Cross-Dressing, Gay & Lesbian Sex 01

In a complete quandary, feeling so anxious and feeling so sexually and emotionally unsatisfied, when not dressed as a woman and when wanting but unable to dress as a woman, he didn't know what to do to quell the feeling inside. Obviously he can't control his feelings for wearing sexy and pretty things. He needs to wear women's clothes. The need just comes over him and, when it does, his emotions overwhelms him and his need to dress as a woman consumes him. Destroying his self-image and his confidence in who he thought he should be, he's tired of feeling bad about himself. Tired of beating himself up about his need to cross dress, none of the way he is in wanting and needing to dress as a woman is his fault.

It just happened that he enjoys pretty, sexy, and feminine things. In the big picture, what's so wrong with that? So what? He's not hurting anyone, other than his wife, perhaps, especially if she was to find out that he's a closet cross dresser. Keeping his secret to himself, he wasn't bothering anyone. Whenever she's not home, he was content to roam about his big house while dressed as a woman. He was happy to enjoy his perversely perverted, sexual peccadillo in private.

Obviously, in the way a man is born a man and a woman is born a woman, whether they're white, brown, black, or yellow and whether they are heterosexual, gay, or lesbian, they're just born that way. With one foot wearing Oxfords as a man and the other foot wanting to wear high heels as a woman, tortured in his need to dress as a woman, unfortunately for him, he's born that way. Obviously in the way he's so focus, too focused on women's clothes, he has a screw loose or a missing wire not attached in his brain. Yet, even though he knew he needed help, he could never sit across from a psychiatrist or a psychologist and tell him or her his secret. Maybe just a phase, perhaps this is something he'll outgrow. Maybe one day, he'll awaken and will no longer want to dress as a woman.

At his crossroads, hoping to take the right path by making the right decision, literally and figuratively, he decided to expose who he really is to his 35-year-old wife. With her unable to bear children and with her born that way, if he could understand and love her unconditionally, then, with him born this way, she should understand his need to cross dress. If he could accept her wanting to have sex with a woman then she should understand his need to dress as a woman and, perhaps, even his curiosity to have sex with a man. In the longevity of their marriage, if their marriage should survive this, what would it matter? In the scheme of things, it's all just a different slice of life.

So very secretive for such a long time, she'd be the first and the only one to know his secret. Knowing better than doing that, he'd never tell any of friends that he's a cross dresser. No way. First of all, thinking he was pulling their leg, they wouldn't believe him. Then, if they did believe him, they'd laugh at him and make fun of him. He'd be opening himself up for ridicule by telling his friends that he's a cross dresser. He could only imagine what they'd say if they knew he was thinking about having sex with a man. Some friends they are. He'd be better off getting new friends. Perhaps, being that he's now accepted cross dressing as part of his life, he should seek out other cross dressers as new friends.

Being that he knew what he wanted, he knew exactly what he needed to do. He needed to tell his wife that he's a cross dresser. With him her husband, her best friend, and her confidant, she needed to know. It wasn't fair to her that he was hiding this from her. It wasn't fair to her that he wasn't including her in this part of his life. He needed her to see him for who he is, not just a cross dresser but a loving, faithful husband who'd do anything for his wife, even allow her to have a lesbian lover.

Too much of a burden for him to continue to shoulder himself, he needed to end all of the sneaking around, the hiding, and the lying. He needed to be honest with her. He needed to purge himself so that he'd no longer have a guilty conscience from living a secret life. Already too twisted with him battering himself for something that he obviously has little control over, he needed to seek her counsel and her emotional support for him to know her opinion of what else he could do to feel better about himself.

Yet, with his all about him, what about her? If he freed his guilty conscience by telling her what may be so justifiably upsetting to her, unable to go to him for his unbiased opinion, who would she seek for emotional support? Maybe she could seek the counsel of a therapist by sharing with him or her that her husband is a cross dresser. Maybe without having to sit through therapy and/or group sessions, together, her and her therapist could shed some light on why he has this uncontrollable need to cross dress. Maybe by helping her to understand his desire to wear women's clothes, he may understand his reasons for cross dressing too.

Maybe, other than the sexual excitement, as an added emotional, supportive benefit, she'd find the solace in her companionship with her lesbian lover. Whomever she may be, he could almost envision them together making love. Maybe he'd be fodder for them to laugh over and joke about in the ridiculous way he looks when trying to look like a woman. In that regard, he'd be willing to sacrifice his shame and dishonor for her levity and the good humor of them having a jolly, good time at his expense. So long as she stayed with him and didn't divorce her, he'd be agreeable to anything that she proposed. Only, however his confession played out, he needed to tell her the truth. Confessing his cross dressing secret was his first step.

Yet, filled with consternation, should he or shouldn't he tell her? Must he tell her? When should he tell her? Why should he tell her? No question about it, he needed to tell her now. What kind of marriage would they have if they kept secrets? She didn't have to tell him about her sexual fantasy about making love to another woman but she did. Now, it's up to him to reciprocate. Only, he feared the ramifications of his cross dressing confession.

Filled with dread about confessing his dirty, little secret to his wife, the love of his life, maybe she already suspects his secret. Maybe she already knows his secret. Wow, wouldn't that be something if she not only already knows but also if she's okay with him being a cross dresser. Maybe with her knowing that he's a cross dresser is the reason why she felt comfortable enough to confess her secret, sexual, lesbian fantasy to him. With him having a cross dressing secret of his own, how else could he possibly react to her secret of wanting to sleep with a woman other than favorably?

She had him over a barrel. There was no way that he wouldn't agree to allow her to sleep with a woman, as if he had any control of her sleeping with a woman or not. Yet, the joke was on her. He'd love for her to sleep with a woman. During their nightly pillow talk, he'd love for her to tell her all of the dirty details of what happened when she slept with a woman. He'd even like to watch his wife having sex with a woman.

Nonetheless her wanting to sleep with a woman, the real issue was him being a secret cross dresser. She is his wife after all and they live in the same house. When he thought more about it, how could she not know he's been hiding this from her for so long? How could she not know that he's a cross dresser? What clues has he been leaving behind to make her suspect he's a cross dresser? Perhaps she suspects he's a cross dresser because he uses her nail polish remover or her eye makeup when she's not around.

When he pondered his stupidity in leaving clues of his cross dressing behind, how could she not know that he enjoys cross dressing? She must know. So sensitive to her needs, enjoying chick flicks, crying at the end of movies, and always buying her special arrangements of flowers, at the very least, she must suspect that he's different and not like his other friends and unlike any other normal man. Stupid, he's so stupid. If his wife knows he's a cross dresser and obviously she must know he's a cross dresser for her not to say anything, she's okay with him being a cross dresser. He's been feeling guilty all of this time for nothing. Only, what if she doesn't know he enjoys wearing women's clothes? He needed to know how much she knows before divulging his secret to cross dress.

After she confessed her secret of wanting to have sex with a woman, with the timing right, not only was it time to tell her but it was the right time to tell her. He almost confessed his cross dressing secret to her right then and right there. He needed to tell his wife his secret. She needed to know. If there was one person he could trust, he could trust Emma with his secret. If there was one person who needed to know what he's been hiding all of these years, she needed to know.

Yet, troubled by her reaction, he wondered what her reaction would be to him telling her his secret. Maybe she'd be disapproving of him. Maybe she'd be disappointed in him. Maybe she'd ask him to leave the house and get his own place. Maybe she'd want a divorce. Maybe she'd be so disgusted by him and by what he was about to tell her that she'd never want to see him again. Maybe she'd be so angry that he kept his secret from her for the ten years that they've been married that she'd feel the need to embarrass him in the way he humiliate her by telling all of friends and family that he's a cross dresser. Yet, it didn't matter what she did or how she reacted, she needed to know. If only to save himself, he had to tell her.

With her such a positive and loving person, too negative and close minded of her not to understand his need to wear women's clothes, maybe she would understand. Maybe she'd be accepting of him. Maybe she'd love him even more for all that he's gone through and for the trust he showed in her by telling her his secret. Maybe he's worried about nothing. She's his wife and she loves him after all. Maybe, she'd even help him in what he needed and was driven to do. Yeah, maybe she'd help him dress as a woman. Maybe she'd help him look more like a woman.

To be continued...