From the Ashes

During one of the commercials, once I was stuffed, I noticed the envelope I'd left on the coffee table the night before. The one with my name scribbled across the front. I reached for it and ripped open the top, pulling out a thick, leather bound journal. I frowned, opening it to see a bunch of weird entries. Not names or anything else that made sense, just a collection of words, on page after page, that made absolutely no sense.

"Where did you get that?"

The harshness of her tone startled me and I dropped the journal. I turned to Cap as I retrieved it from the floor.

"Uh, it was delivered to me at the school a couple of days ago. Why?"

Cap took it from me, looking through the pages. Her face was hard...her eyes cold. What the hell?

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused.

She continued staring at the journal for a minute and I flinched when she barked out, "fuck!"

And then she stood and...left. She took the journal and left without another word. I sat there, baffled, for longer than just a few minutes. What the hell was that about? I sat for a little longer before I started cleaning up our mess of empty cartons and dirty dishes. Jesus, that was bizarre. I finished straightening up when I noticed two slips of paper, partially hidden under the sofa. They must have fallen out of the journal. I picked them up. On the first one, more of those words and numbers. I shook my head and turned to the second page...and the blood in my veins froze.

Ms. Graham, if you have this journal, something bad happened. Please take it to Detective Gallo at the 11^th and Vine Street police station. Don't give it to anyone else. Penny.

Oh my God... what the hell was going on?

*

"So, she had it."

I shook my head, "someone delivered it to her job. She didn't know what it was when she opened it."

Gabe looked up at me as I stood on the other side of her desk, shaking her head.

"You fucking this bitch? Cuz you're still vouching for her like she still has a pulse."

Images flashed through my head...Jenna sprawled on her back as I fucked her, her thighs trembling as she approached another orgasm... Jenna's head buried between my thighs, her mouth creating havoc... her smell... her taste... the feel of all that soft, caramel skin...

"Yeah, I'm fucking her."

"Really? And you think I give a fuck? Do you know what could have happened if you hadn't been there?"

I nodded, "yeah. Except I was there. She didn't know what it was."

I watched as she stared at me...and I didn't want to admit, even to myself, that if she gave the order, I would probably go against it. I didn't want this woman six feet under. I wasn't sure what that meant, and I wasn't planning to think about it long or hard or anything, I just knew I didn't want it to happen.

"Cap, you've been good to me. Don't make me regret this and have to fucking put you down like a fucking dog."

I nodded, knowing she meant that shit. She would do it too, whether I was her second or not. Whether I was 'family' or not. Nothing threatened the organization she'd built from the ground up, not even someone who helped build it and was loyal as shit.

"Not gonna happen," I assured her. "I'll handle it."

Gabe nodded, "for now."

*

I had no idea if she would be there when I got home. But I needed to get that journal back. Penny had trusted me to take it to the police. It was her dying wish basically. I had to do it.

I saw the truck before I saw her standing on the porch and I sighed with relief. Good. I could do what Penny asked and put this all behind me.

She didn't have bags of food...and there was no cocky smirk on her face. In fact, she had that cool, distant thing going on again. Still, I didn't say a word until I opened the door and let us both in, switching on the lights. After closing the door, I turned to her.

"I need that journal back."

She stared at me for a moment, and then said smoothly, "what journal?"

I paused...not sure how to respond to that. Was she kidding? To make my point, I went to retrieve the note from the coffee table and showed it to her. Then I watched as she removed a lighter from her back pocket and set the note on fire. Shocked at first, it took me a moment to grab for it, but she moved it out of my reach, waiting until only a tiny edge remained before taking it to the bathroom and flushing it.

I stood, riveted, waiting for her to return, my mouth gaping open.

"Cap! What the hell? I need that journal back! I have to give it to that detective!"

She stood before me, her large hands grabbing hold of my upper arms, and she shook me, not gently.

"There was no journal and no note, Jenna."

I just stood there, staring at her...knowing I would have bruises on my arms. Knowing this wasn't right. Penny had trusted me...

"It wasn't suicide, was it? Someone killed her. For that book?"

Her hands squeezed a little harder and I winced. She shook me again, more forcefully.

"No book. No note."

I stared up into those dark, dark eyes...not sure what I was seeing in them. Annoyance? Frustration? ... Fear? I couldn't exactly read her yet, but she looked angry and...worried.

"Say it Jenna."

I licked my lips, my heart pounding in my ears. There was something serious going on here. Something that had probably gotten Penny killed. And this woman, that didn't seem to get rattled very easily, was clearly rattled.

"No book, no note," I whispered.

She didn't release me, still holding onto my arms rather tightly, staring down at me.

"Again."

"No book, no note," I repeated a little louder.

She stared at me for a moment longer, closed her eyes for a second...and then she kissed me. Hard. Mashing my lips against my teeth... almost hurting me. Moments later she was dragging me to my bedroom, removing our clothes, spreading my thighs... and then fucking my brains out with a fevered passion that scorched me to my soul...

But also scared the shit out of me.

***

The next day, all day, I thought about calling that detective. I looked him up on Google and he was real. Just like Penny said. I could tell him about the journal...could tell him about the note...could give him that page of gibberish that I'd kept. Except... there was a part of me that thought Cap was trying to protect me. Maybe. And...what good would telling the detective do since that page was clearly written in some kind of code?

All day these thoughts went around in my head...round and round...until I had a serious headache when I was on my way home. And about a mile from my house, I was suddenly worried that Cap was there. And... I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her. Not after seeing the bruises she had indeed left on my upper arms. So, I turned around, located a moderately priced hotel, and went there for the night.

I spent the next three nights at that hotel, sneaking home early in the morning to shower and change clothes, packing some essentials for the next night. I knew I was avoiding her, knew I had probably created a horror story in my mind that didn't fit the situation. But I still didn't go home.

I don't know how long I would have stayed at that hotel if she hadn't been waiting for me one morning. The truck wasn't parked where she usually parked, and she wasn't waiting for me on my porch. She was sitting on my sofa, inside my house, when I arrived. I decided not to ask how she'd gotten in...or what she wanted. Instead, I just stood near the front door, staring at her.

"You're done running from me. Got it?" She asked softly.

I nodded.

Those cool, dark eyes were watching me...and then she sighed, rubbing a hand over her closely shaved head.

"Look, I'm sorry I grabbed you. I just...you need to stay visible for a while, no change in your routine, okay?"

I nodded again, but I still didn't move. A part of me was terrified, of her, of the situation, and I was sure she could see it. She sighed again, standing and walking over to me, slowly, approaching me like she would a skittish animal about to bolt.

"Look, I know you have to get to work. But...come home tonight. We'll talk."

I nodded one more time and she smirked, trying to ease the tension. She leaned down and pressed her lips tenderly to mine. I ignored the tremor that set off in my body.

"I won't put my hands on you again unless you want me to, okay?" She whispered near my ear, her warm breath caressing my flesh...heating me all over.

"Okay," I agreed softly.

She kissed my lips gently again, pressed a kiss to my forehead, and then left.

I stood near my front door for a long time before I forced myself to get ready for work.

*

I did go home that night. She was waiting on the porch, her truck parked where she normally parked it. She had a take-out bag from a popular Indian restaurant and, as my stomach grumbled, I wondered what she'd ordered. Of course, that was just my way of ignoring that we had to talk. I wondered if she would keep her word... I wondered what she had to say... I wondered just how much trouble I was in.

We decided to eat first, watching some ridiculous sitcom, before she switched off the television and turned toward me on the sofa. She took my hand, slowly, giving me time to pull away if I wanted to... and when I didn't, she held it for a moment, her dark eyes focused on the floor before meeting mine.

"Look, I can't tell you everything." She sighed. "Penny? She put you in a real bad spot. That journal belongs to a friend of mine. Penny stole it. And even though I returned it to that friend, they're worried you had it...worried about what you saw. Who you'll tell."

"It didn't even make any sense."

"Yeah... my friend's not feeling real confident with that stance. So... I just need you to relax, do what you normally do... don't bring any attention to yourself. Okay?"

I looked at her...waiting...was that it? Was that all she planned to tell me?

"Cap...what the hell is going on here? Did someone kill Penny? Am I in trouble?"

She could hear the fear in my voice... it wasn't hard to hear.

"I'm going to stick close by for a while. Just stay calm and follow your normal routine, okay? No contact with the cops for any reason. No disappearing acts. Okay?"

"But why?"

She shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment before focusing on me intently once again.

"Jenna... Just... I need you to do this. Just... trust me."

"Trust you? I barely know you Cap. And you're not telling me anything. You grabbed me...like I...like I was some..." I couldn't even finish.

She nodded, "that will not happen again. I promise. Okay? Just...give me the benefit of the doubt if you can't trust me?"

I stared at her for a long moment... trying to decipher her words... trying to figure it all out. When I couldn't, I just nodded.

"Good girl," she smirked.

I didn't respond.

*

She wasn't planning to stay or have sex tonight, which was fine by me...sort of. But she did kiss me...sweet, gentle... long, luscious kisses...hot, hungry kisses...for a long time at the front door. She kept her hands at my waist, but that didn't stop my body from responding to her. She smelled really nice...and she tasted soooo good... my body seemed to be tuned into everything about her. After quite some time, she took a step back, caressing my cheek.

"I'll see you in a couple of days, okay?"

I nodded and she smiled. She was about to turn and leave when she dropped her keys. I'd bent to pick them up when I heard a loud pop, followed by a 'thunk' as something embedded itself in the wall behind me.

"Fuck! Stay down!"

I didn't move on my own, Cap tackled me to the floor, kicking the front door closed, dragging me back, her body covering mine. I heard more pops, more 'thunks'...but my brain wasn't processing what was happening. Quite the contrary, it seemed like my brain had shut down.

"Jenna! Fuck! Move!"

She grabbed my upper arm in a tight grip and dragged me into the kitchen, a thicker wall between us and those noises, our breathing ragged as we waited. After a minute or two, it was clear whatever had happened was over. Cap had us sit there for another few minutes before she stood and made her way to the front door. She stood to the side, most of her body hidden by the wall, and peeked out of the small decorative window. After a few moments, I saw her shoulders relax a bit and she turned to me. I was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, not moving a muscle. I don't know if I was trying to process what had happened or if my brain was still refusing to.

"Fuck...you okay?"

She was pointing at my arm...I looked down and noticed blood trickling down. I hadn't felt anything. It wasn't even really painful, or at least the pain wasn't registering yet. I watched as she approached, looking at it carefully.

"Looks like a graze. Come on."

She took my hand and headed to my small bathroom. I watched as she rummaged around in the medicine cabinet, removing peroxide, antibacterial ointment and a bandage. I didn't say a word as she cleaned my arm and put a bandage on it. I still hadn't found my voice when her cool, dark eyes met mine.

"Say something."

"What the fuck?!"

She sighed as she ran a hand along the peach fuzz on her head.

"Yeah. I'll get it straightened out."

She'd get what straightened out?

"Cap...did you miss the 'what the fuck' part of that question?" I snapped, losing my patience.

"My friend. With the journal. It's a misunderstanding," she assured me.

A misunderstanding. A misunderstanding? Seriously?

*

Twenty minutes later, after she had me pack a bag, we were in her black truck on the highway. My brain was still reeling. Someone had shot at me. Someone had tried to kill me. Jesus.

I hadn't said a word to her in quite some time. I was...in shock? Terrified? Pissed? I wasn't sure. Finally, I licked my parched lips and dove in.

"Where are we going?"

She'd made a quick phone call before we left, so I was pretty sure she knew. Would she tell me?

"Friend in Philly. You're gonna stay there for a while."

I raised a brow, "for how long. I have to go to wo—"

When those dark eyes turned to me, even in the darkness of the truck, I stopped immediately. I already knew what she was going to say. Someone had tried to kill me. Until she figured it out, I wasn't going to work. For once, I didn't feel like arguing.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" I asked, ignoring the sound of desperation in my voice.

"Funny, I was going to ask you that. I was told this was my problem to handle. Something changed that. I didn't do anything different. I'm pretty sure my friend didn't. So..." She paused for a few seconds. "Do you have something to tell me?"

I swallowed...fuck. Fuck. That page. I'd kept that page with the gibberish on it. Fuck.

"Uh—" I started hesitantly.

"Fuck."

*

He was huge. Well over six feet...a massive human being that seemed born to be an athlete. He'd been a football player most likely. His skin was the color of dark chocolate...smooth...beautiful...covering that huge body and a face that no one would write home to their mother about. I smiled at the thought.

"Jenna, this is Buck. He's gonna keep an eye on you until I find out what's going on, okay?"

I nodded.

Buck took my bag from me and disappeared into a dimly lit, large apartment that was nicely furnished. Lots of dark colors, a huge TV, leather sofas...

"Jenna."

I turned to look at Cap, taking in her dark eyebrows, crooked nose, full, thick lips and dark, dark eyes. She should terrify me...but she didn't. She could be harsh, impatient...but she could also be sweet... tender. She moved to stand close to me, so close I could feel the heat of her body.

"You'll be okay here."

I nodded again.

"Where's the page?"

I reached into my back pocket, having put it there earlier, knowing she would ask for it. I gave her the folded page.

"Sorry."

She didn't respond to that.

"You didn't make five copies and send it different parts of the country or anything stupid like that, did you?"

I snorted a laugh, "uh no. Should I have?"

She treated me to a rare, if brief, smile.

"No. I'll be back in a day or two, okay?"

I nodded. A day or two could mean anything when it came to this woman. Still, I watched as she left, closing the door firmly behind her. I stood watching the door for a few minutes until I heard a throat clearing behind me. I turned to look at my huge babysitter.

"Want a drink?" He asked, his voice low and deep.

I nodded.

*

Two days later, I was sitting on the floor, Buck's coffee table between us, staring at the structure made of little wooden blocks...trying to figure out which one to move without knocking the entire thing down. Jenga was a lot more difficult when we'd been throwing back shots of tequila.

Now, I kept staring at the demonic little structure, which appeared to wobble all on its own, as if the next safe block was going to jump out at me.

"So...why a guidance counselor? You got a thing for rescuing puppies too?"

I smiled at his deep voice, shaking my head.

"When I was younger, my mom and I lived in a really cool apartment. Door man, huge space, lots of light, hardwood floors. In a really nice part of town."

I finally isolated a piece, started to wiggle it out...when the structure started to shift, I gently eased it back in place.

"I used to deliver these nicely wrapped packages for my mom to people in the neighborhood. I never really asked what they were. I assumed they were birthday gifts for the kids in the neighborhood. She wrapped presents for me just as nicely."

I glanced at Buck, his dark eyes were on me, smirking as I began to remove, and then replaced, yet another piece.

"You're cheating. Ima let you do that one more time."

I chuckled. I was only cheating according to his rules, not Jenga's.

"Anyway...one day, when I was in the tenth grade, a cop approached me. Told me about drug dealers in my neighborhood. Just so happens this was around the time I'd sat through that idiotic D.A.R.E. program in school...so I was hyperaware of the drug issue. 'Crack is wack' and 'just say no'... all that crap. Asked me if I wanted to help. I told him sure."

I kept studying the pieces as a sadness began to wash over me. I realized I hadn't told this story to anyone...ever.

"He told me that the people my mom was sending gifts too were taking advantage of her. Of course I was angry and wanted to help. So, I helped. Told him who I was delivering to...how often...days of the week...times...everything."

I sighed, a familiar tightness in my chest.

"Turns out they were targeting my mother. She had me delivering drugs all over the neighborhood in those pretty, brightly wrapped packages."

I heard him grunt, "damn, that's fucked up."

I shrugged. "Thing was...I didn't blame my mom. She kept me ignorant. I had no idea. I was more pissed that a cop had me set up my mother. She's doing life without parole in a federal prison because of me."

I refused to meet his eyes, certain he was thinking I was a nut job for not blaming my mother. I mean, she had used me as a drug mule without my knowledge. But...how could I ever get over being the reason she would die in prison? How could I ever forgive myself...especially after she refused to see me?

I shook my head, trying to erase the fuzz from the tequila, trying to lighten the mood. "So, to get back to your question. It pissed me off that a cop was able to do that to a teenager. And now I make it a point to provide young people with a way of protecting themselves. I make myself available for them to talk to me about anything and everything...so that if someone tries to use them, I can stop it from happening. Hopefully."