Emap Ch. 08

"You were cranky last Sunday I suppose we know why now. You should lose the condoms life is so much easier without periods."

"Sally that is a little much, not everyone wants to avoid periods with being pregnant." I say busy mixing the spices into the hamburger meat.

"I don't know if I'm ready yet, Darryl hasn't put a ring on my finger. I'm not sure the thought has crossed his mind, though he has a lot on it, keeping Steffi fed and in school, Anna healthy."

"I know I just want somebody to share pregnancy with, since a certain little miss somebody had to go finish getting turned into a goddess and lose pregnancy." I look over Sally is staring at me.

"Well shit Sally if you must know I was losing my powers, I had to go ask. As it turns out there is a trial period you can get turned into Jaguar try it out and see if it is for you. The problem is since it took so long for me to leave and try it out I would have died if I had not gotten all of it."

"You know Tony is right, it's way better to not ask. Not that I'm going to listen, how long until you have to find a replacement?"

"I'm not sure the last Jaguar went three hundred years before turning male. The one before her was only one hundred fifty years. Even after turning male I have a decade or two before I have a need to look for a woman to fuck."

"So you could turn into a guy tomorrow?" Melody asks looking a little worried.

"Well yes and no, the last Jaguar told me she thinks it works on my own thinking, when I get tired of being the immortal Jaguar I turn male and start looking for a replacement. She did not have a family so there wasn't really anything to make her regret living so long. What turned her was the Mayan's themselves, she said they were getting bloodthirsty and didn't want to see it anymore."

"A case could be made you are bloodthirsty you know." Tony says collecting the two plates of patties.

"Bloodthirsty in the heat of battle is one thing ritual sacrifice involving the removal of a living man's heart is entirely different." I yell after him, Sally and Melody turn green.

"Say could you show us how the stock works?" Wilma asks walking up to the counter, Sally groans.

I go with Wilma into the basement to find Frank already down there. I explain how it works and what the footpad is for. I help Frank get the top onto Wilma to find it fits her well, little loose around the neck. I make sure Frank knows how to get it open again then leave quickly not having a desire to see them engaging in what I know is coming. I run into Darryl moving to go into the basement, I shut the door quick behind me.

"Basement is a little occupied you can go online after dinner."

"I was going to go to the bathroom actually, Steffi is in yours."

"Oh well, I think you should run to your house or wait for Steffi those two are going to be in there for a while."

Darryl groans then heads for the front door I watch him go somehow stifling a giggle. Melody chases after him after asking where he is going apparently she is in the same boat. Wondering what Steffi does that takes so long I head into the kitchen to get handed the bowl of ambrosia. Sally ushers me out back carrying the bowl of potato salad where we find Anna sitting at the park table Derek and Tony are busy grilling.

Melanie and Max are sitting at the smaller kids table playing Don't Break the Ice. For once not arguing over whose turn it is, will wonders never cease. Derek comes over and gives Sally a kiss. When he gets back to the grill Tony comes over and gives me a kiss. When Marie yells from inside the house I get up to go see what she wants.

"You are running late and where is your surprise?" I ask when I see her in the living room.

"I woke up way to early and slept in later than I should have when I got back in bed. My surprise is coming, she had to get a few items out of the car."

"Marie you make a typical guy, making her carry everything. I swear I should train you like I did Tony." I poke her a few times getting a giggle out of her.

"I had to get it myself, family heirlooms." Marie's date says coming in the door, her voice is a little like mine.

I look at her my jaw dropping, she has a resemblance to my mother, her nose is larger but the eyes are the same if a little smaller. Marie has to grab the heirlooms the woman almost drops them when she looks at me.

"Oh my god, you are the spitting image of my three or four great's aunt."

"Marie you really have some explaining to do here." I turn on Marie growling a little.

"First stop growling please, that really makes me nervous. I swear to you this was not planned, I met her and sparks flew and well after going to her house a few times I noticed the heirlooms. I honestly thought it was a coincidence, and somehow I get the feeling you two are related."

"Oh probably, she looks a little like my mom, let's see the heirlooms and tell me when your family moved to Detroit and from where." I sit down with a sigh.

She hands over a painting I remember standing for with my mom and dad behind me, my two younger brothers standing next to me. I remember this, you can barely see it in the painting but mom was pregnant at the time with my third brother. The next is of David I think, he was only ten when I went to Brazil standing with Henry Ford I had met that man once when he was in Los Angeles trying to get money to start Ford Motor Company.

"I get the feeling you know the people in the painting and the picture."

"I do yes, that is my mom pregnant with my third brother Anderson, David here and Benjamin here my dad is standing next to mom. I'm the young woman in the middle. I remember standing for this painting it was either one or two years before I was married the first time. This picture here is of Henry Ford, I met him in Los Angeles before he started his company, gave him I think it was three thousand. I think that is David with him."

"That is my three or four great's grandfather David yes. Which would make you oh my god, you are my long lost whatever many great's aunt..."

"Emap please," I say interrupting her. "Be easier all the way around if it is not known who I was."

"Yes, I suppose it would, the only way you could be sitting here looking younger than I am would be if you are Jaguar."

She starts to breathe heavy grabbing hold of Marie who grabs her purse and fishes around inside before producing an asthma inhaler. Frank and Wilma choose this opportunity to come out of the basement both smiling big.

"Is this Marie's surprise?" Wilma asks coming over looking a little worried.

"Yes, it seems she is dating a relative of mine. Speaking of which, you never did say when David moved to Detroit."

"He moved here in nineteen twelve as an engineer for Ford. He was one of the key men in the early stages of Ford development, he helped improve the engines, the transmissions and even designed the first truck. I am surprised you hadn't looked just about everything that ever happened is listed online." She says tears in her eyes.

"I was afraid to, I had looked at history when I first got back, then found the World Wars and stopped looking at history. I didn't want to know that my brothers had died in the first or relatives died in the second."

"Well none of your brothers died in the first, Anderson did go he became a tank commander. He trained our tankers for the second, even earned himself a commendation from the president for his work."

"That is a relief, now you have not said, I have not asked either my bad. What is your name?"

"Madison." Wilma starts to laugh behind her, I sigh getting Frank and Marie to look at us confused.

"That was my birth name and it never leaves this house. Come on we should be eating shortly if not now."

I get up and usher everyone out of the house into the back yard. The painting and picture are deposited gently on the table as we pass it. Tony grabs me up as I follow Madison out of the house.

"I guess you were right Marie did find a date. Long conversation in the house though, did I miss anything important?"

"She's a relative of mine, my second youngest brother David worked for Ford as an engineer. She is a few great's niece of mine, though I think for simplicity we just call her a cousin. She brought a painting I remember standing for and a picture of David with Henry Ford." I say relaxing into his arms.

Tony takes me over to the table as Anna yells for Darryl he and Melody appear after a minute or so both looking a little guilty. While we are passing around the different items of food I notice Madison is a little teary eyed still.

"Madison what is wrong?"

"It's nothing it's just I was the last of our family and I have no interest in men."

I tell Melanie to go give her cousin a hug she does with a smile and a laugh. Melanie comes back quick she wants her hamburger and ambrosia. I send her off with it then get busy with making myself a chili cheese dog.

"Madison why not fill the rest of us in on Emap's family?" Tony asks while getting a dog ready for the chili.

"Well until now I come from the only part that produced children. My few great's grandfather came to Detroit in nineteen twelve to engineer for Ford. There have been three Ford engineers in my family, the last was my father. Not to say we haven't done some great things, few great's Uncle Anderson was a tank commander in the First World War, trained tankers for the second and earned himself a commendation from the president. Their father warned of the Great Depression before it happened and helped design the welfare system that got us out of it. I must say the chili you are using is incredible."

"I make it myself using mom's recipe. I admit these dogs likely would taste better with rye in them."

"Emap it is so not my fault that I am allergic to rye." Marie says then kicks me under the table.

"Hey no arguing at the table, besides we can try the full range of sausage next time we order." Tony says grabbing my arm I kick Marie under the table anyway.

We all groan when Frank's cell phone rings, besides Madison she looks a little confused. Frank pulls it out and speaks into it then listens for a few moments and looks at me with a curious expression.

"Say do you think Jaguar would be up to visiting the Lions first home game of the season?"

"I didn't think they would want me, the home team keeps losing when I do." I manage to get out finally I admit it I was a bit startled.

"Go anyway would be good advertising for the company we ordered from. Besides we haven't gone to a game in forever, when is kickoff?" Tony says giving me an excited hug.

"We got an hour and a luxury suite we are all staying for the entire game, no going to work. Let's see it is the Lions and the Packers so big game no wonder it is the evening game."

"I hope the NFL finally decides to give L.A. an expansion team, I am going to miss being in the same city as a football team during the season." I say looking around to some excited faces, even Melanie and Steffi are at the table looking at me. "Yes we are going eat up, half an hour and we are going to the game."

The next half hour is spent mostly eating, some excited talking. I am a little surprised that Anna is excited, she grins when I look at her curiously.

"My husband got me addicted in the seventies I thrilled through the time with Barry Sanders. I haven't actually gone to a game in over a decade and never in a luxury box."

"Well you are going today, right now in fact come on pack up stick the food in the fridge and let's go." Frank says standing up and collecting condiments.

Getting an idea I halt everything then make myself a chili cheese dog. I carry it into the kitchen stick it in a plastic container slap the lid on and hand it to Tony with the packaging for the sausages. Chuckling he carries it out to the car, Frank ushers Melanie, Max and Steffi out to the cars. Darryl helps Anna walk out, after a little confusion on who rides in which car we take off.

Tony leads the way, with the Jaguar Brigade car he can go fast as he wants. We make it to the stadium in fifteen minutes setting up a sort of roar of excitement from the tailgaters still outside. We get parked in the VIP section and rushed up the stadium to the luxury box. I step into the bathroom get undressed and go furry, I collect the chili cheese dog and the sausage packaging then step outside after Tony affixes my choker.

"Oh dang I thought I would have to go searching, I want to do a little advertisement for this wonderful sausage company and I know the commentators want to see me." I tell a security guard standing outside the luxury box.

"I'd offer to show you but I know you go lots faster. Take this corridor here and follow the signs. The commentator booth is about half a mile that way." He says pointing in the direction I need.

I give him a smile and a thank you then move off, sometimes it is nice to be the most famous person on the planet. There is an usher standing outside of the booth I want, he waves at me then pulls the door open for me. I step in to find Chris Berman and Howie Long sitting in the booth. Flabbergasted I shake their hands while they explain they were hoping I would come and wanted a special commentator duo for the occasion.

"Well for all of you football fans we have a very special guest for what looks to be one of the best Sunday night games this year. Just in case you have been living under a rock for the last almost four years, we have with us today the incomparable greatness herself Jaguar. Before we move on to that incredibly good smelling chili cheese dog you got there, please tell us what you think of the two teams we have playing here." Chris Berman says in his incredible way.

"Well on paper the Packers look to have a win today, unless the stats are wrong of course they look to have a stronger defense and higher powered offense. However since I am currently a resident of Detroit and do not have a team to back, please fix that for next season I like being able to go to games, I am going to say the Lions have the win."

"It sounds like the fans here in Detroit are agreeing with you. I wish to touch on the no team to back next season part. For those who don't know, Jaguar has a child who is going to school starting next year. They will do this in Los Angeles, now Los Angeles has not had a football team since the Rams moved to St. Louis. I am really not supposed to do this, however Howie and myself have already been told we are going to be next year first Sunday of the season in Los Angeles announcing a football game. Jacksonville has refused to give up Jaguars, the name or the team so there will have to be a new name as voted on by the fans. The commissioner will do an announcement during halftime, the location of the stadium is not quite hammered out as it stands right now the coliseum will serve as the stadium like it did for the Raiders unless a stadium can be erected. Now let us move on to that so incredibly delicious smelling chili cheese dog you brought with you, Howie is moving into position for a sack as we speak."

"Well give me a moment." I grab up a knife and cut the dog into three pieces, I hand one to Howie who was taking small steps toward it, one to Chris and one for myself. "These chili cheese dogs are the best I have ever had, which is saying a lot I have them often. This company here is based in Germany, which as we all know has a love affair with sausage. I am having a love affair with their sausages, if you go to this website you will drool over what they have, I have assurances they will expand their assortment of straight sausages for us hot dog lovers who want a flavorful dog. Top it with my chili cheese and you have the best football food known to Jaguar. The recipe for my chili should be easily available online I think most grocery stores carry a stack of papers with it. As for the cheese I have found the sharp cheddar works the best for my family." All three of us take a bite Chris and Howie are enthusing over the taste. "Wait, are you two just agreeing with me or actually love the taste?"

"I am officially and totally in love with your chili cheese dog. I am ordering these sausages at the first commercial." Chris Berman says for once not extending words.

"I've been having your chili for two years now it works great with hamburgers as well as dogs. I am going to say for my family we like it with Swiss cheese better but this sausage is really the absolute best with this chili. If my wife is watching honey order us a lot of sausages, if not I am calling her the first chance I get. Chris always hogs the computer." Chris agrees with Howie getting me to giggle until he puts his hand to his ear.

"Oh my Jaguar it seems you are wanted on the field for the coin toss. There should be a ramp down for you to use about fifty more feet that way."

I get out of the booth following the pointing usher's direction, when I reach of all things the stands I am greeted with a lot of cheering as I move down the stairs to the field. I go out to the middle of the field with the ref standing there holding a rather large coin, he does the rules bit of the toss then hands the coin to me. I flick it up sorta hard then giggle as everyone backs away I count down on my hand. The coin lands about two feet in front of me right when I reach zero.

The Lions win the toss and choose to kick it, with a little assistance from the guards and ushers I get back to the box. I am rather surprised to find Roger Goodell in the box waiting for me. He ushers me over to a chair then sits next to me and hands over a folder.

"What is this?" I ask leafing through looking at various forms of legal documents.

"That is the problem we are having with putting a team in Los Angeles. We can't find an owner or group with enough money to back a team and there is a rather lack of good places for a stadium. The closest we can get is the Ram's old stadium which is in need of replacement. Owner we can fix easily, simply offer up shares to the public like Green Bay. The stadium is the hard part, the company owning the Ram's old does not wish to tear it down and put up a new one in the same spot. Takes a while to do that though we are close to getting an agreement of putting up a new stadium in the parking lot and taking down the old stadium for the parking lot. I was going to tell you of the new team personally, Berman has a knack for beating people to the punch. I do get to ask for your help however, we need a spokesperson to get people to buy the stock. Who better than a goddess recognized the world over, we will get some celebrities who live in Los Angeles I am sure but for now, you are the face of the Los Angeles football team. Name will come up in the first meeting of owners, only to be sold in Los Angeles so no chance of the team being moved later. First meeting will be after the super bowl, I am sure you will buy stock."

"You bet I am buying stock as much as we can afford. How much is the stock?"

"Three hundred per share, we are hoping to sell at least ten thousand shares though one hundred thousand would be better. The NFL will help fund until it is on its feet, hopefully there will be robust item and ticket sales. Los Angeles will be unlike Green Bay, there is no max number of shares right now, we will sell as many as we can. There will of course have to be someone in charge of hiring the first coach, I suppose you will be that person that will happen after the first meeting and a name is figured. Jacksonville has gone on record that Jaguar would not be appreciated, possible to go with though the players may not like it much."

"I don't think I would like it much myself, though I am so going to be the mascot. Tony can we afford ten shares?" I say looking over at Tony, he smiles and nods.

"The Brigade is so getting fifty shares, wait let's make the oversight pass out five hundred shares." Frank says giving me a hug.