Down

One particular team of which Drew is a full fledged fanatic is the local city basketball team. He lives and dies with them, far more often dying as they apparently have rarely been very successful much to his never ending heartbreak and chagrin. But for once, this year they were apparently doing quite well, and were actually advancing deep into the annual national championship tournament. And so it turned out that on the next Saturday evening as he was riveted on the couch in our family room, his eyes glued to our large flat screen TV totally absorbed in the latest of their 'huge' games, that I decided to take the plunge and make my move.

I knew enough from peeking in from the back of the room from time to time that it was a very close and nerve wracking game. As it neared its end the tension emanating from the televison, and more so from my husband on the couch, was evident even to me. The moment had come.

"Drew, honey." I called out to him from the doorway behind. "The garbage is overflowing in the kitchen and I need you to take it outside."

"I will in a bit, Hon." he answered without even looking back.

"I need you to do it now. It's starting to stink." I insisted more loudly.

This time he half turned toward me. "There's only a couple of minutes left to go in the game and it's tied. I'll take it out as soon as the game is over."

A loud cheer could be heard on the TV, instantly drawing his attention back to it. I walked over to the side of the couch so that I was now in his full view.

"No Drew, you have to do it NOW."

"Lori ..." he began to respond sharply ...

"Down." I cut him off vehemently. This time when I used 'the word' I had made sure to be barefoot. Over recent weeks, whenever I had spoken it he had more and more quickly responded on his knees. But this time he just sat there as if in shock as he looked up at me. Another cheer could be heard on the tube and almost without volition he started to turn back toward it.

"Don't make me say it again, Drew." I declared ominously. "You know what the consequences will be."

This drew his attention back to me, and more specifically down to my feet. He continued to hesitate and waver, and I could see him frantically weighing all the variables in his mind. Another crowd eruption from the flat screen. I don't know if my feet being bare made the final difference, but it certainly couldn't have hurt. I must say that when he made his decision he moved quickly. He scrambled off the couch and urgently crawled over to me on his knees and began smothering my feet with kisses.

"Forgive me for being so mule headed" he whispered insistently. Wrong animal, but I gave him that under the circumstances. I remained silent as I let him continue his obeisance. More fan screams from the TV.

"Please Lori, let me take out the garbage." he implored. I knew he wanted to get it done as quickly as possible to get back to the end of the game.

"But I thought you wanted to wait." I replied from above.

"No please, I want to do it right away ... please." he begged, further abasing himself with his lips on my toes. I waited several more seconds, savoring the sensation.

"Okay my love, " I finally relented, "you can go and take it out now. Hurry up, I'll be waiting here for you."

He scampered up off the floor and rushed from the room to gather up all the garbage and take it out to deposit in the outside bins as rapidly as he could. I made my way over tp the sofa and calmly sat down in the middle and put my feet up on a pillow on the table in front. I picked up th TV remote and began scrolling through the cable channels before finally settling on the Home and Garden station. A very few minutes later Drew came charging back into the room. He came to a sudden stop.

"Honey, the game ..." he blurted plaintively.

"Oh, I wasn't interested in that." I answered serenely. "This show is telling me how to take the best care of all the different types of flowers in my garden."

"But the game was tied and it was almost over."

"I'm sure that you can find out who won later."

"But ..."

I looked away from him and glanced down to my feet and then back up at him, and he followed my gaze before his own eyes dropped to the floor. It spoke volumes to the depth of his defeat that I didn't need to voice 'the word' this time. It also spoke volumes to the depth of my love for this man that I then thought in my triumph to offer him a small crumb of consolation ... okay, maybe not so small.

"If you sit down and watch this with me I'll let you massage my feet as we do."

It was indeed heartwarming to see the look of desolation on his face lessen somewhat as he sat down on the end of the couch and I rotated to plop my feet onto his lap. It lightened even more over the next hour as he gave me the most heavenly foot rub I'd had in years. As we both learned so much about what type of mulch worked best for which type of flower.

As gratifying as this victory was, I knew that I had to follow it up and quickly with another one just as powerful, so he would not come to view it as a one time occurrence but rather as the new fabric of our union. Thankfully, and fortuitously, I was presented with the perfect opportunity just two days later. It turned out that Drew's team had won the game that night and were now in the title game for their first time ever and thus, needless to say, playing for a championship they had never won before. As excited as he had been since he had learned that result much later on that night, he was even more so when he arrived home from work two days later.

"Hon, you're never going to believe what happened." he exuberantly proclaimed before even saying hello or kissing me. "Jerry got two tickets for tonight's championship game and he asked me to go with him. I've got to hurry up and change, grab a quick bite and then get down to the arena."

He started to rush past me, but when I didn't move or say anything he stopped.

"Hon?" he asked as if actually puzzled.

This was going to be the acid test.

"You're not going." I said quietly.

"What?" he said as if he hadn't heard correctly.

"You're not going." I said cooly but a little louder.

"Of course I am." he practically shouted. "I've already told Jerry that I'm going."

"That's too bad. You're still not going."

"Why not?" he asked defiantly

"Because you didn't ask ME if you could."

"But this is the championship game. I've waited forever for this. I just can't miss it."

"I guess you'll just have to. You never ask me when you want to watch or go to a game, and that's something that's no longer acceptable and has to change."

"Alright Lori, you're right about that, and I was wrong. I should have asked and I will from now on I promise, and I'm asking now. I have to go to this game."

I waited several beats. "No." I declared. "And anyway I have my own special plans for us this evening."

"But I'm sure those can wait. This game may be a once in a lifetime occurrence."

I smiled.

"Down." I said, only slightly above a whisper.

His eyes widened and his lower lip began to tremble.

"Lori, you can't be serious." he pleaded.

"If you don't want this to be a 'last in a lifetime' occurrence, if you ever want any privileges to my feet again under any circumstances, you know what you have to do. Right now."

"Lori, honey, please."

"Drew, don't make me say it a second time. You know what that will mean."

"Lori ..." he moaned

I began to slowly mouth the word, and seeing this he shut his eyes, and even more slowly practically wilted onto to his knees on the floor, bending over my feet and bringing his face to hover silently several inches above them for long motionless moments. Finally ...

"Please ..." he implored softly. It was as if he was at a crossroads. "Please ..." He hesitated yet again. I unhurriedly began to move my foot away. He made his choice. He bent down further and kissed the top of my slipper.

"Please ... forgive me for being so ... pigheaded."

Again a different animal, but no less correct. I let out a long breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"Okay then Drew, what do you have to do now."

He kissed my slipper again

"I ... I need to call Jerry ..."

"And ..."

"And ... and tell him that I can't go to the game."

"Yes. That's what you have to do. And you better do it right now don't you think?"

"Yes." he sighed and got up and took out his cell phone. He took a few steps and turned away from me slightly as he dialed. I allowed him at least this much of an illusion of privacy.

'Hi Jerry, it's Drew." he started when his friend had answered. "Listen, I know it last minute but I'm not going to be able to go to the game with you tonight." After a moment, "No, there's nothing wrong. It's just that Lori had something special planned for us tonight." He chuckled in a knowing type of way for his unseen audience, and I let him have this little face saving facade. "Of course it'll be after the game, but she wants me home for our 'special' celebration right after, you know what I mean." A pause as he listened. "You bet." he finished. "Thanks again for the invite. I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding someone else to go. Enjoy."

With that he hung up, took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he turned back towards me.

"Well, now we can have a nice dinner together and not just the 'quick bite' you were so foolishly talking about." I offered sweetly. He nodded weakly.

"And after that I really do have something special planned for both of us." I continued.

His head snapped up. "Please let it be after the game." he beseeched. "I've got to watch it on TV at least."

"Oh I don't think that's going to be possible Drew." My eyes were sparkling. "There's a special show on at the same time on the Nature Channel that I don't want to miss. It's about mating rituals of the male baboon. It's supposed to be 'must see' TV.

"Do we have to watch that?" he whimpered.

"You won't have to." I replied agreeably. "You're going to be far too busy giving me a nice 'special' pedicure while I'M watching it." I gave him a moment to let that all sink in. "And if you do an extra good job on that I just may let you watch the end of your game after my show is over."

Amazingly my husband had no rebuttal to this and made no attempt to even offer a counter. Perhaps, upon instant reflection, he realized that on balance he was still coming out very much ahead of the 'game'.

From that point on our marriage became significantly less contentious. There were no more arguments. But there were also very few if any true discussions, certainly not about anything Drew felt was important. If was as if he was walking on eggshells, afraid that any contrary point of view he might express would bring down the hammer. We even seemed to stop talking very much about everyday and mundane things. While in some ways this still seemed better that what I had had before, it was really not what I had been striving for. I wanted my husband to truly buy into the new order, to be an enthusiastic EQUAL partner, not a fearful drone afraid to open his mouth. The purpose of my entire action had been to raise me up, to give me a chance at an equal footing in my consistently losing battle against his many words. Instead, it appeared the he had be brought low to my previous level by my one 'word'.

To try to pierce the increasingly sullen silence that had descended upon us I increased the frequency of our bedroom activities. While he continued to do his utmost there to please me I began to sense that he was beginning to derive mush less pleasure from them himself, likely because, I realized, I persisted in denying him what excited him the most. This bothered me immensely, but I just couldn't bring myself to relinquish the one hold that I had.

After a month of this his frustration ... his need ... apparently became so great that he began to once again provoke me over seeming inconsequential matters, like refusing to help me wash and put away the dishes, or help fold the laundry. This would of course precipitate my use of 'the word', which I soon understood was his purpose no matter what I might be wearing on my feet. He still absolutely avoided any confrontations over serious issues. But even as I now saw what he was doing and why, I was reluctant to stop. I didn't want to give in and lose any of the small amount of authority I had achieved. I was in a double bind. Clearly though, neither one of us seemed happy with how our situation had evolved. I just didn't know how to resolve it. Under our current circumstances it was not something we could easily 'discuss'.

It was after a particularly unsatisfying evening in the bedroom where my own joy had been fully negated when for the first time ever Drew had failed to climax. I lay there in the bed a long, long time staring up at the ceiling. I had won. I had attained my goal. But it all now seemed to be turning so sour. The questions bore down on me. Was this worse than what I had before? In too many ways it seemed to be so. What was I going to do? What could I do? We were sinking so low. In that darkness I began to seriously contemplate surrender, even knowing ... the cost. What else could I do?

But then Drew, lying beside me, Drew, my loving, never having failed me ever, darling Drew, spoke through the crushing silence. Almost wistfully.

"Do you think you might ever again allow me to kiss your feet when we make love?"

It had come from him. It needed to have come from him. Suddenly I saw a possible way forward. It was certainly worth a try. I sat up with my legs crossed beneath me and faced him. I gathered my coalescing thoughts as quickly as possible and plunged ahead.

"I know that you've been trying so hard with all of this Drew, and I really appreciate that." I began. "I'll tell you what, I'll make a deal with you." I now had his undivided attention. "If between now and the next time I decide that we're going to make love, if I don't have to use 'the word' on you at any time, then I WILL allow you to adore my feet again then."

"But, my love." I continued after a pause, "We ARE husband and wife, and we do need to know and share each other's thoughts, even when we might disagree, and I want that to happen as well. Don't worry though," I added to reassure him, "at those times I will give you enough warning before I have to say ... 'something'." Another pause as my heart was in my throat as I wasn't sure which way this might go. "What do you say?" I asked quietly. "Do you think you can do this?"

The love of my life stared up at me and into my eyes, and I thought that I saw that his own eyes were glistening.

'Without any question." He fervently declared.

True to, and beyond his word, for the next several days Drew couldn't do enough around the house, or for me. Everything I asked him to do he did, and quickly. He even began to assume, without my asking, some domestic chores he had never done before. He still remained very tentative in any conversations I tried to initiate, but he did make some cautious forays, and I didn't push him yet in that regard. I let things progress as such for over a week just to be sure it was real and there wouldn't be any back sliding. And indeed, instead, he became even more diligent and attentive. Finally one evening after dinner as he got up to clear off the table I spoke up.

"That can wait for later, Drew." I rose and began to walk away. "Come." I summoned.

He followed me up and into the bedroom. I sat on the side of our bed, slipped off my pump, and then raised and pointed my bare foot towards him.

"Worship" was all I said.

In an instant he was on his knees before me. He cupped my foot delicately in his hands and brought his face down to reverently place his lips on top. He let them linger there, as if entranced, for what seemed like forever before softly and slowly moving them up and around my ankle, down to my heel, then raising my foot up to traverse along my arch and sole to the ball before finally arriving, exquisitely, at my toes.

I reveled in the touch of his tongue as it progressed the entire way. God I had missed this, perhaps almost as much as he. I practically swooned as he lavishly laved and sucked on each of my toes in his mouth, seemingly without end, until he proceeded to do even more so with my other foot. I allowed ... no, luxuriated in this profound adoration until we were both so hot we could not help ourselves from surging up and beyond. To say that what came next was volcanic would make mock of the cataclysm that followed. Suffice to say that when we were done neither of us had anything left within to erupt.

And such is our life as it is today. My husband and I now happily share everything ... chores, decisions, our innermost thoughts and dreams. He is usually allowed to watch and go to his games or out with his friends as he desires, as long as he checks first with me, as I do with him about any of my independent activities. But we do so much more together now as well. He has even grown more confident again to discuss anything and everything with me as he has come to see that more often than not I am willing to meet him more than halfway. But he has also learned that it only takes a certain look from me and a glance toward the floor, for him to cease, desist, and defer. He's only human of course, and so I still have to occasionally use 'the word', but with ever increasing rarity. I must also confess however that I sometimes look for even the flimsiest excuse to send him 'down', just as a reminder, and to keep him on his toes. I'm only human too. To be fair though, I usually try to be barefoot at those times.

In the bedroom of course I still always rule the roost. This is how we both want and need it to be, and where he still consistently, and gloriously rockets me up to the mountaintop ... and beyond. And where, except for those few times preceded by his missteps 'down', he is allowed ... no, actively encouraged ... to indulge his own deepest desire.

And so, after twenty years of marriage, I ... we ... have found what is so often talked, even sung about, but is so rarely achieved ... ongoing and continuous marital bliss and contentment. And while our love for each other is the true and most important force that drives and sustains it we both know that it ... we ... owe so very much in our life together now to that other four letter word...

Down.