by JustJon1995
The plot is great and all, but what really turns me off, and most of your readers, is the BLEEDING part; maybe I'm just too fond of passionate sex, but the POTENTIAL of your story is really high and I may suggest you to take it down a notch. Plus, is that really the ending, it felt like it wasn't finished yet. I checked your novels/stories and there's no continuation, or even another story. For the most part, I like it and the only thing I DON'T LIKE is the GRUESOME BLEEDING.
xxx
Childish writing style, full of typos, tense errors galore, and just plain churlish in structure, story, and *wretch* style.
The saddest part is that this garbage is clearly written by an adult who has clearly piqued.
If only there were a way to avoid this "author" as easily as one sidesteps a steamer in a dog park.
Ecchhtt!!!
I loved it. Even the bloody asshole part. Thank you for giving me something pleasurable to read
Your story has much potential. I'm not too familiar with this site but if you can, I suggest spell check. Also you jump from third person to different POV's. The story has a lot of heat to it, don't sell it short. The sex is good, it could be better though. Take a second look at it and keep writing.
I didn't even get 2 paragraphs into this story because it was so poorly written. You really need to learn how to spell.
Wow thays great, i loved it, one part that did strike me, the italian accents, just
something about it, but i loved the rest
There was nothing gruesome about it. The fantasy itself was of being ripped to shreds and forcefully taken beyond his own ability to take on willingly. That's why his mouth was saying harder though his body was saying no. It is a pretty common fantasy to be pushed so far beyond, to be used as someone else's plaything. It's powerful and I loved it. I have had these fantasies and realities. More please.
For the bleeding part... It takes away from the story... If tht part wasn't in it.. It wud be a hott ass fantasy
Fucking amazing. Unlike the others. I enjoyed the bleeding part. Showed how badly he wanted that dick. The power of it. So intense.
Could have done without the ripping of the ass, that has happened to me painful. Bigger is not better.
it was ok but u need to edit n make like ur enjoyin the event and not the blood part was not needed since it was a fantasy u had
The bleeding part could have been reworked to be just has bot but not grosome
Dude....really? The kid may never recover if hes bleeding like you say he is.
Dude, that is some fantasy you've got. Being literally rip open is a bit much for my libedo to withstand. Anyway, welcome to this twisted little world. Keep writing and posting.