All Comments on 'Enter Sandman Ch. 10'

OMG! A second page! Who would of have thought. OK, OK. I will stop. If you have been reading the responses, by now you know the readership was not happy with such short chapters. And this last chapter proved why. The reason it was longer was that you needed to explain the DETAILS you had not been giving in the first place. Granted you had telegraphed enough that everyone had figured it out and that the lengthy chapter seems anti-climactic: no surprise. As a first attempt, the idea was terrific, but the execution (?) was not well planned. You chose to tell the story from one point of view that helped to maintain the "mystery" but you can also do that with multiple points of view that will allow for detail. I will readily admitt I was looking forward to the end for a number of reasons. My big hope was that you were not going to be predictable and that by drawing out the days, you were building to a unique and unexpected conclusion. Nope! Not the case. I think you have poetential, but need to work on characterization (making them a little more believable) and on the more obvious issues of plot development. Keep writing!

An excellent story well told. There is no more to say.

Finally a great end to a good story cheers!!!!!.I really really liked the last 2 chapters.Nicely told.Good.Looking forward for more from you.

Finally a great end to a good story cheers!!!!!.I really really liked the last 2 chapters.Nicely told.Good.Looking forward for more from you.

I've just come across this story so was able to read all the chapters in one sitting. I was on the edge of my seat throughout the last two chapters. You are a very skilled writer and I look forward to your future work. In response to comments / suggestions for you to make chapters longer ‘it’s not the quantity but the quality’ that makes a good story in my opinion, but I do admit to appreciating the length of the last chapter. Your writing in terms of narrative, dialogue and plot strengthened as the story progressed through chapters. Kudos.

I look forward to more stories from you. Maybe an alternate ending with a confrontation with Kelly could brought out for the sadist crowd like me!! Please!!!

Looking forward to reading your next work.

I was really liking this story until the last couple of chapters, when it jumped the shark. Basically, Roger knows Sandman is a sadistic killer, but goes into hiding and grows a beard. Meanwhile, Sandman is killing people left and right. Roger didn't tip off the police or warn the potential victims, but simply did nothing and let them die. Then he tried to be the big hero himself and only the lucky intervention of a friend prevented him from dying too. Our "hero" was a selfish idiot, and worse, by standing by while Sandman was going on a killing spree, he's partially culpable for their deaths, too.

I feel that you left so many loose ends that it was not worth the read. Primarly I still haven't figured out what your story was about. I waited all those days of reading short chapters hoping you would redeem yourself but you didn't. One example is the contents of Peterson's lockbox could have revealed the real Sandman and Kelley. If your piece was about 'justice'. Sandman and Kelley - a truly murderous duo- escaped it.

Some writing flaws, but overall, this has been one hell of a good storyline. That was a very interesting (and realistic) twist at the end, with our "hero" being, quite believably, unable to actually finish the job on his own. But then, that's what friends are for, Right? Excellent story.

-- KK in Texas

so the wife got away with it?

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Let me see if I have this right... This guy fakes his death lives off the grid so to speak for months ... eyars even and when he finally get a jump on the Greg/ sandman a psycho Cop... he is surpried that cops carry guns and so he gets shot.

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wow... really stupid.

I thought your story was well written but pretty farfetched with Sandeman murdering half the population. Much as I hate to agree with Harryin Va, he's right. Your ending with Roger having a clear shot at a an unaware Sandeman and ending up with Roger getting shot and Sandeman unharmed doesn't say much for Rogers skill after all the training he put himself through. My only regret is that Kelly turned out to be such a traitorous bitch.You made her sound attractive early in your story.

the Ct.Yankee

and I've said it before CT Yankee, too: it's a decent story, but the "hero" is just freakin' dumb. <p>

the dumb-ness the author made the husband/hero to be is just breath-taking. he tells us at the end, that he's sorry he was not the one to kill the dead woman! LOL <p>

seriously, could ANY one be THAT dumb? <p>

this man, who put his tail behind his leg, took days and weeks to plan his death, because he was so fuckin' scared of Sandman he shook, bodily shook, every time I had to go to the grocery, even in his new fake ID body,,, planned for several months, and can't even kill Sandman, lying in wait in the man's own home!!, with GUNS (and except for another man, this idiot would have been scalped that very night and he deserved it, too!, knowing he's going to kill a woman who did nothing more than reject his stupid ass for a real man!) <p>

to find out he is SO SAD at the end, that he was not the one to put a bullet, without warning, through his ex's head, and that's she's again one step ahead of him? I laught outloud, at the SHEER, MIND-BOGGLING stupidity of the husband/man/hero! <p>

Dear author, you see a real man who wants to kill his ex because he, for whatever wacko "reason", believes she'd wronged him and indeed went ahead and kill her???? <p>

What did Mr. Pardo do in California: HE at least had the DECENCY to put a bullet through his retarded brain and died along with those innocent whom he killed, innocent people who only rejected him for his retardation (the children victims probably didn't even know him). <p>

again, killer husbands like this CHARACTER here, like Mr. Pardo ---- they should not live among us. and we are supposed to feel undersgtanding or sympathy, in anyway whatsoever, for a killer like this? <p>

and, get this: from what we're told, he's not even in Sandman's radar as a target, or at least as a main target. he's nothing more than a bystander! if Sandman had really wanted this stupid mother fucker's ass, according to the story, he would have had him from way back,,, it's the wife's families and apparently the OTHER prominent family that Sandman wanted! <p>

what kind of a weak, pitiful man fora "hero" in your story, dear author. and he's sorry he's not the one to put a bullet through the woman/former wife's head? LOL Even she's so above him, she's not willing to stoop to his crazinesss, to allow him the honor of killing her... she went out, more or less, like a samuri: taking her own life, in a clear-headed, self-honored way, if she can't cut in no more, like a samuri! <P>

Sandman, I liked. The cheaing woman, I liked. The General, I liked. Even Dough, the supposed wimp, I like, as his father, the old man at the hospital, bravely awaiting his death with clarity and bravery. <p>

this clump of shit of a husband, he's scum of the earth. can't do shit right. the only thing he did semi coherently successful, with tons of help, was to put his tail behind his legs and run and hide for a few month, planning to kill another man! and can't even do it, imagine that! <p>

and the only regret he has? --- NOT able to put a bullet through his wife/exwife's head? I mean, what did the wife ever do but treated him like the weakling scum he is/was?, and left him for a real man FOR WHOM she's willing, happy to die???

Liked Sandman, he was a badass! Psycho yes, but still a badass. Kelly? Kinda liked her too. Died for her true love. Shit I would've left wishy/washy Roger/Justin for Sandman too! Roger/Justin? Ho, hum...he came off as inept and after awhile I was hoping someone would just shoot him. Interesting story. Thanks for the entertainment.

I just stumbled across this tale and could not stop until I read the entire story. I hope you continue to submit.

Loved it.

Great story.

a great story, would make a decent movie plot

amazingg !

Well written and nicely told. Certainly enjoyed the suspence and twists and turns. Nicely crafted. Thanks for sharing.

Configurated story that just dragggggggged on

Too unrealistic in so many areas and no women takes her life using a gun and, in any event she had no reason to take her life.

Didnt't read the story. Just following dworcuck stupid and mindless comments. Lol

The build up was better than the ending, but it was still a good read. Thanks for sharing.

I really enjoyed the story, the end was indeed a bit of a let down but a very consuming read. Kudo's to the author!

Great....till the ending....no way that bitch would have committed suicide. But, a pretty good story.

all he had to do was return and tell the police a story about how he was carjacked while drunk that night his truck crashed and burnt. He lost his memory and had been living rough and just started to remember who he was. By law he was still married to Kelly and therefore the sole beneficiary to the Bates family estate. Just reward for all his trials.

A masterpiece of hackneyed dreck.

I have to admit that I was wondering what to do with Kelly....

The main flaw in this fast paced story was that the wife never knew the truth and took herself out. The whole point was to clue her in and get some revenge served cold, so this series essentially failed, except for the happy fact that the puppy got a home

Kelly loves Sandman so she marries Easton? Why on earth would she? The explanation in the story doesn't hold water. That's just one of the many flaws in this convoluted waste of time.

The wife should have died in agony!

The army timelime was mess. U do not go into special forces out of boot camp. Afganistan is in asia not the middle east. Kelly would never kill herself. She was a psychopath the way u wrote her.

Kelly did not commit suicide. Peterson's thugs killed her and made it look like a suicide!

Five stars.

Well done.. 5 stars

Roger Easton will remain dead but Jess doesn't care so long as Justin Green will survive

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Why? As I understand it he wanst really divorced from the whore so he stands to inherit tens of mullions by coming forward

It was very good until Kelly shot herself.

THAT was a bummer.

After all the build-up hoping for one last confrontation between Sands, Kelly and Roger.

Ending was like the sound of a pebble in a lake...

Plok.

Did Kelley have the baby?

Well done thank you.

Well done.

Overall...........weak.

Gee, 10 LIT chapters for a large group of characters not worth anybody’s concern! And each one with disjointed motives that make little or no sense!

2*

Moved along but I literally didn’t care about any character. To each their own.

Useless bullshit story! The whole thing was too convoluted and “cute” by far. In the end Kelly conveniently blows herself away, Roger is OK with leaving his parents mourning his death ass he goes off to be with his Dog? Not one person in this sad tale was worth remembering or identifying with.

Don't trust anyone but yourself. My Motto is that. That's why I am so success so far..

Neat wrap up, little too neat.

Hell of a story. Loved it. A lot of lucky for him situations where he came out ahead but very entertaining.And he got a great dog in the end.

Mediocre ending and story telling

Would be a good plot if someone else wrote it

Another weak ending is similar to another of your stories I had just .read

Very disappointing

Entertaining, but with a little more “meat on the bones,” it could have been very good. We seem to get a glossed over version of the characters and don’t form a strong connection with them.

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I wasn’t shocked by the Sandman betrayal, but wished that we got to know him a bit more. Maybe threw in some red flags to his darker side earlier. Kelly and Susan were caricatures.