Dying Inside

I've forced myself to keep my distance from them ever since they returned from their honeymoon, because it hurts too much to see his blissful, adoring smiles that are reserved only for my sister.

God, I feel like I'm barely alive, and there isn't a day that goes by that I wish I wasn't. Instead of dissipating with time, the numbness has only grown.

With the rising of the sun every morning, I contemplate my reasons for even bothering to get up. But, somehow, I do, and with each passing moment, I die a little more on the inside.

I've stopped wondering why life can be so cruel and learned to come to terms and just accept the fact that I'm meant to be alone and miserable for the rest of my pathetic existence.

As I head in to work, my mind a million miles away, I don't see the black pickup as I turn right at the stop sign, but not even the jolt of our vehicles colliding is enough to yank me out of the paralyzing pit I'm currently buried in.

With a resigned sigh, I slide out of my car and walk toward the truck to make sure the other driver isn't hurt and to apologize for my carelessness.

A tall man about my age, with chestnut hair that's going in every single direction, gets out and heads my way. Instead of the angry motorist I expect him to be, he simply looks at me with shining emerald eyes and gives me a soft, shy smile.

"Sorry," we both blurt out at the exact same time.

I release an awkward chuckle as he ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck with the palm of his hand, muttering, "Hey, I'm really sorry, man. I didn't even see you."

Shaking my head, I reply, "No. No, it was my fault. I..." My words trail off, and I lick my lips, raking a hand nervously through my hair.

As I exhale a shaky breath and lock my gaze with his, there's the tiniest of flutters in my stomach, the faintest of beats beneath my ribs, and the slightest of movements inside my jeans.

My breath catches in my throat, and my mouth turns up into the first genuine smile I can honestly remember, because it's in that moment... finally...

I feel.