All Comments on 'Freshman Fun'

written like an 18 year old... ever heard of spell check?

Japanese with DD's and a big ass? What planet do you live on? Just an awful story.

I'd just like to say that I think this is a decent first effort and I'd certainly hate to see negative feedback discourage you from writing more. Your writing is certainly better than most on this site and for that, feel incredibly thankful.

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The downside is that your story reads more like a porno than an actual experience. I'm not suggesting that this is something you actually <i>did</i>, but a lot of your detail is extremely unrealistic and tends to pull the reader out of the story. Yes, fantasy is nice, but it's even better when you can see and feel it happening for real. Honestly, and don't take this the wrong way, but most of your story was more comical than arousing. It almost read like a porn mockumentary. I was half expecting to see <b>Ron Jeremy</b> bounce in on the action.

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My suggestion, for what it's worth, would certainly be to continue writing stories but to make them more believable and not so over the top as this one is. Your writing is strong and a typo here or there is nothing to worry about. It happens to the best of us.

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Hope to see more from you soon and good luck!

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-StolenTurtle

What's the difference between a peak experience and a peek experience? Don't know? Didn't think so.