Consequences - Samantha

It was just one afternoon that didn't really mean anything. She just had to see what it was like.

Edited by Lady Cibelle

*

I must be crazy. That's what I told myself as I looked at my reflection in the mirror and almost changed my mind again. But I didn't. What I saw was a middle-aged woman with long red hair and big green eyes that were now narrowed with intent. I looked down at my body, still firm and well proportioned and ran my hands erotically down my side and over my hips. I decided that I would keep the black lacy bra and matching panties I had decided on before and then reached for my jeans. I slipped them on, an errant and deceitful thought reminding me that I had to press Jeff's slacks and shirts before I put them away. I slapped that thought down and pushed it away! It had no place in what I was doing!

With difficulty, I slipped the button into the slot and let out the deep breath I had been holding. I needed to do that just to button these jeans. I knew they were a size too small but Jeff liked them and so did I. Again, the unwanted thought crept into my mind as I looked at the curve of my hips and the skin-tight fit of the jeans on my thighs, especially where my legs joined. That cleft was most erotic and I liked the way I looked when I wore them. I knew I should have either let them out or put them into the bag for the Salvation Army, but these jeans were just what I wanted to wear today. I told myself, almost defensively, that Harris would like them as well.

The blouse I wanted to wear was one that was so sheer the bra would show clearly when it was on and buttoned. But it was just slutty enough that it would be perfect for this afternoon. I blushed at my own thoughts before pulling an oversized top over my head to cover the transparent blouse. I made sure the neck was snug, not showing any white and that the bottom hung down over the tight swells of my butt. I looked at myself once more, making a turn to show all of me, and decided that it was perfect. The legs were a little too tight, but Jeff wouldn't notice my jeans with this top and he had no way of knowing what lay under that same top. He would assume that I was just wearing my normal jeans and sweatshirt: my androgynous look. That thought brought a brief flash of anger that quickly dissipated.

I calmed my thoughts and then walked downstairs to find Jeff, my husband of sixteen years and my two children, Amy and Bradley, both thirteen years old, sitting together in the kitchen, discussing their afternoon plans. They were paternal twins and looked nothing alike. Amy was happy with that result while Brad didn't care much one way or the other. In my eyes, they were both beautiful and perfect. Right now they were all smiling and sharing some secret among themselves. That also wasn't unusual for this family. They weren't real secrets. Our family was well-adjusted and healthy and we discussed our problems openly and freely, but just the suggestion of a secret was enough to get some well-meaning argument started. Just good family fun.

I sat down and listened for a few minutes without really caring what they were talking about. I just wanted to look at my family again before doing what I planned for the afternoon. I looked first at Amy, the daughter who I loved without reservation. She took after me in her looks. She was tall for her age, taller than her brother and likely to stay that way throughout high school. She was cute, her red hair worn long and straight, the bangs over her brow giving her huge green eyes a continuously surprised look. She was well proportioned for her height without that skinny look that a lot of teen girls hang onto until late in their development. To top it off, she was bright and intelligent.

Brad was more like his father. Jeff and Brad were both short and stocky. Jeff was just three inches taller than I was and Brad was not far behind. Jeff was well built, his chest and shoulders wide and well-developed and his hips narrow above strong muscled legs, while Brad still had to grow into his bones. He was almost as tall as his dad but he didn't have the strong definition to his body that would come with maturity. Both had the same light brown hair and gray eyes and both shared the same wild sense of humor. That humor drove his sister crazy at times but she knew it was just fun. I loved it and treasured it.

When they finally slowed down, I got their attention and asked to review my 'list' once more. This was a list of things that each needed that I would pick up while on my once a month trip to the mall. I had always loved to shop while Brad and Jeff hated it. Amy would go but now, only with her friends. Going to the mall with her mother was not 'cool' so I planned my trips to go alone, armed with my list. Today was a little different but none of them had any clue as to how different it was going to be. They only knew that this was my routine and they all accepted it. I counted on it as I began to review with each one what they wanted.

As I went through this activity, I reviewed in my own mind what items I had already purchased. I had begun this list earlier and gone to the mall several times over the last two weeks to pick up as many of the items as I could in advance. The twins had added some last minute things to the list over the past several days but that was no problem. I did intend on going to the mall for at least a half hour before leaving for my real destination. I could finish my shopping in that time. As they finished with comments on my paying attention to their special wants, I felt a tug of guilt that I quickly pushed back. I had made my decision and I was not going to change my mind now.

This afternoon had been planned for almost a month and I felt more than ready. I had begun planning it almost immediately after the last one. Only I and one other person knew about my plans for this Saturday afternoon and he wasn't part of my family. And to be sure, the decision to do this hadn't been easy. It took a lot of arguing and persuading with my own self to finally decide that it was something I really wanted to do. Even after I made the decision, the arguing wasn't finished. Just this morning before I began to get dressed I was still trying to make up my mind. I almost decided not to go ahead but then a comment from Jeff made me certain. It was certainly nothing of any importance but it seemed so much more to me.

Jeff had not been very open with me recently and that was probably my fault, but I felt I had my reasons and Jeff was not willing to discuss them with me. We hadn't been intimate for some time and we were just barely tolerating each other. I had slowly convinced myself that everything that was wrong was his fault. This morning was typical: I had made some suggestion about dinner, asking Jeff to order something so I wouldn't have to fix anything. Jeff offered to do the cooking but instead of accepting that offer, for some reason I snapped at him as I had been doing so much lately and asked him why he couldn't just do as I asked. He didn't answer for some time and then finally said he would do it my way. Then he walked away and went downstairs. I was still angry at his attitude but I wasn't sure why. It just seemed that everything he did now was enough to make me angry.

As I gathered my things together for my trip to the mall, I let my mind wander. I waved distractedly at the kids when they yelled goodbye and I don't remember whether Jeff said anything or not. I was still thinking back as I backed out and drove toward the big shopping mall just a few miles from our home. My mind was thinking about my life and my marriage, trying to find some justification for my intended actions.

Jeff and I were married in the fall of 1991. Jeff was a chemical engineer working for The Powers Group, an engineering consulting firm of some repute, and he was only one of many young engineers working their way up the chain of management. Jeff was one of the better ones and his future seemed bright. He was twenty-seven and was already a group leader with promises of promotions to come. He was handsome, witty and eager to have fun. I met him at one of the local watering holes while out with some of the girls from my office.

I was a pool secretary, working for a law firm whose primary cases involved corporate work. I had a degree in languages and could translate from German and Spanish to English. Those were the areas of my expertise and I was paid accordingly. I was all of twenty-five and had just gotten out of a long but unsatisfying relationship with a man whose only claim to fame was his good looks and rumors about his amazing ability in bed. I agreed with the first but certainly not the latter. Our breakup was mutual and left me with a lot of time on my hands. Going out with the girls was one way to use some of that time.

We met while I was waiting at the bar for drinks. I had the honor of buying a round and I was waiting for the bartender to fill my order of three whiskey sours and two gin and cokes when Jeff came up behind me. I didn't realize he was there and backed into him when I reached for my wallet. I excused myself but when I turned, his grin caught me by surprise. He smiled wider when he saw me and said, "I would say I'm sorry, but that would be a lie. It was actually very pleasant."

I was ready with a smart comeback but after looking into his innocent gray eyes, I choked back my reply and returned his smile. I decided to reply in kind. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was certainly my pleasure."

He laughed, a laugh that really caught my fancy and I asked for his help in getting the tray of drinks back to my table. He followed, I set the drinks down and turned to him with my hand out. "Hi, my name is Samantha Bradley, Sam to most of my friends."

He answered, "Glad to meet you, Sam. My name is Jeff Watson. Would you care to join me? I'm with some other guys as well, but we could get a table for the two of us."

I was taken by surprise by his impetuous request but quickly made a decision. "I'd be happy to. Just let me tell my friends and then we can find a table." I turned back to my group, but they had been watching and listening and the grins told me they agreed with my decision. I spoke to Lucy, the girl I was most likely to go home with and told her that I could manage. She laughed and slapped me on the back. Jeff then walked with me over to an empty table and once I was situated, went off to talk to his own friends. He came back and we spent that entire evening with each other, and that was the beginning of our courtship.

Over the next half-year, we became boyfriend and girlfriend, then lovers and finally moved in to live with each other. We found a small apartment and began our lives as a couple. It was not that long before we decided to make it permanent and married. Both Jeff and I continued in our jobs and we began to save for a small house. Jeff was promoted twice during that time and now was a regional manager with a group of five engineers working for him. His future with the company looked very good.

I was still working in the law firm and I was doing pretty much the same thing, but the money was good and it went a long way toward moving the day we could afford our home closer. We continued in that way for the next two years before I announced to Jeff that I was pregnant. He was so happy, he couldn't stop calling people and bragging about becoming a father. I was happy he was happy but I was also getting to that point where I would have to quit and stay home with the babies. We had both agreed that I would stay home and raise them at least for the first five years. That was my choice and Jeff readily agreed with it.

We found the house first, made an offer and once it was accepted, we signed the papers and became homeowners. It was a wonderful house, with three bedrooms and a large yard with a swing set the previous owners left behind. It had a fence around the back yard and we did some work to make it safe for toddlers. Our twins had been born without problem and we brought them into the nursery we had ready. It had two beds, two lamps, two of everything necessary for a baby to wear. It was perfect and I loved everything about it. I settled in with my new family and never looked back.

During our life together, one thing was always constant. Jeff and I loved each other and we showed each other every day. I would fix his favorite meals and make sure he had his favorite beer for the weekends. He would send me flowers at least once or twice a month and he always asked about my day and how the kids were progressing. We sat together each evening after the kids were in bed and cuddled. At bedtime, either Jeff or I would initiate sex at least twice a week and usually more. It was lovemaking at its sweetest for me and satisfying for Jeff as well.

Jeff was a hard working engineer but he never let the job become his life. He would bring work home, but he always did it when the kids were napping or when they were being bathed or fed. He did his share but when work was necessary, I took over the kid duties while he finished. But that was rare and he never made it a habit. If there was a choice between work and family, Jeff would always choose family first. I loved that about him.

As the kids grew, I became restless and finally asked Jeff if he minded if I went back to work. He said he didn't have any objections if it made me happy. Jeff and I talked about it, made a schedule of things to be done at home that we felt would work for both of us and I applied for a job with my old firm and a couple of the others in town. I was lucky and got offers from two. Jeff and I talked it over and I agreed to go back to my old firm even though the money wasn't as good. But with Jeff's position now, money wasn't really the driving factor. My old firm had flex time and my hours could be adjusted. That made the difference to both Jeff and I. I accepted and started back to work. The twins were nine years old at the time.

When I think back, I believe that was the start of the change in our relationship. Was it my fault? I don't know but if I had to guess, I'd say. . . . probably. I know that going back to work was a new life for me, one that was totally different than running a house with two kids and a husband. As the years passed, and I became more involved in the work I did, I no longer had the time for those special meals we always shared or to be sure the fridge was full of Jeff's favorite beer and the twins' favorite sodas. Snacks would often run out and Jeff or I would have to make a store run for necessities. Weekends became time to do the things that didn't get done during the week and we found we had less time just to sit and talk and cuddle and. . . . . . . Yes, things changed.

With all that changed, the one thing we both tried to maintain was our love-life. We felt it was important not to lose that closeness, that intimacy that we shared most during those times. It wasn't always about sex but it was always about intimacy. Some nights, we would just fall asleep in each others arms. As a result, nothing changed in the bedroom until about a year ago. I can remember that night almost like it was yesterday.

I had been working on a major case with a lot of critical translations. So critical I had to spend more and more time in research on technical terms and scientific notation. It was taking all my days and I had to extend it into my evenings. I would bring the work home, rush to fix a quick dinner, often order take-out, then nag the twins and Jeff into cleaning the dishes and the kitchen while I rushed off to the small den to continue my research on line. That continued for some time and my evenings became filled with work.

At bedtime, I was often much later coming to bed and Jeff was often asleep when I did. On those occasions where he wasn't, he would reach for me and I would slap him away in irritation. I told myself that he wasn't thinking about me, only himself. Why couldn't he see that I was tired? I needed to sleep so I could continue the next day, working on my job like he did on his. He said little those nights and rolled over and went to sleep. I never thought much about it, just happy that I could get to sleep.

Then one night when I had come to bed very late, ready to go to sleep, my eyes so heavy I could hardly make it up the steps, Jeff reached for me as I slid under the covers. I didn't react, too tired even to slap his hand. He reached down between my legs to rub me while he took one of my exposed nipples in his mouth. At first, the sensation was so pleasant I just lay there enjoying it until the irritation came rushing back. I needed sleep, damn it! Why couldn't he leave me alone! I reacted in anger and pushed his hands away. Then I let him have it.

"Damn it, Jeff! I need to get some sleep. Can't you keep your damned hands to yourself? Just leave me alone!" With a weak flash of guilt, I continued, mumbling, "Maybe this weekend we can get together."

I rolled over, put the pillow over my head and tried to get to sleep. My heart was pounding in my anger and my gut was roiling, the acid burning, but it wasn't long before I fell to sleep, and slept soundly all night and well into the following morning. I woke late, rolled over to find Jeff already up and gone. I looked at the clock to see it was past seven thirty and I was going to be late if I didn't get started. I jumped out of bed and got dressed, ran downstairs to find no coffee and said a few unflattering epithets about Jeff's lack of consideration under my breath. Both kids were up and dressed and ready for school but they didn't say much to me. I didn't notice, so wrapped up was I in my own concerns.

That night when Jeff came home, I noticed that he was very quiet. Not only that, but both Brad and Amy were also sort of withdrawn and seemed uneasy. I asked them what the problem was but both denied any concerns. I decided to let it go and ask Jeff after they went up. I went into the den and worked on the translations still outstanding until very late. By the time I went out to find Jeff, he had already gone up to bed. I decided it was time to talk to him so I turned out the lights and followed. I wasn't even aware of what time it was.

The first thing I noticed when I did go up was that Jeff was sitting on the bed, but he hadn't undressed. That was very strange in that he had obviously been up for some time but he was just sitting there, no book open or anything keeping his attention. He just looked at me as I walked into the room. I stopped and looked back, trying to fight my rising irritation. I finally asked him, forgetting that this was exactly what I wanted to do in the first place. Ironic? Not to me at the time.

"What's going on, Jeff? You've been so quiet all evening and so have the twins. And you were gone this morning without waking me and you didn't even fix coffee. And the twins were quiet this morning as well. What's going on, Jeff?"

"Why would I wake you, Sam? Didn't you lash out at me the night before about keeping my damned hands to myself, not letting you get some sleep?"

"I was just so tired, Jeff, and I could hardly keep my eyes open. I just wanted to go to sleep, that's all. I didn't mean to yell at you. It was just that I was so tired. I'm sorry I upset you."

"I know you were tired, Sam. I guess your job is so important, we just forget that you need time to yourself. A lot of time. Every evening now, it seems. You just go into that den and that's the last we see of you. We just can't compete with your precious job anymore, Sam."

The sudden surge of anger caught me by surprise and before I could control myself, I said, "Well pardon me all to hell! I guess I should just forget my job, the people who depend on me and just say that my husband needs some pussy so I have to stop everything and give it to him. Well, guess again, buster!"