Drumbeats Within His Soul

Melanie grabbed his hand and squeezed it, hoping to get him out of this stupor. "Dan, are you okay? What's going on?"

"I'm okay," he said slowly as he came back to reality. What in the world did he just see? He saw Melanie in front of him, a very concerned look etched upon her pretty face. How long had he been out? He checked his watch and saw that it was about the time he thought it should be, so he had seen the vision for only a few seconds perhaps. "I don't know what happened, but I'm okay now." He thought back to the vision once more and shivered as if a ghost had gone through him. He shook his head again, trying to regain his thoughts and think about what he was going to say to Melanie since she surely would want to know what he had seen. He truly thought she would think he was daft if he told her the truth, but what else could he say? A few seconds of silence went by and he continued to collect his thoughts.

Dan looked down at his hands as he noticed that Melanie was still holding his right one. She realized it, too, and let go quickly. "I'm sorry," she said softly, "I thought you were sick or something." Melanie stood up and backed away a few feet, very disturbed by what had just transpired.

"Don't be sorry," Dan replied. "I'm glad you cared enough. I, I really don't know what happened. I thought I saw something and then it was like I was in some type of trance. Then, I heard you calling my name, but it was like you were far away. It's weird. I just don't know..."

"What did you see?" she asked earnestly.

"I don't remember," he said quickly, looking down.

Melanie knew he wasn't telling her the whole truth, but she let it go. Maybe he would tell her later. She wasn't going to argue with him about it. She sat back down in the chair, her hands between her knees. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"Yeah," he replied softly, "at least I think so." Tentatively, he took another swig of coke and looked at her, almost afraid that the vision would reappear. But, Melanie remained in front of him and he was relieved. He still was not at all certain of the vision's meaning and he desperately wanted to know why it appeared to him. He knew the person was Melanie, even though it didn't look much like her, but he had no idea why he knew. He had never seen the girl in the vision before, either, so why was she appearing to him? These thoughts were swirling in his mind as he remained on the couch.

Melanie glanced at him from time to time as Dan continued his silence. Things were getting stranger and stranger with this man, yet she didn't fear him. She was very intuitive when it came to people and Melanie felt no danger from him, only a deep melancholy emanating from within his deepest regions. Something obviously scared him and she wished to know what it was, but she wouldn't pry. She could tell almost from the first moment they talked that he was an intensely private person and would only reveal what he felt he was able to do at that particular time. Perhaps when he felt more comfortable with her would he reveal what he had seen. Until that time occurred, she could only imagine and wonder what it was.

"I really should go," he said suddenly after he finished the last of the small bottle of coke. He really didn't want to go. He enjoyed Melanie's company very much, but he couldn't afford another round with something he didn't understand. He was tired and he could feel a headache trying to edge it's way into his skull, so he thought it best that he should leave.

"Okay," she said, disappointed, "if you must."

Dan handed her the empty bottle before he stood up and yawned. "I'm sorry," he said, "whatever it was took a bit out of me. I'm kind of tired all of the sudden."

"Do you want to rest here before you go?"

"No, no," Dan said, "I'll be okay. It's not too far to the lodge."

She walked him to the door and opened it for him, and they both saw the sun sitting in the west as dusk was still in the distance. A light wind blew, kicking up dirt and pushing the new leaves to and fro in the trees that lined her property. Melanie touched his arm lightly, her fingertips barely making an indentation on his sleeve as she caught his attention. "Will you stop by the school tomorrow?" she asked, hoping for an affirmative answer.

Dan hesitated and cleared his throat. There were so many things he needed to sort out through his mind, things he didn't understand, thoughts that were baffling him. New problems and thoughts were captivating his imagination and somehow he knew things were going to get more difficult before anything was to become clearer. "I hope so," he said softly. "I'd like to." He looked at her and tried to smile, but the corners of his mouth were only able to twitch slightly. Dan sighed softly and looked down.

"You know you're welcome to drop by any time. The children seem to like your being there."

"Really?" he asked, looking up and at her once more.

"And I like it, too," she added.

"Oh?"

"Yes," she said, "I do. You are a very nice person and I enjoy your company. It's nice to talk to an adult once in a while. It breaks up the day."

"I enjoy being with you, too. You've been very nice to me and I appreciate it."

Melanie looked down and bit her lip. "You know," she said looking up again, "if you ever want to talk about, you know, what happened, what you saw, I'll listen."

"I'll remember that," he said, forgetting he had told her he couldn't remember the vision. He left her side and stepped into the sunshine. It was a perfect spring afternoon, perfect for a short walk. Perhaps that was what he needed to clear his mind. "I'll try to stop by tomorrow," he said as he slowly backed away from her and began to head to the street.

"Okay," she said as she waved to him, watching him amble away from her small home. She watched for a few seconds before she headed back into her house.

It was perhaps an hour later when her phone rang, breaking her thoughts from the papers she was grading. Answering it on the third ring, she said, "Hello."

"This is your father," Blackhawk said urgently. "Come to the lodge at once."

"What's the matter, father?" she asked, a bit alarmed at his tone.

"Something is wrong with Mr. Rieger."

Oh no, not again, she thought to herself. "I'll be right there," she said before hanging up the phone.

Dan's headache was no better or worse as he walked back to the lodge. He thought about the vision and tried to shake the feeling, but couldn't. He couldn't understand how he knew the girl in the vision was Melanie. How were they connected? Dan was becoming more and more confused and didn't know what to do. The shops, government center, and the lodge was coming into view as Dan looked ahead. He was looking forward to a hot shower and perhaps a short nap before supper. As he looked up, his headache started to return with a vengeance. He stopped, winced, and rubbed his temples with his fingers. Looking back up, the road ahead blurred and the buildings were shimmering. Rubbing his eyes in hopes of regaining a clearer vision, Dan looked again. The road and buildings were gone and were replaced by a dusty dirt path and a village of wigwams. Dan stood transfixed by the sight, unable and not wanting to move. This sight seemed more real than the vision he had seen at Melanie's house. He could see people milling around near the camp and around their homes. A woman looked his way, a woman with long, flowing black hair, and she was the same woman whom Dan had just seen before.

She shouted to him in a strange language, "Mkateewa Nepi! Wahsiu." ( "Blackwater! Husband.") She came towards him, shouting again in a friendly greeting. Dan moved forward, but the village and the woman began to evaporate before his eyes. He tried to shout to make it stop, but instead, the ground rushed up to meet him.

When Melanie arrived at the lodge, she followed the voices of her father and Mary until she found them in Dan's room. Dan was laying on the bed, covers up to his chest. He was muttering incoherently and appeared to be asleep.

Melanie stepped in quietly and looked to her father. "How is he?"

"Sleeping."

"What happened?"

"He was found on the ground not too far from the lodge and was brought in here. He's been sleeping ever since."

"Shouldn't we get him to a doctor?"

"Why? He is sleeping, his heart rate and breathing are normal. When he wakes, perhaps he will be better and able to tell us the problem."

"I think I know what might be wrong," Melanie said.

"What might that be?"

Melanie proceeded to tell him of the events that had happened at her house just a short while before. As she finished, Dan murmured something again, something that neither of them could understand.

"Perhaps there is a correlation between the two," he said softly, clearly disturbed by the events.

In his slumber, Dan was dreaming. It was so real. He was standing with the girl in his visions (Melanie?), dressed in wedding finery. Dan knew it was he who standing next to her although he looked nothing like he did now. The Indian standing with her was short, but very muscular. A holy man stood in front of them. He joined their hands and Dan spoke in Shawnee. "Ni haw-ku-nah-ga." (You are my wife.)

She replied in a soft, clear voice."Ni wahsiu." (You are my husband.)

The holy man nodded and Dan led her to a decorated wigwam to begin their life together. As they approached the wigwam, Dan began to hear voices from his real world. "Nithese Mikona. Ni haw-ku-nah-ga." (Three Feathers. You are my wife.) He said this over and over as he slowly lost her.

"Nithese Mikona, ni haw-ku-nah-ga! Ni haw-ku-nah-ga..." Dan said over and over and over again as the dream faded. His face was bathed in sweat and his head thrashed back and forth.

"What's he saying?" Melanie asked. Although Blackhawk was fluent in Shawnee, he had never taught her even the simple principles of the language.

"He is saying, 'Three Feathers, you are my wife.'"

"Does he know the language?"

"Not that I am aware of."

Melanie took the cool, damp cloth from Mary and moved forward to wipe his brow. What is going on with you, Dan, she thought as she pressed the cloth against his forehead. Suddenly, his eyes flew open and he grabbed her hand that held the cloth.

"Nithese Mikona?" he asked, not totally back from his dream.

"Dan," she said softly, "it's Melanie, Melanie." Dan loosened his grip from her hand but brought it back to his forehead.

"Melanie," he sighed and smiled before he fell back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The next few days went by slowly as Dan stayed near the lodge and didn't venture out very much. He was reluctant to discuss his dream or the vision in town or the vision at Melanie's house. He knew there was a common bond between all of them, but he was still puzzled as to what was being revealed to him or why. Dan came to realize that Melanie and Three Feathers were one and the same but he still couldn't grasp the significance. He understood perfectly the Shawnee language in his dream and was told that he was speaking fluently when he came out of it, but he had never been exposed to it, nor had he ever spoken it. He had read about past life experiences and to some extent, he believed in it, but he still wasn't sure if this was one of those. But, there was no other explanation.

He didn't stop by the school, although he had a feeling it could be somewhat of a safe sanctuary since he only had mild cases of deja vu there. Dan was still tired in his mind and spirit knowing it was just a matter of time before more would be revealed to him. Melanie stopped by after school each day to check on him and hoped he would be more willing to talk, but his reluctance was starting to aggravate her. Whenever she broached the subject, he would clam up or divert the conversation to something else.

He heard the knock on his door that Friday afternoon and knew that Melanie was there. He really wasn't up to any visitors and almost didn't answer.

"Dan?" Melanie asked outside the door. "Are you there? I've got someone who wants to see you." She heard soft footsteps come to the door and it opened.

Dan opened the door and was delighted to see Autumn smiling up at him. "Hi, Mr. Dan," she said sweetly, giving him a big, toothy grin.

"Well, hi there, Autumn. This is some surprise. Come in, come in." He stepped aside as Melanie and Autumn both entered his room. He shut the door behind him and looked at Melanie and smiled.

"Miss Melanie said that you weren't feeling good, so we made a card for you." She took a card from her book bag and handed it to him. It had flowers and rainbows on the front with 'Hope you feel better' written on it. On the inside, all of the students signed their names. He read their names and his smile got bigger with each.

"I'm feeling better already," he said, patting her on the head. "Thank you so much, Autumn."

"Will you come to school on Monday?" she asked.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he replied.

Melanie ended her silence. "Autumn, I think you should be heading home before your mother worries."

"Okay, Miss Melanie. See you Monday, Mr. Dan," she said as Melanie held the door open for her. She waved to him before she disappeared down the corridor. Dan smiled broadly and felt at peace again.

"Thank you," he said quietly when she shut the door again.

"For what?"

"For this," he replied holding the card in front of him.

"I didn't do that, the kids did."

"But..."

"All I did was tell them you weren't feeling well and weren't able to come to the class. They asked if they could make a card for you and they took it from there."

"Well, it was really sweet and it made my day. I'll be sure to thank them on Monday." Dan hesitated for a moment and moved forward. "I owe you and your father an apology, you especially."

"An apology for what?"

"For being such a jerk when all you were trying to do is be helpful and caring. I tend to push people away when they try to help. I'm divorced because of it and now I'm doing it again to the persons I should be most grateful to. Here, you've come by everyday to visit and you've tried to get me to talk about what's going on, but I go and push you away just like I always do..." Dan looked down and away, avoiding eye contact with her. "But, no more," he continued and looked her straight in the face, "because I need to tell you and your father everything I know so I can figure out what's going on with me."

Without letting her say a word, Dan began to relate to her everything that happened to him from the vision he saw in her living room to his dream before he woke up. He tried to remember everything in the minutest detail and he left nothing out.

"I don't know why you are Three Feathers and I don't know how I know all of this. You look very little like her and I don't resemble the man at all. From what I've read about past lives, the people you live with and meet in your present life were more than likely to have been in your past lives, although most of the time you wouldn't recognize them. I think I'm having some sort of past life revisited, but I'm not sure. I just don't know why this is happening to me."

Melanie thought for a minute before speaking. "Perhaps you are getting what you wished for."

"I'm not following."

She took his hand and sat down on the bed with him. "You've said you wanted to get back to a simpler life and to get back to your ancestry, your origins. Maybe, somehow, this is what you're receiving instead."

"I don't know..."

"Perhaps by coming here, you've opened yourself up to all kinds of possibilities, feelings, and vulnerabilities. Maybe your spiritual side is awakened now and is showing you things you deemed impossible."

Dan remained silent and thought to himself for a few minutes.

"Welcome home, Screaming Turtle," she said softly.

"I am home, aren't I?" he said, looking at her seriously.

"I certainly think so," she answered.

Dan didn't remember how they ended up in each other's arms and he simply didn't care, but he was holding her and hugging her, feeling no resistance from her as he felt her arms around him too. The drumbeats within his soul were pounding, telling him what he already knew. His place was here on this reservation, whether he never set foot in Oklahoma before or whether he was returning to a place where his soul had once lived over a hundred years before.

He released Melanie, but took hold of her hands and gazed into her eyes without the fear of leaving for his other life again. She met his stare with her own unashamed intensity as she could feel her own heart beating rapidly.

"Thank you," he whispered, almost too low for her to hear.

"For what?"

"For being my friend when I really needed one and...."

"And?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"And for being my wife a long time ago."

Blackhawk took his nightly walk as was his custom these days. Walking stick in hand, he walked slowly along the dusty, deserted road towards town. He let his mind go free and soon he was in a light trance. He saw fleeting images, most too quick for him to understand anything from them. He relaxed and let the images wash through his mind again. Things were becoming clearer as he saw many baby cradles and children running around the school. He saw healthy crops and cool streams and saw that it was good. The images faded away and Blackhawk was in the middle of the square looking at the school and stores around him. He smiled thinly. "I am going to need a new teacher soon."

Dan hovered over the scene unfolding below him. It was so realistic and he felt he could simply reach down and touch them. Three Feathers was laying on a bear skin, naked and glistening with sweat as Black Water was pushing into her, grunting as he did so. Dan felt as if he were making love to her through Black Water. He could feel the sensations, the soft, warm, moistness of her sex that surrounded him. Three Feathers grunted softly as her lover began to get into a rhythm, pushing harder and faster into her. Her small breasts bounced lazily from the rocking motion and she made small mewling sounds as her own heat was building. Within minutes, they climaxed as he grunted loudly and she cried out softly. Dan felt the ejaculation himself and was amazed at the intensity of it. The dream faded before he woke with a start, feeling his hand cradling his softening penis and also feeling the warm, crawly flood of semen that had just escaped it.

It was Dan who broached the subject to Blackhawk that Wednesday evening. He had spent most of Melanie's free time with her, mostly talking or taking strolls around the main village. They hadn't got much past holding hands, but he was happy merely being with her and felt that she had the same feeling. He had also spent a lot of time in her classroom and even taught a small segment of her English class, much to the delight of everyone, himself included.. He now knew what it was like to love teaching again. These kids made it worthwhile. Dan knew he could teach anyone who wanted to learn and these children thirsted for more knowledge. They drank up everything he threw at them and wanted more.

"You and Melanie have been more than kind to me. I couldn't ask to be around better people than you. Melanie has been a great help to me in rediscovering why I became a teacher..."

Blackhawk listened and nodded. He had heard from friends that his daughter and the stranger had been keeping company with each other and he was pleased. Of course, he wished that Dan was entirely of Native blood, but he could overlook that. He would like to be a grandfather sometime before he got too old to enjoy them.

"...I don't know what's happened to me when I see things, but I've learned to accept whatever is in store for me. Perhaps there is more life lessons for me to learn. I don't know..."