Did I Make The Cut? Ch. 03

Because you guys asked for more, the Naked Llama is back for the third time. I just want to thank each and every person out there who liked and appreciated the first two chapters of my story. When I first submitted this story, I was actually expecting that people wouldn't like it very much and would not give me any encouragement to continue this series (I'm very, very pessimistic), but I was so wrong! The comments and feedbacks I received from the second chapter gave me the boost I needed to finish this story and inspired me to write more and more and more stories in the future.

This isn't the last chapter yet, there will still be at least two more chapters to come. And just so you know, there won't be any fucking or sucking or anything sexual that will be happening in this chapter. Sorry to disappoint some of you. It will revolve around Niclas' insecurities, issues and heartaches. Spraying lots of love to my readers!

*

"Niclas, are you out of your mind? You invited Frankie to your wedding?!"

In the span of three years, a lot of things have changed. My address, my favorite color, my job, my life. Everything had changed ever since Lancelot Martin Simpson walked into my life, except for one thing. Jessica's noisy and unstoppable mouth. That and change are the only two constant things in this world.

"Don't tell me you have already forgotten what that guy did to you years ago."

"Jessica..." I tried to interrupt her, but there would be no stopping this girl once she opens her mouth to talk. She can go on and on for hours until she decides to change the topic. "Michael, help me here."

"Honey, it's his wedding. Niclas has the right to decide who does and who doesn't get invited." Michael tried to butt in, but Jessica threatened him that he wouldn't be getting any and would be sleeping on the couch for a week if he doesn't stay out of our conversation.

"Shut up Michael! This is between me and my gay best friend!" She turned to face me again and I can see the fire burning in her eyes. This argument is nowhere near its end.

"No! Niclas, I wasn't talking about the time when he had stolen Calvin from you. I was actually grateful he did that to you. If it wasn't for that you would still have probably chosen Calvin over Lancelot and pushed Lancelot away. You would still be stuck with Mister Douche Bag for the rest of your days and we wouldn't be in this car, on our way to get you married to Mister Six Feet Four Inches of Temptation. I was talking about how that lying, green eyed, two-faced fag betrayed your trust and all the hurtful things he said to you."

I always believe that everything happens for a reason. Finding out that my boyfriend was cheating with someone very close to me broke me into pieces. Yes, it devastated me, but I would go all over the pain again knowing that at the end of that a life with Lancelot awaits. I have no reason to be bitter and hateful anymore because I got what I had always wanted and more. Frankie might have done and said horrible things in the past, but he had already realized his mistakes and apologized for all the great pains he have caused before.

"Jess, I want to share this special day with my family. I want each and every one of them to be there. Frankie is my step brother so he should also be there. I have already moved on from the past and have forgiven him."

"He's not just your step brother, he is your fucking evil step brother for crying out loud!"

"One of Cinderella's wicked step sisters changed for good Jessica, and so did Frankie."

"It's either you're plain stupid or you're just buying your way into heaven by being too nice to everyone who wronged you before. Who do you want to be? Jolly old Saint Niclas?"

"Am I supposed to laugh at that? Because if that's supposed to be a joke it's very lame and pathetic."

"Bite me."

A phone call saved me from Jessica's never ending ramblings. I took my vibrating cell phone out from my right pocket as an unregistered and unfamiliar number was calling. I was hesitant to answer the phone call at first but I immediately thought that maybe one of our guests got lost and might be calling for directions. I pressed the answer key.

"Hello?"

All I got was silence. I was about to push the end call button when I heard the person from the other end of the line coughed a few times before being able to speak. The voice was a bit different now, but I knew exactly who it was.

"Calvin..."

The expression on Jessica's face changed from curiosity to shock as she heard me say Calvin's name.

"Yeah Niclas, it's me Calvin. I heard you're getting married today. Well, I just called to say my best wishes to both of you. And to warn you, they say that marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your lives. You might want to change your mind."

I actually laughed at that and appreciated his attempt of trying to keep our conversation light and comfortable. It's been a long time since the last time we talked to each other.

"Thanks Calvin, that's so nice of you and no, I have made up my mind and I'm ready to annoy Lancelot for the rest of his life."

"Poor guy."Calvin snorted.

"Yeah, but he loves me enough to bear with me."

An uncomfortable silence followed after. I should have never said that.

"So... how are you doing?"

"Still the same Niclas. I've lost a lot of weight, but I'm doing okay, can't say I feel great but I'm okay. I'm living with my sister now, you still remember her, right? She takes care of everything I need."

Calvin and Frankie's relationship lasted for five months. Frankie doesn't love him at the first place. He was just after Calvin because he was mine. But the case was different for Calvin, he did love Frankie and when he found out that he just used him, it really broke his heart. After their relationship ended, Calvin decided not to get in a steady relationship ever again and just slept around with different men to get his rocks off. Last year Calvin found out that he has AIDS.

"It's good to know that you and Thelma are on speaking terms again."

"I have to make amends to the people I have hurt before. I have to make everything right before...before..."

"Before it's too late?"

"You're too kind, before I die."

I know I'm supposed to say Calvin got what he deserved. I hated him so badly with what he did to me, and I even planned to get even before. But I knew deep inside that I would never wish for something like this to happen to the guy. Getting happiness and satisfaction from another's suffering is wrong.

"Niclas?"

"Yeah?"

"Have I ever told you how much I regret that I let you go?"

"Calvin..."

"I've been thinking Niclas. I was so stupid. I messed up real bad. I know that it's too late. But I just want you to know that you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I should have never caused you pain."

"Calvin please stop."

"I'm very happy that you found the right person for you, that you have finally found happiness."

I can't stop the tears that fell from my eyes. I feel bad for Calvin. I feel bad that it has to end up this way for him.

"Goodbye Niclas."

"Goodbye Calvin..."

***************

Rachel Zoe's words are exactly what have happened to me recently. I just died.

I am one big fucking mess. I have not been eating properly. I smell bad (my definition of a good and proper hygiene nowadays is splashing water to my face and a few breath mints). I have been singing along to silly heartbreak songs and have been crying myself to sleep each night. People at work have been avoiding me, like I'm the Bubonic Plague or something. Michael, Jessica's husband, calls me "The Dead Man Walking". The thing is, I just don't give a damn what other people think anymore.

Already broken, already gone, already know you're moving on

I'm a breathing, talking, dead man, walking

Already see it, in your face, already someone, in my place

I'm a breathing, talking, dead man, walking...

This is from the chorus of the song Dead Man Walking by my oh-so reliable and favorite band, The Script. Now you know where my new "nickname" came from. This is not my most favorite song from their second album, but after Calvin and I broke up, wait that's wrong, after I dumped his sorry and cheating ass out of my life, this somehow suddenly became my life's sound track.

Why am I doing this to myself? Because it hurts. It's funny because somewhere deep inside of me I already felt that Calvin and I have been drifting apart from each other, but I ignored it because I thought that maybe it was just my insecurities trying to get the best of me. I also had the gut feeling that there was something fishy going on with him always leaving the house too early for work and getting home very late from work, so I shouldn't have been surprised when Jessica told me he had been cheating. What shocked me the most is that he has been cheating with my step brother. Jessica and Michael had caught Calvin cheating on me with Frankie. They went out with a few friends one night to a club for a couple of drinks when they saw the two of them on the club's dance floor, and they weren't just simply dancing. They were doing that and more. Jessica convinced Michael to follow Calvin and Frankie when they left and they saw them went straight home to Frankie's house (which is a few blocks from our house) together. Unless you're an idiot, it would be so easy to figure out what they were actually doing inside. The first time it happened, Jessica was supposed to tell me but Michael stopped her, and made her promise that she wouldn't ruin our relationship. He said that he was just concerned about me. Yeah right. This made Jessica so mad but in the end she decided not to tell me. Just not yet.

Then it happened again, and again and again, and they always end up going home together every time. The fifth time Jessica saw Calvin and Frankie in that club "dancing", she just couldn't lie to me anymore. This is the reason why she never liked Calvin. She knew it all along, but she didn't tell me. Am I supposed to get mad at them? Yes, I have every right to, but I just can't. They are all I have right now.

This is not the first time I got my heart broken. I had history of dating one douche bag after the other and still I haven't learned my lesson.

Jacob was my first boyfriend. I met him when I was fifteen years old. It was love at first sight, and we did love each other even at our young age. I was already out to my family during that time and they were aware of our relationship, but unfortunately, Jacob wasn't so we have to keep it a secret from his family, especially from his father. We kept it from their knowledge for a year until one day, his eldest sister caught us having sex in my bedroom. Up to this day I have no idea what was his sister doing inside our house. To make a long story short, his sister told his father about what she saw, his father got mad as hell, and then I was not allowed to see him for a week. The next thing I know they had already moved out of their house and lived a thousand of miles away from us. Jacob tried to contact me a few months after, but his father caught him talking to me on the phone and we lost communication after that.

My second boyfriend, Steven, was one of Lancelot's teammates. He got a head cheerleader from another school pregnant. He told me that I am the one he really loves and that he would choose me over her, but I didn't let him do that. I came from a broken family, and I knew how hard it is to grow up without a loving father by your side. I didn't want their unborn child to experience that, so I had to give him up.

My third boyfriend, Carl broke up with me because he was secretly in love with his band mate. Elliot, my fourth, was in love with himself. Russell, my fifth boyfriend is a drug addict. John Mayer became my boyfriend too, and you know how he is. No, I was just kidding.

Tom, boyfriend number six, had two secrets. First, he was a porn star. Bubble butt? Check! Giant dick? Check! Hot ripped body? Check! Stiff acting? Check! That was a major turn on for me. Pretty hot eh? Wait until you find out what his second secret was. He has a wife and two kids. I always dreamt of being fucked by a hung and hot porn star, but never in my life had I wanted to become a home wrecker.

Calvin was my seventh boyfriend and well, you know how that turned out. What the hell is wrong with me?

***************

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you honey."

"Yeah, Jessica's right. It's that Calvin's loss, not yours."

"He doesn't deserve you anyway. You're better, much better off without that garbage."

These were Jessica and Christian's attempt to make me feel better. I appreciate the fact that they were trying to do what good friends are supposed to do when a bad situation like this happens, but no wise words can make the pain in me go away. I've been staying at Jessica and Michael's house for a week now. Most of my stuff is still in Calvin's place and Jessica suggested that we get the rest of my things today so I can finally move on. Christian came over to lend a helping hand.

"So you still have the keys to his house?" He asked as we made our way to Calvin's front door.

"Yeah, but I'll leave these on his study table once we get all of my things."

Standing outside the door as I unlocked it, another car parked in front of the house. All of our heads turned at the same time to see who had just arrived. It was Frankie. He was wearing a black shirt under a Comme Des Garcons Homme printed jacket, a blue belt and red trousers. He walked towards us and shot us a disgusted look.

"Well, if it isn't my pathetic and loser step brother. It's so nice to see you Niclas."

"Give this one to me Niclas, I'll bitch slap this step brother of yours and give him what he deserves."

"There's no need for that Jess. You look good Frankie." I still tried to be nice to him. As much as I want to bitch slap the guy too, I'm not like that. Doing that will lead to more fights and problems and I already had enough of that.

I never got the chance to meet my dad. My mother said that he left us when she was six months pregnant with me. The reason why he left us is still not clear to me because my mother always refuses to talk about him. God knows how many times I have attempted to dig up information from her, but I have never gotten any. When I was thirteen years old, she got married to my step father, James. James had two kids from his previous marriage, Frankie and Claire. Claire was staying at their mother's house in Hawaii and Frankie decided to live with their father, with us. I treated him like a real brother and was so nice to him. When the other kids at school were bullying and teasing him I would quickly rush to his side to help and protect him from them. I have always been there for him, and I can't believe that this is how he repays me.

"What are you doing here Niclas?"

"Actually, I was about to ask you the same thing Frankie."

"I now live here, Niclas. Calvin, my boyfriend, asked me to move in yesterday. He told me he finally got rid of his worthless and whiny ex-boyfriend. That was his words by the way."

If I am worthless and whiny, then he is a conceited and cocky son of a bitch.

"You bitch..."

"Jess, stop it. He's not worth it."

Frankie looked at Jessica and raised his eyebrow.

"Jessica! Is that really you? Oh I am really sorry, I didn't recognize you. Have you gained some weight? You look two times bigger since the last time I saw you." A smug smile appeared on Frankie's lips and I could see Jessica has already lost all the patience she has got with my step brother.

"Alright that's it Niclas! Let me at him! Let me at him!"

"Christian can you please take Jessica back to the car?"

Christian nodded his head at me and pulled Jessica away from us. I faced Frankie again and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"Why are you doing this Frankie?"

"Why am I doing this to you? It's simple. I hate you! I fucking hate and despise you!"

Hate me? Why would he hate me? All these years I only showed him love and kindness. I made him feel he was important to me, that I cared for him. I never expected that our relationship as brothers would end up like this.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to live in your shadows? "

"I can't believe you are willing to throw away everything we have just because you are insecure!"

"Oh I am not insecure. I am jealous! You are smart and talented. People laugh at your jokes, people are drawn to you. You always get the attention! And you know what the worst part is? That my own father loves you more than he loves me!"

"Frankie that's not true!"

I was taken aback by all his revelations. I want to get mad at him, but all I felt was pity. I can't believe he thinks so less of himself.

"That is the fucking truth! Do you want to know the other truths I have been hiding from you besides this? I don't care if you want to hear them or not, I'll fucking tell you anyway. I was the one who told Jacob's sister and his father about the two of you! Steven didn't get that head cheerleader pregnant. Actually no one got pregnant, you were just stupid enough to believe him. He was in debt that time and I told him I would give him money if and only he breaks up with you. I find it amusing that anyone will do anything for money. I swore to myself that I would do everything it would take to see you fall down and get broken. It was just my luck that you always end up dating a douche bag after another so it was easy for me and it didn't take a lot of effort from me. I feel pleased and contented every time someone breaks your heart."

"So stealing Calvin from me is a part of your master plan?"

"I thought you should have figured that out by now."

I was left wordless. This is not Frankie, but after hearing everything he has got to say today, I totally have no fucking clue who the real Frankie is. His insecurities, his envy of me, turned him to a cold-blooded, insensitive human being whose only goal is to see me fall down, hit the floor face first and shatter into million pieces. The person in front of me is a total stranger.

"Frankie, the rest of my stuff, I need them."

I just want to take my things and leave this place immediately.

"I put everything away in a garbage bag. It's in the garage. It's a good thing you came by, I was about to throw them away today."

I gave him the extra keys that I have and started to walk towards the garage.

"Thanks. And Frankie..."

"What?"

"I hope you're happy."

***************

"I can't believe he called me fat!" Jessica shrieked as we were driving back from Calvin and Frankie's house. "I hope he dies miserable and poorly dressed."

"I can't believe he called me worthless and whiny!"

"Well, I can't believe this actually happens in real life. I felt like I was on a set for a soap opera or something. Did he really say that?"

"Yes he did call me fat!"

"Not you Jessica, I'm talking to Niclas."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down myself from this day's events and unexpected revelations.

"Frankie and Calvin can rot in hell for all I care. Jess, you were right. Getting the remainder of my stuff from their place will help me move on. It did help me move on. It made me realize that yeah, I shouldn't be upset, that I shouldn't get depressed because they are so not worth it. You know what, let's go out tonight! Let's celebrate because I'm free!"

"Now you're talking Niclas! And now that you are free, why don't we invite Lancelot to join us for tonight?"

I smiled at her, liking the idea that finally I have the chance to really get to know Lancelot without having feelings of guilt and betrayal.

***************

I thought that this night is supposed to be all about having fun and celebrating my new found freedom, I guess I was wrong.