Discovering Sin Ch. 03

“I watched a young married couple undressed each other and then performed oral sex and fucked for the audience. It shocked me as I thought back on the incident, because before the show started, she sat by my side and asked if I wanted to have sex with her on the stage. With her broken English, I didn’t understand until I had left what she had asked, and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it and all the implication associated with it.”

“On a later trip one of the hustlers took me to a body massage parlor, where the specialty was a full body massage by a beautiful young Thai girl. The massage always ended up with the girl naked while she used her whole body to do the massage. It ended up with us having sex, and I went back to one of the parlors or had a girl come to my hotel room on most of my visits to Bangkok after that.”

“I felt guilty but didn’t have the nerve to confess to you. I convinced myself that you didn’t deserve to be hurt and tried to work harder at making you and the kids happy to make up for it, so you see, I have just as much reason to ask for your forgiveness as you do to ask for mine. You know I try to not be judgmental of others.” I said. “Thailand probably had a lot to do with making me that way.”

“Craig,” Cyn said. “You told me you were inside the Landing Strip and watched while Leon and I fucked so, so wildly. Leon told me you were the one who paid the $100.00 to get me to dance, why did you do that, why didn’t you try to stop us?”

“Excellent questions and you’re not the first to raise them. I’ve even asked my self the same, and the answer goes far beyond the point of being non-judgmental. When we were in college you told me about riding in a bus one day and looking out the window at a passing car in time to see a guy driving along side with his pants down while he played with his stiff cock.”

“Although I was not the guy, I related to him that because I was struggling with exhibitionistic urges during that period myself. My first climax came when my sister surprised me and almost caught me naked like your brother caught you. First experiences like that can set deep psychological roots into our personalities.”

“If I had watched strangers doing what the two of you did in the Landing Strip, it would have been completely exiting, as exiting as anything I would have ever seen, but since neither of you were ‘strangers’, and I knew your thoughts better, it was far more erotic than anything I could imagine. The only difficulty was in dealing with the jealousy, emotion and even anger, but in reality all of those things just pushed the sexual excitement that much higher.”

“The only thing I wanted without question in our sexual life was to know that you truly and completely wanted sex, and to be able to surrender to unrestrained sexual passion, for sure I wanted to be the source of inspiration to that passion, and the jealousy came in wondering whether or not someone else was capable of lifting you higher than I could, not in resenting the fact you felt what you did. I will never want anything but the greatest sex in the world for you and me both, and I don’t want to take anything off the table that may be needed to help that happen.”

“The only thing that really hurt, and that I’m not willing to let happen again is that your sexual fulfillment and my own in Thailand was done in secret from each other and outside our relationship. If we can’t come together in a relationship that doesn’t smother the sex out of either of us, there’s no point in living together any longer.” I said closing my argument.

We were both quiet for a long time as we moved abut the rooms and privately considered all that we both had shared and the associated implications. Neither of us wondered if the other still felt love, but we had to try as best we could to see if we could live with and meet the responsibilities included in the parameters for sharing and expression that were being formed.

“Cynthia,” I asked, breaking the long silence. “Think back, a long time ago to just before we got married. There was a wedge between us at a point that put our plans for marriage on hold while you, if I remember correctly wanted to test our relationship by dating other men to find out for sure if I was the one for you.” I knew she remembered when she hung her head and blushed with embarrassment. “You started to see a guy named Rick, remember?” Now she looked fearful, as she slightly nodded her head.

“You fucked him, right?” I asked knowing the question had been asked and answered long ago.

“You know I did, you saw us in the car outside my apartment, but I confessed all that to you then, before we got back together again.”

“Confessed, yes you did, but you didn’t tell me how much fucking you were doing, and where.” She wrapped her arms around herself and curled her body into a ball to be as small as possible and rocked back and forth in visible conflict.

“He fucked me a lot Craig, sometimes as many as four or five times in a day. We did it on campus in corridors between classes, in bathrooms, in the bushes, on the lawn, all over the place. He loved risky dangerous sex and he made sure a lot of people saw us doing it. He also shared me with his roommates and let them fuck me anywhere they wanted. It went on for almost two months. The whole time I wanted to date others.”

“Did it start before you started the dating test?” I asked.

“No it didn’t.” She said, I had seen him and there was something about the way he looked t me that made me think he wanted to see me and it made me hot. That’s why I said I thought we should see others.”

“Did you ever fuck him after you told me you broke things off?” I asked.

“No, the only thing I could think of then was that I had lost you and couldn’t think of anything else or want to see anyone else.”

“Did you ever fantasize about Rick after we got married, or think about having sex with him?

“I’m sorry; she said softly there were times early on that I thought about all the wild sex, with Eddy and with Rick, it was nothing but sex and it was dirty and nasty and I thought about it and him a lot. I masturbated and was afraid if I saw him again we would end up having sex if he took control.

“For eighteen years, I’ve always believed you never strayed even once until recently. Is that true?” I asked.

“Yes it is, I haven’t done anything with anyone else since we got married until now. The situation with Rick became negative, he was a control freak and it got to the point where there was no pleasure or excitement in it. I think that’s why I was able to bring my desires under control so well for so long, because it became ugly.” She said, and I knew she was telling the truth but repeated an earlier question for emphasis. “Did you ever think about Rick and the things you did again and wish you could have had him after we got back together?”

She hung her head and admitted that he had been the source of many masturbatory fantasies, mostly in the earlier part of our marriage after the newness of our new married life had worn off.

“These feelings and desires aren’t going away just because you tell them to Cyn, or because I force you to bury them” I said without worry. “They are a part of you, and even though I was too stupid to see them there on my own, now that I know they are there, I don’t want to see them smothered anymore than you do. I don’t know what this means right now, I don’t want to know, but I want to be prepared if they show up again, and I want them to be explored with ‘us’ if they do, not just you or I”

“But wouldn’t those things directly threaten our marriage. They’re in violation of the marriage vows we made to each other and apparently we’ve both screwed up already. How could they possibly exist any longer without destroying our marriage, I won’t live with that risk anymore, I can’t.” She said almost despondent with memory and apprehension.

“Honey, I know it sounds ridiculous at first, but think it over. What was the main ingredient in your mind that made you feel you were addicted?” I asked as we reasoned together.

“I don’t know, I guess the exhibitionism, loss of control, a sense of danger and risk. They all seemed to play a big part, but I guess the fact I was willing to risk everything for dangerous sex under someone else’s direction was the most stimulating thing of all. But you see, that’s why it wouldn’t work, I wanted someone else outside our marriage to make me do nasty wicked things that I believed would hut you. I certainly didn’t hate you, anything but that, but there was a sadistic part somewhere in there that wanted you to hurt while I got off on sex right in front of you.”

“I’m afraid that if I got into things the way I was, I might change, and the willingness to hurt you would come up again. I just don’t want to take that chance again.”

I had been thinking seriously about this for several days and so I was still trying to process her thoughts against my own, and after considering everything again I spoke. “Cyn, there are two separate contexts that we are dealing with here, and I’ll agree they are not really compatible. One is our relationship on the basis of love, true love. The other context is of our relationship on the basis of lust with passion and daring. I know that lust and passion exist as a part of both contexts but in the first, love rules the passion, in the second, passion rules the lust.

“My point is that the presence of risk didn’t stop either one of us from stepping into danger before. If we want control and excitement, then we need to understand what causes the pressure inside us that leads us to take the risks, and learn to manage it together. The context of love contains the control and security we both need to base the future and our lives together on, the context of lust contains the passion and daring we both want in order to feel alive, and both of these contexts will play an important role in our success or failure.”

These concepts were so weighty and complex that we both desperately needed a good night’s rest before anything more was said. “I think it’s time we shelved this until tomorrow morning.” I said. “We both need rest.” Cyn agreed completely and we walked off towards the bedrooms and a nights rest. Cynthia gathered her nightgown and robe but instead of putting them on started out the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“To the spare bedroom,” She answered.

“Are you mad at what I said? I asked again.

“No, of course I’m not mad” Cyn said, “I thought you would want this bedroom and you wouldn’t want me in here with you.”

“You know the rule Cynthia, neither of us get’s to send the other away.” I said and I hoped the subtle warm smile I was trying to make showed through.

Almost timidly, like we newlyweds, Cyn started to undress. I just stood there and watched her every move, which probably made her self conscious and blush. I loved her nervousness and my penis quickly grew hard tenting my slacks. While she stood before me in just a sexy sheer bra and almost transparent bikini panties, my cock throbbed and pulsed in my pants. She could see the evidence of my arousal and her nipples grew firm in response.

She looked at my bulge, then into my eyes, and brought both hands to her breasts to fondle them and pinch her nipples to greater hardness. While she studied my face she ran a sensual tongue over her lips to moisten them, and then she slipped her thumbs into the waist of her panties and slowly pushed them down while moving her hips slowly from side to side. Naked except for her bra she opened the closet door and located her sexiest high heeled shoes with thin straps that held them on and slipped her delicate feet into them.

“Hell,” I thought aloud what a wet dream. Next she literally undulated her way across the room and knelt in front of me. Like it was a sensuous art form, she undid my belt, unfastened my trousers and slowly lowered the hissing zipper. She tenderly drew my pants and underwear down to my ankles and lovingly administered to my painfully swollen cock. Loving kisses were applied to every inch of exposed flesh and she licked its length warming it more before she took it into her mouth. Cyn had sucked my cock before, and I knew she had sucked others, but the sensations of love and adoration she communicated through her oral love were unlike anything she or I had ever experienced in our lives.

She didn’t bring me to climax with her mouth, and I didn’t feel any measure of regret because of it. I had already unbuttoned my shirt but left it hanging loose; she stood and we embraced while she opened and slipped the shirt from my shoulders and off so we could feel the heat of our nakedness against each other. Cynthia urged me to the bed and I sat and then lay back on its length.

There was a small clutch bag on the night stand and she quickly retrieved a foil packet from inside. She deftly opened it and extracted the latex protection. As I lay there watching, she laid the protective membrane on the tip of my hard penis, and then using her mouth and teeth lovingly rolled it down over my excited shaft. I never had liked condoms, I thought they distracted from the spontaneous excitement of sex as well as the physical pleasure. This was certainly an exception, I knew she did it to protect me in case she had acquired an infection that could hurt me, furthermore I knew it represented an honest effort on her part to try to be safe in the promiscuous sex in which she had been engaged, in spite of the fact I knew some of the times lust had exceeded reason.

She applied a little oil also from the table to make sure there would be no uncomfortable dryness for either of us and stroked my cock lovingly to make sure it was completely covered. Then in response to our sexual need she moved to straddle my body. I saw a tear slip from her lower eye lid and run down her cheek and knew it was from regret that the condom was needed, gratitude for my understanding and mostly for the deep and abiding love that I knew was making her heart burst like never before.

Cyn rose up, and then took hold of my straining member to guide it to her wet and waiting womb. She lowered her body onto my full length and shuddered at the feeling of fullness and complete possession. She just sat there for a moment as my penis throbbed inside her and the soft moist walls of her tightly gripping pussy flexed and relaxed to fuck my cock without other movement. Then our passion and lust rose as did her body and she began to seriously fuck up and down the full length of my aroused organ.

I thought when this coupling finally happened, that it might be strained and uncomfortable, or that our pent up lust would cause the fucking to be short and dynamic for both of us. In reality it was magical for us. I could speak for both because never before had we been so at one with each other. It seemed like we fucked on and on without tiring for hours trying to devour one another in that need to be merged. Eventually the tempo signaled the need in both of us to cum, and each or our energies fed off the other until both our bodies became rigid with every muscle joining in for power and mutual support to drag from us one large crescendo orgasm.

Cyn laid her body down along mine and we continued to hold each other as we enjoyed the afterglow of sex. We fell asleep like that and it must have been hours later when I awoke and felt myself still sheathed in her warm cunt before I drifted off again. In the morning I woke to the warm sensation of her mouth making oral love to my rested tool again. As I lay there in the sweet luxurious haze of early morning I was thrilled as she brought me fully out of my rest and took my entire load into her mouth as I pumped jet after jet of hot sperm into her throat.

I pushed her over onto her back and fondled her tits through her loosened bra. She had released the strap for comfort but had not removed it and I pushed it up and took in a large mouthful of tit so I could suck its nipple to hardness. I alternated between large mouthfuls and just nibbling her nipples until the erogenous connection between her tits and pussy had created a swamp that needed to be drained.

I kissed down along her body and down to her knee before kissing back up the sensitive flesh between her legs. When I got to her beautiful pussy I just looked at it and worshiped the erotic scene of her swollen labia and dripping slit. I played with her sensitive lips and teased her erect clitoral bud before drilling the length of my rolled tongue into her moistness to add to the two fingers already plowing in and out. When I was ready to concentrate my attention on her desperately needy clit she was almost mad with lust. It didn’t take long before she was thrashing and screaming through an intense climax, and I wondered how much the kids were hearing.

As we settled back down and rubbed the remaining sleep from our eyes, I worried a little that the precautions we took the previous night were made pointless by the morning’s oral sex, but Cyn said she had received preliminary good news. It was 10:30 already and she had called Jenny earlier this morning while I still slept. She had called her Thursday morning as well and Jenny had stopped by with a friend a few hours later to draw blood for tests. Due to the sexual nature of the business Jenny was in, testing for STDS was a fairly common practice. Initial tests concluded Cyn was free of infection, and although it would take longer to be 100% sure nothing was wrong, we were 99% sure already.

In case you’re wondering, we didn’t stay in bed all day there was a lot to do on Saturdays and for the rest of the day we were caught up in normalcy. Late in the afternoon, and early evening we talked alone again. We rehearsed much of what was discussed the previous night until we were both resolved that our lives could go on and that what ever came we would make sure we were in it together. The only risk that I truly didn’t want to deal with was having one of us fall in love with someone else, but then I thought if that could happen, sex would probably have little to do with it.

We both understood that if we strayed off a conservative path into morally murky waters that we were putting everything at risk until we were back on dry land. Although we had faith in each other, there was no way we could guarantee that we wouldn’t be burned if we played with matches. We also realized that we shared a lot of, shall we say ‘non-traditional’ notions and values, and that for at least the time being we were not sure we wanted to take the risk associated with dumping all of those non-traditional oily rags into the corner and chance the possibility of spontaneous combustion.

Somehow we didn’t fancy the idea of permanently destroying them either. That’s what most people would probably say was the prudent and responsible path. Maybe we were just too young at heart to be that wise and mature.

We were getting hungry and started to make plans for dinner, and Cyn asked if we could go out to Antonio’s a quiet little Italian place we enjoyed in the city. I liked that idea as well and we headed to the bedroom to change. I hadn’t read her account of that Wednesday filled with sex and was curious about what she was thinking, especially while she undressed in the street outside our bedroom window. I waited until she had taken most of her clothes off to change and then told her that I wanted to know what happened, and what she was thinking.

“Are you sure you don’t want to read it in full detail?” She asked hoping I would.

“I would rather here a short version from you now.” I whispered in her ear, “But I want you to take everything off and stand in front of the window with the blinds open so you can see what I saw.

Her eyes blinked open in shock and she said, “But some may see Craig.”