by pusylvr69
That was hot hot hot! Damn, it had me cumming like crazy! Please do a part 2. Or at least a part one about how it really all began. You are an excellent writer and I'd love to read more! (:
A great story. Wow I'm so wet and weeing cunny juice everywhere. Can't wait to read the next story about your friend and a friend of daddys too. Keep up the good work.
I loved that! I had to stop half way through to go get a toy to rub up against my clit as I read this! It was so hot!!
done and there were too many repetitive phrases and scenes that I got the feeling you were just copying and pasting then making minor changes to make it 'appear' new. You began the story saying you were 20 when you and Daddy started your relationship but later in the story you were 18. You also indicated your Mother left yet later in the story you say your Daddy had hundreds of other women. But nothing to indicate he had been unfaithful. Not that it would have mattered.
I would also like to have seen a more developed plot and scene buildup. Start at the beginning and take us through the story, don't jump from one time period to another and back and forth. These may be nit-picking things, but they go a long way toward making the story worth reading.
That was the best story ever. Can't wait until you write about your friends or your daddy's friend. Keep up the good work. Keep em coming
You keep writing the same scenes using the same dialog over and over. Why you think we'd like to hear that red neck telling his daughter she was his slut, whore whatever, for five pages is a mystery to me. The dialog is really dumb. "Daddy" sounds like an ape—or as an ape would sound if apes could talk. So the girl can cum over and over! Gets old, baby. Cunt gets sore, baby.
You should look up the meaning of the word "recant," (you apparently think it means recount). And no, I didn't think your story was "hot as fuck" (repeated several hundred times).
And, by the way, whores don't usually cum. "Cum like a whore," is a stupid and ignorant expression. If you're lucky maybe someday you can afford an expensive call girl. They usually can fake a good orgasm.
It has a few nice ideas and descriptions, but the two characters have no dimension to them. The story is more than a one act yet the characters don't develop, face any choices, or show any real emotion.
If you want action without and depth this is your story.
The overuse of "baby girl" and "daddy" was so annoying it destroyed the whole story.
All you pathetic fucks should find something better to do with your time than criticize smut. The majority of people don’t give a shit if it’s well written or believable, and it’s so, so sad to see someone leave an essay on why they were dissatisfied with a story or how it was ruined for them for some stupid, petty reason. Do you really think you are the Roger Ebert of Literotica? Please. Find a new hobby or a real person to fuck - maybe that will keep you occupied enough so that I don’t have to see your drooling, negative comments on every story on here.
One time thru each thing that was done would have been ok. But she re did the same stuff over and over. Should have brought in the girl she wanted a 3some with and or the one daddy wanted to bring in. I was bored.