Don't Ask

"Why? Why do you need me?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't know what to say in that moment. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I couldn't get the words, out though. They were too dangerous.

I put my hands on his face and pulled back just enough to look into his eyes.

"Believe me when I tell you, I can not bear to lose you. I don't want to leave my grandma, but I will follow you out there if I have to. But you can not leave me. I can't imagine my life without you." It wasn't as much as I wanted to say, but I hoped he'd understand.

He nodded, then wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

After a moment, we headed in the house and had dinner. I called home and told Mom I'd be staying with Xander that night and he would take me to school the next day.

I don't know who initiated it, but I ended up in Xander's bed that night, next to him. We lay face to face, holding each other. Just looking at each other, until we drifted off to sleep.

I slept well that night.

The commute to school was very quiet the next day. We were both lost in our own thoughts. I was definitely in love with him. I couldn't do this with Xander. Not only were we both supposed to be straight, but he was my best and only friend. Even if it did escalate to a romantic relationship, what if it didn't work out? I couldn't lose him. I couldn't hide my feelings, either. Not to mention if my family found out. I pushed those thoughts away, right now. I could worry about my dad later. What concerned me was not losing Xander.

He needed to go to LA. At least that way we could remain friends.

Amy approached me after school that day, right before wrestling practice.

"Well, did you have fun on Friday?" she asked me. She seemed a little upset.

"Amy, I'm sorry. I usually don't do that. I've been going through some stuff lately." I sincerely meant it. Nobody deserved to be ditched at a party. "And thanks for calling Xander to come get me."

"It's fine, I had one of my girlfriends take me home." She looked at me through her eyelashes. "If we go out again, will you be a better date?" she pouted.

I smiled at her sweetness. "Sure, I'll try."

"Okay, pick me up tomorrow night?" she grinned.

"Alright." I owed it to her, I felt.

I leaned over to kiss her cheek, but she turned and kissed me on the lips.

I pulled back, surprised at her boldness. She winked and walked away.

I stood up and glanced over my shoulder. Xander was watching me. He turned away, quickly but his expression was dark.

Practice went well that day, but Xander was definitely upset about something. We weren't sparring against each other, but he was much more aggressive than usual. I winced as he tackled some poor guy.

Afterwards, I went back to lift some weights. I had left my water bottle in the wrestling room, and I went back to get it. I heard movement behind me, and glanced back.

Xander had followed me into the room. He had the same, stormy expression on his face. Still wearing his wrestling clothes. He was staring me down.

"What's up, man?" I asked lightheartedly, but he didn't even crack a smile.

"I saw you kissing Amy." he said coldly.

I took a few steps toward him. "Yeah? So?"

Without another word, he tackled me to the ground. For a moment, the wind was knocked out of me, but then I was seeing red. Who did this guy think he was?

I rolled back over and tried to get him in a headlock to calm him down, but he was wild. We managed to get back to our feet, but he went down for my knees and had me down again. It probably looked like we were just running drills, but I think he was really trying to hurt me. We were pretty evenly matched, so I managed to shake him off.

I was back on my feet again, and he jumped up, eyeing me with a crazed look.

"Xander, what is the matter? Can't we talk about this?"

Mr. Therapist was in no talking mood. He lunged forward and decked me. I dodged, but his blow glanced off my jaw.

I was in shock. I put my hand up to my mouth. He hadn't hit me full force, but my lip was bleeding and it felt swollen. I looked up at him.

He wasn't angry anymore. There were tears in his eyes as he grabbed the back of my neck with his right hand and ran his left thumb over my lip.

"Oh man, I'm sorry. I've messed everything up. I was just...so angry. I can't believe it." he was babbling.

I used my shirt to wipe the blood from my mouth, but he didn't let go of me.

"Xander, what are you talking about? Why would you come in here and just start wailing on me? What is your problem?" I was fuming, so mad I wanted to hit him back, but I didn't want to hurt him. I fought to keep my temper in check as I looked into his eyes. We were both breathing hard from exhaustion. His hand was searing on the back of my neck and he had a desperate look in his eyes.

That's when he leaned in and kissed me. Hard. Rough. His tongue went deep into my mouth and he pulled my body close to his. I was surprised, but desire coursed through my body immediately. My cock became rock hard and I grabbed a handful of his hair and kissed him back.

It was so good. A hell of a lot better than kissing any girl. I finally pulled away and looked into his eyes. He looked so cute. His face was flushed, his hair was tousled and he was almost panting.

"I've been wanting to do that for years." he whispered huskily.

I looked at him in surprise. "So I'm not the only one?" I asked softly.

"Definitely not," he replied and kissed me again.

"I'm gonna go home and get my stuff...I'm staying the night with you."

He nodded, desire evident in his eyes.

"I'll be at your house soon."

I hopped in my car and ran home, where I showered, making sure I washed thoroughly. I dressed in a nice polo and shorts, and threw on some cologne. My heart was pounding and my head was racing.

So Xander felt the same way about me. That actually made sense now that I thought about it. I guess we've both been in love all this time and neither of us wanted to admit it.

I pulled up in his driveway, butterflies in my stomach.

When I walked in, Xander greeted me at the door wearing jeans and no shirt, his hair still damp from the shower. He looked just as flustered and excited as I felt. He handed me a glass of Coke and I downed most of it in one swallow. He grabbed the bag from my hand and threw it on the couch unceremoniously, then took the empty glass and set it on the table.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close for a long moment. There's not much I can say to describe to you what it feels like to be in someone's arms after you've spent a lifetime wanting them. It's heavenly.

He brushed my hair aside and whispered in my ear,

"James, I've been in love with you.....well, it seems like forever. I don't know when I first realized it, or how long I've known it, but you're the only person in my life who really knows me, who really cares about me."

I pulled back and looked in his eyes. There were tears there, and I could feel the passion in his voice and his gaze. "Were you really going to leave me, Xander?"

He smiled and kissed my cheek, touching my face. His touch was like silk.

"Only because I was scared. I was scared of my feelings for you, and I was afraid you didn't feel the same way. Especially when I saw Amy trying to kiss you. But now that I know that you....love me, too....I'm not going anywhere. At least, not without you." he smiled and blushed as he said those last words.

"You do love me, don't you, James?"

Did he really have to ask? I had only one answer for him

I leaned in and kissed him. My tongue entered his soft mouth and gently explored it, and my arms went around him, stroking his back. He moaned against me, pushing his tongue back against mine as we wrestled for control. He broke the kiss and looked at me. We were both breathing hard and his eyes had a look of pure lust. I pressed my groin into his and he groaned. I could feel his dick getting hard through his pants. Mine had been hard almost since he first kissed me.

"You're still a virgin, too, aren't you, James?" he asked me.

"Yeah, you know that." We were both somewhat inexperienced sexually, but we often discussed our antics at length. We had both gotten and received some oral sex but that was pretty much it. We definitely hadn't been with any other guys.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just a little nervous." he laughed softly.

I kissed his forehead and took a deep breath. "I'm nervous too, X. We don't have to do anything if you're not ready. We can just take it slow." My body was aching for him, but if he needed time, that was fine with me.

He kissed me again, hungrily, and grabbed my hand. "I don't think I can wait any longer. We might not know what we're doing, but fuck it, we'll figure it out."

I grinned as we made our way to the bedroom. He pulled the curtains, plunging the room into almost darkness. His brown eyes glimmered at me from across the room.

He had started off as the aggressor, but now I pounced on him, pulling his body to mine and invading his mouth with a deep, passionate kiss. He whimpered and yielded to me as I began to unfasten his pants, pulling them down his hips, taking his boxers with them. He stood naked before me.

His body was beautiful. He was solid, with well defined muscles that weren't too bulky. His skin was golden from the sun, and I could clearly make out the tan lines from where we'd been to the beach the other day. I started kissing his neck, working my way down his chest. He sighed and shuddered at my touch, letting me dominate him completely. I wanted nothing more than to please him, to make him moan. I worked my way down to his cock, and dropped to my knees.

Growing up together, we'd definitely seen each other naked a few times, and I had always been appreciative of his male organ. He was about my length, 6 inches, circumcised, but he was very thick with a big mushroom head and large, full balls. Right now, it was fully engorged, with precum on the tip and every swollen vein sticking out.

I placed my hands on his firm ass and brought my mouth to his groin. I licked the tip of his cock, tasting his salty juices, then slowly engulfed it with my mouth. Xander sucked in a deep breath and groaned. I tried to get the whole thing in my mouth, but about halfway in I felt it hit the back of my throat and I gagged. I pulled back, and tried again, relaxing my jaw. Xander moaned again and placed his hands on the back of my head, mostly for support. I could feel him trembling and his knees were weak. I felt powerful.

He was putty in my hands, so to speak. I worked his cock deep in my mouth and slid up and down on it, mimicking the action of sex. I used my tongue to tease the head and the shaft, and I fondled his balls with my right hand while stroking his ass with my left. He began to buck his hips wildly, grabbing my hair in his hands. He was fucking my mouth, and I loved it. I relaxed my throat and received each one of his thrusts.

He was gasping and panting, and he let out a loud groan. "James.." he warned "Oh, god, you're about to make me come.....oh, god.." I didn't let up with my assault, and a moment later I felt his warm come fill my mouth. I couldn't really taste it, so I just swallowed each spurt and kept going, draining him. Finally he began to soften, and I released him. He just dropped onto the bed, shaking.

"Damn, that was amazing....I never knew it could feel like that." he sighed.

I crawled on the bed beside him, and held him as his breathing came down. I felt the same way. It was incredible to give someone else that pleasure, especially someone you really cared about.

Xander recovered a moment later and began to kiss me. Our tongues met and I knew he could taste himself on my mouth. I let out a moan as his hand came to my crotch and he began to rub the aching bulge in my shorts. He sat up and pulled off my shirt, and kept kissing me. Our lips and tongues met, over and over, and we were both groaning in pleasure.

He started to trail kisses down my cheek, my neck, then he came up and nibbled my earlobe, using his tongue to tease the sensitive flesh. I gasped at the sensation; I don't think I knew that spot existed before now. My cock twitched in my pants and he laughed softly in my ear.

"You did it to me, it's only fair." he teased me.

"Yeah, but I hadn't been on the receiving end before." I told him.

"Well get ready because you're about to receive something else." he murmured, working his way down my chest with soft kisses and nibbles. He stopped at my bellybutton and unfastened my shorts. I lifted my hips and allowed him to strip me so that I lay naked before him.

Xander wrapped his hand around my cock and gave it a few firm strokes. I moaned and my cock twitched in his hand. I was pre cumming like crazy. He gave me a smoldering, sexy look just before he went down and took my cock in his lips.

I whimpered and dropped my head back, letting him ravish me. The inside of his mouth was satiny smooth, wet and so unbelievably hot. He teased me with his lips and tongue for a few moments before taking me deep in his throat and working my cock with his mouth. One of his hands stroked the bottom of my shaft and the other grasped my balls gently, stroking them. I placed my hands on the back of his head, burying my fingers in his soft hair. I watched his face as he continued his work on me. His brow was furrowed in concentration, but every so often he would lift his eyes to mine and give me that look again. I sucked in a deep breath, trying not to lose it.

The sensations were so wet and warm as he sucked my cock, and after a moment, I knew it was over. I grabbed the sheets and let out a loud moan. I wanted to tell him what was happening, but my mouth wouldn't work and I said the only thing I could; "Xander....ohhh..."

A second later I felt his finger touch my anus, and slide in slowly. I exploded in his mouth. He did the same thing I had done, just swallowed and kept going, working his finger deep into my rectum. It was too much and I had to beg him to stop before I passed out in pleasure. He stopped and sat up, watching me as I shook on the bed before him. He smirked at me, obviously pleased with himself.

"Was it good, baby?" he asked me, laying down beside me.

"It was amazing." I answered truthfully. I had never had an orgasm like that before. I looked down and noticed his cock was hard again.

Xander leaned over and got a tube of lube and a condom out of his nightstand. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat and I was a little scared. My earlier confidence was a bit shaken. I had never done this before. He saw the expression on my face and leaned over to kiss me, placing his hands on either side of my face.

"Tell me what you want, baby. I can make love to you, or you to me. Whatever you want to do. Talk to me."

I swallowed and looked into his face. His eyes were full of concern and love. I knew I wanted to be with him, to feel him inside me. I knew it would be okay; Xander would take good care of me and not hurt me. My voice trembled as I told him, "I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?" he asked, stroking my cheek.

I nodded, and he kissed me hungrily. He took control over me, now, invading my mouth and body with his hands and lips. I allowed myself to enjoy it, to be consumed with pleasure. All my worries were swept away as he kissed me and gazed into my eyes. There was only him, and my desire for him.

Xander went down between my legs and a moment later I felt something gently probe my entrance. I felt some pain and pressure, but mostly pleasure. I groaned out loud as he slid his fingers in and out, opening my entrance with each stroke. He used his mouth to work my cock as he used his fingers in my ass, getting me ready for him. I just relaxed and let my body surrender.

I heard someone moaning and whimpering, saying "please, please..." It took me a moment to realize it was me.

After what seemed like hours, I finally moaned, "Xander, just do it, please. I want you so bad. Just enter me, now, please."

He sat up and peered down at me. "Are you sure, James?" He stroked my cock and I groaned, nodding vehemently.

I watched as he pulled the condom on and applied more lube. I closed my eyes and lay back. A second later, I felt him at my entrance, pressing. I fought to relax every muscle in my body as he continued to push forward.

The head of his cock popped in, and I moaned. He stopped, and I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was panting in excitement, but he looked at me with warm concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, stroking my cheek.

"Yes. Don't stop." I told him.

He thrust his hips forward, burying his shaft inside me. I heard him gasp and moan with pleasure. "Oh my god, James...you're so tight," he groaned. "I won't last long."

He began to stroke in and out. I was lost in a cloud of pain and pleasure. Intense pleasure. It was even better than I thought it would be. He pushed in deeply; I felt him hit my prostate and I cried out, grabbing his arms.

"Oh, don't stop, Xander, please...." I whimpered.

Xander leaned over and kissed me as we made love. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him deeper, and he reached between us to stroke my cock.

I lost it a moment later, groaning and gasping as I came all over his belly and hand. A moment later, he came as well, biting his lip to keep quiet, and I could feel his cock swelling and throbbing inside me as he released.

Xander dropped his head on my chest and I pulled him close, stroking his hair. He softened and withdrew from my body, but we laid there together for a moment. I felt something wet on my chest and looked down to see him sobbing quietly.

I was scared. What happened? Did he regret it? Made a mistake?

I put my hands on his face and made him look at me.

"Xander? What is it?"

He wiped his face, looking embarrassed.

"Nothing...I just love you, so much." he whispered, his voice breaking. "I just can't believe this is really happening."

I pulled him close to me, with tears in my own eyes, and kissed him for all I was worth. I looked into his eyes and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"I love you, too Xander. I always have. I'm always going to be here for you. You're the only one for me, you always have been."

He smiled and lay his head back on my chest.

"That's just what I wanted to hear." he murmured.

We spent the night in each other's arms.

We drove to school the next day, beaming from ear to ear. Everyone kept asking me why I was so happy, and I wanted to tell them so badly. Damn the consequences. If I was gay, fine. Xander was mine now and we were in love and everything would work itself out. Briefly I imagined telling my family, but cringed. That would have to wait.

I went back to Xander's house after school and as soon as we got in the door we began to pull each other's clothes off. He kissed me and whispered, "I want you on top this time."

I moaned in response and pushed him on the bed. I grabbed the lube and went down and started sucking his cock. I moistened two of my fingers and began to gently work my fingers into his entrance. His breathing quickened and he groaned, his hands pulling at the sheets.

"Oh god, that feels so good."

I looked up at him and smiled. "I'm going to make it feel even better" I told him.

When I felt he was ready, I mounted him, slipped on a condom and began to ease into him gently. That wasn't going to do it for him, though. He grabbed me and pulled me inside him deeply. I stopped, afraid I'd hurt him.

"Xander, are you okay?" He nodded and grinned at me excitedly.

"It hurts, but it feels so good."

I set an easy pace, rocking back and forth slowly, teasing him. His ass was so hot and tight, and I could feel him squeezing my cock with his walls.