All Comments on 'Fate'

That was a fantastic introductory chapter. . The evolution and growth was too cute. I'm excited for the next chapter!

I really like this story. They were lovers before they even knew it. I look forward to the next chapter.

I liked this story. Gage's saving the bow really touched a cord in me. Very, very good story. Please continue.

You should acquire some editing help - confusing the first-person second-person really detracts from the story.

Overall, though, a great little romance - I would like to see more from your hand.

Best of luck - and best of wishes for your future life.

Avoid the naysayers, this is Great !

The plot moves along swimmingly. No uncharacteristic behaviour, no nasties in the woodwork.

Of course the heroine happens to be pregnant (i reckon) as her beau goes off to war, as is always the case.

But what happens next, we all want to know.

Thanks for a great read.

Kilroy

Just amazing, I can;'t wait for the update to this story, I was hooked the moment he sat down at the table with her.

I LOVED IT. PLEAS PLEASE FINISH. I SHED A COUPLE TEARS .

BEAUTY. WOW.

The story was very cliched.. Done a million times! You could have atleast added your own little twist, but even then it wouldn't have been great because it felt like an article not a story, he did this she did that they fell in love, describing the settings and characters (beyond blue eyes pale skin and tall muscled body) would have made this so much better! And it felt like they held no emotion apart from "sad" and "love" it would be ok if it was a quickie story but you plan on this being a series so slow it down. So, try better description, originality, and more emotion. :)

Thank you guys for the feedback so far.

It's much appreciated.

This is my 2nd story on Lit & my 2nd story ever written that's geared towards those who are erotica fans.

I'm a big fan of romance & drama as well so just beware that the second part of "Fate" will give you the twist you want.

Sorry if it seems so cliche so far, but I'm working on making it a little spicy in the next part.

But thank you so much for the comments so far! I'll do my best to get the next part out for you soon.

Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work

I thought it was cute. I noticed your comment about adding more drama in the second chapter. If possible, please don't add a bunch of cheating bits in it. It was refreshing to see a story that kept them faithful to each other, and I always find it romantic to see couples who've only been with each other throughout their lives. The only part that did stretch my suspending-disbelief capabilities was the part where he went off to sign for the military and then came back to climb in her window. He should have done at least a little groveling for behaving like a jerk! =)

I know some might disregard this comment because it is anonymous (too lazy to sign up) but I think your writing needs some improvement.

First off, the main thing which I noticed was that you used too much foreshadowing at the beginning of the story. You mentioned that they were fated to be together or that they would end up together at least 3 or 4 times (although not in the same words) at the beginning of the story and that felt a bit forced.

Another thing I wanted to say was that slang words like 'chill' shouldn't be used outside of dialogue as they sound strange in normal prose. This could however be just me.

Anyways good job on the story and I look forward to seeing your growth as a writer.

I have just finished reading your first submission, and I must admitt that this is definitely an improvement. So do not get disheartened by negative comments. It will make you become a better writer. I have noticed that you slowed down the inevitable, but as the previous comment said, you also need to work on the emotions. But otherwise it was good.

Keep it up! There is definite improvement between your 1st submission and this one! The pace is much, much better.

It's not easy, and we do this (altho I personally haven't written on this site) for our own personal reasons, often for self-improvement.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Airdrie

Just found this story and it is amazing!!

Great story. Absolutely top class. Would love more.

Two stars because you did not earn us that it is Chapter one. The writing is competent.

JPB

I see that the chapters have been up over 12 years, so hopefully the series is complete. If Chapter 3 leaves us hanging, I will be pissed.

JPB

Incomplete and dead series like this one should be removed from LIT.

JPB