All Comments on 'First Time Slave Eager to Please'

A nice first outing. Having her inner monologue significantly fills out a scene that might otherwise be a bit sparse. Conveying a sense of awe and of insecurity in a person is a tricky business to balance. Too little does nothing, too much can make a character less appealing. You gave her a perfect amount of insecurity. Did you ever play 'Don't Spill the Beans' as a child? Her sense of awe of him was balanced but like the pot just starting to rock. One more bean set in place could have tipped it over.

The dialogue was primarily 'in scene' and thus appropriately limited in amount and nature. It does, however, tend to leave the impression of stiltedness. If your future pieces are longer, be sure to give the flow of dialogue its due.

A question for clarification ('cause recent events have shown everyone this is a thing for me)--when he says it is over if she uses the safe word, does he mean the scene, the night, the relationship? I can't tell. :)

Oh, and his verbal appreciation of her is an often neglected thing that is good to see (hear?)

Look forward to more from you.

An enjoyable first story. I encourage you to write more.

Please write more, that was delicious!

Great story - I hope you write more. I am sooo wet from imagining your scenes.

Regarding the safety word - "It's over" isn't good. She should be able to use it whenever she needs - but not want to.

Perhaps he won't hear her when a gag is in her mouth -

heh heh :-) Sexy Redhead

thank you for the comments/advice everyone. part 2 is out shortly ;)

Wow! How fast can you enslave someone? This doesn't make sense. Instant slavery.