Failing Upward Ch. 11

So I swallowed and began--

"You know why I never went to your house? Why I never came over even when the whole band went to your parties?" I didn't wait for an answer. I figured if I was going to do True Confessions, it'd be better to just come out with it all, confessing Wesley Grant's This is Your Life parts one and two.

"I didn't step inside your door because I was afraid. I figured if I went to your house or was alone with you, I'd do it. I'd tell you how I felt-- or show you. God. I'm so pathetic. All along, all along I thought about you. What it'd be like to touch, to kiss you. And I was afraid--"

"So you're saying you've been lusting after me as long as I've been lusting after you."

"Longer... try high school."

"Yeah, so what?" He slipped his arm around my chest, burying his face deeper in my neck. "We're together now. Why kick yourself over what was?"

"Because I'm still not-- Fuck. I suck at this--" I curled into him, his breathing steady, waiting. "You're so damn patient. You waited around, hoping I'd get smart even in this fucking life. I just don't deserve you."

"You think by putting yourself down I'm really going to see what a bargain I got?"

"Shit, I said I sucked at this. How about this--" I turned over, looking straight in his eyes. "I didn't know what it was like to wake up happy until the first morning I woke up with you next to me. And I didn't know how good it felt to smile until I sang you to sleep. And I didn't know what it was to miss hearing you say the words until I didn't have you there to say them to me--"

"You're doing pretty good for sucking at this. Keep going--"

"When I used to think loving someone forever, I thought, well, that was in fairy tales-- it'd never happen-- at least not to me. That day Trent stabbed me, I thought I was going to die never saying that I loved you. When I found out I'd live forever-- I was all hollow until I told you. Why live forever?-- I didn't want to live forever without you knowing. Then when I realized it was possible; you could be with me forever-- I felt selfish for wanting us to be forever. Now, I know without a doubt, it doesn't matter, because I'll love you no matter what. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to live forever, not if you don't love me, and I don't love you."

"That was really good. You didn't suck at all. Now... do you think we could go to sleep?"

"Shit, I just confessed undying love to you, and you want to sleep?"

"Hmm. I was thinking--" he moved his hand lower, down my stomach, "aren't you still a virgin in this timeline?"

I choked.

"That means I get to deflower you twice..."

"Like right now?" I asked, hopefully.

"Maybe after I get rid of this headache."

"Still there?" I asked, kissing his cheek.

"Yes, but not like before--"

"Aren't you the one who told me sex is an excellent cure for headaches?"

"Yeah, but we don't have anything, and I don't want to use spit again."

"We don't have to-- I have coconut suntan oil in this drawer here."

He laughed as I pulled it out of the night stand.

"So that was Wes's little plan in this timeline?"

"Well, yeah--"

"Come here, beautiful..."

---------------------------------------

"Wes, get up."

He was shaking me. Not like Sid at all; he's the kind of person who respects someone who's deep in slumber. I shifted the sheet, and opened one eye. Sid's nose was almost touching mine, and he was frowning.

"Wes, get up," he repeated. "I remember everything. I am your publicity manager!"

"Yeah," I mumbled, "I remember too. I remember you fell asleep last night before you--"

"Hey, we can hear you're both awake. Get your asses down here!"

"Shit, it's Smith," I said. Les was down there with him. It all was in my head: They're here with us along with Karen, Alan and Glenda.

Sid was right, and I did remember, too. I woke remembering and pressing hard on my mind was the serum. Sid was going to need it soon, and I hoped Glenda was the key to get it. If not from who? Maybe Peter Deal? I sure as shit didn't want to go knocking on Shackleton's door.

"Wes? We need to talk. There's something I've got to tell you--"

"Yeah, there's something I need to tell you too--"

Bang, bang, bang on the floor below us along with Smith's voice in falsetto crooning out:

"Harder, harder! Oh Sid! Yes! Yes! That's the spot. Yes!"

"Fuck," I said, throwing the sheets back over my head. How could I think how to get the serum with them making that racket? The banging on the floor increased along with Les giggling.

"This is not going to be a good day," I sighed with resignation and threw the sheet aside. I sat up, turning to Sid. "Might as well get dressed." I got up, trod across the room and opened the dresser. Hmm, I actually had some nice clothes.

"Yeah well, you forget," said Sid, as I surveyed my good fortune. "This isn't my room; my clothes aren't in here."

Boxers. I actually had boxers.

"Put back on those neon green abominations then," I said, pointing to the floor.

Sid hung his head, "Shit-- they're full of sand."

Bang, bang, BANG!

I pulled on my jeans. I supposed I could give Sid a pair of my boxers to wear, but he looked kinda cute in green--

"Will you two quit!" I screamed.

Must be late morning. The hazy clouds were just burning off the lake, and the sun was bright. Where was a shirt? Then I remembered, bottom drawer. I picked up grey Radio Head shirt. My fingers brushed the grease spot near the neck. I remembered, we were in Coldwater, one of those small town bars with great food, an Italian name, as I recalled, yes, Cascarelli's. We were laughing, listening to Weird Al on the jukebox then I bit into the pizza sauce and like molten lava, it burned my lip. That's how I got the stain. What was this? This feeling of remembering this Wes's life was odd. Kind of like I was on remote control rewind.

Fast forward to the now--

"Where's Glenda and the rest of them, anyway?" Sid complained. "They wouldn't be carrying on like this if they were here."

My brain recalled Karen and Alan were going sailing today. But what about Glenda?

"Wes. What do you remember? Do you remember everything?"

I threw the trap door open, and the racket stopped.

I remembered being scared shitless and ecstatic playing with Failing Upward on this whole tour. Failing Upward had made it. Butane lighters flicker and sway in the waves of people-- all singing the words to my songs. I remembered pretending I didn't want Sid to myself. I remembered Dad dying and the funeral. I remember driving to the nursing home, and Mom thinking I was her brother. I remember--

"Oh look," I heard Smith saying, "the sleeping beauties."

Sid climbed down first with me behind. Both were sitting on the couch, Smith grinning like Sylvester eating Tweetie Bird with yellow tail feathers stickin' out between his lips. Les sat there with a broom in his hand fresh from pounding the ceiling. Fuckers.

Smith took Les's hands in his, and batting his eyes, he blurted out: "Oh Sid? Do you think this means I'm..."

"...queer?" Les squeaked.

"Stop it, you ass holes," I sputtered, turning to Sid. "Doesn't this bother you?"

"They're not making fun of me..."

Well Hell-- I'll show them all.

I leaned into Sid, mouth open and kissed him, moving my hand around his ass. I knew Smith and Les had a perfect angle. I made sure they got a good look at my tongue action before I snaked my open hand down Sid's ass crack and underneath. Teach Sid for falling asleep last night before properly pulling my petals. My thumb rubbed his ass hole while the tips of my fingers reached under and cupped his balls. Take that.

Sid moaned, and I glanced over at Les and Smith as I pinched one of Sid's nipples with my other hand. I thought their eyes were gonna pop.

As Sid's hips pushed into mine, I felt his hard, awkward state in that flimsy bathing suit-- poor guy. Therefore, straightening out his situation was just being polite, and reaching my hand down and helping him seemed proper etiquette-- but just as my fingertips brushed the top of his elastic and started creeping in, he grabbed my wrist and whispered, "I think that's enough--"

Sid took one giant step back.

"Hey," I said. "I'm not done!"

"Don't stop because of us," said Smith. "You know Wes, you might be in the wrong vocation; you'd make a superb gay porn star."

"I'm gonna go get dressed," Sid groaned, running off to his room covering his crotch.

Shit, he left me the same way. I turned to get something to eat for breakfast.

"So," I said, "any other plans for the day? Anyone else need harassing?"

I got out a bowl and then dug through the cupboard and pulled out some Frosted Flakes. Some one ate the last of my Captain Crunch. Probably Smith. I glanced over at them. Ha. Both sat flabbergasted on the couch. I opened the fridge and poured the milk, not too much, I hate soggy cereal. Then I went out to the living room and sat next to them, legs crossed, Buddha style, putting the bowl in my lap. Then without another word to either one of them, shoveled in the cereal.

I was and wasn't ignoring them. I needed to think. When Sid grabbed my wrist a moment ago, everything was clear. Those thorns were still under my skin; Sid was still bound to me. Sid was going to be desperate for more serum soon. I knew the calling-- like some addiction. I wanted the roses even now. While I found a poor substitute for the roses in the serum, I knew for Sid it didn't work the same way.

He needed the serum not the roses.

Maybe the roses would never call to him, but the need for the serum would. I feared the ache would be the same-- maybe worse. After all, he was bound to me. What would that do to him? God, I wanted him all the time. Even now Sid was under my skin like the roses. I itched for them both. I was prepared to fuck him through the hardwood floor in front of Les and Smith moments before. I should be embarrassed, but instead I got hotter thinking of it as they both stared at me like I was some alien being.

"So you think you can just sit there and not say anything about what just happened?" Smith asked.

"And what did just happen?"

The sliding doors scraped, and there stood Karen, sunburned, her shoulders and nose peeling. She was grinning at me as she threw her towel on the chair by the door.

"Sailing good this morning?" Les asked.

"Yes, perfect breeze. You should really come out with us before we leave. You too Wes."

"I will," I said. "I'd love to." Setting the bowl of cereal aside, I stood up on shaky legs. I could do this, pretend seeing her was just an every day thing. Alan came in behind with the orange life jackets. I consciously stepped closer to her. It was reflex, gathering her into my arms and hugging her close. She smelled like Coppertone, cream rinse and lake spray. I touched her hair to make sure she was real, then I kissed her forehead.

I thought my heart could stand pain. All hurts would heal. But I knew the moment I kissed her forehead, this was one pain that would never go away. My Karen. My sister, was sick. Very sick. And she knew that she couldn't keep it a secret from me although she'd tried once before.

"When were you going to tell me?" I sighed.

I began crying. All I could think of was myself and that I was loosing my sister all over again. Not her pain. I felt more of a jerk. Remission gone and more chemotherapy. Suddenly I knew what this little trip to the beach was about for my sister. Memories. A chance to be together.

Maybe my little trip in time was the same.

This was a gift. And I wasn't going to waste it. Of course I'd go for a ride in the boat. I should have gone on the beach last night and played the guitar for her when she asked.

Sid walked in. I could hear him behind me. Shit, I realized, he already knew. He said he remembered everything this morning. He remembered Karen had leukemia. He tried to tell me. Even in this life, I pushed out the bad.

"I was going to tell you," she said. "I promise. But it never seemed like the right time. Last night, when you acted so strange. I knew you realized that the leukemia was back."

"What are you doing Karen, protecting me. I'm the one who needs to support you. I love you."

She hugged me tighter, looking over my shoulder at Sid.

"Why do you smell like coconuts?" she laughed knowingly, then whispered in my ear. "You told him. "

From the corner of my eye, I saw her smile at Sid.