by LazyJoe
Learn when to use and when not to use exclamation marks. There's not a single full stop (period, if you're American) in the last 9 paragraphs, only three in the 10 paragraphs before that, and still far too many exclamation marks in everything before that too. Please don't use exclamation marks for every single goddamn sentence, it makes it extremely irritating to read and honestly just lowers any respect I may have had for you beforehand. Either learn to write properly, or don't publish what you write where other people will waste their time on it.
Need some padding out. erotic yes but too short to keep interest.
Ted...draggie42@outlook.com
Abrupt, ridiculous and impersonal are all the words i use to describe this. Dont know bout everyone else but when this kind of language and sheer vulgarity is used, I'm totally taken out of it. The sexiest and most arousing stories are those told in loving type words, making this improbable situation between family much more believable. Sex between family members would never be filthy like this (at least at first).
The writing was decent.... but the dialogue was extremely cheesie. Too cheesie. Made it seem a little corny so that instead of being hot... you kind of laughed at it. I do have a question though....
Do you know the difference between a period, and an exclamation mark? Every single sentence ended in an exclamation mark which made it annoying to read.
The "18" rule is stupid anyway and led to these childish declarations so typical on this site.
In the beginning of the story she is stated to be 18 for all you people saying she is underage
Dear lord you are amazing! I love your details within the story. Definitely keep writing stories! It was the perfect length and didn't wait too long to introduce something arousing. Great story!
On this site, yep. From the Submission Guidelines:
<P>
"No sexual activity involving bestiality (you can write stories about supernatural beasts like ghosts, unicorns, werewolves, etc.) or underage persons will be considered. For the purposes of this site, the minimum legal age is 18."
is there a rule that all characters HAVE to be 18? The statistics tell us that most people lose their virginity before that. not to perve here, just curious
great twist on the usual 'daddy molests sleeping daughter' theme. well written and great dialogue. more please!