Deciphering the Bloom

"So you aren't perfect?"

Nicolao let go of the slender fingers he had been grasping, as he threw his head back and laughed.

"God no, Davey, I am not perfect, no one is. I know things for you aren't the best. But don't think you aren't good at anything. I think you are, maybe you just don't know what it is yet. While I was locked up I grew up. When I got out, I enrolled in college, and earned a degree in Sports Medicine. But I wound up doing a lot more work translating, and eventually meditation. My point, other than getting my skeletons out in the open, is that you have to have faith in yourself, you never know when or how things will turn around."

Davey wanted to tell him that he had no real hope for that kind of turn around, but decided against it. He really just wanted to enjoy their time together while it lasted. He was certain Nicolao would lose interest at any moment, but not before he could feel his hand in his again. Davey savored every bite, the food was delicious.

"Most of this stuff I have never had before... it's really good."

"I am glad you like it. If you are adventurous, we can try a different type of cuisine at a restaurant neither one of us has had."

Nicolao looked at the check, and reached for his wallet. The waitress, unbidden, brought boxes for the left-overs.

"So you think you want to go out with me again?" He asked the question with his head down, not willing to look up.

"Good God Davey, you really don't get it? I thought that would be obvious, I don't tell my dirt to everyone I meet." He regarded his date, and wondered if things had gone as well as he thought. "Yes, David Bradley Collins, I am interested in going out with you again."

"When?"

Nicolao allowed all of the levity to leave him. "How about tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, for the foreseeable future."

Davey wanted his mouth to stop moving, but his traitorous orifice would not stop now that it had someone to listen to it. He wanted to look into those soft brown eyes, and just be, but his mouth insisted on asking questions.

"Why?"

"I want to be your friend, and I hope you want to be mine, because I'm attracted to you in a way that is quite startling to me. You are on my mind every day, and I need to know if you think of me. If you do, is it as more than just friends?"

Davey sat suddenly rendered mute he could only shake his head in confirmation.

"Can we spend the day together tomorrow? I was thinking we'd just get hang out at my place, watch a few movies, and get to know one another better."

Davey realized he had stopped breathing, and sucked in a long, jagged breath in.

"No pressure..."

"No, I'd really like that. I want to see you tomorrow." Davey confirmed.

"Good," Nicolao responded. He paid for their lunch, and walked Davey to his stop. Davey gave him a quizzical look when he told him where to meet him, but he did not press. Nicolao sighed he would have to explain about the circumstances of his home. The bus approached, and he gave Davey all of the boxes explaining his place was full of left overs.

Davey knew the bus would be there momentarily. He wished he had not implied he had to go to work. "I haven't really eaten at many restaurants, so almost everything will be new to me. I'll see you tomorrow?"

And the day after that, for the foreseeable future, thought Davey.

"Tomorrow," Nicolao confirmed. He watched the bus pull away. He had not intended to offer a relationship during a lunch date. But he had and was pleased.

Davey stepped in the trailer, and deposited his burden on the counter. He was filled with relief to see that Uncle Ben was not home, which morphed into guilt. Uncle Ben had taken him in when his mother died, instead of letting him go to foster care. Maybe Ben was not always the best parent, but he did the best he could, he was steadfast in that belief. His wrongdoings were only because of the disease, drugs made him do things he would not normally do. But that did not make him a bad person. Davey's mind flitted through all of his defenses for his uncle, and then he thought of Nicolao.

What will Nicolao think about Uncle Ben? Will he understand? He questioned himself.

Davey recalled his Uncle holding him, sobbing over him in the hospital, his greatest proof of his Uncle's love. Nicolao had shared so much with him today, He wondered if he should tell him about that horrible time. The thought of it caused the room to go out of focus, and Davey gripped the edge of the laminate counter for support.

Why ruin things? There is no need to let him see me as even more pathetic. Davey settled his internal debate.

He looked at the remnants of his lunch, happy it would be enough for his and his uncle's dinner.

Nicolao sat on the toilet, removing his sweaty workout clothes. His muscles were fatigued from the extra reps. He hoped exhaustion would help his jumbled nerves. He was on edge, and that was something he was not accustomed to. He opened the shower door, and got under the spray. He scrubbed himself thinking of Davey. He had been attracted to him from the moment he saw him on the bus, so the idea he was just grasping for a relationship because his plans for one had flopped was not accurate. He usually was sure of everything. Once he decided he wanted something he went after it with confidence. Davey was now one of those things, but Nicolao was left wondering at the damage he sensed in him. Davey was broken. All Nicolao wanted to do was help repair the residual scars, and protect him from any that would do him harm. He recognized that when he saw him wearing the coat. Nicolao was glad to have been of help, but the fierce desire to protect that blossomed took time for him to accept.

The why of it was puzzling, Davey was not what he normally was attracted to. Nicolao was drawn to tall, muscular, dark eyed, dark haired men like him. Davey came to his chin, with pale alabaster skin. He wondered how it would feel to have his lithe body pressed against his, his chin resting on top of ash blonde curls with his legs clasped around his waist. The fleeting thought, caused his cock to jump. There had been a persistent tingling in his lower extremities since he saw Davey in the restaurant. When he held his hand, the warmth that spread from the contact promised combustion.

Nicolao grimaced he needed a release, but was reluctant to bring it to himself. He had spent too many nights making love to his own fists... for four years, while watching August waste away. A vision of Augustine, August, extinguished his ardor, and he finished his shower. He settled in his bed making mental notes of what he wanted to pick up for the next day, as well as what he wanted to say. He prayed silently before he went to sleep, thankful for his learned patience, the gift of love from his family, August, and the possibilities of tomorrow.

Chapter 2

Davey sat exhausted on the bus. His Uncle Benjamin had come in late last night, but wasn't happy about the food he had left out for him. Davey pretended to be asleep, when the curtain that lead to his room was snatched open. He heard his uncle mutter the words, 'cocksucking faggot, getting food for riding dicks', and braced for a tirade, but none came. Uncle Ben stayed in his room for a few, agonizing moments, and then he left. He tried to go back to sleep, grateful the truce was left intact. He and his uncle rarely interacted, equally avoiding one another. However, his sense of peace was shattered, and sleep was out of reach for the remainder of the night.

He was invigorated when he saw Nicolao waiting at the stop.

"Hey, David I am so glad nothing changed." He pulled him in for a quick hug. "I don't live far from here but put this on." Nicolao held out a black, leather jacket he had tucked in the crook of his arm.

Davey opened his mouth to protest, but Nicolao put his hand on his shoulder and said, "Please, for my peace of mind. I know you don't get cold but in my head it is freezing."

"Okay Nicolao." He slid on the jacket that swallowed him; it was obviously Nicolao's. Davey fixed him with what he hoped was a hard stare, but he only got a huge smile for his effort, perfect white teeth against olive skin. He zipped the jacket up, and let the soft leather surround him. The supple leather smelled the way only hide does, and of Nicolao. Davey inhaled deeply before he realized how odd it may look.

"Um, where do you live, I thought these were business suites?" He had wanted to ask that when Nicolao told him which stop to exit the bus.

"Ah, it will be revealed shortly. What do you think you want for lunch? There are a few places on the way or we can get something delivered." He grabbed Davey's hand, and they began walking.

Davey was eager to see Nicolao's home. "Let's get delivery okay?"

"Delivery it is. I thought after eating we can either go out to a movie or watch something at my place."

"Um, that sounds fine." They walked passed buildings Davey knew were businesses, or restaurants. Nicolao did not appear self-conscious at all about the outward sign of affection, as he held Davey's hand. Davey pulled the captured appendage free, causing his companion to stop. Davey then reached for his hand, and threaded their fingers together a shy smile spread across his lips.

"I'm right around the corner." They started out again.

When they turned the corner Nicolao shook his head, as he saw a man approaching.

"Hey, young buck!" The dreadlocked man hailed.

"Hello Justice, I thought you were going to go get something to eat." Nicolao and Davey stopped in front of the man.

He was old, in his sixties at least Davey thought. Even his grey beard was matted, and locked. "I am I am," Justice bobbed his head, "you gave me ten dollars for the good word of the day, now that's too much. I owe you more than a word, ten dollars I owe you wisdom."

"I am always in need of some wisdom, but my friend and I are getting a little chilled... "

"No, I am fine Nicolao I think you don't like the cold weather."

Nicolao smiled, "No, I can't say I do... okay Justice some wisdom for my friend David and me, if you please."

Glassy brown eyes peered at them. "Wisdom for today comes from a man that never lived. When I was a young man I lived for a tomorrow I wanted to reach, and now I'm old I spend every day in the past of all that I missed." He waved vaguely toward their hands. "Cherish the feel of his skin on yours right now... in this moment. If you do that, connect to that then you have real power, real strength, and real life. You can call on that touch to give you light on the darkest night, it will fill you up better than food, with that remembrance nothing will break you, and you won't end up like me an old man who never cherished the right things."

Davey stood shocked. Justice's voice was saturated with regret, and he could see unshed tears in his eyes.

"Thank-you Mr. Justice, you're right and I'll do my best," Davey said, "and maybe it's not too late for you."

"Oh it is young man, it is. I can't recall how her skin felt on mine, and I barely recollect what the baby looked like. It was before either of you were born, things were different then. I couldn't accept the need for the anal probe, seems like such a small thing now."

Davey looked at Nicolao wondering if he had misheard, but the smug smile and squeeze of his hand let him know he hadn't. He was too shocked to speak.

"Where were your woman and child at, Justice?" Nicolao prompted.

"On the exploratory ship, they would beam me up most nights. The probes were for research, but after the exams I could be with my wife. I started refusing the research, and they wouldn't come get me anymore."

"It'll be fine Justice, maybe they'll come back one day, I am sure they miss you as much as you miss them. Why don't you go get yourself something to eat, and maybe go to the book store for a while, get a good book?" He suggested.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that young buck." Justice stepped around them without meeting their eyes, lost in his mind. "The thing is; I miss the damn probes as much as I miss her, they were like one and the same."

Nicolao chuckled out loud at the last offering. "Get warm and be safe." He called to the man's back. He lead Davey around the corner to what Davey assumed would be and alley.

"You knew he was going to say that." Davey accused Nicolao; he knew his face was flaming with embarrassment.

Nicolao winked at Davey, "Count yourself lucky he did not go into detail about the semen extraction methods he endured to have his daughter."

Davey laughed in spite of himself.

They approached a privacy fence with a circuit locked box. Nicolao released Davey's hand, and fished a key out of his pocket, opened the door revealing a key pad. He entered a number, and the audible release of locks could be heard. Nicolao pushed, and what appeared to be fence swung open.

Once through the gate Davey was startled to be on the side of a house. They made their way to the front, and Davey counted five houses, arranged in a semi- circle. There was a common green area, encircled by a street that branched into driveways, leading to garages.

"What's this place?" He finally asked, as Nicolao opened the door.

"Executive housing," he responded, as he turned the lights on, "Jeremy calls it Hope's Cove, as you can see there are five bungalows, my best guess is that they were built to house families of top executives who were here for long stays. It's located near everything anyone would need." Nicolao hung up their coats. "Here let me show you around."

Davey followed him, as he gave him a tour of the 'bungalow'. It was a modern two bedroom house, with one bedroom filled with exercise equipment, and the other had the largest bed Davey had ever seen. The living room was furnished with an oversized leather couch, a recliner, and a 60 inch flat screen television, on an entertainment center. Overall, there was an element of comfort and success Davey was not accustomed to.

"Make yourself comfortable, and I'll get my collection of takeout menus together." Nicolao interrupted Davey's thoughts.

Nicolao gathered the menus, and rushed to Davey's side. He could sense his nervousness from the moment they entered his home. He fanned pamphlets on the table, and waited for Davey to look them over.

Hesitantly, Davey picked up a pizza menu. "For lunch can we just get pizza?"

"Stuffed with everything?"

"Sure."

"Then I'll call it in." He slapped Davey's thigh, and grabbed the phone.

"So what do you think?" Nicolao pushed his back into the couch, and turned on the television.

"It's nice, really nice. Do you have neighbors?"

"Other than Justice no, this is the only inhabited spot."

"Justice and me, man you sure like charity cases," Davey said, he thought it would be funny, but he heard the bitterness, as the words made their way in the air.

He felt Nicolao sit up, and move closer to him, so close he could smell the clean scent of his soap. He rested his hand on his leg, "David, look at me."

Davey lifted his eyes. The handsome face that he could never get off his mind, was peering at him. There was nothing soft about Nicolao; he had a strong, square, jaw, with wide full lips. His eyes were watery, brown orbs Davey could lose himself in, that at the moment were narrowed at him intently. Nicolao in Davey's estimation was walking perfection, and he was just Davey, Davey, who had just pissed off his only heart's desire.

"David, you are not a charity case and neither is Justice. I thought we agreed yesterday that I want you to be my boyfriend. Justice was at the gates to this place when I moved in. Jeremy, set it up for me. But he let me know that Justice stays in front of here, and no one is to disturb him and no one does. With all of the businesses around here ignoring him, and knowing Jeremy, I would say Justice is homeless by choice and not much else"

"Boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend, I don't like to share, that's why I can't live around my brothers and sisters they think everything is community property."

Davey could not stop himself, he was grinning like an idiot, and he knew it. Nicolao vowed silently he would do more to see those dimples.

"You don't have to decide right now or anything. I was planning on waiting, but you got me all wrong. I am not looking for redemption by doing good deeds, I don't want anything to happen to you before I get a chance to see if this is going to be something special," Nicolao paused, "Which is why I bought you the coat that Addie keeps for you."

"What!"

"I bought it so you wouldn't freeze. It took me hours to settle on the burnt sienna for you, and it would have been weird for me to just give it to you." Nicolao offered. He felt guilty for his deception, especially now he knew Davey saw himself as a goodwill recipient.

Davey thought for a moment. It was the nicest thing to be done for him in such a long time. The new orange---burnt sienna coat was warm, and it was a gift from his first boyfriend. Davey rested his hand over Nicolao's, "Thank you." He tilted his head upward, as he murmured his thanks.

He resisted the urge to lean in, and suck on his lower lip, as he thought of doing whenever he looked at Davey's mouth. He raised the hand that was resting on his to his lips, gently caressing the knuckles with his mouth. "You are most welcome, David," he husked. His eyes never left Davey's, and the shudder the light contact caused gave Nicolao a jolt of satisfaction.

Davey swallowed the lump in his throat. "You call me David, no one else does."

Nicolao relaxed dropping their hands between them.

If I touch him whenever I want something it seems to go my way. Good to know Nicolao thought.

"If you don't like it I can stop."

"No, I like the way it sounds when you say my name, it's just new to me. All of this is new to me." Davey hoped Nicolao understood what he meant. He had never had a boyfriend outside of his dreams, it was all surreal.

"It's been a while, and I'm starting to feel like I'm going too fast. I honestly want to get as much out in the open as I can, so there are no misunderstandings. And because it isn't new to me, I have a lot of things I have to clarify."

"It isn't too fast Nicolao if you waited for me then I would have only sat beside you that day on the bus." Davey confessed.

"So you have never had a boyfriend," he shook his head, "girlfriend?" Again Davey responded in the negative, this time blushing slightly.

"David, are you a virgin?"

His eyes got large as he shook his head vehemently. "N-no I am no virgin, I just haven't done anything like this..." Davey's voice faltered, he pulled his hand into his lap, and found he was afraid to glance at Nicolao.

Not a virgin, but never a boyfriend; he knows, he knows I am just a cock sucking piece of trash, if he suspected before, then now he knows. Davey's internal voice berated him.

"I am no virgin either so there is that, but I would like for us to get tested for HIV. If or when the time comes for us to be together, best to be safe." Nicolao refused to touch David, this was not the time for coercion, and he had to choose.

As the silence stretched Davey worried his lower lip with his teeth. Finally, he raised his head, and did not shrink from the hunger that he encountered in his Nicolao's stare. "Okay, that sounds, perfect."

"No such thing as perfect."

Davey traced the line of Nicolao's face with his finger. "Perfect to me, perfect for me, my boyfriend Nicolao." The barely audible words were a prayer, a petition, to any interested divinity to make that true in his lonely life.

Nicolao leaned into the caress, and everything fell away. There was no need for words, or thoughts, there was only Davey's longing, calling to Nicolao's soul to assuage. Their bodies came together, he pulled Davey into his lap, nuzzling his neck, and Davey's hands raked in the mass of black hair. They both jumped from the sound of a buzzer. The spell broken, he moved to disentangle himself from their almost kiss, but Nicolao's arms held him firmly. He took two long breaths against Davey's throat.