Deep in the Night Ch. 10

"I think I'll just sit here awhile and take it easy. Maybe there's something interesting on TV." She picked up the remote and felt something soft brush against her leg. "Simba! Hi kitty. Are you glad to see me?" She reached down and picked the kitten up. It settled on her lap and began purring. "I think he remembers me."

"Of course 'she' does. She missed you." Raven commented. She got up from the couch, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go to the grocery store, my refrigerator is bare. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine dear."

"Okay...I won't be too long. Bye baby." She kissed Jordan's cheek, collected her purse and keys and left the small apartment.

As Raven drove to the supermarket, she recalled Jordan's discharge orders at the hospital. They had also told her not to let Jordan sleep to long. The combination of drug overdose and a concussion could be serious. But how long was too long? She began fretting over all the unresolved issues with her and Jordan.

The case was finally over and she wanted to enjoy as much time as she could with Jordan while the agent was still in town. She had no idea how deep Jordan's feelings for her were, but she knew the other woman felt something; she sensed it when Jordan kissed her.

And what of their future together? Was their time they had spent with each other just a fling? As far as Raven was concerned, she had found was she was looking for in a woman. Sooner or later they would have to have a serious discussion about their future plans. But Raven dreaded to bring it up.

What if Jordan told her that she wanted to return to Washington and continue with her life? Raven knew she could never move to D.C. to be with her girlfriend, but she didn't want to think about what her life would be without Jordan. It would mean a return to being alone. When would the woman of her dreams come along again? Certainly it would never happen living in Shawnee.

And if they did start a life together somewhere, it would mean that Raven would have to tell Jordan about her past.

At any rate, she trusted Jordan and wanted to share herself with the other woman. If living with Jordan demanded a confession of her secrets, than that is something she was going to do.

And finally she just hoped Jordan would be okay.

* **

Jordan was getting stronger each day. On a quiet Saturday Raven returned home with her groceries to find Jordan asleep on the couch with the TV on and the kitten curled next to her. She was torn between letting Jordan sleep and waking her up to prevent her from sleeping too much. She decided on the latter and gently shook the sleeping woman. Jordan woke up groggily and slowly. "Honey, you okay?" Raven asked.

"Yeah....I fell asleep."

"I'm going to fix dinner. Are you hungry?"

"Sure. I'm ready for anything." Raven set about fixing dinner.

She heard Jordan complain from the living room, "There's nothing on, except bad talk shows. Maybe Oprah has something better."

There was a knock at the back kitchen door and Raven opened it to find Bill Hagan outside. "Hi, Raven. I thought Jordan was feeling like company today, but she's not in her motel room."

"C'mon in sheriff. She's here." Raven noticed he carried something flat covered in tin foil. "You can go right in; she's in the living room."

Hagan found his way through the apartment and greeted Jordan, "Glad to see you're feeling better. Evelyn made something for you and wanted me to bring it over." He handed her the dish and Jordan uncovered the foil to find a pumpkin pie.

"How nice! Please tell Evelyn thank you, Bill."

"Yeah, it's homemade. She uses pumpkins from our patch." Raven had followed Hagan into the living room.

Seeing the pie, she noted, "I'll take that into the kitchen."

"Uh, make sure you don't eat it all before I get a piece Raven." Jordan called after her teasingly.

"So are you staying with Raven awhile?" Hagan asked.

"Yes, she is a good friend to take care of me."

Hagan nodded in agreement. Actually, in the past few weeks, during the case, he had probably talked to Raven more so than the whole time she had been in Shawnee. She wasn't so much a mystery woman as everyone in Shawnee made her out to be. So what if she had some demons in her closet or that she probably had a thing for Jordan. Everyone has their secrets. Raven was a down to earth, smart woman as Hagan found out and very attractive besides.

"That is nice of you to help Jordan," Hagan yelled to her in the kitchen.

"Helping Jordan has its perks." Raven announced playfully. She peeked into the living room to give Jordan a wink. Her comment was lost on Hagan who didn't notice her smiling and blowing kisses to Jordan. "Uh...Jordan, I was wondering something."

"What is it Bill?" Hagan tried to find the right words to express himself; he seemed uncomfortable. "It's about the case." He lowered his voice. "I wanted to ask you...uh...have you ever shot someone?"

"Yes...I have."

"I guess what I meant to say Jordan, was, have you ever...killed someone?"

At those words, a memory came to Jordan. It was in Montana, deep in a forest. Flashes of dismembered bodies scattered along the forest floor. A search team fanning out searching for bones and body parts. Jordan had heard a sound like a large animal running through the woods. Perhaps it was an elk or moose crashing through the leaves and fallen branches. She whirled to see a huge man coming toward her. It was the killer. At 6'8", 330 pounds, he was a giant to Jordan.

She pulled her 9 mm and fired a round into his chest, but it had no affect on him. She fired off another round and when she saw it was useless, she dropped the 9 mm and grabbed her .357 Magnum snub. One round from that gun stopped him and none too soon. He fell only 7 feet away from where Jordan stood. Hence, that is when she started to use the powerful snub nose as her primary weapon.

Jordan's thoughts returned to the present, "Yes, unfortunately, I have had to kill someone." She noticed the sheriff seemed to be preoccupied with something. "Something bothering you Bill?"

"It's just...well...it's the first time I have ever had to use my gun. So, it's the first time, I ever...killed someone. I was afraid. I never needed to pull my weapon before in Shawnee."

"Fortunately, we only have to draw our weapon rarely." Jordan told him; she had an idea why Bill was talking to her about this. "You're feeling some guilt?"

Hagan sighed, "Yeah. I know he was an evil man, but I can't help feeling like I did something wrong. I don't know...maybe if I had given him a warning first he would have surrendered." The horror of the lab in the basement came back to him. He came through the door with Jimmy behind him and it took only a second for Hagan to analyze the horror scene he encountered. Jordan was on the table and Grant was leering over her with a huge needle in his hand.

He recalled the final moments: "GET BACK!" Hagan yelled. Without hesitation he fired his .44 Magnum several times and the big bullets plowed into Grant. The killer slumped to the floor with blood spurting from his wounds and leaking from his mouth and nose. Hagan crept toward him, still aiming his weapon. At the same moment that Grant had drawn a last, gasping breath, Hagan had bent over to feel the pulse in Grant's neck, but it was absent. He recalled the disgusting sight of the man still holding his penis. He was unable to waken Jordan and barely had time to grab a sheet to cover her abused body before the deputies came rushing in. To hell with evidence, no one was going to see her like that.

"Listen," Jordan began, "If you hadn't found that hidden door and come to the lab when you did, surely Grant would have injected me with something more lethal than Morphine. You may have killed Grant, but you saved my life in turn. The FBI will award you for saving one of its own."

Hagan shook his head, "That's not the reason. I don't want a reward; I was just doing my job. I'm glad that you weren't hurt more severely...or sickened." He wanted to tell her he felt protective of her and would never let anyone harm her, but his masculine attitude wouldn't let him do that.

Jordan started again, "Bill, it is only natural you feel bad about killing Grant. Even though he was a criminal and got some kind of satisfaction from hurting other people. But, we are not like that...we're the good guys. It is unnatural for us to want to hurt or kill someone. So even when we have to do it, it's gonna feel bad. What you're feeling...believe me; we all go through it when we have to kill someone in the line of duty. Let me tell you again, I'm just grateful you arrived when you did."

Hagan let out a sigh of relief, "Thanks for listening Jordan. I can't talk to my deputies about this. I don't want them to think...well...you know...and I surely can't tell Evelyn. I don't want to frighten her with that stuff."

Jordan nodded; she understood and had seen it many times in her male colleagues. Machismo was rearing its masculine head again. What couldn't be said in front of the guys was somehow easier to reveal to a woman who experienced the same things and understood what he was feeling.

The mood shifted on his face, and he changed the subject. "Jimmy and the rest of the boys have started searching Grant's house. The docs finally ended the quarantine. They took a bunch of stuff back with them to Atlanta for more intensive testing. Would you like to help out with the search?"

Jordan would have loved to, but she was exhausted from the hospital stay and more importantly, she wanted to devote time to Raven. The case was over and her role as profiler was over too. "Sorry Bill, I'm taking some R & R."

"No problem, I understand Jordan. Take care of yourself and I'll fill you in if we find anything interesting. But, I guess you'll be leaving Shawnee soon?"

"Yes, very soon."

(To be Continued)