Fred's House Call

Guy and I do some presses until she's done. She takes my hand and pulls me toward the racquetball courts. "Do you play, Derf?" she asks, eyeing the court.

"Hells no." I grin.

"You will. I need something else to whip you at now that you've proven yourself a decent bowler."

"Challenge?"

"Warning."

"Saturday," I tell her, snarling in mock fury.

"By the bike racks after school," she snarls back. "It's on."

"Uh, guys?" Guy looks on like he's amazed.

We both look over at him, then look back, and her blue-blue eyes met mine and our lips met and I felt shocks all through me as she kissed me, her tongue tasting of toothpaste and her hair in wet ringlets dripping on my face, my arms tightening around her--"

"Ahem," Guy says loudly. "Personal contact?"

Emma pulls away, smiling. I turn on him. "No personal contact? What kind of place are you runnin' here?"

He smiles and offers a hand. "If only, Fred." I shake. "You know, today is the first time I ever saw Emma here not bite the head off anyone who tried to pick her up." He smiled.

"I got a good man at home," she says, hanging from my arm.

"You bet you do," I tell her and Guy. "Hon, I gotta go to my work and drop off the truck."

"Okay, let's go."

"Where are you going, Em?" I ask her.

"Where do you think I'm going?" she tells me, her eyes wide. "I'm going to go have a word with Vic at the office. I'll go in the truck with you."

"Fred got sexually assaulted over there, Vic," Emma told my boss, right in his face.

"Well, there's no way I coulda known that, right? And it's his word against hers anyway--"

"Vic, you know Carol's been trying to get Fred back all along. This wasn't any service call."

"Sure it was--"

"Carol put you up to this."

He's silent a moment but his eyes get shifty and I know Em's right. "No way."

"It's obvious, isn't it? She asked for Fred, no-one else could do it except him, and you don't question it, you don't think of giving it to someone else even when you know the history?" She gets close into his face. "Admit it."

"Okay," he says finally. "She put me up to it."

"I oughta quit."

"Wait, Fred, don't quit, you can sue." Emma's voice is loud in the office.

"Too late, he quit!" Vic sounds triumphant.

"He did not. Don't be an ass." Emma's voice was hard. "You sent this poor guy into Carol's web? Why?"

"Because she loves him," he said. "She told me so."

"Welcome to Carol," I say. "She'll tell you anything to get you to do what she wants you to."

"Why would I want to do this?" he asks, and Emma points at him.

"Why did you do it, Vic?"

He shrugged. "I owed her a favor, she collected."

"You're in a lot of trouble now, Vic." Emma's voice is hard. "Fred's gonna own your company and you still won't be out of debt."

"She said she just wanted to talk, I didn't know she was gonna hump your leg!"

"That's supposed to make it better? You didn't know? Even though he TOLD you?" Emma's furious. "Did you know what you were doing wasn't ethical?"

"I guess I did. So what?" he asks, drawing himself up. He puts his face in Emma's. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Don't, Vic," I tell him, to warn him, but he interprets this as a threat.

"What are YOU gonna do?" he asks me. He's a big guy, but short; five-eight, probably two fifty. I think I can take him. But Emma slaps him.

"You're talking to me now, Mr Torrance."

Vic looks floored to have just gotten bitch-slapped by a five-six girl weighing in at 128. He just stares at her.

"Are you listening to me now?" she asks him, looking deep in his eyes. I watch her sweat suit moving in slow, easy breaths, she isn't even nervous.

"Y-Yeah."

"Good. Now, I don't want to hear your shit anymore, Victor. You did a bad thing by settin' this up knowing Fred doesn't want to see Carol, and you're makin' it worse by being evasive. You really fucked up Fred's day and you messed in his life and for that you owe him a decent explanation, not some crap about some favor you owed her. Carol doesn't deal in favors."

"She paid me two hundred bucks to send Fred over there," he said, a little sullen.

"Two hundred bucks? You tightwad mother fucker!" I yell.

"Fred, she said she just wanted to talk to you, I didn't know." He swallowed. "Sounded like an easy two hundred, you'd show up and tell her to get lost and no harm done."

"No harm done?" Emma chips in. "How do you figure that, Victor? I'm harmed."

"How?"

"That's my man you're fuckin' with. What if it'd worked? Could you say I'm not harmed then?"

"Okay, look, I fucked up, okay?"

Emma holds out a hand. "Gimme the two bills." Vic looks astounded, then smiles and laughs at her. "Fuck off, bitch."

"Vic," I say, "you better hope she fucks you up as bad as I think she's gonna, 'cause whatever's left is mine."

"Relax, Fred," she tells me without looking at me. "Victor and I are just havin' a little talk here." She wiggles her fingers. "Two hundred. Now."

He looks at her, and then looks at me, and I can see he's uncertain. "Or what?"

Emma shrugs. "Or I introduce Fred to a nice young settlement lawyer I know, who lives off disgruntled employees."

"You can't prove shit."

"Wanna bet I can take it from you?" Emma smiles a little.

He looks in Em's eyes, then looks at me, then back at her. His eyes drop, he reaches into his front pocket, and pulls out two hundred-dollar bills. He holds them out to her, and she puts them in her cleavage.

"Thank you, Vic," she says sweetly, and kisses him on the cheek. "Now, what are you gonna do for Fred here, for possibly getting him in trouble with me?" She gives him the patented Emma grin. "It's really not good to be in trouble with me."

He sits in his chair by the counter. "Fred, look, isn't the two hundred enough?"

"That's mine, for you making a deal to let Carol fuck my man. Now what are you gonna give Fred for not knowing better than to put your friend and employee on that path?"

He sighs. "Okay, okay, shit. I'll give you twenty percent over your labor."

"Thirty."

Vic looks at me like I'm crazy. "No way, Fred, I won't make a dime on that!"

"Oh, right," I say skeptically.

"How much will you lose in a settlement?" Emma asks him sweetly.

He winces. "Okay. Thirty."

"And I get my share of the contracts."

"Right. But if Unseen goes under you'll be just as out of work as me..."

"Chance I'll take," I tell him. "See ya tomorrow."

"Bye, Vic," Emma says in a sweet voice. "I'm glad we could chat! Stop over sometime."

As soon as we are out the door I'm holding her as tightly as I can. She's running her hand over my chest inside my coat, her lips reaching for mine...they come together with electric friction, her breath sweet and her tongue quick and darty.

Emma pulls back. "Can I drive, Fred?"

I hand her my keys, and we walk to the car, and we get in. Emma starts the car, turns on the stereo, starts messing with the presets, and The Ramones' 'Beat on the Brat' starts pounding in the car. Emma cranks the sound loud enough to rattle the windows sings along, peels out of the Unseen Security parking lot, slipping sideways on the icy driveway.

"Baby, your car's the other way," I yell.

"I know," she yells back. "That's why we're taking yours."

"Where are we going?" But I know. This is my day for sudden revelations. "No, Em, don't--"

Emma speeds up, pressing me back into the seat. "I told her, Fred."

"Baby, don't get put in jail!"

Emma ignores this. "Beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeah..."

"We have to roll with Jo and Jan tonight..."

She laughs once. "Don't worry, Freddy, I wouldn't miss a date with you." She grins. "But I'm gonna put in an appearance."

"This is the last time I give you my keys," I tell her as she speeds down Laurel toward my old apartment.

"I'll have Jo get you drunk," she says. "Then you'll have to."

"I'll call a cab, maniac," I tell her as the apartment building nears.

She rips the car up the driveway and into two empty spots, shuts it down and leaves the keys in it. She walks over to my side.

"Gimme your phone, sexy," she tells me, and I just do, like automatically. It doesn't occur to me that she'd go through my phone for Carol's number.

Carol must have seen it was my number on her caller ID and answered the phone predictably. Emma's face turns red, her eyes widen, she frowns and the knuckles of her free hand turn white.

"..."

"No Carol, it's not Fred. It's Emma. Remember Emma?"

""

"Right, that's me. Hey, I'm in your front yard right now."

"..."

"Never mind. I need to talk to you, Carol. Come outside."

""

"That's right, it is. Remember, I talked to you about this before, I made a promise to you. Remember it?"

""

"Well, you talk a big game anyway. I want you to come down and talk to me here."

""

"I know, Carol, now's your chance. You'll have to kill me to get him. I'm right out front."

"..."

"You ask me to make that promise, after you tried to steal my man?"

""

"You come on down here and ask him whose guy he is."

"..."

"Come down, Carol."

Emma disconnects the call and hands the phone back to me. She leans against the car, dressed in nothing but her sweat suit, and her still-damp hair begins to freeze up.

"Em, what are you doing, starting a fight with her?"

"If I were starting a fight, Fred, she'd have come down already, through a window." Emma calmly inspects her nails. "I'll wait five minutes, then you and I are gonna go knock. Then you cut out and leave us alone, okay?"

"If you promise you won't hurt her."

"Why would you want me to promise that?"

"Because I need you more than the penal system does," I reply. "I'm afraid you'll really hurt her, and get in trouble and we'll have to make love by telephone."

"Oh, Derf." She caresses my cheek. "Since you put it that way, I'll try."

"Em--"

"Okay, Fred. I'll make nice."

"What are you gonna do, Em?"

She shrugs. "Wing it." She begins doing stretches, touching her toes, pulling her legs up behind her and beside her, putting her hands on her hips and turning her body from side to side, grabbing her elbow and flexing her body sideways. It was beautiful to watch; she is graceful as a dancer.

"'Kay, let's go," she says presently, and grabs my hand. We walk up a flight of stairs to the second floor of the building and knock on number 217, my old apartment.

"Ca-rol," Emma calls out in a singsong. "Come out and pla-ay!"

The door opens. Carol's face peers out through the crack. "Look, Emma, I don't want to talk to you, okay?"

Emma pushes the door open, shoves Carol back, and steps in. She turns to me. "Give us a minute, please?" she asks, and then closes the door in my face.

I stare at the closed door for about five minutes, I'm sure something really fuckin' bad is happening in there. I pace for a minute, then walk to the window at the end of the hall. I look out on the snowy field adjacent to the canal for a minute then walk back to 217. I do those for about five more minutes and I'm getting ready to knock when the door opens and Carol steps out, followed by Emma. Carol looks pale, she's wringing her hands and her eyes are crazy. "Fred, I apologize for what I did today, it was really fucked up of me."

I stare at her for a minute. This isn't Carol. "What'd you do, Em? Lobotomize her?"

"I just made an arrangement with her," Emma tells me, and I don't miss Carol opening her mouth to speak and Emma's sudden glare.

"I just...wanted to say I'm sorry, to both of you."

"I forgive you, Carol," Emma says brightly.

Shit just keeps getting more and more unreal. "Uh, well...Carol... I'll accept your apology if you promise to never pursue me again."

"Okay," she says immediately, and I realize she's scared to death.

"See, Carol? Feel better?" Emma actually put her arms around Carol and hugged her. Carol didn't hug back.

"Okay, Derf, let's go," she tells me, and I wave and walk down the hall. I turn to see Emma speaking to Carol behind me, too low to hear. I watch Carol put her hands up and shake her head, and Emma--four inches shorter, twenty pounds lighter, just grins at her and turns away. She joins me in time to catch the elevator with me.

"Em, what the fuck did you do to her?"

Emma looks kind of sad and shakes her head. "Don't ask me that, Derf, it'll never matter that you don't know."

We walk out to the car and I hold out my hand for the keys. Em sets them in my hand. "Can I see your phone?" I ask her, and she hands it to me. The battery is dead.

"Damn, what's Jo's number?"

"It's in my phone," Em says sadly.

"Remind me of something?"

"Sure, baby," she replies. She's very relaxed after whatever it was I'd expected to end in bloodshed.

"Remind me to do something extra nice for Janice."

"For Janice? Why?"

"Ask her," I reply. And we drive off, Foo Fighters' 'My Hero' playing way too loud. I don't turn it down; Em likes the music and it just seems appropriate.

Back at home, I plop onto the couch while Emma plugs her cell phone in. I reach out and grab her hips as she walks by and pull her down onto me, tickling her into a giggling jelly. As often happens, Em shifts from tickled to aroused without warning.

"Hey, that was sure something you did this morning, gettin' into me without waking me up," she whispers. "That was really hot, to wake up like that."

"You were having a good dream," I tell her, and she chuckles and turns red.

"Well, I hope it was your name I was screaming and not the guy at the pro shop," she answers.

"Hey!"

She fumbles with my belt buckle. "It's okay, I don't know that guy's name anyway," she tells me, and her lips are on me and I can't think of anything but that.

She rubs my cock with her lips, sucking, and running her tongue over and across my tool while she subjugates herself to me with her oh-so-blue eyes and her golden-red hair. I feel myself stiffen even further on her tongue, and Em leaps to her feet. Don't you move," she tells me, and she runs into the bedroom for a condom. Returning, she drops to her knees again and slips the condom on with her teeth. Amazing.

She straddles me on the couch, slipping onto me and holding the backrest while she rises and falls, slowly. I strain to reach inside her; I sink in the couch to let my hips thrust straight up into her. My arms lock around her lower back, pulling me onto her, and she runs her hips back and forth on me, and I hear a low throaty growl from her as her head falls back involuntarily. My hands find her breasts and knead, bringing first one nipple, then the other to my lips, sucking and licking and groaning against them. Em moves faster now, she's moaning with almost every thrust and so am I, I can feel heat rising in my body, originating at my prostate and setting the area between my ass and the base of my cock on tingling, twitching fire.

"Oh, Fred, I can feel you, come with me--" from Emma, and that is her last coherent sound; her scream starts low in her throat and builds, breaks and resumes, breaks and dissolves into whimpers as her orgasm rocks her. Her nipple turns to hard ridges between my lips and Emma's eyes meet mine, and there's abandon in her gaze, she's thrown herself into her climax, and I throw myself into it as well and give reign to that fire in my lower belly, let it take my balls and the rest of me and I feel the familiar traveling shocks begin as I swell and unload into her, groaning with pleasure at each spasm, and Em's cries match mine, she shakes with each throb and manages my name as she collapses on top of me.

I hold her against me, holding myself inside her, realizing I love her more than anything, more than life.

"Em?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What did you do to Carol?"

I feel her stiffen. "Oh, Fred, I told you, you don't want to know."

"You have to tell me, Em."

"No, Fred. I don't."

Emma sighs. "Fred, if I tell you what happened in there, you'll never look at me the same way again and I don't think I can handle that. Just remember that I would do anything, anything at all for you. I'd die, or kill."

"Did you threaten her life?"

Em sighs again. "Something like that."

"Please tell me."

"No way. You can find out if you want to ask her, but I'll never tell."

"Well...at least you made two hundred bucks," I tell her.

"I didn't make two hundred bucks," she replies.

"What about Vic's cash?" I ask.

"Oh, I gave that to Carol," she answers. "It was hers anyway."

I hug her. "You're too nice."

"No, too fair," she replies, and she kisses me. And realize there really isn't any such thing.

I'm sitting in Em's--our--back yard, listening to the dripping of melting snow. The day is very warm for January, and I know it's going to freeze over tonight, so now is the time to shovel the walk and the driveway. I'd found Em's snow shovel leaning against the back of the house and sat down in a chair to rest before the work and found myself enjoying the sun.

I feel a hard tugging on my pant leg and look down to see a big-ass raccoon climb up onto my lap. I don't move, and the coon turns a circle and lays down. I can feel his cold paws through my jeans and thermals. It sighs; it's eyes meet mine.

"Shit, that feels good," the raccoon says in a male voice. "Seems like my feet are cold six months out of the damn year."

I mentally shrug. Talking raccoon. "It's cold out six months out of the year," I tell it. "Buy some boots."

"'Buy some boots,'" the raccoon mocks. "Oh yeah, that's easy. Except two of the feet I walk on are the hands I need to hold shit with. and they're really hard to find in my size."

"Gloves?"

"Okay, where can I get a pair taken way in? Listen, Fred," it--he? says. "You got yourself a good woman there. She'd do anything for you."

"I really love her a lot," I tell the raccoon.

"I know you do, and she's a much better woman than that trailer trash you married. And believe me, I know trash. I eat quite a bit." He rolls over, pressing his back against my lap. "Ohh yeah." He sighs. "Anyway, if she doesn't want to tell you what happened over there, it's because she thinks you might not love her if you found out. But she can't keep a secret from you, Fred, she'll tell you eventually, when she's sure you won't vanish." The raccoon gives a very human chuckle. "It's funny that a woman that beautiful would be so insecure. Just give her time, bud. She'll let you know. And when she does, remember that she did it for you, and don't ever let her go."

I hear a lilting singing from somewhere over to my left. Somehow, the raccoon looks disgusted. "Oh, fuck me," he says. "Every time I get a minute to myself...I just know she wants something cleaned. I'm so goddamn sick of doing her dishes," he tells me. "How many years does it take before the bitch realizes I'm a woodland creature, not a fuckin' maid service?" He rolls back onto his paws and climbs down my leg. "See you soon, Fred, I gotta go..."

"Hey," I say. "If you hate it so much, why do you go to her?"

"Because I love her," the coon says in a resigned voice. "And that'll make you put up with a lot." And he's gone.

And my eyes pop open, and I'm in Em's room, she's snoring softly beside me, and the light through the window is silvery grey. I get up and peek out into a white world, snow on the ground and on the back porch, dumping in bucketsful out of the sky. No work for Fred today. Emma can walk two doors down to the bar, but that's not for hours yet.

I slip back into bed and drift away, but the raccoon does not return. He has much to do.