All Comments on 'First Trip to Vegas Ch. 01'

A very good story but miscatogorizied would fit better in the Mind controll section

Very well written. I'm enjoying the gradual build-up of sexuality, each incident more erotic and explicit than the last. I'm looking forward to the next installment!

This “story” is so full of grammatical errors, and incorrect word usage, that it’s almost unreadable. Please have more respect for your audience.

Great story, very erotic, I was boned from start to finish.

Keep up your great work please.

Ignore the dickheads who think they're critics, they're here to read and wank, just like the rest of us, lol.

melsdad

It was a well-thought through idea, hotly executed.

To improve further:

a) use a good spell-checker, which works on grammar too.

b) find a good editor for proofing, style and structure

c) consider changing the category to M.C.

Hoping for a substantial improvement from Part II onwards...

Please continue your story!!

Thanks,

As a female reading this it's a good idea and he's a good charecter but the crass terms like spunk and the way he speaks to her are not the way a rich older man taking advantage of a young woman would speak. Would like to read the next part but fi ti's in this section woudl like to see it be more physicaly forcfull and him useing his words more carefully to pursuade seduce and comand her. Would also agree that you need to read a story over a couple more times for errors before submision next time. But generaly not a bad effort and a good story to work on.

this could have happened without the hypnosis. great story.

This was one of my favorite stories in this category. Wish you finished it.