Elderly Bill's New Lady

"Brenda has already attended to that. She has specified cedar, left to weather naturally and believes she can get that more expensive cladding donated; the two biggest suppliers locally are members as are their wives."

"What do you think Elizabeth?"

"Brilliant."

"I agree.

Bill stayed on to help Elizabeth with the dishes. He'd noticed Elizabeth shut down Susan's protest that she couldn't leave without helping clear away and Susan being almost pushed out of the front door.

"Bill, I just want to say..."

"Can it Toby. Just buy me a beer sometime."

After they waved off the visitors Elizabeth said, "That was exceedingly generous of you, all that money."

"I have more money than I need."

"Could you just say, "Yes Elizabeth. I was generous and proud I could help."

"Yes Elizabeth. I was generous and proud I could help in memory of Betty."

"Oh that's so sweet. "I've been thinking of us living together."

"Me too."

"What have you thought?"

"Aw Elizabeth, don't push me."

"All right. Will you stay the night?"

Bill sighed. "I'm not sleeping with you until I'm declared to be no longer a criminal."

She groaned, "But that might be never."

"Well Elizabeth, then that's the way it has to be."

"By God, if Beth fails to recruit a successful barrister to take your case to appeal, then I screw her neck."

"God Elizabeth, steady on. Give the poor woman credit for doing her best."

"Look I'm upset Bill, it's best you go. Hug and kiss me. I want a decent kiss like you gave Susan."

"Huh, call that a decent kiss. This is a decent kiss."

After Bill finished and was heading for the door Elizabeth whined, "Bill, please stay. You can't leave me in this state."

But she was ignored.

CHAPTER 2

The next morning Bill was pulling the dinghy down to the water on a light trolley with fat wheels when Elizabeth arrived.

"Room for a passenger?"

"No but room for a fellow fisher," he grinned. "Thanks for last night. It was great to get onside with Susan again. I have only you to thank for that."

"There is a small piece in this morning's newspaper about the generous donation of the estate of Betty Soper to the golf club's clubhouse appeal. The figure was announced but no mention was made of you."

"Toby understood that and so would have left out my name when calling the newspaper last night."

They caught four snapper, good size ones. "That's enough for today and tomorrow unless you have special needs," Bill said.

"No, let's sit here for a while. You pour the coffee and I have something to show you. It won't be a pretty sight but you did joke about me coming out topless."

Bill's eyes popped as Elizabeth pulled off her wind jacket and then her top. She wasn't wearing a bra.

"Christ Elizabeth, put your clothes on. People on shore might have binoculars on us."

"There is no crime in sunbathing. Anyway most people are not up yet. Don't fuss."

Bill ran his tongue over his lips. "They droop but you skin is almost perfect. I see no wrinkles."

"Well don't look closely. Oooh, my nipples are hardening."

"Must be the cool air. It's just on 6:00."

"No, I don't think it's the air Bill Soper. I'll put my top back on. I think of you every day and now know you know what you are missing."

"If I get my prison sentence over-turned, you'll get more than just me looking at your tits Elizabeth Copeland. They're real beauties."

Blushing, Elizabeth said, "No real beauties for someone of my age?"

"No. Just real beauties."

* * *

On Wednesday Bill and Elizabeth were in Beth O'Brien's law office for a video-conference with a barrister Paul Hamlin at his office in Auckland. Paul discussed the possibility of an appeal and said Bill could have a 50-50 chance. Bill said, "Not good enough." Paul looked a little peeved and Beth waved to Bill as if to say shut up.

"Okay," Paul said. "If you want someone with the ego who thinks she can give you better odds, then talk to my daughter Karen. She's aware what we are up against out of interest and is only here to say hi to Beth. They went through law school together. Here she comes."

Karen sat beside her father and greeted Bill and Elizabeth formally and Beth very informally, telling Beth they must catch up. The she said, "Mr Soper, we have to file to the High Court by Friday week to meet the deadline on this appeal against the decision of the District Court, pleading that your sentence was excessive and gave insufficient weight to the testimony of witness who established the storm was still some hours off and the water in the estuary when you put to sea was calm. It would appear the judge gave scant consideration to the most unusual nature of the waterspout phenomenon, there having been no record of the landing of a waterspout within at least 100 miles of your locality in eight-four years."

"You know that information of waterspout landings is factual?"

"Yes Mr Soper. The information I gained in assisting my father in preparation for this video-conference is from the Met Office. Its records are accepted as hard evidence by the courts. This is just my gut feeling Mr Soper and not a legal opinion: do you want it?"

"As a gut feeling, yes I want your comment, knowing it's not a legal opinion and your father probably is vexed at your talking to me in this manner."

"You're damn right Bill," said Paul. "But for some reason judges seem to love Karen. She amuses them when sitting in a sea of boredom, I should think."

"Well I think I'll bring you home and dry on this one Mr Soper. Your conviction will remain but the penalty will be substantially reduced to little more than a reprimand with perhaps some community work but, I should think, taking you below a criminal offence."

Bill perked up at that. "I don't wish to upset you Paul but do you mind..."

"Karen may represent you. It's your choice."

"Thanks Paul, much appreciated."

"I'll get the papers completed Karen and..."

"I'll come up to you this Friday afternoon Beth and we'll complete. Please call in the prime witnesses for me to talk to each of them first. I will be with you by 3:00. Then may I stay with you overnight to see the children and James?"

"Yes and stay Saturday night as I have two interesting women coming for dinner -- one is a novelist and the other a marine biologist. They do live together."

"That's no problem for me dear. Some women get their minds and preferences above men but not me. My current boyo Danny is playing representative cricket this weekend so I was heading to be on my own for much of the weekend anyway."

* * *

The weeks drifted by. Bill and Elizabeth were far more relaxed together and Elizabeth no longer attempting to be sultry or teasing, knowing Bill had hammered his stake in the ground and that meant he'd not play around with her until his criminal conviction was overturned.

At least twice-weekly they went to the supermarket together and Bill couldn't claim people were staring at him in disapproval or even worse disgust, because people came over to them and talked to them both. They began receiving invitations out as a couple and return-hosted, usually in Elizabeth's house.

Bill's barrister Karen called to advised the High Court proceedings would be limited to a straight review of the evidence and decision as filed and it could be a straight reassessment of penalty or the High Court judge could direct that the District Court re-hear the case.

"A number of appeals are being considered. I have no idea when I'll be calling Karen."

"Calling me, you mean?"

"No Karen. She has engaged me. She'll call you. I suggest you keep handy to a phone tomorrow from mid afternoon."

Bill called Karen to advise her.

"Relax Bill, worry won't speed the process. Karen called me first. She only called you as a courtesy."

"Do you have my mobile phone number?"

"Yes Bill."

"Please check the number with me now."

"You have called me; I have your number in my phone book."

"Karen please."

"Very well Bill. End the call now and I'll make a test call."

Bill's phone went.

"Hello, it's Karen. Bill my money is on you being given 40 hours' community work."

"I could work on the golf club restoration project."

"I should be able to organize that. Just remember there's a slim chance the appeal could be rejected."

"Oh no."

"Come on Bill, be brave. A slim chance I said. Why worry over a slim chance?"

Elizabeth and Bill went fishing next morning. "You and I are staying together all day today apart from toilet stops."

"I'd like that."

"For goodness sake, where's the fight in you Bill?"

"Being passive is the answer. Karen says getting uptight awaiting a decision is senseless and I have to agree with her."

"Well, I do too. Shall we go shopping?"

"Yes."

"And eat out."

"Yes."

"And then go over and look at progress on the golf club."

"Yes."

"And you won't forget your phone."

"No."

"God Bill, add a few more words. There's no need to make this day boring for me."

"Okay."

"Okay I will."

"Oh Bill...F-u-c-kkkk!"

Elizabeth's rod bent over hugely and the line began to scream out.

"East the brake on your reel. It's something big. Want me to cut the line?"

"No you fool. Pull up the anchor so the fish has the weight of the boat to pull."

"Well we're safe as the tide will take us inland."

Elizabeth said, "Oh crap, it's swimming against the tide, heading out to sea."

"Well let it take us out. We have plenty of fuel in the outboard motor and the sea is only a light chop and the forecast was good."

"Yeah, the light wind is actually meant to die out."

They were towed out about half a mile.

Bill said they should see what it was. "It might be a giant conga eel."

"Yuk. You won't want that in the boat."

"Exactly. Try reeling it in, take it slowly."

"I think it's turning. Coming back to us. Yes, I'm getting heaps of line back in."

Bill looked over the side and half a minute later said, "Move slowly, don't tip us out. Look over the port side."

"Oh Jesus, not wonder we weren't getting fish. It was eating them and scaring others away. What kind of ray is it?"

"A short-tail ray. Hard to estimate in the water but could be eight or nine feet long and weighing 250 to 300 pounds."

"It's the biggest fish I've ever caught Bill... by a country mile."

"We could attempt to bring it alongside and I'll stick the gaff into it and you gun the motor to about 5 knots and run the boat up into the shallows."

"And then what."

"You can show it to people."

"I don't want to do that. I know I've caught a big fish. Cut the line."

"No, tie the wrap the line around the anchor cleat and I'll power off slowly. With a bit of luck the ray will resist coming in our direction. The line will break at the knot at the shank of the hook and so won't be trailing a lot of line which could get it into trouble."

The plan worked. All Elizabeth lost was her running sinker and the hook. The end of the line showed a wrinkled tip that was the remains of the knot.

"Thank for not wanting to land that ray ashore."

"Nothing to it Bill. We both only take from the sea what we can eat over a couple of days and I sure wasn't going to sink my teeth into a ray. I had my fun with it and now know what it's like hooking a really huge fish. Go back in and I'll serve baked beans on toast."

"Good one Elizabeth."

* * *

Bill and Elizabeth were driving to the golf club and were almost to the bridge across the upper estuary when his phone went. He pulled over and stopped.

"Bill Soper."

"It's Karen. All over Rover, your conviction stays, you must do 20 hour's directed community work and that is the penalty for a minor offence. You are no longer a criminal."

Elizabeth had climbed over on to Bill and had her ear against the phone.

"Congratulations Bill. I hope you're taking that Elizabeth out to celebrate tonight. I've seen the way she looks at you. You're on to a winner there if you decide to share your life again."

"Thanks, a thousand thanks Karen. I feel a great weight has lifted. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for everything."

Elizabeth kissed Bill heavily. "Oh this is so exciting. So your first thought was a great weight has lifted?"

"No, I thought hooray. I can now sleep with you."

CHAPTER 3

'Sleeping with you' turned out to be sex in the afternoons, and then not every afternoon by a long shot. After the first time they did it Bill had Elizabeth screaming with laughter when he said, "This is therapeutic. I think all neighbours should be into this. They had discussed living together and that's when a few little persuaders to stay living unchanged began to emerge.

Little things mostly.

Bill liked to do his dishes at nights, last thing before he went to bed whereas Elizabeth preferred to wash a plate as soon as it had been used, even if it were only a single dish. She liked a very soft mattress and, oh yes, hard as boards was what Bill was used to. Her use of an electric toothbrush was an abomination to him and she bathed every evening whereas he bathed on Sundays although he showered most other days. Bill washed clothes on Monday and didn't want Elizabeth 'badgering' him every day about what he wanted washed and he didn't have an iron (his shorts and shirts were permanently wrinkled) but surprisingly their tastes in music were similar, there were no disputes over sound volume and neither had long conversations on the phone and they ate similarly. So there were grounds for a relationship and they decided to maintain it while living as neighbours next-door, harmoniously. So at nights when Elizabeth watched mostly trash on TV Bill would sit and think about solutions to the problems of the world... if he managed to keep awake.

And sex?

Well, well. For an ageing couple they really were at it quite frequently but none of the 'swinging from the rafters' activity. To Elizabeth's astonishment Bill was content to have it when and how she wanted it. As he'd told her when they first did it was, "I'm not as young as I was but I still like getting a shot away."

Socially, they were happy. Bill's former conviction being reduced to a minor offence had been reported in the media. The only apparent effect of that was more people began talking to them and the louts hanging around street corners stopped greeting him as "Hey Bill" (an alternative to hi Bill) as if he were one of them. Oh, the big thing was neighbour's kids were once again allowed to hang around and go out fishing with Bill or just for a cruise up the estuary and receiving lessons about local history and flora and fauna that interested them ten times more than when the same 'stuff' was taught at school. They told Bill that. Women living on their little no exit street began dropping over with a cake or fresh-baked scones and then the guys began calling him over for a beer.

Normality hung over Bill again. Even his scattered family called and occasionally visited.

Bill kept on working at the golf club after being signed off as completing his twenty hours' community work at the club. He'd helped to reconstruct two greens and plant trees during that period and now was cleaning up the building mess from around the almost completed new clubhouse. He'd returned to playing golf and persuaded Elizabeth to come out with him. She did, complaining she'd be useless. She was.

Patiently Bill worked on one thing at a time, gradually coaxing Elizabeth to think and move how she was supposed to do when swinging, rather that adhering to what felt 'comfortable'. And the evening of that day when Elizabeth came screaming out of the women's dressing room, not chased by a giant rat but to tell him her handicap had been posted, was the first time Bill had seen the young girl that still lurked in Elizabeth, or so it seemed. She got drunk that night. Not a pretty sight but good fun. She didn't go out fishing next morning although conditions were perfect.

* * *

Proud of her 36-stroke handicap Elizabeth began watching the better women play, with their various faults. Her game turned to custard as she struggled to adopt the best features she saw in other players swing and approach to the game until one day the women's captain Eileen Mitchell spoke to her.

"Liz, you game has turned to shit."

"Yeah Skeeter. I don't know what's happened."

"You were showing potential when you earned your handicap. You are still in reasonable shape Liz, not like some of the fat shapes of our generation."

"It is so frustrating."

"Is Bill Soper still shagging you?"

"Skeeter, really."

"It's a waste using your graces and airs on me. Is he?"

"My best pal? Yes as a matter of fact."

"They stop playing until he sorts you out."

"Who Bill? He's not teacher."

"Oh yeah? He was particularly good as sorting out ladies with swing problems or staying down when putting. He plays on an eighteen because he's become a lazy bugger. I remember when he was on single figures. The new honours boards were put up in the lounge this morning. When we get in I'll take you up to see them. We shift into the new lounge on Saturday -- you'll be there for the opening and lunch to follow won't you?"

"Yes, Bill invited me to accompany him. He received a special invitation."

Elizabeth stood with Eileen in front of the honours board.

"Good gracious he's had five holes in one."

"Yes, Eileen said proudly. "That three more than the next best person."

"Oh here's a mistake, he was junior boys club champion for four years running. That can't be right. They become junior men at seventeen."

"It's correct. Look at the dates."

Elizabeth did the math. "God, he was boy champion at thirteen and then for the next three years. They looked at the honours boards for junior, intermediate and senior men champions and Bill's name appeared in each listing and as men's club captain and then club president 1990-1994.

"President's serve for two years but Bill was so popular he was re-elected and re-elected."

"But served only one year after re-elected in 1994. Why's that."

"He and Betty's son Stephen was killed that year in a climbing accident on Mt Aspiring. Bill resigned and gave up playing golf until four months ago when he came back on to the course to do his court-directed community work."

"I didn't know he had a son."

"Are you sure you're sleeping with him? Everyone says you are."

"Skeeter!"

"Oh sorry. Stephen and his parents were estranged. He married a woman his father called a drug slut. She had tattoos and was often drunk or drugged. She had three pregnancies that Betty knew about, all stillborn."

"Oh how terrible."

"I suggest you don't talk to Bill about it darling. He came back from the funeral looking sad but we thought at peace with himself. Betty wouldn't go.

"Oh God."

* * *

"Bill, I've lost my swing."

He grinned and said he'd look for it.

"I'm not playing again until you sort it out for me. Then I promise I won't try to copy better players."

"Is that what you did?"

"Yes."

"Well that's honest and tells me how to fix you. You and I are in the draw on Saturday morning to play the Stewarts."

"But I won't be ready," Elizabeth wailed.

"Put in the effort Elizabeth and you will. I'll drill you swing back into you. It will be boringly repetitive."

"You think you can do that in three days?"

"Only this afternoon and tomorrow actually. On Friday you think nothing about golf. On Saturday you just play and your old swing will be back with you."

"Oh Bill. You are so good for me."

On Saturday Bill played as if he meant to return to former glory, coming in eight strokes under his handicap. Elizabeth play better than Lisa Stewart and that pleased her, knowing she wouldn't get the booby prize awarded to the person playing 'the most golf'.

They went up to the lounge and Bill said a little miffed, "They haven't put up the plaque at the entrance in memory of Betty."