All Comments on 'Erytheia's Last Days.'

We want more!

Are you planning on doing the next part to this? I read that you can't get on a computer very much, but I do hope you've been working on the next part. I'd like to see how your writing has progressed since you submitted this.

Very few noticeable grammatical errors so I won't even try to go back and find the few I saw.

The only thing I'd say needs work is all the info you've placed in this piece. There were a few times you stated what was obvious or stated something twice, just in a bit different way. You might want to read through your pieces slowly a few times to catch them. You might have to read it out loud to catch it yourself. What makes sense to you may not always make sense to your readers.

The info dumping is easily fixed. Instead of telling us a bunch of info all at once, try and spread it out at the important parts where a reader might need to know the background information in order to really understand what's going on. I have a problem with this myself and am constantly having to go back and move it all around.

A big chunk of info is great for a first draft because it lets you get it all out of your head so you can see it. But I would make sure to do at least one more draft before submitting a piece just to make sure all the info isn't lumped in big sections.

Other than that, it was a wonderful piece and I would really like to read a second part to this.