installment. I wouldn't change anything, but I would love to see Stacey rewarded for her generosity. She deserves it. Thanks again.

No doubt.

Once again you have written a beautiful story about this group. Can't wait to see what is to come. Thank you.

I was about ready to file a grievance with my union head after that ginormous chapter sixteen of "Conflicted," but there you were, conflabulating me with tales of fluffy bunnies and voracious Katy Perry tits."Oh noes, I shan't EVER put you through such an ordeal again! With the sequel I'll make sure to break my chapters up into MUCH smaller bites...promise!"

~fingers crossed behind his back~

Initially things were looking good, too, what with the moderately humane length of the first two chapters of this series. We had some laughs, we fixed an errant description or two of "spam" pussies rather than "spasm"—I highly doubt you'll ever commit a funnier malaprop—and everything seemed all Bahamian DJ cool, casual and easy.

Then you decided to go all Blitzkrieg on me with this sixteen-page frontal assault on my sleepy Maginot Line, you magnificent doucheclot.

Sleep? Overrated. Editing! Yes...editing!

Okay, for the record, I'll have you know that by the time I finished editing your latest smutty "War and Peace" tome, I'd literally gone through:

1. An entire bunch of bananas

2. A big ass container of tropical trail mix. (I chose the tropical flavor in honor of this thing taking place in the Bahamas.)

3. Six Egg McMuffins. (Homemade, at least.)

4. Three "power-sized" Mango-a-Go-Go Jamba Juice smoothies.

5. A box and a half of Cheeze-Its.

6. Two quarts of high-pulp OJ.

7. 24 fucking "extra-strengh" (my ass!) Tylenol

And you know what? I loved every minute of it, and I look forward to doing it again. Hey, one of these days I may even remember who did what in chapter one, huh?

Great effort, hoofennslaggennkilnforrstbuicklacrosselebensraum dude. (I don't know how to add umlauts, otherwise that bad boy would be awash in 'em.)

I still maintain that the best part of this chapter was the karaoke bit in the club, when Kel went all Tom Cruise on Damon with the inspirational croonin'. For a guy whose attachment to music is roughly akin to a baboon's to foosball, you sure came up with a serious winner of a scene.

Now try to beat Spain next time, you wooden-shoed git.

P.S. - Joe Girardi is still there.

and it is a VERY small complaint is that when in the jewlery store Stacey gave the owner a Platinum Card... In my humble opinion she should've had a Black Card... Much, MUCH more exclusive.

Other than that I abso-friggin-lutely love your stories. Keep up the good work.

I'm not going to like it. Let me rephrase that. I'm sure I'll like most of it, but you seem to be setting up Kelsey to sleep with Ryan, and it just doesn't play right to me. You keep emphasizing how much Kelsey and Ryan are in love with each other (with Amanda and Carynne also being involved with one of them to that "in love with" degree). The way this entire story has gone, particularly the "In Paradise" chapters, Damon would be absolutely crushed if that happened, and Kelsey knows it. Hell, she said as much in this last chapter. Believe the exact words were, "Damon would freak out like crazy, and I don't want to hurt him." Maybe with the hints you dropped later where Kelsey told Damon she'd like to do him and one of his friend like Carynne just had, I could see Damon going along with a threesome situation. Which, now that I think of it, could make for some good tension in the story where Damon seriously regrets it after, but having Ryan & Kelsey hook up without Damon being part of it... just doesn't feel like something that would work for Damon or Kelsey. Whether he should be accepting or not, he would not be able to handle either of the girls he is in love with fucking some other guy. Not the way this whole story has been written to this point. It would do a good job of making Ryan the biggest dick ever when he knows Ryan, his friend and teammate, is love with Kel. Oh, and let's not forget Ryan also saved his life. Can't believe I almost forgot to include that!

All that being said, other than the hints about where the whole Ryan plotline is going, once again, your story kicked ass!

I have been reading your stories since you started the original series and all I have to say is that it is the best series I have ever read. keep up the great work. I look forward to reading more in this series.

First of all, I love these characters. As I noted in the previous edition of Conflicted, they are very well thought out, written well, and their stories are paced nicely. The interlude story is a nice idea, and i think you used it very nicely to set up the next major story series. I was worried that the exclusivity pact would be trouble in terms of starting out Conflicted: The College Years, but what you've done here fixes that problem nicely.

I like the fact that you kept the core characters, and didn't feel the need to try to bring everyone from the first edition along to this one, or to the next one. As of right now, it would appear that you are set up to bring in Ryan as a new main character, with Sia as a not quite main character (but probably more than a side character like Mikela or Katie), along with promoting Mel to man character status. I don't think you've ever had a problem with keeping story lines tight, but by defining who really matters and keeping the story firmly focused on them, i think it will allow you to tell a story that's deeper in the second full edition, if not quite as wide ranging as the first.

One thing i'm concerned about is how you are going to deal with the social aspects of college in terms of dorm life, greek life (though i don't imagine any of the main characters being particularly greek oriented, other than Stacy, who would make for an excellent sorority girl), and in particular, how Damon and Amanda's engagement will be viewed. When i was a freshman in college, the guy across the hall from me in the dorm was engaged. I'll grant, his reason was more along the lines of "super christian girlfriend who won't have sex until marriage, so... time to get married," but the guys on the dorm floor thought he was odd for being engaged at 18 and honestly, we gave him some shit about it. Its true that nothing about Damon's life is particularly normal, and your universe allows him to live that life, but being engaged and a frosh in college is a different kind of weird.

anyway, I love your work, and i'm eagerly anticipating the second full edition of this story. Good luck with the writing, and I'll comment again when the new stories are posted!

Hey. I read this on storiesonline, but when it was posted here, I read it again lol. You are awesome. and Stevieraygovan is an awesome editor. (if I could see you guys ribbing each other over on sto, it'd be perfect)

This chapter, as all the rest, was magnificent. I may have slightly disliked the threeway with Carynn, Ryan, and Damon, but C'est la Vie. Five out of five from me, as always. Now then, for the caveat. I've sent a PM to you about this before, but this is slightly more specific. I know you write for you, as it should be, but...eh, nothing ventured nothing gained: I really hate cheating. Done properly, I don't mind it as much, but in most cases, it's done improperly. On that note, Ryan...is seeming to be a bit of what gamers tend to call OP (iow OverPowered) as a character. In fact, he's so perfect that I kind of hope he turns out to be a complete douche... anyway, the point is that you seem to be setting Kelsey up to fuck him. in fact, she was drooling over him so much that it actually seemed out of character. I mean...she's supposed to only sexually want Damon, right? at least...mostly? Well, the way you described it, she was practically cumming in her shorts at the sight of him. When she said "...He's almost exactly like Damon but...he's just such a stud" (slight paraphrase) It was like she meant to say "better" instead of "such a stud" I mean really. is the chick so desperate to be ripped open by his Massive Cock of Pussyreaming that she suddenly prefers him to the guy she supposedly loves more than almost anything else? Kinda weird to me. That "Damon would freak out" was more like a resentful statement than a "I could never hurt him like that" she even said it "might" hurt him. Since this series began, it's been Kelsey, Amanda, and Damon. The other girls are there sure, but they are..ancillary. Damon's never fucked another guy, and neither have Kelsey or Amanda. They've loved each other too much, and Damon's exceedingly demonstrably not gay. Now though, you introduce this guy who apparently makes Kelsey so hot she wishes she could strip him down and have him ravage her any time, day or night. Nothing like that has occured before, seemingly because neither girl was interested in anyone other than Damon. I know, I'm kind of rambling. I think you get my point though. Kelsey getting so hot for another guy just felt...wrong to me. (she's only supposed to talk huskily about Damon dammit lol) I really hope you don't have him fuck her, or if you do, I hope you have him get hit by a semitrailer right after... Ah well, you'll do as you feel is right. that's just my two cents.

Other than that, amazing as always.

"He's just like Damon, except...he's such a stud." (Paraphrasing.)

Oh really? So what's that make Damon? Sure, nine times out of ten El has depicted him as being just this side of retarded, but Damon certainly has been nothing if not a stud to Kelsey and the other girls throughout this whole thing. In fact, that's really ALL he's been. He grunts, he growls, he eats, he swims, he pouts, he eats again, he growls some more, he ponders possible words in his bowl of Spaghettio's...and he fucks like the Energizer Bunny.

Dunno, and I probably should've asked El about it at the time, but when he had Kel make that comparison, maybe he was referring to Ryan's hilarious penchant for this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0

...rather than meaning he's a sexual stud.

Remember in "Conflicted" when El had Erik the Gay Viking scare off all the football players simply by oiling down his body and flexing? Now he's got Ryan playing the role of Surprising Bad Ass. In both instances, Damon had to have his homoerotic buddy come to his aid when he was about to receive (or was already receiving) an ass whooping.

So, yeah, maybe Kel is just referring to Ryan's fighting prowess, or Damon's lack of same.

Kelsey could be growing past JUST her attraction to her brother. For the longest time in her life, she was in love with her brother, and him alone. She ignored every other guy in favor of the fantasy that she had about him.

Now that she has him (and has had him), and now that he's obviously determined to spend his life with another girl (albeit not shunning his sister in the process), why is it so hard to imagine that she might eventually be looking at other guys? Even if only purely out of lust. Especially after she already made the initial decision to break up with Damon and Amanda? I fail to see the reasoning why she could never be attracted to another guy.

You're not the only one to complain about this, more people have commented to that effect, and several are emailing me fairly constantly about it.

What (these) people seem to want are stagnant characters: Kelsey wants Damon, so she can never want another guy. That bores the hell out of me to write. If I let my characters be stagnant, why would I even bother writing more chapters? It'd just be exactly the same as Conflicted was. *shrug*

In any case, yeah, Kel's attracted to Ryan. He's a nice guy, he's hot, he's talented in pretty much every area she's interested in. Why WOULDN'T she be attracted to him?

Ryan being a cheater character/Ultimate Badass is true as well. He's that way for a reason. That reason hasn't been revealed yet, but it will be eventually. (If I ever get around to writing the next story.) I've always said that I hate perfect characters, and that hasn't changed. So if Ryan seems perfect now, well, at some point that's likely bound to change. :)

Thanks for commenting, and especially for reading!

Eldridge.

For all your complaints, you know you purr like a kitten when you get another 120 pager on your desk. :)

And I never PROMISED you that I wouldn't do it again! I said I'd TRY TO! Big difference!

But, as always, your help is very much appreciated. :)

How you were able to construct such a story...from your imagination or is it pure imagination? This has been intriguing. However the detail and its length was very intoxicating. The creation of the characters each had their own almost detail personalities. There is no doubt these individuals exist with their physical and personal talents. I enjoyed the story immensely.....Keep writing..my friend....my sensuality needs it .... Kindly let me know when you do..kizambeezi@yahoo.com

i read conflicted a while ago and was thrilled to see that you were adding more to the story. i loved the story line and everything. you're an amazing author and i cant wait to see what type of mischief the gang gets into in college. the only thing wish you had added to the story would be the descriptions on what the characters from conflicted looked like (breast size, how the girls kept their bushes, shape and color of the nipples, ect.) since i know you put some if not all of those in the conflicted series i just wish you had mentioned them again for those of us who haven't read conflicted in a while, and also it wouldnt hurt to mention these details here and there through the story seeing how its so long, i actually forgot what Siara looked like other her being a brunet that you happened to mention. its details like that that help me visualize the scenes better when i am reading the story. but over all it was a masterfully written piece, i cant wait for more!

You are a GOD! The minute you start reading the series you cannot stop until you finish. The way that you ensure that the series is not just one of those short sex stories is amazing. If you haven't considered it yet you should become A) a writer or B) publish Conflicted, it is an awesome read and people are missing out on it.

You single-handedly destroyed my life with conflicted.

I have no real hope to find a girl like Amanda or Kelsey for myself and now that you've shown me what I am missing I don't know if I can ever get this longing out of my head!

Apart from that, this is the best Story I've ever read. Period.

This chapter moved well kept me engaged in the story. The first two chapters were a little slow, but worth the trouble when the story was all brought together in the third chapter. This was a good storyline and I look forward to the next chapters.

As always a pleasure to read your stories.

Looking forward to the next instalment

Incredile. This series is so damn good, the best series on Literotica. I look forward to more adventures with the group. Excellent writing. I only wish something like this was real. Too hot!!!

Well written, keep up the good work!

Wow! That was so hot! Been waiting for this for so long! I hope you there will more of your story as great as this series... My only suggestion is that maybe you should leave this series at it's conclusion and make another one with a different set of characters instead...

I read Other and Your comment about changes in the story… You are saying “why is it so hard to imagine that she might eventually be looking at other guys? Even if only purely out of lust. Especially after she already made the initial decision to break up with Damon and Amanda? I fail to see the reasoning why she could never be attracted to another guy.”

You created some character with their personality.. When you changed some basic thing about them… Like lust about some particular guy…Its seem odd to read… Not forget Kelsey and Demon are Brother & Sister.. Its like as being in love with her own brother.. she may not be wanted anyone else other than her brother.. I also want say If I am in Demon place I will want one girl only and only Is Kelsey.. Go to hell with Amanda.. Its like you say in the store Amanda cheated on Damon.. Would Kelsey do the same if she were her brother girlfriend.. If you are so much want to change why not change Amanda.. She is a main character too.. Plz leave Kelsey aside..

As You are the writer you can change anything as you want.. Just being a reader I have something like.. other not like.. That’s all..

I also should say sorry if my word a bit harsh..

Finally it’s a fabulous story and wonderful to read except something I personally dislike..

Mate brilliant, absolutely brilliant

Keep up the awesome work

Can't wait for the ucla part

Ur on a roll

Bloody Amazing!!

ur on a roll for sure...! my fav writer!!

U paint a really nice reality, something that I look up to but i know that it could not get that HOT! ^_^

Fantastic story

But I hope Kelsey doesn't sleep with Ryan or any other guy at UCLA

Love u baby. Ya agree, don't let any other guy except Damon to have sex with Kelsey. We want more of Damon-Amanda-Kelsey love - frankly more intense, more passionate. THIS IS THE BEST INCEST EROTIC LOVE STORY I HAVE READ SO FAR. AMAZING!!!

Wow! Waiting for the next series starts from now......

This is a story featuring lots of sex and girls with other girls blah blah blah same old story zzzzzzzz way too long

What happened to all the other Conflicteds? They were so good, some ofchapters were better than this series. I can't find them anywhere, it's like they just disappeared....

Hope the creative juices stay flowing for many chapters to come.These characters have many things left too see and do.A story in a caliber of its own.

I know this is knitpicking, but a cattle ranch in Montana that's 40 thousand acres will not support 50 thousand head of livestock. And no one, even stock contractors, owns 1000 horses. Figure 25 to 30 acres per head of livestock for any ranch in the northern areas. Wyoming, Montana, North and South Dakota, etc. A little tip for your next story. Other than that one small thing, I liked it.

PLEASE

Make Melissa and Kelsey fuck each other.

Please

It was interesting how you switched from first person to third person. Imo, having it just from Damons perspective is better than third person. Not everyone will agree, just my opinion.

It's Still irks me that you haven't made Damon and kel exclusive. You know that it should be that way.

Need more Kelsey, Melissa, and Stacey moments (with Damon of course) please.

story I enjoyed it very much. The only little thing that caused to to chuckle was the fishing part. I'm not an expert deep sea fisherman but I don't think you use worms in the Atlantic ocean.

It was fun to read. It was facinating how you made all that group sex and have it so romantic at the same time.

I loved your story and gave you a great review yesterday. BUT! With further thought, I was anticipating and kind of hurried through the boat sequence as I was sure you would be very imaginative on a beautiful Carribean deserted island. I expected with 5 gorgeous sluts and 2 young studs that all would be running around stark naked and banging the hell out of each other.

No!!! What did I get???? You put everyone under blankets! The damn boat gets loose, and only one couple got to bang. I think you did this on purpose and should be ashamed of yourself for disappointing me like that!! HA, HA, HA.

A fun story, enjoyed it very much. What a great fantasy read to imagine an adventure like this one... Thank you!

I've been reading these stories including the first edition of conflicted for years. I absolutely love the way you write!!! I've fallen in love with these characters and I can't wait to see wait UCLA and Mel bring for them. Please post something soon!! I'm begging you :D

I've been reading stories on this site for probably around 12 years and this is one of the best stories I've ever read here. I can't wait for the continuation. Let me know if you need any help with proofreading or anything. I'd LOVE to help!

Great story. Amazing. But I want more. Can you give us an estimate when the sequel will be finished?

Lovely Story

5*****STARS!

Keep going!

Aunt Helena

This story is a 5 throughout. Nothing to fault. But you said "Soon", in 2011, and that was a LONG time ago. Please return, cause this story is a joy to read.

i hope someday we get more of this story it's always been my favourite

What an awesome story! Very well written. I had to read it in one sitting. Thank you Eldridge for the time and effort writing and sharing this wonderful story with us. I really hope you are plan on continuing this story.

Dude. I'm not even sure if you're active on Literotica anymore. But I just wanted to do a shoutout for both Conflicted and Conflicted in Paradise. Awesome stories. Got pointed to your Conflicted story by another author, Stevierayvogan. You were a big inspiration for his 'Everyone loves my ass' series. Another longform story that's well written.

Always a good thing where you go into a story thinking it's just a jerk-off story but end up still reading at 2 a.m. just for the story itself. The fact I took out a paid subscription for the website Conflicted is currently hosted on probably says enough about how much I enjoyed the story...

I'm not going to say everything is fully believable, but it's called erotic fiction for a reason, right? 😉

If there's a chance you're still active, I'd love to read more of the stories in your Conflicted setting.