All Comments on 'Creation's Guardian Ch. 01'

MUST HAVE MORE

I feel like the plot for a good story is there but feel like the dialogue and description of things is rough and cheesy almost like watching a porno would be and obviously that's what this sites about just feel the story would be a lot better if it was refined more

Good start!

Good intro to a hopefully better story

Very melodramatic! 4 for effort.

Zena's daggers? LOL!

Jumping from perspective to perspective is discernible but rough.

Punctuation in general, but commas? It may help to think of them as a pause. So when you read the story and come across a comma, pause the sentence and see if you really need it there.

I don't usually read all the way to the end of stories longer than about 3 Literotica pages, so kudos for being in the top 10% of readability on this site. That being said, get an editor. There are loads of volunteers on Literotica (including me), not to mention most word processing programs with spell checker.

Put it this way: The story got a rare five stars from me, but the typos were distracting enough for me to drop it to four. Nevertheless, I look forward to the next chapter!

and the language, my gods, it seemed out of character, even for olympians.

I go into a story as a skeptic when a tag is misspelled.

i don't mean to be nit picky but aphrodite is supposed to be the daughter of zues

Aphrodite was born out of sea wave foam and came to the shore on a giant clam.

She wasn't related to any of the other gods.

Good story but a little all powerful seems like a dull plot.

I Loved your story and was wondering how long before you add more chapters?

I agree with the comment that the dialogue of the Olympians seemed to be somewhat too modern for being as old as those characters are. Other than that though, I enjoyed what I read.

Zeus was probably like that if he existed. Huge asshole. I liked the whole modern speech pattern it added a lightheartedness

The deity's are eternally over-entitled perpetual adolescents who talk like illiterate American High School graduates. Just read the the bibles published by television evangelists.

The Original Aphrodite was a man-eating horse. Following the Thera Eruption Catastrophe, the ancient Greeks, like all the other ancient civilizations surrounding the Mediterrenean Sea collapsed into dark ages that lasted four or five hundred years.

During this period, horse riding savages from the steppes invaded and settled Macedonia and conquered large portions of Greece.

When their descendants learned to build and sail ships, they went out to conquer the islands. This was when the symbolism of Aphrodite evolved from a demon horse figure of Arayan mythology.

Into the Classical Hellenic/Roman Venus goddess and eventually to the ridiculous modern hollywooded caricature as in this story.

Lots more please

Wouldn’t it make more sense for life’s twin sister to be death?

This starting out as one of the better genie saga's I've read

one of the best on literotica this is the second time I am reading this story.

i just dropped it after he got a copy of all the other gods powers. That's just dumb as fuck, considering peace and prosperity already seem to be such OP powers that all the gods had to come together to bind her.

Excelleny story!!! I can empathize with Bob; being a 58 yr old man, divorced (once), and just want a peaceful last years. Once again, excellent djinn story!!!