All Comments on 'Forsaking All Others'

Nothing was resolved about the letters she was getting. Very unsatisfying.

What's with the "You taste good, too" bit??

I sure don't understand her telling Dave that one.

full of distressing BDSM stereotypes and a real downer of a story, with not a ray of light in it anywhere.

I'm not sure I understand what I just read. Maybe it's me.

What is this mess? She tells the black dude on the phone he really knows how to use his cock and he tastes really good. And she can explain that when her chained husband asks...except she doesn't. There’s something about the black guy’s a stripper and she watched him fuck some girls so she’d know he was big…maybe how good he could “use it,” but “taste?” There’s only one way she’d know about that. Hubby is nice to her all the time and that means she resorts to extreme bdsm to make him a love slave? Sorry, writer. I know this is fantasy but you've got to make it a LITTLE bit believable.

The story had the makings of something. But it felt like about 75% of the REAL story has yet to be written. I know some writers leave some questions unanswered to titilate the reader, but the unanswered questions in this story are totally essential to the plot:

Where did the letters come from?

Who sent them?

Why were they sent?

Why did the wife talk to the black guy about the sex they had on the phone if they never had sex?

Who was the chick who suggested to the wife to turn the husband into a sexual submissive?

Why did the wife agree to do it immediately? After all, an unbiased observer might consider it to be a big first step - tying up the husband and beating him into submission

Why did the black guy agree to help turn her husband into a submissive? It's a pretty big favor to do in return for just giving him a ride.

Perhaps an editor might have noticed the gapping holes in the narrative.

Other than that, good job.

your story suck.

This is the outline for what could be a good story. The mistress/slave stuff is a little over the top! No way would he be telling her he loved her a few minutes after being chained up. Maybe, just maybe she could have talked to him!

The suggestion for an editor is a good one - check into the volunteer editor program... and listen to them.

you have a large output of stories, but they are often short, incomplete, and have plot holes. you need someone to point these out for you. slow down your output, and rewrite.

The only surprise is it got posted.

probably the silliest scenario I ever saw in this genre of story.

I have started looking for your name on stories.....not any more, this is utter SHIT. Any man that was put thru this by a psycho bitch would kick her into the next county. You don't torture people to get them to love you, how fucking twisted. What would the nutty bitch do the next time she got a crazy idea? Personally, I'd kill the whore and her friend. Go back to your day job, grey buzzard!

Interesting story but not loving wife story. Maybe BDSM but not love I see lying punishment but where is the love... She was probbility cheating with Dave also

Quick!!! Somebody find Grey Eagle and tell him that some worthless imposter is posting utter tripe under his pen name.

-- KVK

BDSM is not erotic and this story is inappropriately classified.

this one didn't do it for me. It's to far fetched. No real man would stay with her after that bullshit! Sorry big guy this one sucked

what this woman, or any one like her/in her shoes, said is either very horney at the moment and will fuck any animal, very, very dumb, or masochistically veyouristic!

+++++++++++

quote:

Tears ran from her eyes, She pulled me down and we kissed, "You can call me what ever you like, just keep calling me."

"I will if you are sure you don't want a big cock like Dave's."

"Sweet man, I got a really good look at Dave's equipment, The only difference between his and yours is that his is black and a little smaller than yours. You could give him lessons on how to use it."

end of quote

++++++++++++

If YOUR woman fucks around --- err, let's just says "looks around" --- and tells you THAT story, you gonna nod and smile a big smile like this wimpy cockhold white brother here? LOL

HE: "She's tellin' me I have bigger equipments than those Black fuckers she's been looking at/fucking,,, God, ain't I lucky she has come to her senses!"

SHE: "The dumb, wimpy dolts; I'll just force out some tears, on demand, say a few nice things about him. Being so stupid, he won't even care whether I'm telling him the truth or not, which doesn't matter to him any way,,,"

Grey Eagle, this story had lots and lots of potential. I think frankly that you rushed to finish it and didn't explore everything you could have done with it.

Perhaps a rewrite (with an editor as suggested) and a repost would be in order? Think about it.

Thank you for making the effort however, that is always appreciated.

Charleybear

Good so far! So who's been sending her the notes? Who's fucking with their marrage? If I were him i would be really PISSED off.....Finish this so you can call it a story!!!

Maybe there is a good part two story that will explain things. Who plant the notes and other stuff? Why? So his wife drugs him and ties him up to beat him into submission. He not only resists but he breaks loose. He does not kick their ass. Does she know him at all? I guess he know that she is a fool that she thinks she can brainwash him.

Please explain this part of her phone conversation [Then I heard her say, "That is so sweet of you to say that. I loved it too Dave! Your cock is so big and you know how to use it! Yeah, I know! You taste good too.] Nothing in her statements how she met Dave explains "you taste good too."

A lot of potential here but I am confused!

Thanks for writing.

SleeplessinMD

I have enjoyed your other stories. This one is bullshit. If I had read this one first, I would not have read any more of your stories. I hope you got this crap out of your system.

I have to say this is one of the worst stories that I read on this site. I guess everyone is entitled to a bad "game" now and then as your other stories are great. If I were you, I would delete this story.

I like your stories. This one though, has a few problems. That he could escape the chains is a possibility. That he could accept her fellow torturer was not her lover is a possibility. That he could accept her after she abused him in such an unloving manner is not a possibility. Her explanation of the afternoon phone call didn't explain anything. If she were gettting notes and panties, why would it not have changed her attitude around the house? Why would she not have done some enquiries? If I were he, she would have a lot of explaining to do before I would allow her in the same house nor the same room with me. After all, the marriage is over. She killed it with her lack of consideration and concern for him. A love slave? I like his description much better than hers.

Perhaps you intended to rescue this story with a part two?

Would it include a better descriptiom of why she thought this was a method to use to save her marriage? Or would it reveal how she and her lover had set this up to eliminate her husband? And would it be fun to explain how he had then foiled her ambitions through his deceptive strength and rectitude?

I am happy you share these stories with us amd this is the first not to receive the high marks from me. And it does so, not because of your style or story telling ability, but rather because of the problems left in the story for the reader. It is as if someone else wrote it under your name. Thank you for the effort. Please don't let my rant dissuade you from adding others as they are almost always topnotch.

Granted you solved some of his questions but in her conversation she mentioned tasting him how is that possible if she never sucked him off

"You taste good too"? How is that explained? It isn't. This badly needs either a sequel or a rewrite.

It's aaaalmost good, but a few things don't add up that make it quite bad. So I think a rewrite is in order.

Yet more crap, I won't bother with this 'author' again.

It's time for a reality check, dude. Next time you write a story, file it away for at least a week. Then rewrite it. Then file it away for another week. Just before you think about submitting it, have a friend look at it. If they bust out laughing, sit on it another week, then rewrite it.

A story is like a good cheese. It needs to mature. But sometimes, even after it matures, it still stinks. That's were we are with you right now.

how come you didn't tell where she was getting the notes from?

It's not often that one writer can write two stories that are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I read E and E and thought, "Wow, what a great story. Let me find an other story this writer has written" I was shocked to read this story which is one of the stupidest, dumbest stories I've read .How can an excellant writer like you go from so good to so bad? 60 year old George

You are fixed on the supeior black seed, huge cock, cuckold shit. get off it. write a big white stud, knocking up a hot black woman, like i did. got 3 kids, boy and 2 girls. my sexy black wife has never looked back. 4 times a week. she is still rap video material. but she loves my white cock. and she loves me more than anything. you white boys that fantasize or participate and let your wife cuckold you, just cut your nuts off,,,don't make any kids.

The husband breaks loose, thinking that the boyfriend and wife are going to kill him. ... Then they have this little chat? No way. The husband would at least call the cops and leave. He certainly wouldn't believe the wife after what she did to him.

I have two questions. 1) How does she know what he tastes like and 2) how does she know that her husband could teach dave how to use his cock. The only way that she could know that dave wasn't as good in bed as her husband, was because she fucked him.

PURE GARBAGE

To all those negative coments. Up yours and get a life if you dont like the story then move on nobody is forcing you to read them - its fiction you egg heads

Yet another dishonest maneuver for greater readership. This is a BDSM story, which under that label would have gotten much less attention. In addition the usual infantile/prepubescent themes of penis size and taste of semen are there for your entertainment - if that’s what turns you on.

Please author we are begging you...

take a handgun...load it with bullets

place the barrel in your mouth

Pull the god dam fucking trigger you asshole

"Are you sure, man. I out weigh you by fifty or eighty pounds but I'm scared of you."

This is probably the most idiotic piece of dialog I have EVER read in a piece of fiction. Think about how many other gems it had to beat out, just on this site, to get that distinction. Are you trying to be bad?

Sure glad to see someone write something different for once. Good Job!

If I were Mike. I would have slit both their throats and enjoyed my time in prison with out the bitch.

I have read crap on this site, but this one takes the cake, pure stupidity.

I usually like your stuff, Grey Eagle. I'm trying to read your stories in chronological order and you seem to be getting better as you go. Unfortunately, the plot for this story just leaves too much unexplained. This could be a great set-up for more storyline, but on it's own it is unsatisfying. Who sent the notes? Why? Why was it so easy for Doris to convince Kelli to beat her husband into being a submissive love slave? And just who the hell IS Doris? Why did Kelli never explain why she knew Dave's dick tasted good or how she knew her hubby Mike could give Dave lessons in how to use his equipment? Is Mike stupid enough to believe that Dave felt so obligated for accepting a ride from someone he'd just met that he would agree to help her drug and assault her husband in an attempt to coerce him into a life of sexual servitude? Holy cow, Batman! Only chapter 2 or a big rewrite can save us now!

The explanation for her conversation simply does not make sense. She specifically says that his cock tastes good, assuming that she was not trying for her husband to overhear, which she was not based on your story, how does she know that? Her other comments can be covered by what she saw, but one cannot see taste. You did not even try to explain that.

There are lots of other issues with this story, which could have been pretty good, but the real issue is you did not try.

The woman is a slut. He busted their plan and plan B came into play. Say if I was that stupid I would have been dead long ago. She whipped his back, whipped it. No love there, she was being herself and it hurt. The guy hit him, hard, no play there. The phone conversation he was not supposed to hear so her saying the guys cock tasted good wasnt part of a ploy. He was played by a cock hungry adultereous slut and her black lover. Trash is trash, always throw out the trash. Dont try to twist your stories once something in it is said you cant erase it or twist it around.

Is there more ?Will Mike go after Dave and find out if he is the guy thats trying to push them apart?

Pat

This is a bait and switch and not a very good one either.

What woman tries to make her husband a submissive because she loves him? You don't make somone a slave if you love or respect them. If your spouse is cheating on you, confront them and either divorce or make it work...but BDSM? Why the fuck would she stay married to him if she can't respect him. BAH!!! dumb fucking story.

stop take a break.

the wife never expained what she meant when she told dave over the phone that she liked his cock and he tasted good. i believe she sucked his dick at the party when she met him.

WILL YOU EVER LEARN? SHITHEAD.

it sucks, you suck, go pound your pud and GIVE UP WRITING SHIT

and when injury is ocurred by the detained it becomes a federal law. The police shoule have been called and the wife and Dave arrested. I don't thinl the husband would have any problem getting a divorce. And if his wife is convicted then she wouldn't get jack shit. That's how the story should have gone...marriedwithballs@yahoo.com

Badly written implausible story - skip this

PISS FUCKING POOR...

What is this? To unbelievable to be interesting. Not even scinece fiction. Not even good fiction.

Who left the notes as usual you only tell half a story and not very well.

this story proves the writer is a psychotic female who's lost in herself.

Imagination is one thing, this it way over and has to be from such a female, no male would ever write such crap.

I expected more.

I think the wife had sampled Dave,s whare at the party they met at ,otherwise why would she say at the end of the story ,to her husbabd yours is bigger, and you could show him how to use his, plus she had told him on the phone how much she liked his cock and how good it had tasted,another cuck. is born and doesn,t even know it,

This poorly written "story" is full of more holes than a sponge.<p>

As if it is of any interest to anyone, the wife has fucked the black guy enough to know how he tastes and how his equipment works.<p>

The husband(?)is half "nit" and half "wit". If the author considers this a serious effort, then he, too, is a nit-wit.

Was this the winning entry in the retard essay competition?

Being a love slave is a willing submission to a master. When you drug someone and beat them you are not loving nor are you on a path to create a happy relationship. You are being abusive. The wife is incredibly stupid and dangerous since she drugged him. <br><br>

I don't know if she should be divorced but an "aw shucks honey" just isn't good enough.

You never explained why she said "Your cock is so big and you know how to use it! Yeah, I know! You taste good too. Talk to you later. Bye bye." If she didnt sleep with the guy how would she know he tasted good and knew how to use it...

This is an interesting story. But why was the wife getting a flood of messages saying that her husband had been cheating on her? That's the only question I've got. You did have my fooled, Grey Eagle, as at the beginning of this foreshortened story, I had categorized the story as a rather common "cheating wife" story. Then, the story got derailed and instead of the wife and David getting together the next day, there they were! Nice read! RAG

Just pounding out words does not make a story that anyone else will find interesting. Throwing in some supposedly erotic terminology doesn't add to the telling either. Not rereading the story to find the omission of who the "other woman" was and circumstances kills this poor attempt.

There are about 10 stories on this site that really,really stupid characters, people so dumb you have to wonder how they made it to adulthood. I have to say the wife and husband have to rank in the top 5 as so brainlesss that in fact my hope is that you saw this as satire on some other story with characters so dumb maybe I need to add them to my list. Somebody needs to lock them up separately for their own protection. At the very least, separate them before the wife can ...

Crap, Crap and more Crap. No question, they have to go.

This is what a loving wife does to retain her husband? It was over the top, and maybe he should find another woman if he hasn't already. She was wrong in what she did and the how. Its time to get away from her.

He's just to fucked up to realize anything she tells him is a fucking lie. She's fucking that black dude, and wants her husband to be a pussy boy. Kick the slut to the curb and be done with it.

Great story idea, but its so fast and vague with unanswered questions it leaves me disappointed.

Over all a pretty good story. I wonder about about the last sentence" You could give him lessons on how to use it" How would she know he needed lessons??

She shackles the man she loves and would hurt him, directly and indirectly.

There is this feeling for someone that would inflict the pain on him? And the last sentce that was noted? She know something, and how. An explanation is appropriate, plus not show him anything that was left? Get away from her, if that is love to her.

Dave's penis was very well described, too. NO, get away from her and find someone more stable.

I get the part about her knowing Dave can use his cock. She saw him fuck others at the party. The big one for me was the comment that he tasted good too.

This is a bad story because the tension between love and hate is perverted to the extreme. The story was not completed. It just faded off.

Who was setting him up?

In the beginning she says she loves Daves big cock and how it taste. At the end she says she has never been with Dave to her husband. Not knowing that her husband is in the house faking sleep, what's the story behind telling Dave how much she love's his big cock on the phone if she never had it?

or you're a fucking moron. DO NOT POST ANYTHING ELSE HERE, you're simply not smart enough to write a story that makes ANY sense whatsoever! This is hands down the stupidest piece of crap on this site.

This made no sense at all.

None.

That females are basically Life Support Systems for their Cunts.

Who was the one setting him up? Or was that a just a convenient excuse by the wife to throw off his thinking? otherwise it was a good story (or start of one).

Makes no sense. It had potential to be good up until you backed off and made him listen to her BS.

I read this same dialogue in another story concerning a guy named Mike, who had just went on his honeymoon. He was small and thin and the wife had been unsatisfied having sex with him during the 2 week honeymoon. Ergo she goes out and sees a black male stripper with a 10 incher. Later, she helps him with his car and they get to talking. She has sex with him during the day and goes back to her husband and gives him sloppy seconds afterwards. The husband always eats her out after having sex with her himself. Then this exact same dialogue is used as she tries to make him into a submissive cuckold. He endures it like in this story and when they release him he tells her that she only had to ask him to be a cum-eating cuck. She tells him he has been for the 2 weeks because she had been feeding him Dave's load along with his own during their honeymoon so he should already be used to it. So...he agrees to eat her out after Dave each time after that as long as she loves him. He even gives up on doing her himself because he cannot match her lover.

Dave breeds her and he eventually the husband becomes Uncle Mike because all 3 children are black and his family and friends all know. They accept Dave as the man of the family and thinks its okay that he be just what he is, because he cannot compete with Dave anyway.

I don't know whether someone borrowed this dialogue or this author wrote it under another name. I do think that this author likes to write somewhat concealed cuckold stories where the men are seen as macho Rambo types. It's highly possible this story was finished...just in another genre. Yes, I have read all types of stories in the last 2 years, but I just like cheating wifes better. The sex part just does not interest me that much at my age. I am rereading all these because I have to wait for STangStars, Winterfrogs, DGs, and DQS stories. Thought maybe I had some insight into why this one was so short and unfinished...

that's my best guess, it makes no sense, it isn't erotic, it, well, it really isn't anything.

remember our vows. I do, TK U MLJ LV NV

There is no lower choice

- 1 ! Story is below all known ratings...wasted time reading it

I'm disgusted with this fucking cum licking faggot ass story! First off she drugs him tie him up & assaults him. Than she tells him that she's been getting little notes saying he's cheating but instead of talking to her wimp husband about she pulls this stupid ass stunt. Yeah--- the wife's a moron & the husbands a fucking wimp!

Why would She say , You could give him lessons on how to use it ( his Dick)

, if she hadn't had sex with him (hum).

Total fucking shit---A eagle should pull your fucking cock off --shit head.

First, the things he overheard on the phone did not match her explanation; second, what about the notes? Can he explain them, who sent them and why?

I'm sorry, but I could not rate this very high; it was just too shabbily put together.

Why would Dave have been coming over when he wasnt home

why the original plan and drugging hm

why the comments on the phone about Daves cock

why the comments you could teach him unless she knew

Jail time forces her and Dave to come up with a story when what was planned didnt work

Blood of a stripper that fucks around, ever heard of AIDS and other blood borne infections?

Nope divorce and jail time is only ending for this.

You definitely need to get an editor. The story had some major mistakes or missteps that an editor could fix but it worked for me.

If she hadn't screwed around on Mike; then why at the end did she say he could give Dave lessons on how to use it????????

She didnt know he was home when she was on phone talking bout the guys cock. Sorry that doesnt wash. Knocking out someone and forcibly restrainting them is criminal. There is no way he could ever trust this slut again and could never to to sleep when he was with her. Rewrite this so the story makes sense,

Too many lies. A wife who drugs and beats her husband with the help of her lover should not be trusted or shown mercy. Mike should kill them both and flee to Venezuela.

so is there a sequal to this story, left hanging out there.. who's putting the notes around about mike cheating..what's the motive, If Mike came home and Kelli didn't know it, what was that about "yeah you know, you taste good too". Then she's shocked that he wasn't sleeping and heard her conversation with Dave. If mike is wearing cuffs on his ankles with leg chains, then breaks them from the floor, how is it that he can knee Dave? well, as this was written in `05, I doubt there will be a sequal.

Who was putting the notes all over the place? Also, there was NO mistaking what he heard, and her "explanation" did NOTHING to explain why she was telling Dave on the phone that she loved his cock! And WTF was the RAAC/WACC ending all about?! This should have been BTB all the way!

2 Stars

Only a complete sicko would dare post such garbage.

And now for the mystery of the little notes left all over the place including the panties ? This story is far from over. I'd almost bet that she can't produce the notes because there never were any notes. Plus, she's an Actress?

Her words were and it tastes good too.....she never addressed that statement to her husband when explaining her phone conversation. If it walks and talks like a duck.....by the way his wife hangs with some real classy women.. ....fucking and sucking strippers at a batchelorette party.....once again ....it it walks like a duck and talks like a duck.....

She did not know he was listening to her phone conversations with her lover while she was on the phone.

She is a CHEATER and a talented actress.

This story should have been finished, not left with more holes than a screen door.

Now, where is the story?

This story didn't fit together for me.