All Comments on 'Flight of the Raven Pt. 01'

When's the next one?

Great job.

I am always looking for the hidden pearls in the new stories section, I think I just found a treasure trove instead

Holy crap, awesome new story man.

Brilliant story, but ASTRONOMERS, not astrologers

Honestly, thank you all for taking the time just to read this. It really means alot to me.

My bad on the 'astronomers/astrologers' mishap, I'll try not to make the same mistake again. Thanks for pointing it out ^^ (It's not the type of thing spell-checker picks up on XD)

Jose - Anything in particular you didn't like in the story? It doesn't really help If you don't leave some constructive criticism... Anyway sorry you didn't enjoy it!

Hebas - Thanks alot, that's a lovely thing to hear when you check on the first story you've ever posted only a few hours after it's live. Glad you enjoyed it ^^

Fushi - I won't give an exact time frame as I don't want to mislead anyone. However, I can tell you that I'm about hallway through the next one and expect to be posting it by the end of January/beginning of February.

For your first story, this was outstanding...Keep up the good work, I look forward to more

Very good. I look forward to more.

although a tad slow and some descriptions tend to be too long....still, well crafted, good read. waiting for more.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep it up and I can't wait for your next installments!

I read tons of stories from Literotica all the time, and it's great to see a change in what is on the NEW section, keep up the good work, it's amazing.

thats fine and dandy and all... but wheres the next chapter?

Oh sorry, was reading this like a book you paid for... great stuff!

this is going to be a good one!!The pace is just right but I see one of the tags is succubus does that mean a demon will be his friend? Is this hell lasting only 24 hrs and what of his father,is he a hell hound?Is his mother a succubus?

For the answer to this and other pressing questions tune in to the lit channel this time very soon for another thrilling episode!!!

Am gonna shut up now

The major thing missing was "to be continued".

uh huh anddddddddddddddddddd................................ i was gettin comfortable and deep into this and then it ended nex chpt needed nowwwwwwwwwwww

made me think i was reading a book or watching a movie. Gr8 descriptions. Looking forward reading ur next chapter

You had me interested just from your intro. Great start, and looking forward to more.

Keep writing this flarkin' story, you have one hell of a start.

This is a great story and can't wait for more.

I see the astronomer/astrologer mistake has already been covered, but one other one is that you say that mercury caused the eclipse when, in fact, mercury, along with venus, looks like a very small dot when it crosses the sun because it is so close to the sun.

You warned us in the preface that this wasn't going to be scientifically accurate, but I think you should have used an asteroid or a comet and could have tied it into the hell theme.

About the comments regarding Mercury: I would guess that the author chose it over an asteroid or another planet due to the fact that the planet was named after the Roman god Mercury, messenger of the gods, which would tie into the apocalyptic theme and complement the name of the eclipse, "Hell's Warning". That's just my opinion though... Great story, five stars from me.

awsome five stars

finished all eight chapter in one sitting...hurry and type away!

OK, That's a strong statement since I don't know you. But you kept me up till 2am last night finishing chapter one. Maybe you could do me a couple favors since you kept me up. 2am remember. You could stay up till whatever time finishing and posting chapter two, And um...sophies phone number. I'd like to get to know her better. I hope you still feel like writing now that I've shown... well never mind just one favor. Good story please hurry.

Thank you all for the comments, I'm glad that some of you seem to be enjoying yourselves :)

I'm going to reply to a few of the odder posts, but I want you to know that I've read all your comments and really do appreciate them whether I comment on them or not ^^

lucianlover - Clearly some people are too smart for their own good I see :P Yes, everything in the 'Tags' will be covered in the story at some point or another. although I won't go into details so I guess you'll just have to wait and see :)

Kyriae - Aww I'm sorry I feel the same about writing it in all honestly, I want the next part finished nowwwwwwww! :(

Anon 1 and wax_wings - You're both right In many ways. I originally wanted to use Mercury to tie in with the Roman Messenger God etc etc, there was also the aspect of the same event happening every 10,000 years which I thought using the same comet would be unfeasible, and so opted to use a planet. Yes, I researched it abit and the eclipse would be visible through a telescope as a small dot (not exactly a full eclipse at all eh?) I was going to use a comet but you have a similar problem with the comet having to be so big to block out the sun that it would essentially have it's own gravitational pull and all the other issues that would bring. So I settled on something equally unrealistic and decided to mention it in the pre-face. I think I may have stretched my artistic license slightly, but the Sci-Fi section is still the Sci-Fi section ^^

Anon 2 (The 'I Hate You' Guy) - Mwahahaha! I'm glad I kept you up so late. (I'm a little evil) Anyway, If you think that's bad, then think of all the 'MANY' mornings I was up at 4am onwards writing this when I would have an idea and not be able to sleep until I'd written it down, or, even worse, when I would think of something while sleeping and wake myself up, brew some coffee, turn on my computer and then type away for an hour or so. That really fucked up my mornings when that occurred :) So, if anything buster, I think you're the one that owes 'Me' the favors :P

P.S: If i had Sophie's number you really think I'd give that shit away!? That is one fineeee lady!

Thanks once again for all the comments :) I've been writing alot more than normal since this was posted. Feedback has really spurred me on. So, I don't want to raise any hopes but I may post the next part sooner than I had originally estimated :)

Like the story!!! Can't wait for the next installment!!

Just leaving it there after getting me hooked its a amazing start to what I hope is a long and fast posted story.

Love love love it.

If you can pls put a little hurry with the next chapter.

It's 3am, have to work in a bit, just wanted to post & let you know that I wanted to bash my head on the table at the end of the story.

How can you be so evil as to let it finish like that.

I'll be sitting at work & praying the gods illuminate your mind to help you with this story.

One of the best start to a great SciFi story every.

I'm looking forward to more!

You've got great writing style that brings your lead character to life. I dig it.

"We had been assured by the best astrologists in the world that the eclipse would be no threat to our planet."

Well, there's yer problem. Should have consulted the Astronomers.

In other news, I think my jaw is sprained from gasping in awe. Wow. I badly need to see this continued.

'Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his talent?'

Keep up the good work, champ.

-PC

Im hooked on this story already. You got your character with a lot of detail of his past and current life that's excellent. You have a great amount of detail to the story that is something that very few writers do on this web site. I have only found like 5 writers including you they actually have so much detail. Thats the highest compliment I can give. This is a incredible story hope you write more soon good luck to you friend.

man that was grate. i am really like where this is going

What a start to an epic tale! You have me hooked and I can't wait for more chapters to come!

A question if I may. When you described Luke's ninja outfit, did you also happen to mesh in some concepts of the assassin robes from Assassin's Creed? Cuz when I read the part describing how the whole outfit was connected with the arm braces and greaves along with the beak on top of the hood like the hoods of the assassin robes just gave me a little nerdgasm right then!

Epically awesome tale so far though. Hope your next chapter comes soon!

Even though I think this is the wrong site for your AMAZING story. I gave it a five. You definitely have talent. And I hope you try to publish your work. Can't wait to read more!

Is it Cathy?

You have amazing talent .. great story :-)

I like how you tried to ground the fantasy in some sort of real-world phenomena, but you are too far off-base with the Mercury bit. Next time pay attention in your science classes. Mercury is so small and so close to the Sun, that an insignificant portion of the Sun is covered: looking at the Sun directly is not a good idea in any eclipse, and would certainly not be deemed safe by any authorities.

He SAID it was an extremely unrealistic representation of our solar system. Did you even read his notes at the beginning?

On another, more reflective, note:

I would recommend not subdividing the posting into different chapters -- put scene breaks instead, if need be, and mark them with something like a series of ***** or ===== or ++++ etc.

I only say that because having separate chapters like that tends to interrupt the flow of the reading.

JillianRussel - Thank you :)

Anon 1 (PC) - Your comment made me smile, thanks :D (must have been a decade since I watched that show xD) A few others picked up on the Astrologers/Astronomers mishap. My bad. Anyway, I resubmitted the story with these mistakes corrected a while ago as I know how annoying mistakes can be when they're repeated several times.

Anon 2 - Thank you, I strive to create a vivid picture for the reader. It's just my writing style. It's nice to know that you enjoyed that aspect :)

Anon 3 - Heh, well I've never actually played any of the Assassin Creed games, although I do own a pair of Altair's boots (don't ask XD). Anyway, the outfit was purely from imagination and thinking about what a really cool ninja suit might look like if it was custom made :)

Shadowforce1 - Thank you, that means a lot that you think so highly of my writing :)

Anon 4 - Nope, Cathy has hazel eyes. The girl Luke's been dreaming about for a number of years has green ones. Hope this clears up the confusion!

vanillakoolaid - Thanks :D

michass - I agree with all your points, that is why I included the fact that the representation of our solar-system was going to be VERY unrealistic in the pre-face. I have an alternative that I will include when I've finished the entire first draft of the novel and resubmit the edited, revised edition. Until then, I'm afraid you'll just have to bear with the unbelievable stuff xD (If it helps, then you can always read this and think that I'm writing about a different planet called Earth, which, while exceedingly similar, has some marked differences ^^ )

cittran - Thanks for helping clarifying stuff for others :) Agreed, I was toying with whether to do that or not. I'll do that In future submissions :)

This story is amazing and I'm only half way through it. I love the horror concept behind it, it draws me in and makes me want to read more. What's even better is that this is your first story and it's already this great. I can't wait for more things to come :)

Favourited

After the sex starts ull overtake intrepid fate...its a done thing. Just dont desert us. Its a long time for me to get attatched to an author. Just dont leave us like elianna or intrepid or hrkw. I beg you. You keep posting and i gurante people like me will take you to the very top

This definitely is superior to the Level of Intrepid_Fate. Haven't checked if there is a continuation, so Fingers Crossed.

Waste of words.