by Cindytranee
I enjoyed the story until you brought in the pissing / ass 'cleaning' bit. Otherwise had good content and was very arousing. You also used the name 'Gene' when you should have used 'Ken' when he began feeding her his cock while she was getting slammed by Tyrone. You also didn't have anyone remove her ball gag before he fed her his (Ken's) cock. Then later you did have them remove the ball bag. The timing of that just didn't work. Great story though and I hope to see more. I've read 2 of your 3 stories so far and have really enjoyed them. Keep up the great work. My suggestion would be that once you've finished a story, wait a few days, then go back and re-read it slowly for content/editing issues. Then after any changes, submit it.