Consolation

"What kind of friend are you trying to be? And what kind of husband who goes ballistic over a kiss? Or a grope for that matter? I love you just as much if not more than the day you suggested the dating thing." There were hurt tears in her eyes.

Hell.

I stopped arguing. I was getting nowhere and getting more confused the more we discussed it. I had some thinking to do.

Only later did I reason with myself back into the right. Sure, I had offered Candi as a salve to his wounded soul. I even suggested that she flirt in a fun way to help him along. That was indeed a very generous and charitable thing to do. I had supported them both and did my part as a friend. But the problem was that Mike had taken and not returned. Sure, charity, or help, or a gift is not something you expect to be returned or repaid. No friend would give a gift and demand one in return. No good friend, anyway. The help we offered was not something we expected to be repaid in kind. What I mean by return is that my friendship extended to Mike and he took without returning the friendship back out of respect.

You see, while we felt sympathetic as friends, Mike only took. He should have come to me, as a friend, and discussed any developing situation that might effect his two closest friends. He should have been concerned that the developments between him and Candi were enough to hurt me. But he didn't. He only took. Out of respect for me, he should have come and asked about the flirting when Candi started. He should have asked me about her going without underwear. He should have asked me if he could touch her in intimate ways.

It took me a week to work through all that in my mind and order it in my thoughts to tell Candi without me tripping over my thoughts. When I unloaded my concerns on her, she nodded through them. There was nothing she could really say, and she did not try to defend him beyond that Mike accepted our help without question, assuming that Candi and I had agreed beforehand. But she conceded all my points.

I had "won" this latest exchange, but what did I win? I would wonder later if I should have just kept my mouth shut, but I don't think it's in my nature. I confront and tackle problems. My "win" caused Candi to immediately begin addressing the situation to Mike. I can give her all kinds of credit for performing her obligations as my wife.

Mike's response was a mixed bag of surprises that I could not fully decipher. I'll just have to describe it to you.

Within two days, I received a package that Mike hand-delivered. He looked ashen and worried. Concern painted his face as he looked at me. The package shook as he handed it to me. For my part, I nodded at the offering and let him leave. The package was a letter and video. I stared at the video in the bottom of the manilla envelope for several minutes, knowing that it would contain footage of my wife. Did I want to see it? Did I need to?

The letter was simple, and all-Mike.

'Jim, my closest friend: Candi talked to me a couple of days ago about how things have come along after Danielle's death. She told me how much you cared and how hard you tried to help me through the misery. She told me how you turned to her to help out. I knew after the first month that you were doing what you could by getting me out of the house with Candi helping me along. Candi and I talked about it all. But from the very start, I assumed that everything that was happening was known to you and approved of. As things went farther, I kept assuming you knew about it all. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and I realize I have really screwed up in being a friend to you. I can't tell you how sorry I am about my mistake. Please forgive me. I guess it might be too late, but I included a video. It contains what I should have told you about months ago. This is something I did with Dani and I remember being thrilled that you two were willing to allow me to live with her once again, even though she's dead. I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone. Mike'

With Candi out of the house to give me time to digest all that was, I reluctantly put the video into the player. About two seconds of static and then Candi appeared on the black and white video wearing black lace lingerie, complete with garters and stockings, but no underwear. She was kneeling on Mike's bed and looked fantastic. Danielle was smaller than Candi, so this was something either her or Mike had bought special.

Mike entered the camera view, naked.

Hell, this wasn't going to be easy, was it?

He knelt on the edge of the bed and they kissed.

My finger applied pressure to the stop button, but I hesitated. Did I need to see more? Did I want to see more? What if there was nothing more serious than a little bit of naked fondling? Was that serious enough and everything else unimportant? What if they did a lot more than fondle? Did I need to see that? What if they confirmed my worst fears and fucked?

I let it play. I would need to know.

They kissed for a few minutes as Candi stroked him. His back was to the camera, but I'm sure he was responding. His hand rubbing Candi's pussy was visible, though. He laid her back on the bed, still kissing her.

How could she be doing this without telling me?

Mike moved his head down to her pussy and started licking. Back of his head was all I saw, but I got the idea. I turned up the volume from mute. There was sound, and I could hear her gasping and moaning contentedly. I found myself thinking that because it was in black and white, it was all fake, some phony TV garbage, or something. That it couldn't really be happening. Didn't some dream sequences get shot in black and white?

I was just fooling myself. Any excuse, I guess, to deny it all.

They switched positions and Candi leaned over Mike to suck his cock. I was embarassed to look at his. I had seen the typical porn movies, but this was my friend on camera. The whole thing seemed wrong, like I shouldn't be seeing it. Well, I suppose I shouldn't have, but my wife was in there. Did that mean I could violate private moments or not? There was nothing private between husband and wife, so was I supposed to be violating their privacy? Were they afforded privacy for a private act? Wrong or not? Hell.

Candi appeared to be participating. That's the best I can call it. She certainly knows how to deliver a great blowjob, but she wasn't here. She might not have been giving it her all, but on the other hand, she wasn't reluctant or disinterested. Not knowing how Mike reacted privately, I can only say he seemed to be enjoying himself. Was he less than satisfied with Candi because Danielle had been better?

Those questions all fled my mind. Candi faced the camera. Mike was laying on the bed, his feet pointed at the camera. Candi straddled him and gripped his long erection. She scooted up and rubbed her mound up and down its length, massaging it with her feminine treasure.

No no no no...

She arched her back and bent her hips forward, placing her vagina right over his throbbing erection. She moved the helmet of his penis all around her opening but narrowed the circles until it was nestled within her folds. She leaned a little and adjusted her hips.

No, Candi, it's not too late. Just a bunch of fondling, yes?

The black and white Candi wasn't listening though. She pressed down and Mike's erection slid a little ways into her. An inch, maybe.

No! An inch is nothing. Get off and do something else. Dance for the camera and kiss or something, but not this. I'll forgive an inch, just don't go any farther.

Candi wiggled her hips around as she pressed down. Her sexy twisting hips spiralled down onto Mike as his erection disappeared up inside her.

I was trying to moan a no and I realized Candi and Mike were moaning on the screen right along with me. Me in shock, them in pleasure. As she slid down on him, my penis rose as if it had a mind of its own. Maybe he wasn't really in her?

Candi lifted herself slowly up and down on a very still Mike. I could see my wife's pussy lips moving in and out along his shaft as she fucked him. Candi moved slowly, slower than she did with me. Mike gripped her hips and bucked his slowly up against her as she came down. The act was natural, not awkward. They had been doing this for a while, it appeared. There was no desperation in the act like it was their first time. This was a practiced ease that spoke of mutual enjoyment. Candi sat all the way down and rotated her hips on Mike's shaft. I love it when she does that to me, and I could feel my erection throb at the recent memory. I knew what he was feeling and he appeared to like it too. His hips squirmed under hers and jerked several times.

My eyes were glued to the screen. I wanted to see exactly what they did. Was it different from what she did with me? If it was, would it prove something? Like maybe I wasn't giving her something she needed? Mike was better? And that's why no one told me?

Candi slowly got off mike as he pushed at her hips. Whew. She wasn't fucking him anymore. Maybe that's all there was? They crawled around on the bed into the doggie position. She was facing towards the camera, to the side. Mike got behind her and got sort of still, then began pumping. Couldn't see it, but they could have been faking? My wife had a funny looking smile on her face, like she was amused. We weren't big fans of doggie; we like to be face to face. When we did that, was she smiling then, also? Mike's face went slack as he pumped. His eyes were closed. Was he enjoying it, or was he using my wife like a piece of meat while imagining poor dead Danielle? If he was going to fuck Candi, was he going to at least treat her with respect?

That thought made me angry. I mean, really, really angry. I wanted to reach through the screen and slap the shit out of him.

I watched Candi's hair bounce back and forth as it hung over her eyes. She would occasionally press back on him with some force. I might have been mad at Mike, but I felt oddly proud of Candi for being able to take all of him inside and even press back hard against him. He was longer than me by an inch or so. Dumb male competition was all that was. Here I was watching her do this and I'm feeling proud because she can do something physically demanding. Would I be cheering if Mike was twice as big? Giving a standing ovation like a fan at the Olympics or something?

Mike pulled out and pushed Candi to lay down with her feet facing the camera. She opened her legs for him as he knelt between them. He blocked my view of her, but I could see his erection slide back into her open hole. He spread his feet out to get traction and started plowing Candi with long strokes. With Mike blocking my view, I couldn't tell if she was enjoying it. Her hips moved with his, and her legs would sometimes cross over his back, but I couldn't see her face. Couldn't they move or have done this sideways? How would I know if Candi liked it better with him than with me? How would I know if she might be in pain, or pleasure?

I was angry at Mike for blocking my view. Candi was my wife, and it was my right to know and see anything about her.

All I could see were legs and Mike's rapidly pumping cock. At least I could hear them. Mike was groaning loud and forceful, and Candi was gasping. Did she gasp like that when I did her? I tried to remember. Yes, but she moaned and hummed a lot too. I couldn't stop my hand from rubbing at the very painful bulge in my jeans. Having realized I was stroking myself through my jeans, the pain at the back of my mind came forward, full force. Ever had an erection in jeans? I mean, a really hard erection?

Crap. I pulled off my jeans to allow my penis to get unbent. Mike was tilting his hips in towards her as his penis slid smoothly in and out of view. Candi's gasps told me that he had only gotten her to the beginning stages of pleasure. She liked it when I angled more. She really loved it that way. I gripped my almost painfully throbbing erection and squeezed, trying to relieve the blood pressure. I stroked a few times, more massaging than playing with myself.

Mike's pumping grew faster. Candi's hips tried to squirm up a little, to get that sweet angle. My wife was trying to have some fun, but he wasn't getting the hint. His grunting grew more insistent and his thrusts more forceful.

Mike, you're not doing it right.

My hand absently massaged my erection as I critiqued their performance. When I realized I was doing it, I stopped and sighed. Mike's muscles started to become defined; he must have been nearing his orgasm. Was he going to pull out? Or was he going to shoot his seed into my wife? Come on, Mike, you're close but you didn't bother making sure Candi was right there with you? Mike began slamming his penis into her.

No! You jerk, slow down and get some rotation going! Move your hips sideways, Mike. Up, to the side, across the other way, come on, do it right! My hand wandered back to my pulsating erection.

Mike's butt clenched hard and he pressed all the way in. He groaned out loud in a long shuddering breath as his muscles clenched and unclenched. Candi responded like she was coming.

What? This can't be.

Mike continued grinding his hips as far as he could forward into her vagina, his orgasm telling me his sperm was being ejaculated deep within her. Candi moaned and thrashed around on the bed.

Ha! She had faked the orgasm! He couldn't or wouldn't bring her off so she had faked it!

They lay there for a few minutes and kissed until Mike got off and walked towards the camera. Candi's pussy was wet with his sperm, but not especially so. Either it was too deep in there to come out, or he didn't shoot a lot.

Hmm. I looked down to see the mess I had made. I hadn't come, but I had leaked a huge amount of semen. Annoying, but uncontrollable. Put a chocolate cake in front of a fat woman, and she'll salivate a puddle. Put sex in front of a man, and his penis "salivates."

The screen went static.

I had thought that seeing what was on the video would provide all the answers I was looking for, but seeing it had only added questions. There were some solid things I knew: Candi loved me just as much and more than before, I was better in bed than Mike, Candi didn't get satisfaction from what they did, Candi had been willing to make a huge effort to help with a friend, Mike had assumed I knew everything, and he was very apologetic that I thought there was a problem with all of us.

But what I didn't know was: Was this the end of my marriage? Candi wasn't acting like it was. Was this the end of my friendship to Mike? Our friendship to Mike? I couldn't allow them to continue, could I? He's already had her though, would stopping accomplish anything? Would I be a better person for letting it all slide? A better person for helping Mike realize Candi could be getting more out of it all? Did it make me a better person to divorce and make enemies because I can't handle Candi sharing herself with Mike even though she loves me just as strongly as before? Did it make me a better person to state that sex was evil and therefore Mike was the devil? Did it make me a better person to throw away my very happy marriage because I was being selfish? Even though that selfishness was the socially accepted norm? Should I be making a big deal out of this?

People killed for things like this. Does a charitable act of passion warrant eliminating someone's life?

I think the only thing I was decided on was that Candi wanted to remain married to me and love me. If she hadn't loved me and wanted to stay married, she would have left and be living with Mike right now. Did anything else matter? Probably the biggest question that I was able to answer on my own was that sex didn't ruin love, only the perceptions. With no rehearsal for life, and the fact that none of us get out of life alive, did it really matter if she gave charitable sex to a close friend if she still loved me? Was it really the end of the world? Was I so selfish that I would ruin her life, mine, and his just to live up to what society expected? Dump them all and be forever enemies? I had no answers to those questions, but living up to the social expectations seemed immature to me and the very opposite of the core meaning of love.