by upseeker
I couldn't get beyond the first paragraph. It sounded like an ad on a shady fake dating site
This story could be much better and longer, you have a good start. I gave you a three star
No plot, no development and of course everyone is slutty from the start. right!
I enjoyed this story, but you need to proof read before you post.
I thought the overall story was great and exciting. I would have loved to hear the story more drawn out with more stories or a part 2.
I know it is hard to catch your own grammatical mistakes and since a spell checker would not catch correctly spelled words I would be glad to proof read it before you publish again...at least I hope you publish again.
Thanks.
get a grammar book or better yet...let Microsoft word write it for you.
This was written terribly and the grammar and general sentence structure is horrific. If you want to satisfy idiots, carry on; if you want to be a decent writer, do some reading and learn basic things like the difference between lay and lie for a start.
Hopefully just the start of a great family saga. Just a pity about some of the spelling and grammar.
Anyone with at least a high school education will have a lot of difficulty trying to follow this story because of the horrendous grammar. You should just take a couple weeks off from writing and then quit for good.