Drumbeats Within His Soul

"What grade?"

"I teach in a high school near Cincinnati."

"What brings you here?"

"Oh," he said, looking down a bit, "I have my reasons."

She didn't press any further as she looked at him closely. Melanie noticed a sadness behind his eyes he tried to hide, but was unsuccessful. He seemed pleasant enough, a bit quiet and reticent, but she never liked men who talked incessantly. This foreigner was intriguing to her and she hoped to see more of him. She glanced at his hands and noticed no rings or hint of rings ever being there. She thought it odd that a nice looking man such as himself was not married. Of course, the same could be said about herself as well. Although only twenty-four, many thought she would be married by now, but she thought of no one on the reservation with whom she would want to spend the rest of her life. Most of the men around her age were either already married, unemployed, or she had no interest in them. Marrying a Native was important to her, but it was not the only prerequisite. It didn't matter if he were Shawnee, Cherokee, Choctaw, or any other Nation. It also didn't matter to her if he was full blooded or not. It only mattered if he understood that she would never leave the reservation as long as there were children who needed her to educate them.

They fell silent before Melanie stood up and addressed her class once more. Dan watched her and observed how she kept the children's attention with her style and poise. He noticed her pronounced cheekbones and the way that her nose bobbed up and down as she spoke. His eyes glanced at the outline of her breasts as they pushed against the thin cotton material of her blouse. They were not large, in fact, quite small, but they fit her profile nicely. He looked away quickly when he realized that he was staring at them and hoped that nobody noticed.

As she went to the blackboard to begin the math lesson, Dan left his chair to avoid obstructing their view and went near the back of the room to watch. He could tell that she was very good at what she did, especially how the students responded to her questions. Presently, he felt a tug at his pants and he looked down to find two brown eyes staring at him.

"Can you help me?" she asked in a small, pleasant voice. Dan looked down at her, then at Melanie.

"Sure I can," he said. Dan stooped down until he was level with the small girl. "What do you need?"

"What did Miss Melanie write on the board? It's a little bit blurry to me."

"You can't see it?" he asked softly. She shook her head slowly. "Maybe you should move up to the front so you can see better."

"Miss Melanie doesn't like us to move."

"Oh," Dan said, nodding his head. "Well, in that case..." He took the girl's pencil and wrote the problems on her paper for her. Melanie looked on, curious as to what was happening, but she said nothing. It didn't escape Dan's thoughts that the girl had said Miss Melanie whenever she spoke of her teacher.

"Thank you, Mr. Rieger," she said as he stood up again.

"You're welcome," he said softly, backing away. The rest of the day flew by as the children absorbed everything that Melanie threw at them. One other time, the little girl asked Dan for help and he wrote down things for her. Before he knew it, it was three o'clock and class was over for the day.

The children filed out quickly and silently before they were allowed to talk in the hallway. As soon as they were alone, Melanie asked, "What did Autumn want?"

"The girl?"

"Yes."

"She can't see the board so she asked me what was on it. Why won't you let her sit closer?" He said it before his brain could stop it. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," he apologized. "You must have your reasons."

"No apology needed," she replied. "I had no idea that she was having trouble seeing. She's never said anything."

"She said you didn't want them to change seats," he said, a bit accusingly. Damn it, he exclaimed to himself. Stop it. You're not the teacher here!

"There are exceptions, Mr. Rieger," she said sharply, "and I will rectify it tomorrow."

"Of course you will," he said quickly. "I didn't mean it that way." Why was he acting like such an ass?

"Okay," she said quietly a she began to gather her papers and place them in a brown leather briefcase. She looked at him again and could feel the sadness coming off of him. She wasn't angry at him. Melanie truthfully didn't know what to think about him. She finished packing her briefcase and locked her desk. "Well, I guess it's time for me to go. Come on, I'll walk you out."

Melanie locked her door and led him to the entrance. They lingered on the steps for a few moments before she spoke again. "Will you be coming back again?"

"I'd like to," he replied. "You're a very good teacher. The students respond to you very well."

Melanie smiled at the compliment, her white teeth shining. "Thank you," she said. "And thanks for helping Autumn. I'll be sure to move her closer."

"Maybe she needs glasses," Dan suggested.

"I'm sure she does," Melanie responded, "but her parents are very poor and they wouldn't be able to afford it."

"Isn't there funding from the state or someone who could help?"

"I don't think so," she replied sadly. "I'll have to look into it."

"I see," Dan said. He looked back at Melanie who was looking off into the distance. Another wave of deja vu hit him as if he and Melanie had been in the same situation at a previous time. He had to have seen her before. He just knew it. But how? They couldn't have crossed paths before, at least not that either of them could think of. He had never been to Oklahoma and she had never been to Ohio. It was just too weird.

"Do you think you could stop staring at me?" she said, breaking him out of his thoughts. Dan blinked in surprise.

"I didn't realize I was. I'm sorry," he said, embarrassed. "I better let you go." Dan quickly turned and walked away in the direction of the lodge.

"That's okay," she said softly to the person who was once there. She resisted the urge to call him back. Now, Melanie was really mystified by him. She had an odd feeling about him too, that she knew him or had seen him before, but it was not nearly as strong as Dan's had been. It was merely a passing thought. Sighing softly, Melanie began her walk home.

Dan couldn't get his mind off of Melanie or the little girl. He spent the rest of the evening thinking about both. He scanned his brain continuously, trying to think of a way to get the girl to an optometrist and have her eyes tested. He knew the easiest way was to pay for it himself, but he was not optimistic that her parents or anyone else would appreciate it. It was not a matter of money for Dan. When he divorced, everything was split in half, including the money, and he had a fairly healthy savings account built up. He was not one to get caught up in material things. He lived simply. His car was a plain sedan and five years old. Dan rented a small apartment and his college loan was paid off. He knew that the Shawnee were proud and he just didn't think they would accept his generosity.

Melanie was another thing. She simply would not leave his thoughts. It was almost becoming an obsession with him as he tried to think of the time or place they met before. He was certain of it and eventually he would remember.

Dan looked upon his first full day at the reservation with happiness. He seldom gave his life in Ohio a thought and he felt at peace with himself and his life for the first time in a long while. This was exactly what he sought when the drumbeats within his soul began to pound.

He woke early that next Tuesday morning to the sound of dogs barking and howling. He had slept fitfully until then, his troubled thoughts a thing of the past, for now. The dogs continued to bark and then he heard the unmistakable sound of a wolf crying, baying at whatever pleased itself. It was long, low, and it sent chills through his skin. Dan sat up and listened in wonder, curious as to where the wolf was and why it was howling to it's hearts content. It continued for a few minutes until it's cries drifted like the ever changing wind. Dan found that sleep was fleeting from that point as he dozed on and off until the cries of the school children woke him for good.

After Dan ate a simple breakfast of corn cereal and eggs, he strolled the streets once more and browsed through the shops. He was greeted with less reluctance as most recognized him from the previous day. Dan was more at ease with them and he wished to know these people better. They were friendly, but curious about this new person who chose to visit them. They knew he was there only because Blackhawk had allowed it and that satisfied them. Perhaps if he stayed long enough, they would get to know more about him.

It was around noon when Dan walked to the school. He stopped by the office to let his presence be known before he walked unescorted to Melanie's classroom. Dan knocked lightly on the doorjamb as to not disturb the students who were deep in concentration at their desks. He glanced quickly at the front of the room and he saw that the little girl was directly in front of Melanie. He was happy for her and he hoped it would work out for her, but he knew she needed more than just a new seat to help her see the chalkboard easier.

Melanie looked up from her desk and the tapping sound and saw Dan standing there. A small smile escaped her lips before she motioned for him to come in. He picked up a chair near the door and carried it with him to her desk, setting it down beside her before sitting down.

"I'm glad you came back," she said in a low voice. "About yesterday," she continued, "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Dan smiled. "I have that effect on people sometimes." He looked at the girl in the front row. "How's Autumn doing?"

"I think she's doing well. She seemed very happy when I moved her, thanks to you."

"I had nothing to do with it. She merely asked for help and I happened to be there."

"Nonetheless, she'll be able to see the board now."

Dan agreed in his mind, but still was trying to find a solution to the problem. He remained silent as Melanie went back to her papers. A few minutes later, he looked up to find Autumn staring at him. When she caught his eye, she gave him a big, toothy smile. Looking to see if her teacher was watching, Autumn pointed to her eyes, then to the blackboard, and then gave him an okay sign. Dan smiled and nodded his understanding.

Leaning against a bookcase, Dan stayed out of the way as Melanie led the class through their lessons for the rest of the afternoon. He watched intently, noticing the students rapt attention to their studies and their teacher. Rarely was a student called upon and not able to supply a sufficient answer to the question given. Many a student were called to the blackboard to answer a problem. Not only were they expected to answer the question, they were also required to explain how they derived the answer. They did not disappoint and his respect for Melanie grew.

Once again, the afternoon class ended much quicker than Dan expected. As he waited for Melanie to gather her papers, Dan stood near the door. He looked up and down the hall at the students bustling about. Thinking back to the high school where he taught, his heart sank. He really didn't want to go back to that zoo, back to the chaos and ungratefulness. In the past, he had considered going to the lower grades to teach, but he had never did it. He always felt more comfortable with the high school students and he didn't feel that he could relate that well with the younger kids. He sighed loudly before he realized that Melanie was standing next to him.

"Ready to go?" she asked, although she would have rather asked him what was on his mind.

"Sure," he said, uncrossing his arms and pushing away from the door.

They walked out the main door and into the bright Oklahoma sun, squinting as they did. The warmth of sun cheered him as did the woman at his side. He knew absolutely nothing about her, yet it seemed right and natural for her to be at his side. They began to walk, neither saying a word, just strolling together as if they had nothing better to do on that warm, spring afternoon.

It took a while before Dan realized that they were quite a distance from the school. He looked back in surprise at the distance they covered in such a short time. "My place is just up the road a ways," she remarked.

"Really?"

"Thought you might want to know."

"Okay."

They walked for a few more minutes. "For a teacher, you certainly don't talk very much," she said, turning to him as she stopped walking.

"I guess I'm the strong, silent type," he replied.

"And not a very good liar," she added.

"Liar?"

"People like you don't just show up for no reason. Something's wrong and something's bothering you very much, otherwise Blackhawk would never have let you come. The only strength you show is that you're keeping it all in. But, that may not be a strength in the end, after all."

"How so?"

"Unless you let it out and deal with whatever it is, you will never be strong. It will eat at you until there is nothing left, and then where will you be?" She stared at him, examining his face and features and waiting for him to reply.

"Blackhawk said pretty much the same thing," Dan admitted. "Maybe you should be a chief."

Melanie smiled at the compliment. "I could never be Blackhawk," she said softly. They began to walk again and soon, they were in front of her house and they stood in front of it.

"Now you know one of my secrets," she said, gesturing to the small, one story abode. Tell me one of yours."

"Secrets?"

"Yes."

"I have no secrets."

"Then, why have you come here?"

Dan hesitated for a moment. He didn't want to say anything to her. He never liked to talk about himself, but something about her compelled him to begin.

"There's a lot of things going on in my life and I needed some time away to sort things out in my mind. A lot of it has to do with my job and that I don't know if I want to be a teacher anymore." He put his hands in his pockets and sighed, much like he did at the school.

"I see," she nodded. "Hopefully, you'll continue to teach. The world needs as many teachers as possible."

"We'll see."

Melanie looked down at her hands and then back to Dan. "Well, you've been kind enough to walk me home, would you like to stop in for a cold drink for your trouble?"

"That sounds nice. I'd like that." Dan let her walk past and she led him into the house. It was small, even smaller that Blackhawk's. It had one bedroom and one bath and the kitchen and living room did not have much size, either. It was clean and nicely kept, though, but it didn't have the feeling that an Indian inhabited it. Dan expected to see Native pictures, paintings, wall hangings and the like, but he was disappointed to see that the furniture and paintings were dull and drab, very American.

"I have milk, water, coke, and iced tea," she said from the kitchen.

"Coke would be fine," he said as he returned to the kitchen area.

"Please excuse the mess," she said as she handed him his drink. Dan looked around and saw no mess that had been made. It was a very neat, tidy house. "I just moved in a few months back and I haven't had time to get rid of the crap the previous owner had."

"This isn't your furniture?" he asked.

"Oh, no," she laughed. "My stuff is still at my father's house. The furniture came with the house. I haven't had time to get rid of it."

"That's a relief," he said softly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just couldn't believe that you, a Shawnee, would have decorated the house like this. I was hoping you would have had more taste than that!" He took a sip from the bottle.

"Well, come on in and have a seat, that is, if you can stand the thought," she giggled.

Dan smiled and took a seat on the small sofa and Melanie took a chair opposite of him. "So, why do you want to give up teaching?" she asked. She was tired of beating around the bush and was hoping for a straight answer from him.

Dan sank back in the sofa and thought for a moment. He looked at her large, brown eyes as she waited patiently for his answer. They had a warm, expressive look about them and he loved the look that she was giving him. "Oh," he began, "it's not just one thing, it's many things rolled into one." He slowly told her about his ideals when he graduated from college, the incident at school, his divorce, and his disillusionment about the students. Dan looked at her expectantly when he finished, hoping that she wouldn't find him stupid or too idealistic.

Melanie waited for a few seconds and let it all sink in. She now knew why her father had given his consent to allow Dan to visit. In his own gentle way, he hoped to steer Dan to a new life for himself and for the children of the reservation. Melanie understood it all now and she marveled at his wisdom. "I hope that you find what you're looking for," she said simply. More than anything, she knew that her father wanted Dan to make his own decision about his future, whether it meant Dan would stay there or go back to Cincinnati. That was just the way her father's thought processes worked. No matter how bad Blackhawk wanted Dan to stay, Dan's own peace of mind was the most important thing.

Dan fell silent as Melanie continued to study him. She had never met a man who was so reluctant to talk about himself. It was as if he felt he would burden her if he talked. Dan met her gaze and smiled awkwardly, not totally meeting her eyes.

"I hope I didn't bore you with my story," he said softly, breaking the silence.

"Not at all," Melanie replied. "Noone's life is boring. Everyone has a story to tell. I think you've had a very interesting life." Dan rolled his eyes. "No, really, I do. Everything that's happened to you has shaped you and has led you to this very moment."

"Perhaps..."

"Well, you can disagree all you want," Melanie continued, "but I think Blackhawk feels the same way, otherwise he wouldn't have given you permission to visit."

"Why would you think that?"

"He doesn't allow just anybody to visit this reservation. Something about a person has to strike him, interest him, otherwise that person will never get permission to come. He grants visits very infrequently, so you should consider it an honor that you are here."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Dan took another swallow from the coke bottle and thought about what she said. Foolishly, he had taken it for granted that Blackhawk would give his blessing and allow him to come, but he now realized how lucky he was. He looked back at Melanie, who had her face turned slightly away from him and looking toward the window.

Suddenly, her face took on a shadow as a glowing, flickering light shined upon it. Dan could hear crackling coming from a fire and it's flames flickered across her face. Her hair was long, shiny, and free, except for the feathers attached. She didn't look like Melanie, but he knew it was her.

"Dan?" Melanie asked as she watched him, his eyes staring straight ahead and unseeing.

Just as quickly as the vision appeared, it disappeared as he heard his name being called from a distance. Melanie was in front of him again, dressed in her blue jeans and red denim shirt. "Are you okay?" she asked, not knowing what happened to him.

Dan shook his head back and forth, trying to recapture the vision he had just seen, but it was useless. He looked at Melanie and was bewildered. "Huh....?"

"Are you okay?" she repeated. She moved from the chair to the couch in which he was sitting and stooped in front of him. "Dan, what is it?"

His mind was still a bit fogged as Melanie came into focus, her face but inches from his. Her fragrance, her clean, sweet smell became stronger as the vision's distinctness diminished. "What?" he said thickly.