All Comments on 'Dirty Little Cum Slut'

She wanted a full load of cum inside her! She love wiggling her finger in his ass! That's hot!

The first 2 paragraphs were great. Afterwards I wished you would have given the gal a dominant role in the story.

I tried several times to read the story and I found it did not keep my interest, at all.

Using personal pronouns "you" is a major distraction for me and I loose interest in the story. There are many different ways to write a story instead of using the personal pronoun "you."

Also this story switches between first person, "I" and second person "you" which makes the story difficult to maintain my interest.

Third issue for me is that you use the same word to start more than one sentence in the same paragraph which again makes the story very difficult to maintain an interest.

The advice I would give you would be to stick to one perspective (1st person, 2nd person, or third person) and look at ways to increase word variety in order to make the story more interesting and to keep the reader's interest.

Love the description of your puckered and hard nipples....

I long to suckle them!