All Comments on 'Emails'

This was a decent plot, and a pretty good story, but it also pretty much lacked any kind of flow. Everything that happened seemed to occur like gunshots. POW. He took a nap. POW. She read his emails. POW. She accuses him. POW. He denies it. POW. She beats him and locks him out.

Try a few more details in between each bulletpoint next time. A story is about how it flows, from one sentence or paragraph to the next.

A good first effort, keep working at it.

Compleeter

and he didn't have that bitch put in jail. He could have gotten the divorce and everything else.

Story idea was good. Needed to be fleshed out a lot more. It felt rushed and stilted. Also lacked emotion.

Encourage you to continue writing. Please find a good editor and discuss the stories before posting. Could have been a much stronger story.

Where's the emotion?

I gave it a score for the plot idea, execution could have been a bit smoother. I would suggest waiting a week between writing and final editing then another week before review prior to post. Give yourself time for perspective to spot ways to improve the story.

This is the Story that was judged, not you nor your ability. As stories go, it was a bit rushed towards the end, (as many are) and the story seemed to terminate in the divorce. And that was 'softened' too. You're capable easily of writing a 'Fiver'

Being one of the "Torch the bitch" brigade, . . where are her tennis winnings being spent on his recovery, where is her reputation trampled in the dust, where is any remorse on her part. Plus there was no ultra-appealing nurse in the hospital to assist with his recovery, Damn shame, that.

Cheers, and Thanks for a very good read.

Kilroy.

oh p.s. as a general rule . . . Ignore any folk who mis-spell their abusive comments.

she needs to pay all his medical bills, pay his lawyer fee, and pay him for being incapciated for the rest of his life. In addition, she needs to have the sworn statement given to the police so she can be prosecuted for what she is a criminal with a bad temper and a danger to society.

Initially, the writing format seemed .... tedious. But in the end, it all worked out, so a five-star rating. And yes, A.J. is an AssJack.

Overall, this turned out to be a nice short story.

It flowed well and kept my interest until the very end. The ending was a bit abrupt - it left too many questions about possible next steps (police involvement, remorse on the part of AJ, etc). I appreciate that you have a good grasp of the English language. As an editor, poor spelling and grammar makes me crazy - so thank you. Keep it up my friend and don't be afraid to submit a real bio. Overall, good first effort.

to the police is a crime.

I've spoken with numerous police officers and when it is a "he said, she said" situation, the more injured party (in this case, the husband, since she had no injuries) is assumed to be the victim and the other the abuser, so she should have been locked up. She should face aggravated assault (because she used a weapon) and maybe attempted murder. Agree with other comments as well -- story a bit abrupt and stilted. Should consider a part 2.

Your first story on LW beats 90% of the stories that appear in that category. Keep at it.

wow this was bad....

this is like those awful mindless sub human stories by BLU88 or BRITEASE or that asshole WINTERFOXX where the wife ties up the husband and or tortures him and he is sent to the hospital

and nothing happens to the wife.

In this story WHY is the wife NOT arrested...?

he is filling for divorce ... forces her to admitted she lied to the court

filed false police charges fucked other men and multilated him.

after AAAAAALLLLLLLLL of that.... the story ends with like 4 sentances???

Well if this was a good first effort i'm glad i don't write because this was terrible it had a good plot but was told as if your a five year old, it had no feeling to it, i laugh when she first came to see him and he used terms of endearment to a person who nearly killed him and in the next sentence was scared of her, if you need to write go back to school and learn how to tell a story.

Just read old Harry boy's comment, so thought I'd open your story and give it a five straight away, as from what he said, it must be great. Now I'll go and read it. Stupid of me? Yes sure, but no more stupid than someone else I've just mentioned.

For a first effort it was not bad at all. There is a serious reality check between AJ's loving demeanor and her backhand with a skillet. She got mad too quickly to be realistic and she had the door locked and the lights out before he could even pick himself up off the snow. No one in their right mind would force someone out in that cold unless they intended to kill them, that said, he should have gone to a neighbor instead of a fire station some distance away.

Yes, it was too rushed and would have been a much better story with the plot devices fleshed out and more connected to each other. When all is said by me and the other posters, you will get some good ideas (maybe) but feel free to ignore some of them.

I agree he should have pressed assault charges against her at the very least, this is not a divorce, this is life long injuries and a near death experience.

Add a part 2 please, complete the story with her reaction.

but needed to be fleshed out more. Also seemed to be a little abrupt in places. In my opinion the ending was rushed and could have been extended to make a more complete story.

I feel the characters were inconstant. At first AJ was loving and then went over the top, Mark went from loving to being afraid in the hospital room, all withing a few seconds.

Your work shows promise and I would urge you to keep writing. But as another has suggested, write the story, review it and put it away for a few days. Then read it again and smooth out things you've missed in the first review.

I rated the story with a 3.

Thanks for your hard work and keep trying.

Woodmanone

Not bad at all. Good plot, with a somewhat new twist, and I enjoyed it. Keep it up.

Ditto what other commentators said cc good premise but needs polish . I appreciate the effort.

story with a different take, she screwed up only to assault him on a email sent wrongly. he gets satisfaction by divorcing her ass, seeing those injuries she gave him..

case closed .

of course if Britease had written it odds are they would of reconciled. I mean just becuase temps are -33 degrees below zero... he loses some toes... his hand is permanetly damaged ..and he has to walk with cain for the rest of life... is no reason to end a " marriage "

right Britease?

A recent case in the news involved a man who read his wife's emails on their computer at home, found evidence she was cheating, and then used the emails as evidence to divorce her, charging her with adultery. The judge (would not be surprised if it was in the same region as the 9th Circuit, U.S. Court of Appeals -- very liberal, includes all of California, enough said) decided that it was illegal for the man to have viewed the wife's emails without her consent. So the adultery charge was out, and possibly the guy was charged for illegally reading his wife's emails.

Funny (ironic, not really humorous), a corporation can read your emails, if they are sent on, or received by a company computer, because they own the computer within the company, so a person has no right to privacy on the company's property (excluding the restroom, I would assume). But if a spouse reads their partner's emails, even by accident, it is a crime. More government policies designed to destroy the institution of marriage, in my opinion. Anyway, per the above, A.J. had no right to read his email at all. Next time, he'd better password-protect his laptop.

Locking her husband out barefooted, without a coat in below zero weather is cold -- pun intended -- and is close to attempted murder. Had he died she likely would be charged with manslaughter, minimum. Being angry for whatever reason is not an excuse.

The way the second meeting was handled was unique and interesting. What is missing is for the reader to have the opportunity to experience AJ suffering the consequences of her dispicable actions.

I must say your ending reminds me of my first attempts at speaking (from the audience) in front of a large group of people. I unknowingly at the time tried to say everything I had to say in one breath and ending prematurely when I ran out of breath.

Later I became quite confident and my words were not rushed and actually made sense. I suggest that you are in similar situation and hopefully you will stop rushing through what you have to say, Good luck and keep writing.

this was an outstanding contribution. I look forward to further submissions.

Crazy bitch...

Harry, get an editor for your comments. The above nonsense followed by no less than seven spelling and grammar mistakes in one sentence about sums you up sunshine. When you achieve something in life, let us all know.

By the way, well done Marvin

As to the story, it was actually a good idea for a story, but Lord does this guy need an editor! I gave it Four Stars because I didn't want to be unkind and I think the author could develop his skills, with a little help.

Why did not arrest this wife by the Police?

This reminds me of Slirpuff when he started writing. I hope that MarvinS will improve in time.

Good tale with eventual vindication. But i think that given his injuries and lackthereof to her the police could not walk away from charging her... Oh but wait , maybe they can! Lets all remember the bound naked woman found hung in California this fall... An obvious suicide ... Only to those that got their CSI badge out of a box of crackerjacks.

I am sorry for my anger. Why was not this wife arrested by the Police?

The wife acted very rashly and the husband did all he could to prove he was inocent, the story ended as it should have done, I hope the husband lived well and the ex-wife regretted her actions.

After all her anger, all her refusing to believe him at all, this really needed some reaction from her, some acknowledgement of the fatal harm she did to the marriage.

If he reported an assault, and there was physical evidence of an assault, the police would make an arrest. It doesn't matter if she claimed self-defense, a determination of guilt is up to a jury or judge, NOT the police. The police only make a determination if there is probable cause that a crime has been committed. In the case of his physical injuries coupled with his statement that he was assaulted, I can assure you probable cause does exist. In fact, in most states the police would be required to make an arrest under domestic violence statutes.

I am sure there are sources you can use for basic research. If not, feel free to drop me a note. I am a retired Police Officer, and I'll be happy to answer basic questions you might have.

Best story of the day and a fine first effort. Good plot and you even left room for a follow-up/part II.

Thanks for writing this tale.

subtitled BWBBB or brick window base-ball bat bitch and don't be a pussy telling the police shit. Mr. Mark knew he hadn't done anything wrong so it's a shame he allowed himself to be beat down. Though a nice enough guy his reaction was slow. But this is a story. Seriously good story telling and I was enthralled. The plot had enough intrigue, which, though too simplisticaly and hurriedly resolved, pulled the story on.

How pissed would I be if I came across an email to my wife with the same content? Full on.

As a man I would never resort to violence(the last measure, never the first) but from my wife I would expect it all; nails turning to claws and the kitchen sink being ripped from its fittings and hurled in my general direction. Then would I know she loved me.

Which is why, if he'd manned up in the first place, she wouldn't have attacked him.

As a battered husband, it looks like he has no choice but to divorce her. You can't live with a woman that's whipped you, except fantasy. Doesn't seem as if she'll have a problem finding a new mate, someone who'll appreciate her devotion and athleticism, I mean at the end of the day what's she got to say? 'Yeah, I fucking whacked poor old Mark with anything at hand when I thought he'd fucked up our marriage- and then the stupid cunt ran off into the blizzard. I was waiting for him to kick the door in and put me in my place, or at least go next door and wake up the Lewis's.'

Or is chootkabhoot and the others calling for her to burn right? In the elevator? Tasteless expression I think...Mancelt.

a blow for all women libbers and movements, even though she was wrong. TK U MLJ LV NV

IN NEED OF A SEQUEL OR MORE CHAPTERS. GOOD JOB FOR A NEWBIE AND WAY TO BREAK YOUR CHERRY. RESPECTFULLY TK U MLJ LV NV

He said he did not do it. She did not believe him. Understandable. She did not fly off the handle, she had a firm grasp on it. Someone said he should have manned up and that he ran away like a cunt. What would have happened if he tried to put the bitch in her place as said? Pain for both as written. Although it wasn't mentioned, blood in the eyes stings and blinds. That would be good for a few more swings from the wife. You can't do anything if you can't see. He had also lost the use of an arm. He chose to retreat, in the wrong direction. Good first try, I liked it.

It started with a nice flow, but then it seemed rushed. The whole wife mis understanding and getting revenge has been done to death. Nice try though.

Marvin,

Excellent job, but it does need fleshing out: more details. That said, I did like it.

Matt Moreau.

This was too rushed, needed to be fleshed out more.

Needs a sequal

Great story... take it down the road some more. Add a little to it. Thanks!

I think it was just right. It really didn't feel forced or rushed to me at all. I think that the rapidity of the events and the discovery of the mistaken affair dictated the pace of the story. It feels rushed to some because a whole lot of shit happened in rapid sequence. At first they were the perfect loving couple, she jumped to the wrong conclusion and went crazy. It was instantaneous insanity. The rest was him trying to get away. The woman was a world class athlete. There was no way for him to subdue her during the exchange without hitting her and if he'd done that, we all know that he'd have ended up in jail. Self defense only works for the woman. Great job author! SS06

It really shows how things can go to hell in a big hurry. You handled the action and changing situation skillfully.

The end seemed a bit abrupt. A few more paragraphs to wrap things up might have made the let down a little easier.

I don't think it needs any kind of sequel, though. The story is told. No need for more.

But I'm looking forward to more stories from you. I enjoyed the character Mark and it would be fun to see him in some different adventures.

She should be locked up in a controlled environmental living space,(i.e. the nut house.)

Anyway; he should take every thing she has while she's in jail for felony assault.

Thanks for the read

I enjoyed it and hope you keep writing but there were a few things that bugged me. This story has almost no details, why wouldn't Mark admit his wife attacked him with a scillet and almost killed him, why would he drop adultery from his divorce petition he has an email from her saying she's having sex with a man in their bed with a incriminating photo, why when she admitted attacking him and lieing to the police wouldn't he have her arrested and prosecuted?

The ending lasted maybe five sentences and was far too quick as I would have liked to have seen AJ have an accident that left her with permanent tennis elbow.

Anyway I gave you a three but this could have easily been a four or five. Thanks for the read.

You hit the nail on the head. I have never figured out why so many people rush to judge without any facts or questioning. It was a fun read and i enjoyed the ending. I think it's just right.

But what a crappy incomplete ending. Author got lazy. He had the reader invest all their time with the set up ( which was very well done) and then gave the ending a sort "hello goodbye". If I am reading a good murder mystery, I want a serious wrap up, an explanation, motives and most importantly a sense of consequences. This author was either lazy or arrogant and provided very little. What a shame, because 95 percent of the story was engrossing and thrilling. Alas and alack.

The bitch needed a little more torching. He should have the cops come in and arrest her for assault and sue for damages and mental cruelty.

Thank you for your comments about my story. Perhaps the ending could have been improved -- and other parts could use improvement. Comments about such things are useful, but name calling is unjustified. You do not know me so you have no right to call me lazy or arrogant.

story was a bit dry. Where is EROTICA???? The ending dry, again. The point of writing is not only to entertain the reader, but to entertain the creator of the story. I was not entertained!! Besides feeling of anger, I felt NOTHING. Hope this helps with your future writing. Good luck.

Talk about an over reaction!!

The facts are well done, but it does lack emotion. I understand the initial part being this way, especially with the hospital scenes. Strong sedatives were being used, and that can translate into a memory of the facts only. Others have incidated that the story ended abruply, and my guess is that this is where the emotions should have been introduced. The story needed the husband to pass through the five stages of grief on the marriage, before submitting his divorce papers to his wife. I do not believe that there is a need for a second chapter. I do believe that there is enough evidence that A.J. should have been charged with assalt, even with the 'he said/she said' aspect. I also do not see a need for a second chapter, because I can not see a reconciliation. Thank You.

Well written and easy to read. Thanks for sharing.

I had two problems with it. One, there should have been some lead in as to her temper. A person doesn't just fly off the handle like that all of a sudden, not that violently, then to have so little thought for his well being as to let him stumble off in the cold when he was hurt was attempted murder. What she really want to kill him over a single e-mail? That just didn't make sense to me. Then, with all the physical damage he suffered, and her with out a scratch, there is no way the cops would have dropped it with out more investigation. No way. So, I thought it could have been thought out a little butter, but I still liked it and thought it was well written, just not believable.

Bit the end feels very rushed would have liked to see why AJ flew off the handle so easily

Harry is a complete asshole. He couldn't find his ass with both hands.

This is a good attempt for a first story. One of the glaring areas that needs work is in character development. Other than knowing she was good at tennis with a wicked forehand we don't know anything about either one of them.

That means we have no reason to care about what happens to them.

Thanks for the story.

I realize now that my comments were too extreme. Thank you for calling me out on a very poor choice of words on my part. I wish I was more articulate and sometimes less emotional. My frustration at the ending was no excuse. I very much admire your writing skills. Shame on me. Wish I had the self discipline and intelligence to reread and edit. Again my apologies.

I look forward to reading more. Seems like you kind of mailed in the ending, but I really liked your premise, and you write well.

Best comment in the string, by RH in SC: "She did not fly off the handle, she had a firm grasp on it." LOL

The concept is fine. Your writing just sucks. Keep trying, though.

AB

Like many its the ending that falls a bit short

I would suggest that you rewrite the ending from the wife & her lawyer learning the truth.

You could flesh out the story such as the husbands hard line, wife being charged, consequences for her behaviour such as being charged for assault causing serious bodliy harm as its permanent injury etc etc and reactions of family and friends, her own guilt, really you have a whole field of options.

I feel you should give this a really good try, say a part 2 or even take it further to more than that.

Try not to write it as a report or observation but in first person.

again, a really good first story, its just I feel you have the potential to do a lot better

so get writing!!

with some help from an editor this could be a Five story. I'll look forward to a revised version and being able to give you a Five for it.

She was such a hothead that he is definately better off without her (even if she is as good-looking as is written). If it happenen again what would he lose then? His penis perhaps or if she hits him in the head again he might end up a vegetable. It was a good story though, but ended a bit too quickly.

I agree with others that a second part to this story would flesh out some of the characters. What is missing is the consequences from the wife's actions as well as reactions (hinted at) from others. No reconciliations-at -all cost please! Thanks for a great story!

You must keep writing. Give us the cherry next time with the wife's reaction. Looking forward to your next one

An uncommonly good twist on an old theme. Looking forward to the follow-up stories.

I used to live there long ago. The euphemism we used to use back then was "She's headded for Jamestown".

are usually the worst lot of all. TK U MLJ LV NV

I agree with Scorpio44... A rewrite, and taking some of the commenters ideas would make this a "great story"! Yet, you achieved your plot without without the husband being tied to a chair and having to watch his wife fuck other men...

Ronald Wood - OldMarineVet.

A little more information is needed to make this story complete. Luckily I have discovered there is a ch. 2. We'll see...

The final decision by the husband was completely justified and presented to his soon to be ex-wife in detailed logical manner. Too often in these stories in this category emotion runs rampant and rational behavior is let far behind.

I can't understand the outpourings from all the previous commentators.

Your hero's life had come to an abrupt decision and so your story did not need scads of verbiage,

Any one with a reasonable imagination would know what crap has just flooded all over the poor beggar.

Nuff said.

Did he sue her for damages? Permanent loss of toes, maybe permanent damage to his hand. Maybe issues with his head? It seems he should sue to help him through Physical Therapy and recovery.

nobody learned anything. TK U MLJ LV NV

Needs more resolution, and a little less wimpy husband.

charge her with adultery, sue the man she was having sex with under the covers. quit being a wimp. 3 stars for this wimpy tell/tale

Don't waste your time on Ch. 02, it is mostly cut and paste from Ch. 01 and adds nothing, make that NOTHING new.

Thank you "Two old crows". Cheers!

and gave it a 3. you dont know jack shit about the law. it doesnt matter what she would say to the police. she would be in jail for assault.

With a decent ending I would have given a 5 instead of a 4.

Did the author graduate from middle school, yet?

Betty should have been messed up about ending a 10 year marriage as she was about to start one herself, as for the rest hmm plot is quite good but details lack

She would not listen to reason, he had been faithful for the length of their marriage. He should pursue her legally for as much as he could (maybe she has tennis earnings tucked away?) and never give her a kind word, ever.

Would have liked to see the wife (AJ) begging for mercy, at least showing some remorse. Otherwise a very good story. Thanks!

They have her signed confession, lol!

Assholes ever finish a story???

I liked the cryptic style (unlike others). A clear moral that moral outrage comes with serious risks!

She never expressed regret. Was she happy to be divorced? Did he pursue her through the courts for assault? He would have had a reasonable case for compensation.

Ended way too quickly. I hope we get another chapter. That is one hot.tempered woman.

Do not try and tell us that they reconciled.

I just cannot fathom anyone being so stupid as to jump to that kind of conclusion over one frigging email. I just can't buy anyone is that shallow and stupid.

Then you screwed the pooch. He has MAJOR injuries. His feet will never be right and his head is a question mark. Lifelong headaches would be debilitating and he could possibly lose his ability to work. His life would suck. He needs to sue the crap out of AJ, get most of the marital assets and get a payout from her insurance or lifelong payments from her to ruin her life too. Like I said, good story right until the last few sentences when all he does is divorce her. Sending her to jail would work too. PS - I think you had the part about the police wrong. They would have investigated, taken the frying pan and checked for fingerprints and blood. She went overboard in a domestic situation and would have been arrested.

When first we practice to be a really stupid bitch

But when all the facts come out...and you get to the truth...the story ends...we have another lazy author her...the real story here is when an email was sent to the wrong address...and the bitch of a wife wouldn't believe her husband and wouldn't take the time to find out the real facts...Her temper got control of her and she just let her husband have it with frying pan...the real facts hurt just as much as the frying pan... but the story ends when the wife gets to see the real truth...So what the hell is going on in the wife's mind...yes we can guess...but again...why write a story if you can't finish it...I read these stories to be Entertained...not to be let down in the end.........

That's the ending? It's sort of like stopping on the 3 yard line. You should have wrapped the story up with a better ending. (more information about what happened after the meeting)

Why didn't Mark go back to the police to get A.J. charged with assault and sue her for damages for his injuries? After the damage she caused and the way she caused it all he does is get a divorce?

Sad story, of a marriage in ruin because of an email sent to the wrong person, a wife who definitely had anger and trust issues and assaulted her husband. I would have hated to see what she would do if she really got angry. Then the revenge photo of her fake fucking Joe, I think she had a screw loose. Mark was better off by getting rid of her for his own safety and peace of mind.