Consequences - Jamie

"Well yes, that's the bulk of it. I found out by overhearing a conversation between her and her mother that she was going to spend a weekend with him. That why she called you, to tell you she was going to stay a couple of extra days. I was furious with Jamie but all she did was cry when I yelled at her. She's been crying since your phone call last night. She's been going crazy trying to reach you since then. Her mother was being a pain in the ass, telling her you didn't deserve her, that she was smart finding someone else to replace you, that kind of crap. I slapped her across the face: the first time in our marriage that I've ever hit her. It made me sick but honest to God Jim, she deserved it."

I could hear the pain in Paul's voice as he told me that but I was also angry knowing what Ruth did to me. She bore some of the responsibility for destroying our marriage but she wouldn't see that as a bad thing. Too bad I didn't see it coming. Too bad Jamie was so easily led down the path of betrayal. It was too easy for her. It shouldn't have been, regardless of how hard her mother pushed.

Paul told me he was going to drive up to see them both tonight and to wait for his call. He asked if I wanted to talk to Jamie and I told him no. I had nothing to say to her right now and perhaps never again. I had to think about it. He understood and we hung up.

Jan showed up about an hour later and rather than waste both our time, I told her what I knew about her mother. It wasn't done out of cruelty, but rather out of respect. Jan was growing up so fast and she had seen what was going on in the marriage. She was the one caught in the middle and I wanted her to be aware of what was going to happen. She had some decisions to make and I wanted to prepare her for that. If the marriage ended, she was old enough to decide where she wanted to go.

We listed the pros and cons and she understood it wasn't an emotional decision but one of practicality. She was almost an adult and she had to do what was best for her now as well as later on. We talked together for hours and it made me proud to see how she took it and how she handled it. In the end, we both decided it was best for her to remain here at the house with her mother. School, meetings and such would require someone to be free enough to see to her. I couldn't do that. I promised her that I would always be sure she was cared for and that her education was not jeopardized.

It was almost five o'clock when the phone rang. Jan took the call and I heard her when she said, "Mom! How could you?" I decided to let her talk with her mother first and went outside to sit on the porch. I hated for her to have to deal with something like this, but she had her own life to live and what we did would affect her, so she might as well be part of it. I was still thinking of how I wanted to handle it when she brought the phone to me.

"Here dad, it's her. I don't want to talk to her again." She had tears in her eyes as she handed me the phone. I wanted to comfort her but she left quickly, leaving me alone, just as I had her. I watched her go, in no hurry to speak to Jamie.

"Hello Jamie." Just that and no more. I was already exhausted with this whole thing. It had only been twenty four hours give or take but it felt like weeks or months of turmoil.

"Why did you have to tell Jan? Why were you so cruel? Just to hurt me? Just to get back at me?" Jamie was back to her old self already. No problem for her: just lash out at anybody nearby. Never accept guilt was her motto. Well, I was fed up with it all.

"Go to hell you cheating slut! When you can talk to me decently, call. Otherwise, don't bother to call or come back here. Goodbye!" I disconnected and held the phone limply in one hand while I waited to see what she would do. It didn't take long. The phone rang.

"Hello." I know I sounded like death but that's how I felt.

"Jim, I apologize. I was just shaken that you told Jan what I did. I don't know why you had to do that. I guess it's because you hate me now isn't it?"

"Actually Jamie, everything isn't about you! You may not believe me but why I told her had nothing to do with you, but what you did is going to affect her life as well as mine so I felt she deserved to be treated with the respect you've denied me all this time. I told her to give her time to learn to deal with it. That's why."

There was a pause as she thought about that. Then, a quiet question. "Do you hate me Jim?"

"No, I don't hate you. To be honest, I have very little feeling when I think of you. The past two years have just about killed all the love I had for you. I guess I do feel some anger with I think of you and him, but I'll get over it. I guess you've done a good job of killing whatever I had left of us inside me."

"Would you believe me if I told you that I'm sorry? That I wish it had never happened? I am so sorry that I let it happen. You didn't deserve this. I'm really sorry Jim."

"Well, like I say Jamie, there is just a hole inside me that used to be filled with thoughts of you. Now it's empty. You asked me the other night if I missed you. The answer is more and more getting to be; no! And you're right: you should never have allowed it to happen at all. That's what our marriage vows were about. Our promises to each other. Remember saying them? "Forsaking all others." You broke those vows and now I have to accept that there's nothing there."

"Please tell me you don't mean that. Jim, please tell me you don't feel that way. I'll be home as soon as I can and we can work this out. I know I've done something awful but I'll make it up to you if you just give me the chance."

"I don't know if you can Jamie. I really don't know anymore. I would prefer if you just stay away for a while longer. These last few days have been very peaceful for me. I'm doing quite well without you now and Janet and I have some decisions to make about her future. She will do so by herself and I'm not going to influence her. She probably should stay here with you if she can. She's only got a year and a few months."

"Jim, you're talking as if it's over between us. Please don't make any decisions like that until I have a chance to talk to you. I know I've screwed up big time but I can make it up to you if you'll only give me a chance. Jim, I realize now that I love you more than I realized. I forgot for a while but now I remember why I loved you. I do, and I don't want to lose you. Please wait for me Jim. Wait till I get home."

"I need to go Jamie, so goodbye." I hung up quickly, the tears starting to flow when I heard her begin to plead with me. I knew it was just an echo of the love that I had for Jamie before she did this to me. That love would die a quick death, but for now, I still had to endure the pain of separation.

The phone began to ring almost as soon as I hung up. I glanced at the caller ID to see it was Jamie and I ignored it. I was done talking to her. I was done with her, that was becoming more and more clear as the enormity of her betrayal began to sink in.

It was almost noon on the following Wednesday when my secretary rang to let me know I had a phone call from my wife. It had been two days since I had let her know that I wasn't accepting calls from Jamie so this was a surprise. I asked her why she had accepted the call and she said it was forwarded from Margaret Wilson.

From Margaret! Hell! I had forgotten that Jamie and Margaret were friends. Margaret was a real bitch on wheels and had few friends, but she and Jamie hit it off right from the start. I always wondered why and now I began to see. They were two of a kind. Margaret had been married and divorced four times already. Just the role model for my soon to be ex.

"OK, I'll take it. Not your fault Suzie. Thanks" I pushed the button for line 1.

"Yes? What is it and this had better be damned good Margaret. I'm not going to forget this little betrayal." I knew Margaret was still on the line from the caller ID.

"Whoa Jim! I had no idea there were problems, but what the hell are you doing, you asshole? You won't even talk to your wife? She's on when I hang up. Talk to her!"

"Hello Jamie. What can I do for you?" Serious and even tempered.

"You can come home and talk to me. I'm at home Jim so please, can we talk?"

"Whose home is that Jamie? Walter Matthews' home? Certainly not our home. You've destroyed that one haven't you?" I heard the muffled sobs so she had decided on tact and begging.

"Jim, please come home and talk to me. I own you an explanation and I promise to give it to you without any lies or excuses. Please Jim, come home."

"What do you really want Jamie? Just to be taken care of while you do whatever you please behind my back? Isn't that what you've been doing for the past two years? You treat me like crap, refuse sex with me, make my life a living hell than you went to him and fucked him a year ago when you said you were visiting that bitch of a mother of yours. You went this time to do the same thing. You made plans to spend the weekend with him again, just like last time. And you were going to insult me until I agreed that you should stay for another. You were trying to use me to justify your cheating! Was the sex that good? Was it that much better? And hell, the things you let him do were things you denied me, so he must really be something!"

I was laying it on thick now. The anger that had been building was looking for an outlet. Now that she was here, she was the target.

"Please Jim. I guess I deserve that but you're wrong. You're wrong about Walter and me. I didn't even see him this trip. Honest."

"Bullshit Jamie. You spent the fucking weekend with him at the Dorchester Hotel! And what about Wednesday? Doesn't dinner Wednesday night count? Where you made plans to meet over the coming weekend? Telling him you were going to get you stupid husband to insist you stay another few days. Sitting close together, touching and God knows what under the table. Or do you just count the times you fuck him as seeing him?"

"How did you. . .? I just met him briefly to tell him it was over; that I never wanted to see him again. Honest Jim. I didn't go anywhere with him and that was the only time I saw him."

"That's more lies Jamie. I know what you did. And what about the last trip? Didn't you give him a blow job in the parking lot? Didn't you swallow his cum? Didn't you fuck him? Do you deny any of that?"

Silence. The truth was coming down hard on her now. Keep it coming! I was feeling good now. Finally, some retribution.

"Did you and Walter talk about his five kids? How about his twins? Did he mention them? And his wife Margaret; did you two talk about her? Did you tell him about me? Laughing about your stupid, unknowing spouses? Laughing at how you were pulling the wool over our eyes?"

The scream from the other end of the line was enough to surprise me. I held the phone away from my ears but I heard the click telling me we were disconnected. I hung up, feeling exhausted, wrung out like a wet rag. Limp.

I had two choices: one I could go home and talk to Jamie and let her try to justify what she had done, or second, I could begin to make my plans to end this charade of a marriage now while I had the pain and the anger burning inside me. I chose the latter.

I called in two of my young Turks, ones specializing in divorce, and briefed them on my situation. It was easier than I suspected, now that I had begun to look at it as a case. Something I had done every day for the past twenty years. My name was on this one, but that was the only thing different about it. They quickly forgot that it was the boss's wife and got down to business.

The first thing I wanted was to file suit in Ohio for Alienation of Affections. It was a rare but legitimate legal charge and I was going to pursue it to the bitter end. I would probably lose but that was fine with me. I cared nothing about any money, but I wanted him to answer in court for his philandering and I wanted his wife and kids to know about it. She would get hurt, I understood that, but she should know what her husband was capable of. She could decide what to do about him then.

I gave the letters to one of my young Turks and told him to prepare a motion to require a handwriting analysis and confirmation that they came from Mr. Walter Matthews. After reading the top one, he smiled and tucked them safely into his briefcase. He was flying to Cleveland tomorrow to file and get things started. The other gentleman and I outlined a series of actions designed to close accounts, transfer monies to other accounts, have an outside audit of my holdings and estimates of value. We decided on how to move certain assets before the audit to protect some major holdings. I signed a power of attorney and sat back, watching him begin the process. These two were vicious when set loose and that's what I was counting on. Maximum pain for them with minimum loss to me.

By the end of the day, things were happening very fast and I was ready to head home. It was time to begin the process of separating Jamie and I. She started it but I was going to finish it. As I walked down the hall, heading for my car, it occurred to me that when love morphed into hate, there was no limit to the pain that would result.

I walked into the house to find Jamie sitting on the couch with Janet in the family room. It was clear that Janet had been crying and Jamie looked little better. Both turned to me as I entered the room. Janet jumped up, ran to me and embraced me. She whispered into my ear, "Good luck dad, but whatever, I love you."

I watched her walk away, her head held high and her pace belying the pain she was in. She was a good girl with a strong will and she would be fine, regardless of what happened. She was nothing like her mother and that thought gave me peace. I sighed, walked into the room and sat down in one of the chairs Jamie bought when she was in a couples mode. Matching chairs and couch. I hated both.

"Well Jamie, I'm here. You wanted to talk to me? Tell me why you screwed up our lives? Why you betrayed Janet and me?"

"I don't know. I know that's not an answer but it's true. I just don't know why I did it. I went home the first time to get away from everything. I had no intention of doing anything but just getting away. And for the first week, that's all I did. Then mom introduced me to this man. She said he was a friend of hers from church and that he was in a bad marriage and would I talk to him."

She seemed to be very calm now, and I wondered just what she expected to say that would justify what she did. I had to admit, I was curious.

"We went to dinner that Friday, the night before I was to fly home. We talked, he was very charming and he complimented me a lot. He would touch my hand when he said something, then he would reach over and push a lock of hair off my face. He was very smooth and I was swept away. As the evening went on, I found myself attracted to him in ways I had not experienced for a long time. Even with you.

"I know now that it was very wrong but by the end of the evening, I wanted him. I wanted him in the worst way. You know we had not made love for months before I went home and my drive, my libido I guess you call it, was almost gone. But that night, with him, it came back. He saw that and he drove me to a motel. We made love the entire night. The next day, I called you and told you I was going to stay a couple of extra days. I spent them with Walter in a motel."

I listened with an anger growing inside me that was almost white hot by the time she got to this point. The pain I felt with her betrayal was so strong I wanted to get up and go puke. But I couldn't give her that satisfaction. Instead, I sat there, pretending to be under control and listened. What I wanted to do was smack her across the mouth until she cried for me to stop! Only my training as a man stopped me. To this day, I regret that.

"I came home and never told you anything about Walter. I didn't call him or talk to him or write to him afterwards and I tried to forget what I had done. I also never came to you to make love to me either, mainly because I felt you would somehow know that I had been unfaithful. I couldn't risk that. You may not believe me but I do love you and I'm so ashamed of what I've done that I think I might just die."

She stopped, tears falling from her eyes and her head bowed in shame. While I believed the shame was real, I believed nothing else; not her love for me, the reasons for her betrayal or her fear of my finding out what she did. None of that rang true to me.

"Well, that's quite a story Jamie. Why don't I believe a word of it? I'll tell you why. First, you shut me out long before you left and you were already treating me like shit, even then. Second, I know some of the things you did with him and they were things you would never consider doing with me. Why is that, do you suppose? Why give to him what you refused me? And you were going to do it again this time. I had you investigated and I know you met him the first weekend and spent it with him. I also know that Wednesday night you made plans to spend the weekend with him again."

I was breathing hard now, my chest heaving and my hands balled into fists. I was clenching them so hard, my knuckles were white. I know she could see the fury in my eyes. But I wasn't done.

"You've denied me your body and your heart for almost two years. You denied me your love and affection for even longer. And to make it worse, you gave it to someone else. You did things with him you never did with me. Things you denied me, you gave him. Things you said were too dirty to try, you tried with him. You did more than betray me with sex. You betrayed my rights as your husband. You gave my rights to someone else!

"You and your mother had this planned. I know she never liked me but what I don't understand is what your mother had against his wife and children. She must have known that Margaret might find out and that his marriage would be destroyed. But she didn't care. She didn't care about your marriage or his marriage. She's always hated me and she led you down the path of betrayal without a second thought. And you followed her without a whimper.

"It was too easy for you Jamie. Too easy for you to betray me and our marriage. That shouldn't have been the case. It shouldn't have been so easy. And that's why I knew it was over. That's what convinced me that there is no love left in this marriage. You just recognized it first. I had to find out the hard way."

Jamie jumped up and crossed the distance between us, reaching for me, to hug or hold me. I wanted none of it. I slapped her arms away, rose and stepped away from her.

"Stay away from me! I want nothing to do with you! Just leave me alone!"

"Jim, please! You can't mean that! No! I won't stay away. I love you and I won't give you up!"

"It's no longer your choice Jamie. You threw that away when you went to that motel room with Walter Matthews. You slammed the door shut when you stayed with him that weekend and planned to do it again this time. There is no longer any love in my heart for you. You've killed all of it with your betrayal."

Jamie fell to the floor, both hands holding her head as she listened to my words take away her life as my wife. She was still Jamie Parker but she would never again be Jamie Schwann, wife of Jim Schwann. That role was over and I had already made plans to take my name back. I had already set those wheels in motion. What she didn't yet know was how I planned on punishing her lover.

"I had planned on being out of the house before this but things got a little rushed. I'll sleep in the spare room until I move out. We can try to avoid each other as much as possible to avoid any embarrassing words. Janet is aware of everything so she'll understand."