Erotic Tales from the Crypt

DISCLAIMER: I have to go here first and foremost. I am not writing this story to get back at any of the people that I am writing about. I have a very healthy relationship with nine in every ten of my ex girlfriends and sex partners. (That is until a few of them get wind of this story, but what is a sexual past that you can't share with someone? Right?)

I am 100% sorry... should I offend anyone that I am writing about, I am just trying to produce a story, and it's meant for your enjoyment NOT your harassment!

_b.s.21/2011

Alright... So what this ISN'T... is what you think it is! There isn't a skeleton dressed in the last suit he'll ever wear, with hair growing from the top of his head who tells stories that will scare the piss out of you in your sleep! I don't have time for that, nor am I going to try to duplicate that shit at the current moment!

What this is though, is a collection of stories. True stories at that, that I have comprised to make you laugh, make you horny and or make you think... or some odd collection of the above. Once again... these are TRUE stories! The names have been changed to protect the innocent and or to keep me from embarrassing the shit out of these girls and or myself by telling you some of the things that have happened in my sexual past!

Some of you may enjoy these things, some of you may be completely appalled, but it's what ever. I did say that these stories are true, meaning I can't go back in time and change the past.

Enjoy!

* * *

So what are some things that could happen in sex? Come on, think back, everyone has their awkward moments... Are you one of those people who gets crazy drunk off of Jell-O shots, to the point of exposing yourself to the general public at a dance club... while on the dance floor, making a complete fool of yourself to anyone who may happen to look up and see you? (I am!)

Or how about also getting so drunk that you are dancing on (that same dance floor, different night) the dance floor with another lady, who happens to be your best friend's fiancé... and she is equally as drunk as you are, and she's grinding on you, you're loving on her, your hand slips up her skirt, finds the warm wet spot between her legs, and you slide your hand down her panties to plop a finger into her hot box and cop a feel of the sweet pussy your best friend always tells you about... while he's standing in front of you? (Again; I am!) -- (Remember... I'm drunk if that's any excuse...)

Hmmm, are you one of those people who again... gets all liquored up (there's a trend here... keep up people) and upon receiving a text message from a friend who you've always wanted to fuck, drives 30 minutes to go pick her up and bring her back to your place! You're sitting on your couch, watching a movie, she's holding you, you're holding her... things seem like they are going to be gravy in no time flat! Until that is, you start making out with her and her breath/ tongue tastes like the inside of someone's asshole! (Yeah, I know there are some people that like that taste, but I'm not talking about a clean one! But more or less a VERY NASTY and STINKY ONE! Now, what do you do in that situation?) What's more, you figure you can play it off, and take it to the next level, so you take the game to your room! Too bad you are in a tiny one bedroom apartment with a little bed, and the two of you aren't exactly going to fit on the bed, being 6'1" tall and height and weight proportionate! Whatever though, you slip your hand down into her pants and just about slice every finger off on her barbed wire bush that is surrounding what you thought you were going to get...

A W K W A R D!

So, Now that you have been properly introduced into my sick mind, sit back and continue reading... get off if you're so moved to do so, or laugh your ass off if that's what you feel you need to do!

I think I will start off with all of the stories that I have... in order, it will help me remember things, and maybe my dumb nature will get smarter... in chronology, maybe?

One of my most memorable sexual events would have to be one of the first. You know how it is when you first having sex with someone. You're fumbling, they're fumbling... you're sweating, fretting and going all sorts of crazy just trying to make sure you're doing everything right... and normally, nine times in ten, you end up screwing something up.

I was with Samantha. (Names changed to protect the innocent) Samantha and I were never really touchy feely with each other outside of a couple of kisses here and there! The reasons why will remain a secret, but I can give you a small fraction of the fun we had. We actually were broken up with each other when we got the chance to have sex, and I found myself house sitting for my cousin when it actually happened.

She had made me mad, as females normally do, because she was being annoying as hell after I had broken off plans with her. I ended up piecing the plans back together and we ended up on two different couches at my cousin's house (remember, she had pissed me off) watching movies. The movie didn't really appeal to me because her eyes kept sparkling in the softly lit room and my hardened heart was slowly melting like a five-year-old's dropped ice-cream cone on a hot sidewalk.

Before I had a chance to comprehend that which was taking place in front of my own two eyes, I was... we were sucking the skin off of each other's faces, massaging tongues, touching breasts, pressing hard cocks into clothed bodies and the whole nine yards. It was a wonderful foreplay make out session that I would GLADLY Re-live if she ever gave me the chance again! (And I'd try to give her a better show than I did later on that night too, but I'll get to that in seconds...)

Two o'clock in the morning came much quicker than I had expected and we started getting tired, or at least I did. I offered the couch and I told her I was going to bed. Half of the distance from the couch to the stairs, I turned to her and questioned if she was coming. I didn't have to ask twice as she quickly jumped from the couch and followed me up the stairs to my cousin's bedroom.

Once we were on the second floor and in the secluded dark room, we couldn't take our hands from each other. I was horribly nervous; I couldn't get her bra undone to free her massive mammary glands. We were breathing hard and panting like most people do in sex, and when I finally got my pants unzipped and to my ankles, we started doing the nasty!

It had been a while since I had decent sex, but I had a condom in my wallet, and once I had it out and fumbled over getting it strung along my dick, things started looking up again. The feeling of her hot slick treasure box let me know she enjoyed it just as much as I did, and the look of pure fire in her eyes and the moans that purred from her stomach sent vibrations through my body!

The wild part about such a great fuck was what happened at the end. I can't say this about many girls, because I pride myself on getting my partner off before I do, or at least before I roll over to sleep for the night, but I don't think I got her off that night.

What's worse, I can't fake an orgasm, (who would?) but although I didn't fake it, I wasn't completely honest either! I came silently, because I wanted her to cum too, and I just let her ride me, praying I would stay hard or get hard again to keep going! So the funny thing, or NOT so funny thing in my case was, my body wouldn't let me continue! SO... she rode me until I fell out of her completely and went completely limp.

A second round never made it around, but the afterglow from round one was a wonderful thing. I think it's safe to say, neither of us slept that night, and the sun was peeking in the windows sooner than I wanted it to! The rest that I did get could only be held in comparison to the afterglow and the fun that I had that evening... and I hope she did too!

* * *

I'm not going to go into crazy depth about Alice because I have many more girls to talk about. The two times I got to fuck Alice, I'll remember for the rest of my life and I'll probably tell the story for years to come.

Alice was a stripper at a popular club that my boys and I used to frequent in West Virginia. She was about 5'2" with no shoes on and she had a tiny body and an amazing figure with little softball sized tits.

The first time I met Alice, I wasted crazy money on her, from lap dances to drinks, to finally the champagne room that I will always remember! I didn't plan on fucking her, but when she got on her knees and pulled out my cock and started sucking like it was a chocolate covered tootsie pop, I couldn't say no!

I pushed her chestnut brown hair out of her face, and pushed her forehead back until she looked up and our eyes met. When they did, She took my dick out of her mouth and stood up.

"Listen, I don't know how this is going to work, but I want to try something." She said. "I have my red wings at the moment, but I don't want to take this thing out in front of you. Put a condom on and you can push it up inside me for as far as it will go, or move it to the side, but I want you inside me right now!"

"Can we do that in here?" I whispered.

"I'll handle that should the problem arise, come on, just fuck me. We don't have much time."

I did as I was asked, and although this was no easy feat, it wasn't a hard task either. You see, I'm no 'Peter North,' so I ended up getting some pretty good sex out of the deal, and we completed the task just as she asked!

The second time I saw Alice, she wasn't strung out on the Oxycontin that she was on the first time I met her, (the night of the red wing sex) and she was completely coherent!

"Can I redeem myself?" she asked once we got reacquainted.

"Of course you can!" I said as she led me up the stairs to the champagne room.

She wasted no time with my zipper and pulled my cock out and seeing that she was only in her stripper outfit, (seeing that I'm sure you don't call them bikinis when you're not swimming in them, um lets see; a teddy... no, a g string... no, a thong... um, lingerie... well fuck it, you know what a stripper wears!) she pulled her panties to the side and she slid down onto my steel shaft and started riding for dear life.

Now I don't remember how much I told you about Alice, but she was a boney little thing! I like smaller girls, because I'm a big guy, but her little boney ass was grinding into my pelvis and before long, I knew I had to cum! ...And cum I did!

"You gonna cum baby?" she asked as she bent over and whispered in my ear.

"I was trying not to," I said, "You feel so good!"

"Well you know you have to! You know I'm not supposed to be fucking in here! Here... will this help?" she asked as she slipped her hand up into my sweater and started pinching my nipples.

Will it help? DID it! Within the next two minutes it was all over!

"Fuck, Alice; I'm going to cum!"

And with that, she jumped off of me, and no sooner than she was completely off of me, I shot the biggest load I had ever seen come out of me! It shot straight up into the air, and one rope landed on her left tit, and another landed on my hand, and the rest would have to be washed out of the front of my sweater!

What happened next was anyone's guess... She grabbed my hand, and licked my baby batter off of it, drug her finger across the place on her breast where the first shot had landed, and took that to her mouth too, and then she knelt down on the floor and brought my sweater to her mouth and sucked the rest out of my sweater, for as much as she could, then she stood up and kissed the side of my mouth, as I tried to hand her the tip I had for her.

"I'm good, that was good enough for me," she said as she slipped the money I was handing her back into my pants pocket.

* * *

Now I definitely want to give you more than I'm going to, like the incident with my friend Ashley who I totally fiend over for over 5 years, and by the time I got to her, and she took off her shirt to reveal to me the prettiest tits I've seen on any of my past encounters, and took off the wettest panties IN THE WORLD, (yeah the wet spot on the front of her panties was such that I probably could have rung them into a shot glass and took it to the head) and showed me a great body... I couldn't "rise to the occasion!" Yeah I ate her out like her pussy stole something from me, and she gave me a rain check, but it was probably the most embarrassing thing in the world! (It has a happy ending, we ended up performing in front of an audience... her friend was on the couch one night when we had sex, AND another night, we had decent sex, but the ultimate ending is a little sad... we don't speak now...)

OR the time I was fingering an ex who didn't mention she was on her period until after I pulled my hand out from between her legs, and my parting gift was left on my fingers... BUT I think those stories can be for the next chapter of this story if I write another one!

* * *

For now, I'll share about the last three girls that I think made the top three...

I met these three girls, and another girl that I won't really mention, because nothing spectacular happened with her, it was just Plain Jane vanilla sex, on a website that you could place personal ads on.

The first time I placed an ad on this site, I was kind of leery because I had never done the internet dating thing, and I had never tried looking for sex on the internet either! SO I created an account and my first ad went something like this...

SBM looking for SF for a friendly relationship; 6'1" HWP (height and weight proportionate) D&D FREE, except for occasional 420. (recreational "mary jane" usage) Musician and writer with a love for the outdoors, and other hobbies explained upon correspondence. If you're interested so far, Email me, and we'll get to know each other!

So that ad got a couple of responses, a few phone numbers, and a few naked text messages from eager people who seemed to want more than 'just a friend and just talking,' but I never got any farther than that!

So, my first date came about with Brianne. Sex with Brianne, how would I describe it? The term "hate sex" comes to mind, but it wasn't hate as in, "I hate you, go play in traffic," but more of like a rough sex.

I took her to dinner, and when the conversation resorted to nothing more than drugs, and underage drinking, I had to end it, and I finished the date with a movie, and figured I'd call it a night!

We talked a bit here and there, but didn't take anything any further. I decided it was probably best to leave things the way they were... that is, until I got a random text a couple of weeks after our date that simply said, 'Wanna Fuck?'

Shocked, as I was, I responded by making the conversation a little more interesting, and taking it to the next level, but I was out of town and things weren't so, that I could drive home to see her. So I made plans for the next evening, and left things as they were.

After all of the hype, and her rushing me through everything, once I got to her house, she responded, "I'm not wet anymore, and I'm no longer horny."

You can imagine the look on my face! So, with the new found information, I decided I was going to leave! JILL (Hold up your right hand away from you, and your fingers spell Jill,) and Rosie Palmer and her five sisters, (The palm of your hand is rose colored, and you have 5 fingers for the slow crowd...) have never let me down before, so my horniness could quickly be cured by a jack session; but I wasn't going to let some tramp I met on the internet play me for a fool...

"Wait!" she said taking off her shirt.

Now Brianne wasn't a supermodel by any means, but neither am I. Her body had no definition, her ass was flat and boxy and the rack left something to be desired, but she had a cute face, and a decent personality, so I figured, 'What the Hell?'

So piece for piece, we started stripping clothes off, and she insisted that I start on top of her! Now anyone that knows me, knows I'm no little guy, I'm NOT humungous, and I don't weigh 550lbs, but in the same token, I'm not able to hoo-lah hoop through a cheerio either! But after a small fight that I didn't win, I got on top of her, and started railing into her surprisingly sloppy wet pussy! (not at all exaggerating, I could feel the wetness splashing out of her and hitting my legs!)

Round one was quick and to the point, I won't even front! For the fact that she wasn't my normal type, body wise, personality wise, and the whole nine yards, she wasn't a bad fuck! A wise man once told me; "Pussy doesn't have a face, just a distinct taste!" -- Wouldn't you know that mother fucker was right!?!

She started kissing and touching and feeling, and before long, I was hard enough to start into round two. I got back on top of her, and before long, we were banging the bed against the wall, and her moans were echoing across the room and off of the walls.

Much our horror, and onto the reasons this story is a "tale from my erotic crypt," about fifteen minutes into the second round, the slats that were strapped across her bed frame to keep her box spring attached to the frame, FELL OFF and we took a brief trip from the bed to the floor! Of course I had to finish things up in record timing after falling on her, and breaking the bed! What was worse, in the middle of the session, we were almost busted by her gay roommate as he proceeded to open her door and climb half of the stairs before she realized and screamed at him, "Clinton, I'm fucking, I'll be down soon!"

I had to go to the bathroom about twenty minutes after the bed incident, so I got to meet the person that I almost got busted by, but NOT BEFORE I BUSTED HIM!

On the way to the bathroom, I had to pass the computer room, where her roommate happened to be positioned on the computer, with his pants around his ankles and his cock in his hand, as he beat to videos of gay porn. I shook my head and kept moving...

I used the bathroom and went back upstairs. Brianne and her roommate were in the kitchen and were talking about something, and I just kept moving. I sat on the stairs in my boxers and waited for her to return. As she climbed the stairs, I laid backwards and closed my eyes, and to my surprise, she reached up into my boxers and moved them to the side and pulled my now hardening cock out and put it into her mouth.

Her blow job skills were out of this world, and she threatened to make me burst if she didn't stop soon. I pushed her head away when I realized I was loosing control of my ability to hold my orgasm back, and she finished cresting the stairs and impaled herself on my cock. I put my foot on the side wall and if the events of earlier weren't enough to put our sex session in the "Erotic 'NO-NO Hall of Fame," the next few seconds, when my foot went through her drywall, had to be the all time moment to be inducted! -- Needless to say, I finished up very quickly, and took my chocolate ass back home!

* * *

Natalie was my little chocolate fun muffin that I met on the same site. She was about 19, and she had a little baby who was about 3 months old. Our dinner and a movie was rushed by the fact that I was promised a little fun as soon as we could make it home.

We exchanged pics and videos via our cell phones in the days leading up to that made the date that much more exciting and that made the both of us that more eager to get back to my place!

The SEX was quite fun, if I may add. We spent most of the evening in my room as my roommate and his fiancé were in the living room. Wanda Sikes was on HBO and after watching a good fifteen minutes of it, or shall I say, listening to a good fifteen minutes of it, because we were trying to suck the tongues out of each other's head, we turned it off, put the baby in my wicker bowl chair as he had fallen asleep, and Natalie pushed me backward onto the bed, and started grabbing for my belt buckle.