All Comments on 'Dave, Mandy, & A Stripper'

Very hot...please keep up your writing..mmmm...wish I was that stripper...

A potentially sexy story ruined by bad writing.

Loved it!! My wife and I tried to live out this very scenario a few times, but could never quite make it work.

You desperately need to have an editor help you with spelling, the use of adjectives and some of the story development. This is a dynamite story concept, but you didn't make full use of it

Read through your work before submitting it, I found a lot of errors including poor diction, miss-spellings, and sentences with too many adjectives. Big words do not make a better story. Especially if you use those big words in the wrong way.

This is, I'd wager, written by a man. Phrases like "I threw my line out, to see if I get a catch" (a fishing metaphor) and "cunt lips" and "slobbed his erection" are all written like a man would. Also, a woman would take more note of a man's appearance. But you describe the man in one sentence and take three to describe the "other" woman - and then go on and on about how "stunning" and "gorgeous" she is through the story. There's nothing wrong with a male writing from the female perspective... but if you ARE a guy, and I think you are... it is wrong to lie about it in your profile. Still, at least you are writing. Keep it up - just next time, be honest.