Eco-"Friendly" Cleaning

"Hi Brenda."

"Would you come to see me? Please?"

"Now? After 10 years?"

"Yes. Please. Soon. I know I have no right to ask, and you certainly don't owe me anything, but I'm still a selfish bitch I guess. I need to see you. Talk to you once. Face-to-face. Please."

"What's that supposed to accomplish? What can you possible say that will change anything?"

"Nothing. The past is what it is. I destroyed the best thing in my life, and I have nobody to blame but myself. I had hoped that one day you could forgive me, and I dreamed that one day I'd be at your side again, but we both know the truth."

"Then why?"

"I need it. I... I'm begging, Dave. You hurt me badly. Maybe I deserved it, but it still crushed my soul. If you have even the smallest shred of mercy, the tiniest fragment of caring left for me, you'll give me this. One time. I'll never ask again. I swear, after this it's over. Please?"

Call me a wimp. A sucker. Whatever. I agreed.

* * *

I couldn't tell Jenny what I was doing. I should have, but I couldn't. I told her it was a business trip. I only took a half-a-dozen a year, but it wasn't that unusual.

It wasn't that far. Seven hours by car. She was no longer in Florida. She was only one state away. I got a room at the edge of town, called home, and slept a fitful sleep. I ate a late breakfast, dawdling, trying to get up the nerve I needed. I drove up to the address, shaking. I could barely breath when I looked at the decrepit apartment building.

I pressed the button to allow me into the building, and I heard her voice. "Come up, Dave. 2B. The door is open."

The door buzzed, and I walked up the stairs as if I was on my way to the gallows. I knocked then turned the door handle, entering her apartment.

It was devastating. Small, but incredibly neat. Immaculate. It was an homage to our marriage. Pictures of us everywhere, and pictures of me and my family. The family I should have had with her. That she cost us. It was emasculatingly painful. Like a kick to the nuts. I stood there, trembling, all of it coming back.

"I'm in the back," I heard her call out.

In her bedroom. Did she believe it would be that easy? Like I could stand to touch her again. What was she thinking? The resurgent anger strengthened my limbs, and I marched toward her voice.

The room was open and a wraith was lying in the bed, looking up at me. Emaciated, sunken eyes, hollowed cheeks. Dull hair pulled back severely. "Hi Dave, forgive me for not getting up."

The sight of her was unnerving. That voice I'd known and loved, emanating from the shell of a woman in front of me.

"Hi Brenda. Been a while."

She smiled, and I saw the flash in her eye, the glint I'd once adored. She patted the bed beside her and I sat, still unable to fully comprehend what I was seeing.

"The pictures?" I asked, grasping for something to say.

"Gail did it for me. I had a couple from Facebook, but not enough. She made copies and sent them to me. She keeps me updated. I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head. "That's not healthy."

She laughed, and I saw her wince. "That's the least of my problems Dave." She reached out and put her trembling hand on mine. "Thank you for coming." I was mesmerized by the wedding rings. The ring set I'd given her. I saw the white tape wrapped around the band, so it wouldn't fall off her skeleton-like finger.

"Why am I here?"

"Like I said. I guess I'm still a selfish bitch. There's four things. First, I had to tell you how sorry I am. I have no excuses. I did a terrible thing and you called me on it. I guess we both paid a hefty price for my betrayal. It was the worst thing I could do, and I have spent every day of my life regretting it. I never meant to hurt you, and for that, I'm eternally sorry. Sorry I did it, and even more so that it caused you any pain. You did nothing to deserve that."

"It's been 10 years Brenda. Ten years since you ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. You destroyed me once, but I've moved on."

"I know. Still I had to apologize, you never let me."

"You did on your way out, as I recall."

"I did. I said the words, but at the time, I was still feeling too much self-pity. That sorry was as much for my own loss as yours. Selfish. I am sorry."

She gave my hand a soft squeeze. "Second, I need you to know I forgive you. I didn't for a while. You hurt me, and I was angry. You didn't give us a chance. Maybe I didn't deserve it, but I wanted it, needed it, and you denied me. When I learned you took Gail in, when she was as bad as me, worse even, it galled me to no end. I understand now. It took me almost two years, but I forgave you."

"I didn't ask for your forgiveness."

"I know, but I forgave you anyway. I'm sorry for what I did, and forgive you for what you did."

"And now I suppose you want me to forgive you?"

"Yes. Please. That's number three. For your own sake, if not for mine. Can you forgive me for being so stupid, so selfish? For not thinking about us, when I was so desperate to prove myself in business. I did the unforgivable, but I'm asking anyway."

"Why? Why would you do things with him, with them, you wouldn't do for me? Why would you laugh at me? What did I do to deserve that?"

"Nothing. You did nothing but be a wonderful supportive husband. A terrific husband. Incredible lover."

Her veneer of calm was cracking, and her voice broke. "It was a job, Dave. I didn't enjoy it most of the time. I often fantasized I was with you, when I let them use me. The talking, the stupid words were just that, words. Ways to keep them happy, get them off quicker, get it over and done with. Idiotic, I know."

"You came with my cock in your cheating ass. For him. You denied me for years, and you did it with him, and enjoyed it."

"I faked it, baby. I always did. I had to. They paid for it, and I gave it to them. I swear as God is my witness, I never once enjoyed it. Especially not with Nick. I hated him for what he did to me. I'm sorry that all these years you were forced to believe otherwise, because I never had a chance to explain."

"You faked it? I'm supposed to believe that?"

She nodded, eyes glistening. "I have no reason to lie. Not now. It is what it is. It doesn't change the fact that I cheated on you. Deceived you. I was a terrible wife. But I'm begging you to believe me, I never enjoyed it."

"Why did you do it at all? Why anal, when you never would with me?"

"For the money. They paid extra. That was all. I was a whore. I didn't tell myself I was. I convinced myself I was a successful business woman, doing whatever was needed to succeed. I regret that. I don't like anal. I'll never understand how some women do. It hurts, and I get no pleasure from it. Still, I'd give it to you now, as sorry as it would be, but I know you'd never accept it. You're not a cheater. There was only one in our marriage. All I can do is beg your forgiveness. Please? I know I don't deserve it, but I'm begging, Dave. Begging. Forgive me?"

The tears were running down her face, and seeing her lying there, like that, her life as much a ruin as her body, I couldn't deny her absolution any longer.

"I forgive you, Brenda."

She shook her head. "No. Not the words. I don't give a fuck about the words, Dave. I need you to do it. To forgive me from your heart. Forgive this selfish, cheating lying whore for destroying our marriage, shattering your heart, and stealing your future. For not giving you the children you wanted and deserved. For ruining the best thing that would ever happen to either of us. God, I did a horrible thing, and it's so unfair, but I... I need this. Forgive me." She leaned forward, clinging to my arm, shaking, sobbing, tears soaking my skin.

I eased her back onto the bed, brushing her tears away. I climbed up next to her, laying beside her, and wrapped her in my arms. Her lamentation was soul rending. I didn't think anybody could hold that much pain. I had done this to her. I wasn't aware, but I'd punished her more than any one person should endure. I'd destroyed the one true love of my life. Not that she hadn't given me cause, but did anyone deserve this?

"I'm sorry I hurt you, baby, and I forgive you. All of it. It's over, Brenda. I loved you with every fiber of my being, and it hurt me more than I can say, but you are still my first true love, and I forgive you. I know you never meant to hurt me."

She didn't deny me. She clung to me, until the tears stopped, and the shaking disappeared. I looked into those eyes. The eyes that had won my heart all those years ago. I pressed my lips to her dry, chapped ones, and felt her welcoming response. There was no passion, but there was still love. Love and forgiveness.

I laid beside her, gazing into the windows to her soul, open, pleading. I forgave her.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry it took so long."

She shook her head. "No more apologies. I have one last request. It may be difficult, or it may be the easiest thing in the world. I don't know."

"Ask."

"I need you to keep your promise."

"Promise?"

"That day. That horrible day. When I looked into your eyes, and saw what I had done. You made me a promise. I need you to keep it."

She had lost me. She took my hands in hers, and drew them upward. With dismay I felt her pull them to her neck. I pulled away, but her scrawny hands were stronger than they looked, and she jerked them back, around her neck.

"I only have a short while left. Days, maybe a couple of weeks at best. I know it's selfish of me, but I want you to be the last thing I see. The love I had. Let me pretend for a moment, one last moment, that the last 10 years never happened. You told me you loved me, you always would. Even beyond the hurt, I saw it in your eyes, but it's faded. I've lost it. Let me go, thinking you still love me a little. Like I should have all those years ago if I had the courage. When the love was still there, betrayed, but strong.

"Please, Dave. Keep your promise."

"Shh," I told her, raising my finger to her lips. "You know how much I love you, Brenda? I've always loved you. From the first time I saw you. I always will."

My hands dropped down to her neck. My lips brushed hers.

"I'll keep my promise. That's how much I loved you. Still do."

Her eyes glistened and shone, like they had once upon a time. When we were younger, foolish, in love. Before.

She didn't fight it. I saw the corners of her mouth turn up one last time. Her eyes remained fixed on mine, even as the light within them dimmed, fading forever. Her lips moved, mouthing a final "I love you."

"I'll always love you," I whispered.

I kissed her cold lips, and closed her eyelids. I removed the band from her dark hair, spreading it out. I used to love to see her like that. I pulled the sheet back and saw she was naked. I couldn't stand for her to be found that way, and searched through her drawers. Nothing fancy to wear, but I picked out her nicest panties and bra, and dressed her. I pulled the sheet back up, tucking her in nicely for her final sleep.

I had loved her once. A raven haired beauty who'd promised me her love 'til death do us part. She kept that much of her vow. My love had faded, but enough remained to keep that one hateful promise.

It was a long drive back home. I needed my wife. My beautiful children. I hoped Jenny would still understand and not ask any questions if I once more cried myself to sleep in her arms. It had been almost three years since I had done that.

Brenda forgave me. I forgave her. I wondered how long it would be before I could forgive myself.

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Thanks for reading my little story. Not the happiest ever, but real life doesn't always have happy endings. This is a contest entry, and if you enjoyed it, please consider voting. Comments are always welcome.