All Comments on 'Dad Asked Me To Stay With Mom'

Heyy guys, This is my first story, would love to hear what you guys think of it?

If its true, u must have enjoyed ur mom, u lucky chap! The time when she let u put ur finger insude her was really hot, I almost came.

To which a boy like Jimmy can only reply, "fuck, yeah!" I love it that he calls his mother's cunt her "baby-hole." Of course it is. It's the hole her Jimmy came out of, and the hole he'll be going up into again and again with his big hard cock. Like lots and lots of boys, Jimmy adores his mother's cunt, it's musky scent, its delicious taste, its lovely coloring, the exciting juices that seep out of it. Mom's cunt is indeed "home, sweet home" for her boy's fat cock, and the warm wet loving home nature provides for all the creamy semen in Jimmy's hot young balls.

I had to put some real effort (it is a short story by standards here though) amidst my busy schedule, but now it feels like it was totally worth it.

I feel like a virgin after her first sex, okay may be after the 2nd & 3rd :) Totally satiated

thanks for a great story. I love the fact that the son corrupted his faithful and shy mom into accepting his bare cock and loving loads. I hope they keep up the unprotected sex and we get to read about the son making his mother a grandmother.

If this really was your first effort, it was a good one. If you have an editor, you should acknowledge him/her. If your prose is this good without an editor, then I am jealous.

I gave you 5 stars, but I have just finished a StarStrang LW story and yours is a bit lean in comparison. Actually, lean is not the right word. His story is like a Cabernet Sauvignon while your story is more like a merlot.

Personally, I am a bit conflicted when it comes to mother son incest stories as it sometimes includes cuckolding the father. Unless it is deserved which was not the case here, that bothers me a bit. Maybe avoid that in the future or at least make the father a bastard who deserves his horns.

Maybe for your next story, younger brother and older sister or sisters.?

Dear

Thanks for your comment and appreciation. I felt a great warmth in my heart when I read that you felt sorry for the old man. Such beautiful emotions make our living on the planet less miserable.

"So bad we focus on our own pleasures and forget others' happiness"

But I'm so corrupt, it excites me;) I've already thought of the sequel where mom and son do it in the kitchen while Dad is in the living room. Sorry ;) If only I was less twisted. Hih ;)

Next time get a proof reader,that will make your stories even better. Great job , Thanks for the read....................................

Why don't you keep the actual critical comments, instead of only keeping the ass-kissing from the easily-pleased jerk-off addicts - who knows, you might just learn something, instead of preening like you wrote some sort of masterpiece; this crap is poorly written, stupidly plotted, and just unbelievably childish; how old are you, 12, 13?

"What a load of poorly written, barely readable garbage"

Hih, please don't go with all your force on me dear. I'm only learning and willing to correct.

Now I'm confused! the story has 300 ratings averaging 4.2+ and you called it garbage. I don't know what to trust.

IMO from the way you have criticized me fantastically, you are probably as good as you are expecting me to be, may be we (most of those 300 and I) are not just there yet.

Will be happy to learn, please give your suggestions along with your criticism. And links to your works if you feel like it ;)

I enjoyed it. There are sentence construction errors throughout, and if you're willing to learn you must read up on comma usage and comma splicing errors etc, but the story was fun anyway. I just wish we'd had more description of the mother!

People, if you do not like the stories here,why in hell do you read them...As I have stated many times,this is not english lit.class...This is hard core fuck stories,if you want to read, english lit. start reading at the library...Only problem of going there to read,you will get your,asses arrested if you jack off in public...lancer

So what? When writing ANYTHING, basic English a REQUIREMENT!

I think a good read before posting would take most of the errors out of the piece.

I really like the idea that he'll be staying with his mom for a while longer, and perhaps the story could continue.

I'd like to see him make his mom pregnant and fill her belly full of his baby, and his dad doesn't get all bent out of shape over his wife having another child even though he knows he isn't the father.

Dad excepts the fact that his wife is in love with their son, and since he can't compete with a young stud like his son, he will take what ever they give him as a part of the family, since he loves them both.

Mom could have a couple more children by her son/lover, since dad isn't able to have sex anymore because of his erectile dysfunction

I hope to see more soon.

Thanks for the read..

You left out a whole lot of "the"s in your story. It kind of makes for sloppy writing.

I agree with digdaddyrich. It's a great storyline, and could be a great story with some good editing. It's funny that she didn't understand "69".

There are two parts essential to a good story. The story itself, and it's presentation.

You wrote a pretty hot story. There's an audience for this type of story, and you delivered the goods. They are among the most forgiving, and some will give you a 5 just because it made sense, and Mom and the son got together. Your title and description are captivating for the right readers.

As far as presentation goes, you'd score maybe a 5 out of 10. There are 100's of errors in the story. I'm not exaggerating. Still, it's legible, flows, and the meaning comes across. You have the first part of writing, a story to tell, and the words to get the meaning across.

That said, you need to read more, and learn a little about writing, grammar, paragraphs, commas, tenses, and lots more. Many of your sentences are very awkwardly structured. If English is not your first language, I understand. It's difficult to write in another language, although there are some fantastic writers on this site who have mastered that feat. Think AngiqueSophie who is Belgian and puts most of us to shame with her craftsmanship, or Joesephus who was from Latin America, and WinterFrog from Scandinavia whose stories give amazing insight into a different culture.

Learn how to use quotes, and the punctuation that goes with them. Get some consistency on proper nouns. Mom and Dad, as a name are capitalized. Dialog sentences are treated as regular sentence, the first word is capitalized, they end in punctuation. Don't mix past and present tense. Only include one person's dialog in a paragraph. A good editor can help with all of this. You add words you don't need, and leave out necessary words in sentences. Again, I get the impression this is not your native language, and if so, all the more reason to get an editor, although it's easier said than done.

An example from your story, a few lines of dialog:

---

"Yes honey, I'd gladly let you in" said mom, thinking I was playing a child.

"Oh I'd gladly stay in, I'd run in and out of your sweet house..."

"Wait dad's here", "Hello Jimmy. How are you?" I heard dad's thick voice after mom's.

"Hi Dad, I'm fine, mom told me you were about to tell me something."

"Oh, Yes, It is kind of a request" said dad.

"what is it?" I asked.

---

Some corrections applied to the six lines, with the minimum necessary (14), leaving some sentences still a bit awkward:

---

"Yes honey, I'd gladly let you in," said Mom, thinking I was playing a child.

"Oh I'd gladly stay in. I'd run in and out of your sweet house..."

"Wait, Dad's here."

"Hello Jimmy. How are you?" I heard Dad's thick voice after Mom's.

"Hi Dad, I'm fine. Mom told me you were about to tell me something."

"Oh, yes, it is kind of a request," said Dad.

"What is it?" I asked.

---

In addition to the things I changed, Honey probably should be capitalized, 'thinking I was playing a child' sounds stilted. Commas after the 'Oh' starting the second line, and after 'Hello' in the fourth line are appropriate. "Mom told me you were about to tell me something' is awkwardly phrased, try something like 'Mom said you wanted to tell me something' which is more natural dialog. 'Mom said', and 'Dad said' is more common than 'said Mom' and 'said Dad', although it's not incorrect. If that's your style I wouldn't change it.

I'm pointing this out, so you can improve, and understand some of the other comments. Don't worry about story-telling, that's just fine. You need to clean up the grammar. The rules are not exceptionally difficult, and most can be learned just by reading a lot. I hope I don't offend you with this critique, that's not my intention. I'm trying to point out areas of improvement, so you can become a better writer. In about an hour, an editor could eliminate 95% of the issues. All writing needs editing. I spend more time editing than writing, and still leave mistakes in every story.

It is exciting to write your first story, see the scores, read the comments. I know, I still love the feeling after more than 150 entries. The fact that you read the comments and reply to them shows you care. Your responses are reasonable, and I believe you want to learn from them.

Overall, a good first story, with the grammar issues set aside. Work with an editor and keep writing. I imagine you have many more good stories eager to get out. Good luck, and congratulations on a nice first effort.

TTT

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to future submission from you.

What Tx Tall Tales said. I don't think I've ever read a better written or more comprehensive review than what TTT wrote. Listen to him!

I can't thank you enough. Yes, you guessed it right! English is not my first language but that is not an excuse I can use. You are right, a good editor would have been a great help. I wish to have you as my editor for my next stories. I hope you like to be troubled.

Thank you very much

I must admit I read this through without noticing many errors. The story held my attention to the point I just breezed right along. Yes, I did notice you had a funny way with words but the story made up for any shortcomings. After I read other's comments I reread the story and only then did I notice the major problems. You have received very good advice and would do well to consider all points of view. Too bad the negative commenters didn't point out ways you could improve. I'd like to make a suggestion since I'm so new also. After you've read up on proper grammer, read posted stories with high ratings. Make sure to notice how others use words. When you finish your next story proofread from the screen until you have it the way you think you want it, then print it out and read it aloud. If you have someone who would read it to you it works even better, but you'll be surprised by what you'll pick up after you think it was perfect.

I must confess, the only thing I really cared about in grammar so far is fullstop. I know I have to do better and write upto others' expectations, I'll learn. And thanks for the advice. I feel like a sheep to admit that I have not proofread it after I finished. Its mostly because I wrote the story for the sake of getting excited and not for the sake of writing a good story.

Thanks digdaddyrich for the suggestions, I'm thinking on building the next story on what you suggested.

Thanks to you too Sex4Lf

Particularly you Tx Tall Tales, my man.

A lot of good ideas and reveals emotions and actions shared by many young men. It is difficult to breakdown barriers even when both have desire. Son often try to show by leaving pics or story for mom to see. You have good potential.

Unreadable!

I love the double entendres! Tell us more about the mom though: physically, emotionally and mentally. What does she look like (height, weight, bra size, skin tone, hair length and its color). What was she thinking and feeling before, during and after their taboo acts? Also, like several others have said, work on the grammar, punctuation, spelling and capitalization. I saw English isn't your first language, so try using a dictionary and/or thesaurus to improve your vocabulary, your word choices are kind of repetitive. In other words, this story is good, but could be great. I'd love a sequel too by the way.

-T.C.

It started out well - I actually really liked the dirty talk to the unaware mother in the beginning....but just as you were building it nicely, you just suddenly went into the sex. I wish you'd built it up a little more....some voyeurism......peeps and peeks...

But not bad for a first start - thanks for writing it.

I enjoyed your story but felt it could have been a little longer.

... is "womanhood," not "female-hood." Great story, thanks.

I mean the Mother didn't question the way he talked to her on the phone. She caught him, watching porn then interrupted him to ask him what he wanted to eat; not only that then she asked if he wanted to watch a movie afterwards? Really, then to add to the ridiculousness she's fine with watching porn with her son. I understand she wanted to spend time with her son but the fact she didn't even question him, and pretty much goes with whatever he does without any sort of reluctance. I mean she was still married, and most likely happily judging by how she wasn't wearing a bra under her nightie. Just meh.

because this seems to have been written by someone for whom English is a second language.

Perhaps it should be in Urdu?

well i love mon/son incest . that is why i reed these storyes . alot beter than some of the films . as porn sites seam 2 edit seens or 2 block them . this is realy hot

is difficult reading when obviously not in your own language. hope take offer of editoring.

yes, sarcasm is intended. not as an insult but to point out the clumsiness of the flow within your text.

I am looking forward to seeing what you do with the next story and how an editor will be able to streamline the writing.

hoping.

.

"Your father's asleep, but we still can't make much noise," mom whispered to me as she climbed on top of me. After some face sucking, I was hard, and ready for action. I fondled my mom's great tits as she road me, enjoying them immensely. We fucked hard, and fast, until we reached our orgasms almost simultaneously. After our breathing calmed down, and holding each other, mom got up to go back to her room. As she left she said, "See you tomorrow night stud,' as she closed my door.

Keep the stories cumming- er, I mean "coming" XD

Hope you have to read.:)

Needs a ch 2 getting her bred...

This was not even Bacon. When the reading process keeps being interrupted in an effort to figure out what the author actually meant to write, it kills the flow and the whole erotica concept dies a swift death.

My own punctuation isn't much to boast about but the biggest problem I recall with this one would have been fixed if you had only read through it again out loud to catch how broken and disjointed it was. Missing words and confusion over who is speaking or thinking are some of what I recall without going back over the story myself.

For an early effort, it wasn't totally awful by Lit standards and you do seem open to improving so please continue to submit new stories. The ass kissing reviews should be taken for what they are. If your ego needs that kind of fuel, then fine. If you'd actually like to write better works then take some of what the more balanced comments above have had to say into stronger consideration. Good luck.

I love the fact that they watched Kay Parker in thr Taboo trilogy. The best of incest porn.

Couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. The phone call between the mother and son sounded like it was was written by an adolescent.

The story is very badly written.

And please work on your grammar...

Pretty damm good for a quick story.

I dont know how can someone be confused about dialogues. maybe those who are not used to reading novel can get confused. This one had more than clarity about thing.

Yeah scenes were short but i like quick one rather han drawn out.

As for dialogue, you will get better with time if u keep writing.

I would want to see them go at it behind dads back

Interesting and nice.

Like the story, could have been a bit longer or even a second chapter. AAAA++++

This has to be one of the worst stories I've read here on Literotica, grammatically.

It's a shame Literotica doesn't permit minus ratings!

This way you got fuck your mom more.

I fucked my mom in which I knocked her up then she talked to my sister and me telling both of us she wanted grand daughter or boy she walked up to my sister told her get your clothes your brother going to fuck you get you pregnant got undressed got on top of her mom told ram fuck her hard sister was screaming when she started cumming felt me unload load in her said to her be more fucking you and mom said to both of them from now on us three going to be living together have couple more kids we got big king size bed we been sleeping in same bed us three I take turns fucking them mom had three more kids my sister had four more we had three rings made said we belong to each other like being marrieduntil mom my sister let group black guys fuck them my sister said planning getting knock up by them have black in her now both are doing full hardcore gangbangs letting them cum inside both of them