Della Meets an Incredible Fella

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Here's dad."

Della boggled. The skinny guy in a Stetson and carrying two more was only as high as Zane's shoulder.

"G'day mate. How yer doing?"

"Good dad, returning with everything in working order. Dad this is Della Jones."

"Hi Mr Maddox," Della responded but was ignored.

"Where are the big tits? You like 'em with big knockers."

"This time I've gone for beauty plus brains."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ned Maddox spat, just missing Della's shoe. "Put this hat on love otherwise the Aussie sun will strip your beauty. Madge will fit you up with moisturizing stuff and get your into some decent footwear and long sleeved shirts and long pants. You should have kitted up this woman before bringing her out here son. Bourke doesn't have a branch of Macy's but mum does have their website. Heh-heh-heh."

Della thought hotly, what an objectionable creep with a wife with a hideous name like Madge. God, her mom was right. Australia was uncivilized. The father couldn't even bring himself to say her name. Fancy calling her love! Oh why wasn't she home in Chicago, lovely icy Chicago. Huh? Her head did feel cooler. She almost cried in relief when the hunky vehicle got under way and she found it was air-conditioned.

"Why don't you drive a Jeep -- best in the world for this type of terrain Mr Maddox?"

"Don't call me that name. Everyone calls me Ned, even the tax-collectors looking for missing tax."

Ned and Zane had a good laugh. Seething, Della struggled to think of the term and then it came to her, 'Local yokels'.

"That was very witty Ned."

"In that case why didn't you laugh?"

"It wasn't that witty."

"Yeah, you're right but think of it this way girl, there's not a hell of a lot to laugh about out here. Everyone around here drives Toyotas because they don't know how to stop."

Della said nervously, "You mean that have no brakes?"

Ned roared with laughter and smiling Zane, who was driving, said, "Dad means they just go on and on without breaking down. There's not a service center within cooee of Wudinna station. The nearest one is two and a half hour's away, here in Bourke.

"You mean we have a couple of hours' drive ahead of us?" Della said dully, her eyes rolling up and she fell asleep. Neither man answered, considering a reply was unnecessary.

"Wake up girl, we're home," said the creep proudly, giving 'the girl 'just time to see the sign carved in wood, 'Wudinna Station'. They drove for twenty minutes before Della spotted a low-level building.

"Oh a barn?"

"Della, I think..."

But Ned cut in over his son. "It's our fucking house. If you don't like it Yank sleep in the Toyota."

Della bit back the tears.

Ned turned and looked at her and said, "Why aren't you bawling your eyes out?"

"Because American woman are tough you asshole."

Ned writhed in his seat like a puppet, laughing his head off. Della was disappointed he didn't behead himself.

"Darling, you are now speaking on my dad's wavelength," Zane said kindly.

Della stepped down out of the vehicle and saw a broad-shouldered very busty woman more than six feet tall and carrying a huge calf over her shoulders stop and stare at her just as a cur raced at Della to sink its teeth into her. Della braced herself for the bite just as the fucking jerk Ned yelled, "Get out of there Tom!"

Welcome to hell Della, she thought as she fell in a faint.

Returning to the present, experiencing first a flash of yellow light and then the disappearing mist of a blue cloud, Della focused and felt herself safely in strong arms and she whispered, "Zane."

"He's helping his dad unload the wagon darling. Are you pregnant?"

"The-the dog."

"Oh that's only Ned's favorite dog Tom. He tends not to like people until making the decision after tasting them."

"Oh god."

"It's been a bit too much for your darling, hasn't it?"

"Y-yes. But I'm not pregnant."

"As you say dear," Mrs Maddox said, gently placing Della on to a sofa. Della checked but there was no calf around Mrs Maddox's shoulder.

"The-the calf."

"It's a yearling dear. Caught its foot between stones and was almost dead when I came across it. Luckily I found it before the wild dogs did. It will be fine once its sprain comes right."

"W-what do I call you?"

"The boys call me mum. You can too otherwise Madge."

"I have a mom. I'll call you Madge."

"I've seen photos Zane has of your mom. He's adores her."

"Adores her?"

"Are you slightly deaf darling? Zane says without her he'd be nothing."

"But they hate each other?"

"Oh yeah. Then why when he brought her out here they slept together for two nights and half of the day in between?"

"It can't be my mother. She's never been here."

"Oh yeah. A short woman with auburn hair like yours with really big tits called Gloria?"

"My mother is taller than I am and it's true she has auburn-haired like me. Her name is O'Neil Jones and she's almost sixty."

"The lying skunk," Madge laughed. "I'd forgotten your mom was a fading redhead and of course she's almost as tall as Zane. I must have been away with the fairies for him to hoodwink me like that. However it's been some years since I'd seen the photographs -- he has them like a shrine in the room he uses as an office in Sydney. The skunk knew I'd asked him several times was he having sex with your mom because when he worked from here he and she used to scrap something awful on the phone. I could hear her foul language across the room. It's common knowledge that people involved in illicit sex scrap robustly."

"I didn't know that?"

"I said it was common knowledge dear. I didn't say everyone knows. What do I call you?"

"Della."

"Oh how sweet, I had a sex-mad bitch called Dell."

"Pardon me?"

"A black and tan Kelpie -- Tom's maternal grandmother."

"Oh, you mean a dog?"

"Are you all right near? You are sure hard going to talk with. Go to sleep. I'll wake you for dinner. You are probably having too much sex."

Della felt herself returning through the blue mist. Eyes closed she sighed and felt Madge kiss her cheek lightly.

Madge kissed Della awake.

"Hmmmmm."

"You are so beautiful. You were exhausted when you arrived here. That would have been partly travel weariness. I've run a cool bath for you. The men will be back from the sheep yards soon. They've been drenching. My two sons and their families are coming in to look you over."

"Coming in, what does that mean."

"One family lives fifteen miles to the north of here and one lives thirty seven miles to the south-west."

"God, you must have a big ranch."

"There are bigger stations. Ours covers 353 square miles."

"Ohmigod. No ranch is that big."

"Didn't Zane brief you?"

"Well I heard him tell dad but none of us really believed him."

Madge said tersely, "My son doesn't lie."

"Oh please, I accept that. But understand we think our ranch is big."

"How big is it?"

"A thousand and twenty-eight acres."

"But no one has a ranch that small.

CHAPTER 4

Della arrived in the family room and said brightly, "Hi everyone."

The adults stopped talking and gaped. Della was dressed in little black shorts, a white shirt and six-inch heels. Her shapely legs appeared to be hugely long.

Ned, who'd shaven and combed the little hair he had, was dressed in a fresh khaki shirt and khaki shorts that ended below his knees. The other adults were dressed similar in khaki, blue or white. Ned appeared to have undergone a personality change and placed an arm around Della's waist after walking to her, saying, "Good early evening Della. I trust you have revived well?"

"Yes thank you Ned. My this is quite a gathering -- five young grandchildren I see."

"You see good and they are great little kids. The eldest is six. This is my second son Gavin."

"Hi Della. You look sexy."

"I'm his other half Nancy. Ignore Gavin, I think you look terribly sophisticated."

Ned said, "And this is our youngest boy Jack."

"Hi Della. You look amazing.

"And this is Claudia, Jack's wife. The new baby is Claudia's, the others are Nancy's."

"And their respective husbands'," Madge said, walking over and kissing Della. "Isn't she a honey guys?"

The family agreed.

Tom got up as Madge and Ned left Della and was warned by Della as he approached her, "Bite me Tom and I'll kick you nuts into pulp."

Tom sniffed her and then licked her left knee and walked away to sit beside Ned's chair.

The family stopped staring at Della and began talking. Nancy handed Della a beer.

"Um, is there wine?"

"Yes red wine with the meal but I advise you to drink beer out here as well. You won't get fat because you'll sweat."

"Yes and that's the truth," Zane said, coming up and kissing Della. "You were sleeping in the bath when I arrived home so I let you be."

"Oh, all this sleep."

"It's the travel and tensions and your body adjusting to Aussie time."

After dinner was cleared away Madge sat behind the piano and played a couple of tunes and then began a singsong. Soon she was looking at Della intently. During a break Madge said, "Everyone is staying the night Della and we go into Bourke tomorrow morning for a monthly church service. I play the organ and would like you to sing solo for the congregation. Would you do that for me?"

"Yes, it would be a pleasure to contribute to the community."

"Can you really sing?" Zane asked.

"Yes, I'm professionally trained but only your mom had to ear to recognize that. I was throttled back."

"But I didn't know."

"You have a lot to learn about me Zane and me about you. I have learned that you brought my mom here and seduced her hugely."

Everyone fell about laughing.

"You all know about my deception?"

"Yes mum told us while you were ogling Della asleep in the bath although the incident occurred a year ago," Nancy giggled. "Mum said Della, recovering from initial shock, almost wet herself laughing."

Della decided she really liked Nancy. She and Madge discussed songs and then she stood beside the piano and left her audience spellbound after finishing 'Amazing Grace'.

Nancy recovered first and said, "That was truly amazing and just look at mum's fat cat smile."

"Play it again Madge and you sing with me Nancy and you two Claudia.

"I-I'd rather not, Claudia said. I'm the shy one."

"Claudia, please. You are among family here. Your voice will lift to accompany mine if you allow it. Take the step Claudia."

"Do what she asks," Jack said softly. "Della knows what's she doing."

Claudia handed Jack the baby and went to join Della who placed an arm around them. "Okay take it away Madge."

Next morning, before the clergyman Mr Brown delivered his sermon, he said, "Over to you Mrs Maddox.

"Good morning everyone. Please stand Della."

"Della arrived yesterday two days out from Chicago with my son Zane. Della is the daughter of his publishing editor McNeil Jones. Would my daughter-in-law Claudia please stand and now my daughter-in-law Nancy. Come over here girls and show this congregation what you've got."

Everyone laughed. The young women sang beautifully and after the clapping died Della stepped forward and asked, "Would all females in the congregation, at least those willing to do so, please come forward and join us and we'll sing 'Amazing Grace' one more time as a mass choir."

Some forty females sang and as they left to return to their seats some were dabbing their eyes. Mr Brown said, "Thank you ladies. Della, on behalf of the congregation I beseech thee to sing to us once more."

Della turned to Madge who nodded. Della went to Madge and whispered something and Madge began to softly play a carol.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I'm not a regular churchgoer but on Christmas Eve in Chicago, only four weeks ago, I was invited to sing at a 6:00 pm service that two of our local churches have combined for over the past 123 years. They had a number of invited singers and musicians taking part and for some reason my rendition of 'Silent Night' almost brought the house down. Here we go, "Take it away Madge."

The organ worked up to become strident and yet Della's voice rose above it and the exposed rafters practically rattled.

It was a rousing performance and the Maddox family was very proud of 'their' Della and it took quite sometime before the family could get away to have their picnic lunch beside the Darling River. Over lunch everyone was praising Della who took a bow but only after grabbing Madge's hand and asking her to take the bow with her. Della said her real thrill was having Claudia come 'out of the closet' and find the courage to sing with them.

"I believe this will become a turning point for Claudia in learning to breakthrough her shyness. With you rowdy lot she'd bound to get all the support she needs.}

With the other two families leaving, Ned climbed into the back of the big SUV with Madge and Zane jumped into the front passenger seat. Della realized what was happening and screamed. "No, this is a fucking conspiracy!"

Madge laughed loudest and said, "Really dear, what disgusting language for a Sunday."

"You'll drive everywhere while we're out here in the wide open spaces," Ned said. "I'll be teaching you how to drive over sand hills and through dried up creek beds when you have the hang of driving this vehicle."

"Della, my friend Jean McDonald over Kerrigundi way called me early this morning to say she's going shopping in Dubbo and wanted me to go with her for company. It's well over 300 road miles away but she'll by flying her husband's Piper. I said I had you staying and she said I should bring you."

"She is a pilot I hope. You did say it was her husband's plane."

"She is dear; her aircraft is unsuitable to be used as a shopping basket as she competes in air races in it."

"God, you people out here are so resourceful and competitive."

"I see it in you dear. Ned, Zane and I have our pilot licenses and are up to date with them. We had our own aircraft until two years ago when we were almost wiped out by drought and had to sell it to pay our mounting bills. These things happen out here."

"I can see that. God, my dad thinks of himself as a struggling rancher but really has it so easy. You hadn't told me you were a pilot Zane?"

"Oh, sorry. Slipped my mind as you probably did about being a singer."

"Well only for three years before I joined Innes-Rand publishing in PR. I sang in musicals and did a bit of club work. Eeek. There's a bull on the road."

Zane told her to almost stop when reaching it and toot. "If it doesn't move to go round it. It will move; it's a steer."

"How can you tell? I can't see its balls from here."

"Steers carry more beef about their hind-quarters," Zane said. "It's a fact that due to sex differences, bulls have significantly lower percent intramuscularly fat values than steers. Hence the saying bulls are leaner and meaner."

"Zane went to agricultural college," his dad said proudly.

Before they reached the Hereford it moved off the road.

"Ha, it's a cow," Della snorted.

Zane grinned and said he wasn't infallible. His parents rolled about laughing.

Eight days later Jean McDonald arrived in her husband's plane to return Zane and Della to Sydney as she had two board meetings to attend. They had become quite friendly with Jean and husband Dougal and the two families had socialized occasionally. On the flight Jean asked Della through the intercom system would she work while she remained in Australia?

"I am according to my visa permitted to take up temporary work."

"What do you do?"

"These days I work in publishing PR."

"And before that I sung professionally and trained students. I have a Bachelor of Music from Southern Illinois University."

"What at singing?"

"In voice, yes Jean, why the interest?"

"Um, it's rather complicated. Let's talk over coffee after we land."

Over coffee Jean said one of my meetings tomorrow is a board meeting at a private girl's school as a board member. Some 40% of the 700 students are country girls."

"Oh, that must be very interesting for you," Della said and Zane said he thought Jean was about to say something significant.

"Yes Zane. Della I am aware our school has been unable to attract a singing tutor. They are in short supply because the work is so demanding and our standards are so high. If you meet the school's requirements and are prepared to accept the position your status for approved citizen meeting immigration criteria as an expert in specialist education in an area of proven need is virtually assured."

"God Della, this is your lucky break," Zane urged.

Della said a little uncertainly, "I don't know if I'm keen to become an Australian."

"Well, giving up your residency in America is a big step," Jean said. "I had to make that choice many years ago when I met Dougal who'd been visiting his parents in Scotland and he urged me to emigrate to Australia and marry him. I spent two days thinking about it, mistakenly thought I was pregnant and said yes. I've never regretted it but not all people and circumstances are the same. As you know I'm now the mother of three young Australians."

"What a lovely story."

"Yes Della, and thank you. What say I can arrange an interview tomorrow -- you have nothing to lose."

Della turned to Zane and he said simply, "It's what I'd like but it's over to you."

"Yes and thanks Jean. Here's my cell phone number, I mean my mobile number."

They parted and on the cab ride to Zane's apartment Della said, "I don't know what to think."

Her incredible fella said, she figured afterwards, exactly what she wanted him to say. He said, "Sleep on it."

The apartment was small but comfortable and surprisingly tidy. As if reading her thoughts Zane said, "A cleaning lady comes in every Monday and Friday."

"Brilliant."

"Yeah it's as good as living at home."

She giggled. He patted her butt and she hesitated and said she was tired.

"Are you tiring of me?"

"No, tap me in the morning. May I look at the spare room?"

"Ah, it's where I work."

"So?"

"Ah, all right but please don't get mad at me."

"Now why would I want to get made at you darling Zane?"

Della went into the room and stood and gasped. One wall was just as Madge had said was a group of photos stuck on the wall around a big PR photo release of McNeil Jones, her mom.

Zane: It's not what you think."

Della: I don't know what to think. Have you ever seduced my mom?"

Zane: No, of course not.

Della: I believe you.

Zane: Thank you. Della, you must understand. It's a fundamental truth that without your mom I'd be an also ran would-be author half-smothered in a pile of rejected manuscripts.

Della: Why would she do that?"

Zane: She's never said. She goes on as if she detests me. I know it sounds corny but she recognized unreleased talent in me as a storyteller and knew I'd sink and disappear unless she held out a helping hand. I felt the power within her Della and I sat at her feet as if she was my literary guru. I came to believe in her, willing to heed her and two novels after she began tutoring me it was all over. I had a run away success with 'Mr Tweed's Illegitimate Daughter Comes Calling' and I was away and never looked back.

Della looked at the other wall containing the dust jackets of all of Zane's published novels. "God, just look at them. I've only read three of those."

"There are first editions of all of them in the bookcases in the lounge. Help yourself."

"Thank you. So this is where it all happens?"

"More or less. I take my laptop and sometimes write in coffee houses or on a picnic table on the river bank and in winter in the city library."

"How flexible."

"Your mom taught me not to think and write rigidly."

"Oooh I say. My mom obviously reached your core."