All Comments on 'DarkFyre Ch. 04'

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please note that I'm aware of the continuity issues between the end of Chapter 3 and the second half of this chapter, Chapter Four. I am attempting to get an edit for the end of Chapter Three up to resolve the problem, but Lit has not yet answered my email regarding it.

In the meantime, disregard the final paragraph in Chapter Three. Thank you everyone for your patience, and I hope you all continue to read and enjoy!

...Hot!

At this point I'm beginning to fear I won't much like where this story goes. The Silmaria character has me the most concerned. I find her plight sad and her purpose nothing more than an excuse to put sex scenes into the story. I'll certainly hate the story if her "stirrings" don't serve a real plot purpose. Needless tragedy makes for a lousy story.

Don't mind GoesGrunt...he seems to have deputized himself as the No Humor And All Seriousness Police. He judges hard because he hates fantasy...not sure why he is in this category. He admits quitting stories early because he can't handle it if there is no revenge (oops, I think he uses "justice"), so he is hardly a solid critic on these things. Just picky. Looks like he is at it again!

3 years UNFINISHED stop now.

As a story it's only about half way done. 3 years ..... not a chance.

Overall, you seem to have a pretty solid story. A bit slow and a little lacking in detail, but overall pretty good. The only thing I can really give advice on (since I am not a writer or editor) is be careful about dropping words (by trying to write faster than you are typing) and when you decide to change the wording a bit in places.

For example.

"If you wouldn't let yourself go to these places while, your mind and your heart would be still when you slept."

As it stands, it's a very confusing sentence. You either need to add something after "while" or drop it entirely, depending on what you are trying to say.

"She wasn't not exactly supportive..."

It seems like you wrote "wasn't", then changed you mind and wanted it to be "was not." But in the end accidentally went with both.

Since I doubt you have anyone proof reading it/editing it, I suggest before you fully publish it to put it down for a few days. Then, without looking at it for a few days, go back and read it with fresh eyes. That way, you pick up the bigger mistakes like those mention above.

Like I said, overall, these are pretty solid. I think you have good stories to tell, just that how you tell them needs a little work. But, I think that just comes with experience. Still much better than a lot of things on here, and anything I could write. Just make sure to proof read a little better. Keep up the good work, and hope to see more from you in the future. (Outside this little series)