Failing Upward Ch. 11

I reverently marveled over the freckles around his mouth as my fingers found their home around his cock-- so rock hard and smooth in my hands. Then his mouth moved down me. Nipping my stomach and then my inner thighs. The familiar warmth spread to my cock. His mouth. He'd promised to eat me. Now he devoured me, whole. The sand was hot-- scorching, the sweat rolling off of me. The sun falling. My semi-lucid brain reasoned the heat originated from us.

My eyes suddenly became transfixed on Sid's furrowed brow-- the sweat, the gentle creases, his loving concentration.

I cried out.

"No more," I begged.

Sid stopped.

"Wes?" he asked.

He shimmied up my body.

"What?" I stammered, as he stopped moving, eyes locked on mine. I could feel him wet between my legs, slippery with sweat.

"Where's the lube?" he asked quietly. In rapture, I watched his mouth moving, his lips moist. What did those beautiful lips just say?

Jeez. My swim trunks.

"Ah, up there, in the tree."

"Fuck!" he swore.

My mind raced. What else was there? Nothing here to use. And I sure as shit wasn't climbing that tree now.

"Spit," I said hoarsely. "Spit in my hand."

Sid choked out a laugh. "Spit? You know how much that will hurt?"

"Not for long," I answered.

Sid was right. It hurt. Fuck, it burned, but I didn't care as long as he kept that up with his hand.

"Say you're not sorry," he whispered in my ear.

"I'm not," I answered. I wasn't sorry he'd taken the serum. I wasn't sorry for us. Maybe I wished Shackleton from our past, but I would never wish this away-- Sid's heat and passion. He thrust into me harder, and I wrapped my legs and arms around his back. Harder, harder. I fell into what Sid was, and he fell into me. I called to him without words. I wanted him deep inside me. Him. His body. His love.

I thought of how when lightning hits the sand, it turns to glass. I wondered if when we came the sand would become fused from our heat. It seemed molten under us, living and flowing. The heat became unbearable. We both shivered.

We lay in the sand, cooling. He cradled me against the chest I loved so much. I heard the comforting beat of his heart. I looked into his face, his eyes fluttering as he yawned. His chest hairs tickled my nose. I smiled, kissing his nipple. His stomach shook as he chuckled. The sand was cool now against my back. The sand clung to my calves and back as I sat up.

I laughed. My swim trunks had fallen out of the tree.

-------------------------

We packed the basket up and headed back. The sun was gone and farther down the beach we saw a bonfire. People huddled 'round, waving for us to come over.

"We're going to get something to drink and put this away first!" Sid yelled back.

We climbed the steps up the house. Under the porch light, I spotted some variegated hostas growing near the backdoor. Funny. I didn't remember the hostas or the porch light.

The house was dark inside. As I felt around for the light switch, I heard a bang, and Sid swearing.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I stubbed my toe on the damn leg of the coffee table. I wish Lynn would quit moving the furniture."

We abandoned everything on the couch and turned on the kitchen light. I was parched. The sex and wine left me dry. I opened the cupboard and grabbed two glasses while Sid slid the pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge on to the counter.

"Do you really want to go back out to the beach?" he asked, pouring the lemonade.

"I'm tired. Think they'll be pissed if we called it a night?"

I heard the sliding door close. Shit. Guess we might not be able to sneak to bed so easily.

"Hey, Wes! Grab your guitar and play for us in the moonlight."

The glass slipped from my grasp, shattering. I couldn't breath. I stepped forward.

"K-karen?" I stuttered. "Karen?"

I didn't even care I was bleeding all over the floor.

"Oh, your foot," she said, as she knelt in front me. Her hand cradled my foot. Her touch. Her hand. Her fingers delicately pulling the shard buried in my sole.

"Karen? But you're alive--" I cried.

My sister. She stood in front of me. Strawberry blonde hair, a little thin, with the beginning of a summer tan that she'd never be able to perfect instead it just joined the freckles together. She gazed at me in wonder, choking back a laugh.

"Well, I'm alive for now."

Alan walked in.

"What's wrong honey?" he asked, seeing the blood on the floor. "What happened?" Then he kissed Karen on the side of the head. Not a-- you're my good buddy kiss, but a you're my lover kiss.

My mouth open and closed, but nothing came out. This was wrong. This was all wrong. Karen was alive. Alan was with Karen, and where was Lynn?

Like a bucket of cold water to the face, I knew. Everything had changed, just as Trent predicted. Only this wasn't how I thought it would be. Time had changed.

My head twisted violently to look at Sid. Really look at him. Fear, real fear looked back at me.

"Sid?"

Then I did the breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

"The world was in a grain of sand," I said. "Infinity in the palm of my hand. Eternity in an hour."

Sid blinked.

"I think Wes had too much sun," he said. "He needs to go lie down. Come on Wes, I'll take you to our room--"

"Our room?" Karen asked. "Just what happened between you two on the beach earlier?"

"Come on to bed," Sid whispered in my ear.

"But Karen's here--" I pleaded. "And I didn't even tap my heals three times or say there's no place like home."

"Something tells me she'll still be here in the morning."

He put his arm around me, and I knew at least one thing hadn't changed--

Sid was the same. ------------------------

"Karen's alive," I murmured, flinging my body back onto our bed.

"You did it. You changed time. But how?"

"Lower your voice," I said. "I'll tell you how-- I wished it. Don't you remember? I wished that Shackleton never found my family."

"Those weren't your exact words," Sid whispered.

The room was dark; I rolled over and turned on the brass table lamp next to the bed. I sat up, feeling as stiff and old as the knotty pine headboard my back pressed against.

"Yeah, not my exact words," I said, stretching. "But close. And I thought something like it too-- when we made love."

"Shit. Did that have anything to do with this?"

I reached my hand in the side pocket of my swim trunks, and there was nothing in it.

I should have known.

"Fuck-- of course it did. Les said sex was the point of the whole garden experience, not just an after effect. He was right."

Sid leaned his shoulder into the headboard, facing me. For long moments, neither of us spoke. We just looked at each other, numb and dumbfounded. Then Sid's demeanor changed. His jaws clenched, and he opened his mouth to speak, biting back the words until he could hold it inside no longer. Suddenly he grabbed both my hands, squeezing them so damn hard, I thought he'd break my fingers.

"You have to change it back. You can do that, can't you?"

No way to ignore his fear's intensity. Shit, mine was plenty intense.

"Slow down," I said to Sid. "We need to think this through. We don't even know exactly what's happened or changed. I don't know if I should or want to change it back."

"But it's not right. This isn't right. I'm not right."

"You look right to me."

"That's not what I mean. Wes, you've changed time. Something in me has changed. I can feel it. I don't like it. And this whole business, changing time-- it's a god-like thing. You know, 'Hey, I'm Zeus the omnipotent from Mt. Olympus. Watch me wave my hand and snuff out the lives of these pathetic mortals.'"

"First, I don't think I did it by myself; you were part of it. Second, if anyone's god-like it's not my scrawny ass. No way I could ever throw thunderbolts."

"It's not right," he insisted.

He didn't understand. I wasn't sure how to explain. I didn't want to go back to where we were-- that meant going back to Shackleton. Sid had to understand. I spun around, twisting my hands from his and grabbing his shoulders.

"Think of it. What if you could bring back someone you loved? And you did it? Not intentionally; it just happened. Could you wish them into oblivion?" I looked into him. He had to know how it felt for me, knowing my sister was alive again.

"I understand that," he said slowly, "but what if you're not wishing them into oblivion? What if you're wishing them out of a better place?"

"Like Mt. Olympus?"

"Um, I was thinking more like heaven."

I removed my hands from his shoulders and stared down at my open palms. What we'd done wasn't a conscious choice, but anything we did from this point on would be.

"What about my parents? If Karen's alive..."

"Ok, I'll drop it for now. I'm so tired. And I feel like someone's banging a rock on the side of my head."

"Just one more thing before we try to get some sleep-- what if we did change time again, but we couldn't change it back to the way it was before? You've seen the movies where the person alters time and makes it worse. What if that happened instead?"

My back was gritty from the sand on the beach. As I slid down the headboard, the sand was everywhere. In my suit, on the bedspread, probably under the covers now too. I noticed Sid staring intently across the room, looking into the mirror on the dresser. He could see up my swim trunks.

I yawned, admiring his reflection back-- his handsome five o'clock shadow, the soft light in his hazel eyes dancing as they watched me. I could see his fingers rolling the edge of the pillow case. Then I noticed--

"Sid?" I asked. "What did you do with the serum?"

His eyes dropped.

"I left it on the--"

That was another change. Karen downstairs, no lube in the pocket of my swim trunks and now no serum on the dresser.

A soft knock came on our door.

"Shit, what now?" I swore under my breath. "Yes?!"

"It's Glenda."

Our eyes met. Sid nodded. Well, we were in agreement over this at least--

"Come in," I said.

The trap door opened, and Glenda curiously peeked in at us both.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Might as well come in," I said. It occurred to me, and I was sure it occurred to Sid, that she might be the only one we could confide in who wouldn't think we were wacko. By the way she studied me then Sid, I got the idea she already suspected something was up between us. She just didn't fathom how big.

Was she in for a surprise.

"Glenda? When did I first meet you?"

She laughed. Then watching the my face intently, she frowned. "What is this about?"

"What if I told you that I-- Sid and I-- changed things?" I could tell by her grin that she didn't get it. "I don't mean between us-- like in, you know, we had sex. Well, we did-- but that wasn't the first time. Shit. What I mean is--" no other way to say this; I took a deep breath. She was gonna think we were crazy. "I mean we changed this as in we altered time."

Glenda lowered herself slowly, sitting on the edge of our bed, unblinking, eyes not leaving either of us.

"So, you are the one," she said quietly.

"Well-- yeah," said Sid. "He's immortal."

I sat looking at the moon reflecting off the lake. No body spoke. Glenda sat, legs crossed, eyes bright and studying us intently. She rolled her foot in lazy circles as she thought.

"And in your time, you two were already lovers?" she said finally.

"Yes," Sid answered, his lopsided grin aimed at me. "She's pretty quick."

"What you asked before, when did we first meet-- why did you ask that?"

"Because in our time," I said, "we met because of this man, Shackleton. We wished him away. Well, at least I did. I'm not sure about Sid."

"Well no, you didn't wish him away," she said, sitting forward and uncrossing her legs. "He exists."

"What Wes means is, he wished him from his family's past. Wished Shackleton never found his family. Well, and I admit, I kinda wished the same too considering what he's done to Wes and his family."

"What did he do?"

"He killed them all-- both adopted and real parents. And Karen."

"Fate has a wicked way," she sighed.

"What does that mean?" Sid asked.

Before Glenda answered, I had one of those feelings-- like I didn't want to know what came next, because deep in my gut I knew, but pushed it down.

"Your adopted parents-- you never got to meet them. They died before your mother told you-- before she couldn't remember anymore."

"Remember anymore?" I repeated.

I felt like I was Alice behind the looking glass. I could begin to see parts of this new time like they were real memories in my mind. Christ, they were real memories in my mind. What a paradox. Two memories, two times.

"She's in a nursing home. She has Alzheimer's. You were forced to put her there after your father died from a stroke last June."

"Fuck." A horrible choice. I could even recall talking to Karen about it.

"I met you over seven years ago. You moved in with us, Les and me. Your uncle and older brother visit during holidays and in the summer. And as for Shackleton," she said, "he's not part of our lives-- I know of him through my husband. He's like my father-in-law, obsessed with immortals."

"Your husband? You mean Peter Deal?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "He and my father-in-law were partners."

"Partners? Partners how?" Sid asked.

"They found a way to make mortals into immortals, by stealing the roses and taking blood from immortals and making this serum."

"Yes, we know all about that--" I said. Now we were getting somewhere.

"What I don't get is, if there's no Shackleton, then we wouldn't need to be hiding here in this house. So why are we here?" Sid asked.

"Is that why you were here in the other time? Hiding from Shackleton? Well, in a respect, you are hiding-- just not from him."

"Hiding? From whom?" Sid asked.

She laughed.

"Your fans Wes. You're hiding from fans and cameras. We came here after the last concert for a rest. You needed to relax before playing this coming weekend at the Silverdome--"

In the corner of my mind, I saw my band on stage staring out at over eighty thousand people in the audience in Pontiac, and I felt the terror-- that I'd forget the words like I did at Riverbend Center or fall off stage like I did in Montreal. I panicked, consumed by stage fright.

"It's the end of your venue," she added.

I jumped off the bed. Was I remembering this Wes's life or had I dropped a bad hit of acid?

"Fuck! I can't play the Silverdome! I don't even know the set order! Fuck! I don't even know the songs!"

I was dancing up and down, singing in my brain, trying to remember lyrics. My head throbbed.

"Who am I?" Sid whispered.

I stopped. I was so self involved-- I'd forgotten him, and how he fit in to all this.

"You're the promotional manager," she answered.

"What?" his face was flushed. I knew how he felt, because I was feeling the same myself. I knew he meant, who am I in a larger sense-- as in: who-am-I-and-how-do-I-fit-into-this-shitty-world kind of sense, not who am I-- as in: what-do-I-do-for-my-livelihood-in-this-shitty-world kind of sense. He pressed the pads of his hands into his forehead, like he wanted to crush all the tortured thoughts jumbling up in there together. Then his palms ran across his forehead, stopping at his temples. Fingers touching the top of his head, he squeezed like a vice. I grabbed his elbow, wishing I could sort these timelines into two separate piles and make his pain go away.

The serum. This time travel. I worried for Sid. I was immortal, but Sid wasn't yet. What was this doing to him?

"Sid?" I pulled his hands away from his head and replaced them with mine, my heart pounding like hard beating bass drum percussion. He was sick. I imagined an invisible line, willing his pain out, pulling it from him to me. His eyes fluttered, and he kissed my cheek. He knew what I was doing.

"We have a lot to sort out," I said.

He'd be fine for now, but not unless we had the serum. I turned to Glenda.

"Just one more question before you go. Actually, I know the answer, I just want you to admit it. You brought us here because you knew what could happen in this place, didn't you?"

"I'm not the Glenda you should be asking this question. That Glenda is in another time."

I stood up and walked across the room. Time for her to go--

"I don't think so," I said, lifting the trap door. "I think both Glenda's knew what would happen out on the beach with the serum."

I lowered the trap door as she crept down, watching her Mona Lisa smile.

"Yes, the serum," she answered through the door.

I heard Sid moan as he flopped backwards onto the bed. Downstairs, Karen's voice carried up to our room, "So Sid's spending the night in Wes's room?"

I lay down next to him on the bed face to face. His lips curled a bit. My hand brushed through his hair, curling a sandy lock around my finger and winding it around and around. I pressed my forehead into his, letting his cool forehead and the feel of his silky hair in my fingers comfort us both. I used to twist my own hair when I was five, and I'd forgotten how safe it made me feel. Our eyes met, searching vainly for some understanding inside each other's depths.

"It's so confusing," he whispered. "A part of me thinks we've never made love."

The house was still. I was almost afraid to breathe. We both spoke in hushed voices back and forth, as if we were afraid of disturbing time again.

"A part of us hasn't," I answered.

"On the beach, we changed time when we did..."

"And we changed to a time where we weren't lovers yet..."

"But I remember, on the beach, we almost did, and we did. God."

"Sh-h-h," I said quietly. "Let's try to sleep."

I slipped off my bathing suit, and Sid took off his. He climbed under the covers with me, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I feel so tired and beaten-- like I've been awake for days and days--" I said, kissing the top of his head. "If I could only turn my brain off, I might be able to fall asleep."

"You and me both."

"You wouldn't think I could be stupider in another life than the one before, but I guess I was," I said. "There are so many words I haven't said to you in either--"

"We really haven't needed words much lately."

"Still," I said, thinking about not using words again. I could make him come hard in my hand, but then that would be cheating myself and Sid. I should say what I feel. For someone who bares it all on stage, I sure suck at it face to face.

I turned out the light by the bed.

I didn't like the Wesley Grant in this time. Fuck. He'd come here to this house knowing how Sid felt. This Wes went down to the beach, knowing what might happen. Let's take a picnic, run in the sand and yeah, go skinny dipping? Get Sid hot and bothered without any protection or lube? Leave him hard and dry? Did I know what I wanted? I chickened out on the beach. I'd planned on telling him how I felt. Instead I cheated. Fell back on the old excuse, I'll do it later. Always later. Now that was a cheat. I was a cheat and liar to myself. A bigger liar than in my real life-- or was this the real one? Shit. I couldn't believe I was more confused in this time than the other.

I was more of an ass now, or maybe more of a confused ass. This Wes spent time in the garden all hot and bothered, fantasizing about Sid-- what I wanted him to do to me, what I'd like to do to him, but not facing it until now-- still stuck in the 'I'm not gay' mode. Only now, because I know what it's like to love him and really be with him, now I don't tell him? Still?

I felt like my head was going to explode, but I bet I didn't feel half as bad as Sid did right now. Christ, ignoring how I felt about him-- I had to tell him. As quiet as he was, I bet he was wondering why he was even with me-- in any time.