Delayed Honeymoon Pt. 01

Perhaps I was naïve, but I had pictured the inside cabins being the same as regular cabins but just without windows or portholes. We had passed several regular cabins with open doors as we walked down that corridor, and they were head and shoulders over this. To put it mildly, I was disappointed - no, I was crushed. Nick agreed that this was basic accommodations, but he said, "It will do, and remember, we'll only be using this to sleep!" He grinned as he repeated that tired refrain, but continued, "It certainly is not much, honey, but it does have all the things we need. We certainly won't spend any more time here than necessary and, it's true as they, it's just for sleeping - and maybe a few more things in the dark!

His reaction helped and I was able to recover something of my excitement, saying, "Well, I'm damn sure that there are only two things I'll do here, sleep and screw! Come on, let's go look at the ship!" Our luggage hadn't been delivered yet, so we left to explore.

Nick had seen my disappointment, of course, but what he couldn't see was a feeling I had when I entered the cabin. The cabin was small, smaller than I had expected. It was cramped with the necessary furniture leaving little free space. But, I had been in small, crowded rooms before. No, it was something more, almost a feeling of being squeezed by the space. I was just uncomfortable and I didn't know why.

Happily, I recovered rapidly and enjoyed walking around the ship, getting a drink in the crowded buffet area and, in general, absorbing the exciting atmosphere created by a large crowd of people embarking on an exhilarating adventure. We were so immersed in the pleasure of the moment that we were startled when the loudspeakers ordered all passengers to return to their cabins, don their lifejackets and report to their lifeboat stations. We, of course, like most passengers, hadn't even found their lifejackets much less knew where our lifeboat station was. Obviously, the cruise line had anticipated that and we found the jackets and the location of the proper station in a prominent place in the cabin and we appeared at our posts in plenty of time.

Fortunately we, unlike lots of others, had thought of the January weather and put on our coats before we donned the jackets. Consequently, we were comfortably warm while the required safety instructions went on while many around us were shivering. It made us aware of what it must be like in a real emergency when people are ousted from their beds and struggle to their lifeboat stations in their night clothes. I shivered myself at the thought.

In any case, when it was over, we dumped our lifejackets and coats in the cabin and went to meet Glenn. He arrived a few minutes after us with a big grin on his face, obviously the bearer of good news. We hardly sat down before he started. "Remember when we were talking about the marvelous deal I had? A very nice balcony cabin in exchange for giving a few lectures! Well, the deal just got ridiculously better. I left you at the check-in line because I was told that there was a change in my room assignment. I was afraid that I had a problem. To my surprise, shock actually, I was told that I was being switched to an "Owner's Suite!" God, those things cost a fortune. It seems that the entire ship, every cabin, was booked - except one Owner's Suite. One 'very important agency' had mistakenly booked a 'very important client' into a cabin that was already taken and desperately needed to get him on board. As I said, the only vacancy on the entire ship, including the Royal Suite, was this one Owner's Suite and I was going to be given it!

"I asked the obvious question, 'Why wasn't the very important client upgraded to the Owner's Suite instead of me?' It turned to be purely business. The cost of my original 'free' cabin was listed as a business expense in the books. The Owners Suite was empty and just wasn't bringing in any money. The client had paid for a regular cabin and upgrading him would bring no profit - just fill a very expensive suite with no additional income. On the other hand, giving my cabin to him and putting me in the Owner's Suite actually did make a profit because the Owner's Suite which was going to bring in nothing was now tax deductible at its full list price because it was being used for a business purpose. A win-win-win situation - I get a deluxe suite, the client gets his cabin and the line gets a tax break!"

Needless to say, Nick and I were appropriately congratulatory and found the whole scenario unbelievable. However, I couldn't help but complain wistfully, "I wish out cabin could be upgraded to something better. I'm really not happy about it."

Glenn sobered immediately. "What's wrong, Judy. I know that it's not what you really wanted, but it should be ok for your needs."

"Oh, damn, I shouldn't complain, but it's so small and tight that I just don't feel comfortable in it...and don't tell me that we'll use it only for sleeping! Honestly, I don't know what my trouble is, but I'm sure that I'll get used to it. Nick thinks it's fine."

"Yeah, it's not what I would choose, and it is cramped, but I've seen worse - off-campus college rooming houses, for example. I think that Judy expected more from the picture we saw and, naturally, is a bit disappointed. She'll be ok once we're away and she's used to it."

"I hope so. That's mean, though. Here I'll be wallowing around in the vast expanses of a suite while you will be squeezed into a sardine can. You'll have to visit me to see how we rich people live." He started to go on, but his comment was obliterated by an unearthly blast from the ship's horn and he quickly added, "We're about to depart. You'd better get your coats so we can go out on deck to see New York recede behind us. It's fascinating." He had kept his coat anticipating our departure and Nick hurried down to get ours. We were ready to sail!

It certainly was fascinating. We watched our long ship back out of its narrow berth into the Hudson River and then, with a little tug boat pushing on the port side of the bow and another tug pushing on the starboard side of the stern, we were turned and began to make our slow way toward the ocean. We passed Manhattan with its towering building, went under the unbelievable Verrazano Narrows Bridge and, finally, sailed majestically onto the open sea.

It was a slow passage, but I just couldn't stop watching, although, because of the cold, we did move inside and enjoyed the view through some floor-to-ceiling windows. When the land disappeared around us, I finally sighed and said, "That was wonderful! I think that this was worth the whole cruise. However, I'm tired now and I have to have a shower and change before dinner. We'll see you in the dining room, Glenn. Come on, Nick."

It was odd, but I was in a happy, satisfied mood when we got to our cabin, but, as soon as I went in, that uncomfortable feeling hit me again and I really didn't know why. I shrugged the feeling off as much as I could, undressed and went in and took a shower in the small bathroom, forcing myself to focus on the bathing process with no extraneous thoughts about being squeezed by the medal walls. I opened my tote bag and applied some makeup and, thinking ahead, removed my diaphragm from its case and inserted it because I knew that we were both looking forward to consummating our "honeymoon" later. The one real downside to using a diaphragm (aside from the rather indelicate installation process) is that it definitely will interrupt the flow if you have to stop the foreplay to stick that thing in. A real downer!

While Nick was washing up, I opened my suitcase, pulled out a skirt, blouse, underwear and pantyhose suitable for an informal dining night. I determinedly kept my mind focused on what I was doing, closing it to a real pressure that I was feeling. Once again, as soon as we left the cabin I felt as if a heavy load has dropped from me. Frankly, I was worried, not so much about the cabin, itself, but, instead, about me. There was no malevolent force waiting in the room, no monster waiting to jump on me - but I was acting as if they were.

Dinner was pleasant in the very elegant dining room. There were no assigned seats that first dinner and two other couples joining us at the table and the introductions and conversation was quite light-hearted as you would expect. The center of attention was Glenn when the others found out that he was a real live professor who was going lectures through the trip. It was amusing seeing the respect for, and even idolization of, Dr. Glenn R. Thomas - until I realized that their reverent attitude had been mine earlier today. That was quite humbling and I suddenly was conscious of how things had changed so rapidly. I had idolized him, myself, for years and now, suddenly, it was if we had been close friends for ages.

After diner the three of us strolled around the ship, watched a "welcome aboard" show in the theater and, finally, had ice cream before deciding to retire and prepare for a busy first full day on the cruise. It had been a fine introduction to what should be a wonderful twelve days - but much of that good feeling vanished when we were back in our cabin.

We undressed and prepared for bed - but not for sleep. I went into the bathroom and came out wearing a new, quite sheer, pink shorty nightgown that elicited the proper "Wow" of appreciation from Nick. I had been able to shut out the room's pressure as I anticipated our first sex on the ship, and Nick's obvious arousal as he saw me build a sphere of protection that kept negative thoughts away.

The nightgown didn't stay on long, of course, and we were soon engaged in a long, gradual buildup of a different kind of pressure. As I said before, Nick and I were very active sexually when we started my senior year in college and nothing has changed since then. Over the years our sex drives have remained high and without my diaphragm I'm sure that I would always be pregnant. Unlike many, perhaps most, women I have a virginal orgasm regularly, not only one from clitoral manipulation. (Of course, I have that too!)

Consequently, when we're having intercourse - fucking - both of us are very active. This certainly was the case that first night as I lay there on my back, my legs over Nick's shoulders as his cock pounded in and out of my cunt. I was squashed beneath him, but I loved it. I humped back up at him as he slid into me, fell back as he pulled out. This synchronization continued with mounting intensity as our arousal grew. We were like a machine, matching each other perfectly - after years of practice, of course. Then, as usual, we hit climax at close to the same time, a matching that, again, came from years of vigorous practice.

We lay there together, talking quietly for awhile as our bodies calmed down. At last, I pulled away, got out a slightly less revealing "sleeping nightgown" and prepared for bed - for sleeping this time. It didn't show everything the way the other did, but it still made me feel very good as it slid over my skin and I just liked sleeping in sexy nightwear. I know that Nick liked it! So, marital sex over and fatigue setting in, he kissed me goodnight and moved to the other bed and I lay back in languid relaxation and awaited sleep. Nick was soon snoring lightly, a reassuring sound after ten years, but for me, sleep just didn't come. For me, the worst night of my life had begun.

Bit by bit the euphoria generated by a very satisfying love making with my husband was eroded away by an inexorable cloud of unseen pressure. It felt as if the very air, itself, was thickening around me, making it harder and harder to breathe. Intellectually, I knew that nothing exterior was happening, that there was no malign force in the room, but my mind said otherwise. We had left a small light on because there would have been absolute darkness otherwise, so I could see that there was nothing there - but I knew that something was happening. I could feel the walls closing in although I could see that they weren't. I began having physical reactions as the pressure mounted - I was trembling as I lay there, my heart was racing and I was having even more difficulty breathing.

I have no idea as to how long I lay there battling my mental demons but it seemed like hours. I withstood this assault on my senses as long as I could, but, finally, it was just too much. I was on the verge of a panic attack and I just had to escape. Jumping out of bed, I slipped on my shoes over my bare feet, put on my coat over my nightgown, grabbed my purse and slid quietly out of the door. There was an immediate sense of relief as if I had escaped from something, but my physical symptoms persisted. I walked up and down the corridor, unsteady on my feet, feeling my heart hammering away, as I tried to get myself under control.

After a time, when I had settled down somewhat, I left the corridor and went into a lounge area and sat down. There were a few other people walking about which helped me banish the dread of the unknown that had dominated me, but that was replaced by a different anxiety - what was wrong with me! I was being totally irrational, creating a mind-distorting atmosphere of fear in an innocuous room. I was really scared.

I finally dozed a bit until I was startled awake by a boisterous crowd of people leaving a nearby elevator. Suddenly, my mind was clearer and I realized that I was sitting in a public area, almost naked under my coat and receiving strange glances as the crowd went by. Horribly embarrassed, I got to my feet and went back to the cabin.

It was awful. As soon as I quietly opened the door and stepped inside the dimly lit room, I was assaulted by the same fears that had terrorized me before. I dropped my purse and coat, went into the bathroom and took two sleeping pills (the prescription specified one) and crawled into bed with, literally, the covers over my head. It was worse than before, new pressure building on old as I lay there petrified, fearing the unknown - both in the room and in my head.

Regardless, despite that stultifying fear, the pills did their work and I fell to sleep, having horrible dreams in which I was shrieking as I battled some nebulous foe. Suddenly, I felt myself being shaken vigorously and I heard Nick frantically crying, "Judy, wake up! What's wrong! You're having a nightmare!"

The room lights were fully on and Nick was obviously alarmed and worried. I had been, literally, screaming in my sleep and he hadn't been able to break me out of it. Even worse, now that he had wakened me, the full cloud of terror descended upon me and I cried out, "I've got to get out of here! Let me up!"

As he pulled away, I started for the door and was only stopped from rushing out in my nightgown by Nick grabbing me, asking, "Judy, honey, what's wrong? It was just a nightmare! Calm down!"

Needless to say, I didn't really calm down, but his presence got through enough for me to gasp out, "I've got to get out of this room! I don't know what's wrong, but I have to get out! With a bit more self-control and rational thought, I, again, slipped on my shoes and coat and escaped from purgatory into the hallway. Nick, of course, with a bit less urgency, quickly dressed and followed me out. We went to that same lounge and set down, but it was some time before I was able talk coherently about my problem. I told him about what sounded like a mental breakdown, and how I had left the room for almost two hours before. He was almost as distraught as I was, asking why I hadn't wakened him to let him help me. Like me, he was really concerned about what seemed to be my totally irrational behavior.

Unbelievably, it was almost 7:00 AM and the passengers were moving about to enjoy their first full day of the cruise while I sat there, still shivering a bit, dreading trying to find answers to what appeared my mental collapse. We decided that the best thing to do was to see the ship's doctor so Nick went back to the cabin, got me some clothes which I donned in a nearby rest room. I looked absolutely horrible in the mirror but all I could do was run a comb through my hair.

Fortunately, the doctor kept early hours and, with the cruise just starting, he had no patients waiting. He was quite pleasant and reassuring. "No, Mrs. Aykes, you're not having a mental or nervous breakdown. You are suffering from a case of claustrophobia - obviously a severe one."

"But Dr. Simpkins, I've never had a problem with closed places or anything like that! Good heavens, I'll go into a small closet with no windows and work for hours redoing drawers. I never even thought of claustrophobia causing me to act this way."

"I know that it is strange but one of the unexplained mysteries in the business is why normal people will suddenly show signs of claustrophobia when they are in interior cabins. Personally, I think that people are too aware of being in a closed box inside a ship floating on thousands of feet of water and subconsciously they are afraid that they can't get out in an emergency. When you think of it, that is not a totally irrational fear. I will say that your reaction is the most severe that I've seen and we will have to make a change. We should be able to solve your problem by moving you to an outside cabin which should alleviate your fears. I'll call the housekeeping supervisor and make arrangements."

Needless to say, I was enormously relieved to hear his diagnosis and I could see that Nick had the same feeling. The tension that we both had been under seeped out and we smiled for the first time. Unfortunately, the relief didn't last. The doctor came out of his office with a glum expression on his face, saying, "Mrs. Aykes, I have some bad news. This cruise is fully booked and there are just no cabins to switch you to. I don't know what to suggest. Your case is far too severe for you to stay in that inside cabin, yet we have no other facilities. Anyway, they said to send you to housekeeping on deck five they will try to find a solution."

I was still relieved to know that I was not going mad, but now I was in limbo - can't stay on one place, but there was no other. We found the office and dealt with a Miss Rutherford who told us what we already knew - "We just don't have another cabin available and Dr. Simpkins says that it just not safe for you to stay in your current location."

"Miss Rutherford, I'd sleep on the open deck, naked if necessary, rather than go into that room again. I just couldn't stand it!"

"Yes, we accept that and I certainly agree with you. Unfortunately, that puts us in an impossible situation and the company's policy is clear and very firm on this. I feel horrible having to tell you this, but we are required to put you ashore at the first stop, in this case Cape Canaveral tomorrow!"

I was absolutely shocked, of course, and was on the verge of tears. Nick was equally upset, reacting forcefully as he asked, "Why on earth can the cruise line have a policy like that? We paid for a twelve-day cruise and we should get it. There must be something you can do! Who can we appeal this to?"

"My. Aykes, my hands are completely tied. The company is inflexible in this. We rarely get a case like this and even more rarely have it without a way to upgrade the passenger. This is just an impossible situation. Some years ago, there was a passenger like your wife with no way to change her accommodations. She, unbelievably, insisted on staying in her cabin despite her fears. It got so bad that she actually did develop permanent mental problems - couldn't go into any small enclosed room, real claustrophobia - and sued the line and won. Now we put passengers ashore. This is the first time in my experience and I feel awful but I just can't do anything.

"That said, we have tonight to worry about. With a full ship we, of course, have a full crew meaning there is no free room even in the crew quarters. Maybe we can find a way for someone to double up or find a private place for a rollaway bed, maybe even in my quarters. We'll find something for tonight, but you'll have to disembark tomorrow.